Derpy Hooves is a simple mare living in Ponyville, a mailmare in fact. As a mailmare, her job is to deliver her packages no matter what, and under no circumstances can she overlook this rule. Today Princess Twilight herself gives Derpy a package! What could possibly go wrong?
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Wow, all that over some library books.. Very nice for a first story! Are you gonna post more Derpy based tales?
5675976 Possibly! I currently have a few fics in the works, one Derpy related and some others. Glad you liked it!
You're* ^^
Nicely written overall, though later on you develop a bit of talking head syndrome. The lack of spaces between passages also lends itself to a bit of difficulty reading.
Very cute :)
~ Is staring off into space blankly.~
(( I wonder if Twisit ever finished those Sweets or if Applebloom decided to date her sister....))
Oh sorry didn't see you there, I was just thinking back to my last story Review Sisters Love- A fic so uninspired it haunts my thoughts still to this day.
But I know what you might be asking, Why am I bringing up a bad fic during your fic?
Does The Cyni Mare also think your fic is bad?!!
Well no is the anwser so just settle down.
I merely brought up the uninspired fic to show that if one writes something inspired, it can and will bring a smile to the readers face.
But enough of me hinting I like your fic allow me to delve deep into the Sweet, sweet center of this fic and stab into it with my opinions.
Fill the the tub with an Acid Bath and start up the chainsaw- Let's Dissect this Pony.
------
The Cyni Mares Review.- A Very Derpy Day by PegaWriter.
After Reading Sisters Loves Cardboard cutout relationship between family play out it was very refreshing to see a cute moment between Derpy and Dinky play out right at the begining.
The scene was done fairly and though it was really short, it still gave I the reader a slight warm feeling inside- which was very to feel I enjoyed it- perhaps my only gripe for this fic is that it had a lack of Dinky and Derpy together.
Mother daughter Fics are a top fav of mine.
That aside you delved into the mind of Derpy fairly well, nothing groundbreaking here nor is anything new brought to the table but overall you did pull the reader into the right mindset.
Keeping the scenes moving and The mare fresh, took away the fact that this is a fair Fan fic.
But being a first fic is kinda like a get out of jail free card I won't judge much.
By staying into character mostly you brought a fic that had it's up and downs, I felt for Derpy without really pitying her at the begining though this changed up a bit near the end.
And at that this fic starts to kinda drag near the middle before picking up again.
Plot- The plot is of something right out of what could prob be a real MLP episode, it didn't take any chances but instead went for something tried and true and played it safe.
I enjoyed the scenes overall, each brought heart and a smooth calmness to the story which in my mind played out fairly nice as if watching a episode of MLP.
Story- Much like the plot the story here is nothing really groundbreaking I would've enjoyed to see you make something in this fic your own but as said you instead play by a formula and it pays off with a few funny scenes and a cute ending.
If anything I could say for future stories is take a chance and make a scene or a storyline your own, try it out who knows you might get a taste for it.
Character Development- Reading this fic was a nice treat to me.- and no I'm not just saying that because Season 2 Luna makes a Cameo in this fic, but because you took a few slight chances.
The real meat and potatoes of this fic came from Derpy and Fleur, and much like the story and plot Derpy is played straight and narrow coming off mostly like she does in the show, while at times near the end started to feel like a pity case.
I thought Derpy might have shown a little pride before accepting what seems like alot of money from Fleur but instead she grabbily accepts as if to just accept things are hard and I'll let others fix my problems.
Sorry if that sounded harsh but Derpy maybe accepting a loan with interest or maybe Fleur giving Derpy a new job for the bits would have felt better.
Now for Fleur I quite enjoyed how you wrote this character- taking a chance and not writing her as a snob how many others have done you instead write her as a more compassionate and sweet mare though she had her momments of being annoyed by Derpy, she simply regained composure and stayed classy.
Fleur I can say was a Highlight of this fic and highly enjoyed the way you developed and wrote her character in this story- Bravo!!
Detail was done above average for this fic, you wrote the characters colorfuly and vibrant enough to carry through most of the fic, as for scenes most of it near the first half of the middle seemed like a blur nothing really stood out nor did anything pop.
But around the Timberwolf scene did the scene pick up and the detail placed into those scenes helped to bring together the rest of the story, it came to life no doubt about that but overall it failed to pop which is ok.
Pacing- Pace was a mixed bag for this story, the front part seemed to move from point A to B at a bit of a rushed paced Derpy almost seemed to fly off from Dinky at school and fast forwarded past Twilight.
Then on the oppisite side once Derpy went down into the woods did this Fic almost become too slow, the scenes of the ponies being lost seemed to drag and just not flow well.
Written well yes but the flow was just like watching a game of tug of war felt bumpy.
But alas here comes The Timberwolf scene again- from here to the end the Paceing is well really smooth, scenes flowed to one another nicely mixed in with the carefree and cute ending you went for ended up really well.
Again this was a first try so I'll cut some slack but for me Pacing was as I said a Mixed Bag.
Final Review.
Plot- 3 out of 5.- No real chances taken but enough to keep a reader satisfied.
Story- 3 out of 5.- See above.
Character Development- 4 out of 5- Though I was ehhh on Derpy I highly enjoyed the take on Fleur again Bravo!!
Pacing- 3 out of 5- Some might find it bumpy some might find it rushed- I found the ending just right though.
Detail- 4 out of 5- Never did pop or take my breath away but was done well enough it brought me back into the world of Equestria.
Overall Ranking-
Derpys out of 10.
Judgement- Special Season 2 Luna Cameo!!!
Once again I usually would place a joke here at the end, but instead this fic impressed me enough I'd like to offer your story a spot in my Top Picks Volume two coming out soon.
If you don't mind me highlighting this fic I'd love to delve deeper into why more ponies should read this.
Drop me a reply and tell me what you think.
Fav'd, Hoof Up and Bravo.
derpalicious!!!!
derp seal of approval!!!
I love the ending. Great job!
5676886 Thank you very much! I'd love if you did that! I'll keep your points in minds when I write my next fic~
5676051
Certainly doesn't hurt that it has my favorite pony of all time as the star of it.
Also, I do have one suggestion for you. If you really want to get it out there have you thought about joining some of the groups that are available and posting it there? Obviously it wouldn't fit into all the groups but there's a number of Derpy based ones you could join that would be happy to have you submit it to their collections along with special interest ones that don't focus on any particular pony but more themes like comedy or Sci Fi.
5677513 I've been meaning to, but haven't had time to yet. If you know some can you give me the link? I can't seem to find any so far.
5677543
It can take a bit of finagling to get used to but its under the groups tab. You just gotta make sure to search. For now though heres a link I think should work. for the sake of simplicity it was set to search for the term Derpy
groups of derpy