• Published 8th Nov 2014
  • 4,352 Views, 30 Comments

First night of winter - Lilim



Rarity has a very special gift for Applejack

  • ...
9
 30
 4,352

Chapter 1

Sweet Apple Acres under the snow was an astonishing sight. Every field and every tree seemed crystallized, like a natural ice sculpture. In the distance, the purple barn under her white blanket looked like a painting. Rarity was walking slowly, admiring the landscape. Sweetie Belle, on the other hand, was much too eager to reach their destination to care.

"Come on, Rarity!" she prayed her sister, jumping around her "We'll be late!".
Rarity took a deep breath before replying calmly, "We're almost there darling. What is all this rush about anyway? You are gonna spend the whole night with your friends".
"I know, but we have a full program scheduled for the afternoon and the evening". Sweetie explained, shining enthusiasm "We will try at least five special talents and Applejack promised to teach us how to bake Granny's apple caramel cookies: how cool would be that as cutie mark?".

Rarity kept smiling and making a little nod every now and then, but she wasn't really listening. She was thinking about Applejack: it was hard for her to admit it, but she was really missing her friend's company in the last few weeks. They had seen each other almost every day at the new castle in Ponyville and spent a lot of time together of course, but it always felt like a duty, there was always something important to take care of and they barely had the chance to talk. Besides, Rarity knew how much Applejack was working and she didn't want to bother her in her few free moments. She didn't dare to tell her what she was feeling either, too worried to make her uncomfortable.

Lost in her thoughts, Rarity was already in front of her friend's house, with Sweetie Belle trotting happily by her side. She composed herself, glancing for the last time at the bags on her back. In the end she had chosen a way to tell Applejack how important she was for her.
I just hope she'll like it.

A little knock and the farmer appeared on the doorstep. "Hello there!"
"Hello Applejack" Sweety Belle replied smiling "Where's Apple Bloom?"
"She's already upstairs with Scootaloo, sugarcube. They're waiting for you". With a blink, the farmer pointed behind her with a hoof.
"Thank you!" and the filly was gone, having left her sister without even saying goodbye.
"Well, that was rude" the white unicorn couldn't help but sigh "And not lady-like at all".
"Don't be mad Rarity, today Apple Bloom was really excited too". Applejack looked at the stairs, a little worry in her voice. "I don't wanna know what they have planned".
"I'm afraid you will find out pretty soon".
They both giggled, then Applejack suddenly looked at her, realising she was still outside. "Come in, do you have time for a cup of tea?".
"I was hoping you would ask" Rarity admitted with a smile.

The kitchen was warm and full of a delighful fragrance: Rarity left her gaze wander and found three apple pies cooling in a corner, perfuming all the room with the pungent aroma of cinnamon. Applejack looked at them too while she was making some tea. "Granny left a little gift for the fillies: she's always worried they don't eat enough".
"How kind of her" Rarity commented, sitting at the table "Where is she?".
"Oh, Granny and Big Mac went to visit aunt Goldie, they'll be back tomorrow morning" the farmer explained calmly.
"So you are all alone today?" Rarity asked a little concerned "Do you need any help?".
"No need to worry sugarcube" Applejack replied gently sitting next to her "I'd already finished all my chores and I have the Crusaders to keep me good company".

"RARITY!" Sweetie Belle entered in the kitchen yelling "I forgot my bag!".
"Now, there's no need to rush or panic dear, it's here". With all the patience that being an older sister requires Rarity magically handed it to the young filly. "It's already time for the big surprise?"
"Yes!" Sweetie replied, running out with a huge smile on her face.
"What big surprise?" Applejack asked, passing to her friend a steaming mug.
"Well..." Rarity took a cautious sip before answering. "Sweetie wanted to do something special for her friends this Hearth's Warming Eve". She paused just a second, giving Applejack an eloquent look.
"AND try a new skill to gain her cutie mark". The two shared a knowing smirk, then Rarity continued. "So she thought it would have been perfect to knit something for Apple Bloom and Scootaloo".
"How nice" Applejack commented taking the mug in her hooves.
"Indeed: we bought enough wool to fill your barn and spent a few lovely evenings with Fluttershy, who was so kind to teach us the basics". Rarity suddenly looked worried. "Sweetie Belle had some...difficulties...at the beginning. I offered my help of course, but she insisted on doing it all on her own". Her expression softened in a smile. "She didn't get any mark, but she sure put a lot of effort in her work. I hope Apple Bloom and Scootaloo will like their sweaters as much she loved knitting for them".
"She's just generous as her sister ah?" The tenderness in her friend's voice made Rarity blush, but she recovered quickly.

"Well, now that you mentioned it...". The white unicorn took out of her bag a small package, wrapped in orange paper with a big, red ribbon on the top. "I have something for you darling". The gift levitated between them on the table. "I'm afraid I spoiled the surprise though".
Applejack looked at her with eyes full of concern. "Oh, shoot. Thanks Rarity, but ya shouldn't have, sugarcube. I...". She bit her lips, letting the shame shine through her words. "I got nothing for ya".
"Oh please, don't be silly dear. It was a pleasure". Seeing that Applejack was still doubtful, Rarity took a deep breath and added "Darling...while I was making it for you, I had time to think". The farmer lifted her gaze to meet hers and Rarity continued with a warm smile "About everything you did for me and what a great friend you are...The point is that I think I owe you more than just a simple present, but I would be glad if you'll accept it".
Applejack slightly blushed, finally looking serene. "All right" She began to open the package, smiling back "I wonder what could it be...". Rarity, happy to see her friend relaxed, let out a small giggle.

A long, red scarf fell on Applejack's lap, unrolling itself and revealing a delicate weave decorated with golden apples. Amazed, the farmer opened her eyes wide, looking repeatedly at the scarf and at her friend. "It's beautiful Rarity! And ya did something like that after just a few lessons? You're a talent!".
The white unicorn waved modestly a hoof. "I'm glad you like it darling. Here, let me help". Glowing with magic, the scarf gently surrounded Applejack's neck, and Rarity couldn't help but admire the result with satisfaction. "It looks precious on you".
"It so soft and warm!". The farmer happily rubbed her cheek on the red wool. "Thanks Rarity. I will wear it until Winter Wrap Up".
"You're welcome dear" she replied softly.

Applejack was still admiring her gift, when she suddenly turned to face her friend. "Hey! I know how I can repay ya!".
"Oh, Applejack, I already told you: you don't have to...". Rarity didn't see it coming, but a orange hoof sealed her lips, preventing her from finishing the sentence.
"Why don't ya stay for dinner? And for the night too?". Rarity gave her friend an hesitant look, so Applejack kept talking, leaving the hoof where it was. "There's enough food for everypony. It will be fun: I promised to the Cutie Mark Crusaders a cooking lesson after dinner, and then we can all sit together by the fireplace, tell some stories...". Rarity felt the hoof leaving gently her lips, revealing a smile. "And..." the farmer added "When the fillies are finally asleep, maybe we can have a sleepover. It's been a while since we had the chance to chat a little...".
Applejack softened her voice, blushing and fixing the gaze on the table. "I miss it ya know? Spend time with you, just the two of us".

Rarity wanted to say something. In another situation, with someone else, she would have reacted in a very theatrical way, choosing her words carefully to express her gratitude like a real lady. But she could only feel her heart racing in her chest and tears of joy slowly filling her eyes. She finally lifted up her head and opened her mouth to speak, just to find her friend's smile waiting for her: Applejack already knew the answer. Oh, silly me. She felt so happy she wanted to hug her, but she didn't dare. Instead she put down her mug to take one of Applejack's hooves between hers, caressing it gently. One look, and it felt like they were closer than ever. Rarity collected all her courage and leaned forward to her friend.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM
A little explosion came from upstairs, completely smashing the tension between the two mares.

They both jumped in their chairs, staring at the ceiling like it was about to fall on their heads. The only thing that came though, was Apple Bloom's voice, feeble and incredibly nonchalant. "Applejack...could ya come here when ya have a moment please?"

"Besides, it would come in handy to have someone to help me tame those three little demons" Applejack let out a sigh, smiling wryly.
"I'll do my best" Rarity replied giggling. Then, before the farmer could even blink, she stood up and gave her a peck on the cheek, right upon the corner of her smile. "Now I suppose we should really go check what all that noise was about" she said happily, trotting through the kitchen's door. "Are you coming darling?" her voice already on her way to the stairs.
"Right behind ya" Applejack whispered to the empty room, still petrified, her face red as the scarf around her neck.

Comments ( 30 )

Aww, adorable!

5244384 thank you! :heart:

>> Lilim Do you have release date on chapter 2?

Very well written just one mistake. When you are adding periods to quotes don't forget to put the period in the quote. For example

"We're almost there darling. What is all this rush about anyway? You are gonna spend the whole night with your friends".

It should have been like this "We're almost there darling. What is all this rush about anyway? You are gonna spend the whole night with your friends." With the period in the quote. But other than that I liked the story. Very cute. Plus I really like your profile picture. (I love Cartoon Hangover). :heart:

This is a very nice story and I will gladly read Chapter 2 if release. Just one thing I feel that Applejack says "sugarcube" a excessive amount or is that just me?

5244856 I think the story is marked Complete. I think this is a good place to end it though.
Short and cute.

5244856 Sorry, I'm not planning to write a second chapter. I'm really glad you liked the story though :heart: thanks a lot

5246145 Thank you for the advice! I'm gonna edit as soon as possible. I keep forgetting it because here they teach us the exact opposite way :derpytongue2: and thank you again: I was like :yay: when I found two of my favourite characters in the same picture!

5246390 Uops :derpyderp1: maybe I exaggerated a little :applejackunsure: I'll cut one or two. Thank you for the remark!

5246405 Thank you :heart: I'm really glad you liked it!

You really need to work on your commas, or the lack thereof.

"Come on, Rarity!" she prayed her sister jumping around her "We'll be late!".

That sentence reads like it's Rarity that's doing the jumping. Also, prayed is the wrong word. I think you mean "implored" or "entreated".

"I know, but we have a full program scheduled for the afternoon and the evening". Sweetie explained shining enthusiasm

Sweetie was explaining shining enthusiasm? Is that different from regular enthusiasm? You need a comma after "explained". My suggestion would be you read this back to yourself and pay attention anytime you take a breath or there's a pause. That's where you need to think about putting in a comma or fullstop.

5247471 Thank you for your advice! I'm sorry for my missing comas, but I'm still working on this kind of details. English isn't my mother tongue and I'm trying to improve step by step.

One major readability suggestion:

Separate all paragraphs with a line of white space. It makes your story significantly easier to read. You have some paragraphs which are properly separated, but others which are not. If you do so consistently, it will make your story much more accessible to people.

5256421 Thank you really much for your advice, mr. Dragon! I can't wait to read your stories about my favourite couple :heart:

5256586
Thanks. It is always nice to see a new face writing RariJack stories! They're such a fun couple to write about. :heart:

Yup any time you've a chance in character dialog , ya need to break it as if your starting a new paragraph, keeps people from getting confused about which character is speaking ^_^ other then that it's starting to be a cute story , Ima fav this and stalk you to see how it evolves .

Mane Medic

5262024 thank you for the advice! I'm glad you liked it, but I'm sorry: I don't have any plans for a second chapter :unsuresweetie: hope you don't mind

Ahh :( and this had a lot of promise to be a rather cute 3 or 4 chapter story . Oh well ^_^ still gonna stalk you to see how you evolve as a writer. ^_^ /)

Mane Medic

A very nice sweet story! This is amazing! :D

5794135 Thank you so much! :heart: I'm glad you liked it!

So cute!!!!

5912853 Thank you! :heart:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

This was very nice (I wish there was more ;_;)

6136723 Thank you! :heart: I'm glad you liked it (sorry....:unsuresweetie: )

So cute! You should write more stories! :twilightsmile:

6353111 Thank you! :heart: I would really love to, but right now I don't have the time. Maybe in the future...:raritywink:

Palaikai changed his/her name to Ashi an year or so ago, but quit earlier this year. He/she came back for a few days, but then disappeared again and is now known as goaway with an essentially empty account. Quite unfortunately, really, he/she was a great writer, and as I can tell from this story, a great editor.

Beautiful - great story!
Love the way you write.

I liked this :D

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