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Comments ( 59 )

Ohana means family, but this story gives "family" a whole new meaning.

as someone who lives in hawaii, i felt a huge disturbance in the aina as you associated that word with this story

5244602 The association disturbs you because this story is full of horny fillies and debauchery?

Is that your nickname for your penis?:pinkiehappy:

5244741 oh no, just the aina
i loved this story
fuck the aina it has no taste

5244746 no, that'd be Sgt. Johnson

5244602 I meant "because." Sorry for the typo. It's been corrected.

5244809 well still
just the aina was disturbed
i am downtown with a clown underground in funky town with this story

5244802 hehe. I wouldn't be offended anyway. Glad you liked it.

Enjoyed the story, though given that the initial scenario was largely based on my prompt, that was a given. Twist's involvement was a bonus. :twistnerd:

5244602 What island do you live on? My family's got a house on Kona.

5244876 Maui, baby

5244884 U-unf. I'm happy with the island of Koffee, kek

5246474 So overall 4/10 :moustache: I can dig it.

The story was partly inspired by an account I read from a guy who watched 3 sisters go at it irl, (including one very young). I didn't hear much beyond the acts he witnessed, but I attempted to explore what might spark that kind of relationship through this fic. My best guess came out as: One sister, probably near adulthood (as in the account I read) would be the first to initiate a sexual encounter with a younger sister, and, depending on the compatibility of the other sister(s), she might give them a push or invite them directly to join in.

I think it's true there's no great philosophy here about relationships except maybe that sometimes underage incest is really just as manipulative and licentious as we imagine it, even when genuine affection is involved. I do also aim for some iota of realism and emotion, so, philosophy or not, I feel it still holds value beyond being simply clop for clop's sake, but I get that not everyone will appreciate that for whatever reason. I'm glad you caught and liked the irony in any case.

I appreciate your comment! Thanks.

5246637 Yep. We all have our preferences. Thanks for reading anyway! Was the reason for reading it only to decide whether or not to downvote, or did you hope to find it worth an upvote at all? If you hoped you might like it, then what was it you wished you'd have seen instead? Maybe the lack of an adult's involvement would have made a difference? You have me curious. :rainbowderp:

5246671 Thanks for satisfying my curiosity. I do enjoy knowing what attracts readers. "Do a good turn daily," is the universal scout slogan, as you might know, and, as you read, it's what started the bond between the two younger sisters to begin with. It was a working title that turned into a permanent one in the end.

Please don't feel obligated to upvote. If it rubs you the wrong way for your principles, I don't expect special treatment. I'm glad we could discuss these things anyway.

Overall a good read! I particularly enjoy your canon on these ponies being sisters. It was very intriguing to see that played out and you did it perfectly. Also, there is not enough Ginger Snap out there, and even less smut of her, so that's always worth a read. And I love the cover photo.

It was thoroughly adorable, which is something I love, there were no glaring mistakes, and you had a proper story arch that didn't feel like the script for a bad porno.

However, here are some criticisms; keep in mind these are ultimately my opinion and not factual. Take them as you will, as I don't pretend to be a professional on the matter.

Some of the positions you were using during the sex scene, namely the way you described them, were confusing. At times, I had no idea what was going on and who were where. This is partially because your terminology was overly specific, and in my opinion, not very concise.

Personally, I would have liked to have seen this more about Berry and Ginger Snap without Bon Bon guiding them along. I believe it felt forced and removed the opportunity for some great character development for Berry and Ginger. Using Bon Bon as a plot device (no pun intended) was okay to move the story along quickly for a one-shot, but I would have much rather seen Berry figure these things out on her own. It would have made the climax of the story (pun intended this time) that much more satisfying.

So here's a fave and an upvote from me! Please, for the love of pony, don't be afraid to write more on these two. I'd love to read it!

PiMan #18 · Nov 9th, 2014 · · 2 ·

My main concern with this story is that it is a pretty clear case of child grooming. I can get into foalcon if the writing is good, but there are two varieties that turn me off; rape, especially with physical abuse along with the sexual abuse (not present in this story); and grooming, where an adult is manipulating or goading one or more children into sexual situations.
A better story in my opinion would have been Berry going further that night before, instead of Bonbon doing what she did, as it would have likely come across as more mutual.

WOW! When you write, you do so incredibly well! Thats 4 for 4 fics that have earned their spots as favorited.

You're assuming that wasn't intentional.


5247386 is correct. Because this was written with as many suggestions as I could fit from Foalcon group members, and a number of those suggestions were rape, I intentionally added the element of dubious consent through grooming manipulation. I totally respect if that's not your cup of tea, though. Also, I added polyamory because the theme of the Foalcon group's celebration raffle is polyamory. All of it together really pushed me to extend the length of this fic well beyond the 3k words I had originally intended, especially since I was working with assigned background characters that needed set up. It would have felt cuter and more romantic to just make the story about the two youngest fillies, but hopefully I was successful at bringing out the appeal of these other elements/fetishes.

Again, it's understandable if you dislike those other elements. I tried to make it appeal to a wider audience than only those who like those fetishes regardless. I'm glad if you enjoyed the fic for the romance as well. It's a tricky balance to pull off, really, at least in a one shot.

I do need to edit a bit more, still, so I'm glad you pointed out that the positions were a bit unclear. I'll work on those as I have time.


Best trust building exercise ever. <3:rainbowkiss:

this was written well, not really my thing because i have trouble visuallizing clop about oc's and super minor characters also im not into twist or bonbon at all, so this wasnt for me, but its obvious that in most cases its very hot and written good

5250277 Thanks! This was my first serious attempt at writing minor background characters and filling in their personalities myself. It's usually easier and often more interesting to write about beloved main characters. This was a good exercise for me anyway.

Oh, I see. I wasn't aware it was written for the group.

The pacing of this story was excellent! You certainly know how to build tension in a scene.

5250639 Your comment was still very welcome, of course. I added part of my reply to you to the author's note for future readers, so thanks for helping me address curiosities, etc.

5250805 Aw shucks. :twilightblush: Thank you.

It's always good to be aware of how your readers perceive your story, yes.

You magnificent bastard, I loved this! I admit, seeing Bonbon looking similar to Twist in that S4 episode with Cheese Sandwich was a shocker. Now I'm starting to subscribe to the possible canon of those two being sisters. And now after seeing the similarities of Ginger Snap and Boysenberry, I shall accept this headcanon!

Also this was freakin' hot and it that ending was cute.

And then a pack of wolves slaughtered them all, the end. :pinkiecrazy:

Gud jub m8 9/11 IGN

Also, I thought the chapter title said "Obama" at first. :twilightsheepish:

5255350 That ending! #NotBad

Amazing as usual Flutterpony :raritywink:

Oh dear... Now, this is just from my own experience so take it for what it is but... I've found, especially at such a young age, girls exposed to such things by their friends or otherwise their peer group without really understanding what's happening have one of two reactions. They either love it and can't wait to do it again or like Ginny here they're confused by the feelings they've just experienced... The latter is really damaging because it usually leads to feelings of embarrassment or worst yet violation. I lost some relatively close friends this way when I was younger, I'm well aware of how devastating it can be to lose someone with whom you wanted to share something so pleasurable ... I hope for Berry's sake that her familiar closeness helps Ginger Snap to not want to pull away from her sister after all this...

Anyway, all that aside, beautiful prose as always. And on a personal note, yay filly scouts!! Seriously, this is a concept that needs way more love...

5266088 It's always really wonderful to have the added perspective! I think you're right about her reaction. Hopefully family support and future apologies will make up for Bonbon's undue haste and Berry's willingness to go along with it in spite of what Ginny might have wanted. That trust exercise really could backfire after all.

Thanks for reading! I love the filly scouts too. Maybe I'll write more of them some time.

"Ohana means family, family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten."

I thought this story was really good and quite above a mere clopfic (although it certainly worked well as that). Normally, I'm not keen on more realistic stuff, particularly with foalcon, where it mostly just makes me uncomfortable (and not in a good way, like good dark stories do). In this case, though, it wasn't so bad and really added to the story. It's clear that Bonbon's actions are questionable and while it ends on a positive note, it leaves room for potential bad consequences.

I had some trouble following the entanglement of limbs, but that's more an issue on my end, especially due to a bit of ignorance in equine anatomy terminology. It was detailed enough that it should be good to follow in itself.

I also like the usage of more obscure characters. I actually had to look up Boysenberry and Ginger Snap (and now wished there were more fanart of the former).

This is the hottest thing I've ever read in my whole life.
Everything is so well executed; Boysenberry's reasons, the slow build-up the night before with Ginger Snaps doing mane and tail for Boysenberry, with Boysenberry slowly undressing Ginger and licking her neck (already this part was extremely hot! And cute as well!) and then Bon Bon's decision to help them and lead them into doing it with each other, with slowly approaching the goal, from a simple massage to rubbing their vaginas and clits against each others'.
And despite Ginger feeling a bit uneasy at the end and the dubious consent, it's not even sick or perverted, because it was still her own decision to continue and she never told Berry to stop, for her own reasons.
And the best about this fic, as you already stated it in the Author's Notes, is that it's not clop for the sake of clop.
Boysenberry had her reasons, she wanted to do it with her little sister because she was afraid that they could drift apart from each other once Ginger has catched up with her as filly scout and wouldn't need her help and guidance anymore and because she hoped she could strenghten their bond enough to prevent that from happen by having sex with each other, after she saw how deep the bond between Bon Bon and Twist became because of that.
This fic has a lot of depth due to that and at the same time, delivers a realistic explanation for it how incestual relationships can develop that is opposed to what the popular opinion in society seems to be, that people who have sex with their own relatives are just sick weirdos who would fuck everyone to satisfy their desires.
Congratulations on that and my thanks for it as well. Maybe your fic will contribute one day to make society more acceptable of incestual relationships and to stop condemning them, if only a little, and help creating a better world with that.

This is the best Foalcon clopfiction I've ever read and at the same time the most hot one and I happily give it not only a like, but also a place in my favourites! :twilightsmile:


That's not going to happen. She was confused at the end, but she was also quick with comforting Berry as she saw that she felt guilty for doing this, which shows that she feels no spite towards her for seducing her that way.

That shows especially here:

Ginger offered up a warm smile, and surprise lit Berry's eyes for an instant.

And here:

Ginger knew then that whether her effort to succeed paid off, it would never be necessary to earn her sisters' love and approval

She's going to memorize that as a positive experience and will gladly repeat that with her again one day.


There's no rhyme or reason to how someone internalizes something like what happened to her when they don't immediately understand it going in. Believing that there is any way to guess at the outcome is just shortsighted. As I mentioned before, I've seen this happen in both directions...


It's not shortsighted.
While we don't know what will happen in the future, we clearly saw that she was only confused for a moment and that her next reaction was immediately a positive one again. She wouldn't smile at her and hug her like that upon seeing how she regretted doing it, if she would hold a grudge against her for that.
Aside from that, they are sure going to have a talk about that later on, probably even very soon, because the camping trip gives them enough time to talk it through.
Even if there would be some distance between them now, once they talk about the experience, their feelings while doing it and especially when Berry talks about the reasons for her actions and what awakened in her the wish to do it with her, they would clear every confusion and indifference about it.
Ginger proofed to love her sister enough to understand her reason.

Some lively discussion! Neat. :twistnerd:

5477819 Many thanks! You flatter me. :twilightsmile:

I really love a sex story with some emotional depth. I honestly think there are better stories than mine out there, but I really do love this one-shot. :rainbowdetermined2: It warms my heart to see others feel the same.

6786676 Kek! I mean to establish a little romance before the sort-of-rape.

Also, my Bonbon is very unconventional, especially since her canon character is now more established. The varying weird voices she had across episodes in the show reflect in her quirks in this story. Of course, it goes without saying, you can use whatever headcanon you prefer for Ginger's background for the prompt.

6789336 it doesn't surprise me at all that Bonbon might rub some the wrong way so to speak. What about her character annoys you specifically, if you don't mind my asking?

6794310 gotcha. The manipulation and lack of concern for Ginger's feelings then?

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