Callidus is a Earth Pony. He always wanted to fly. To touch the sky like so many do, naive to the gift they have been blessed with at birth. But he will do it his way. And he doesn't care what he will lose to do it. But remember this, anypony who gets in his way will not live to regret it.
This is my first story in fimfiction so any criticism is not only accepted but requested. I will see if I can maintain consistency but I can not guarantee it.
There will also be a bit of gore but nothing to extreme.
Chapters (8)
I find myself coveting that refillable crossbow.
Our hero here seems sufficiently driven; I'm anxious to see how this plays out.
5219771
. Don't worry neither his ego nor head is getting smaller anytime soon.
He is only a little overconfident
I quite like your story since my name is gear blade I truly enjoyed your story I hope you continue it
5224235
I have every intentions of finishing, I am actually about half done the next chapter already lets see if I can't get it in before tomorrow.
You can go a little longer on the chapters, Good pacing,
(In 1994 I built a full sized helicopter with turbine power, cruised at 185 mph)
On it's first flight we were so busy with the photos and data we missed the "feels and excitement" till after I landed a 1/2 hour later.
To invent is a special motivation. It's not the so called norm.
Lets see what you end up with.
Seems good so far, although it is a little early to tell. I can't wait to see where this goes though.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Yea, I was wondering if I should add more detail to the surroundings, I could but I feel as though it distracts from the story. Also I could make my chapters longer but in turn I may not be able to update as frequently as I would like to. I'll try to get a but more in but I may have to ask which you viewers prefer, less frequently updated long chapters, or frequent short ones.
5225117
Thank you for your input, yes I will try to make the chapters longer I was very displeased with how short I ended the first one but I feel that it is acceptable to have a few short chapters in the beginning.
I myself unfortunately know little of mechanics, but I just intend on using magic as a excuse to get out of a lot of research and to make cooler inventions all in all.
5225150
Thanks! I will try to improve the quality and length of the story as I go!
Trust me I hate it when many of the stories I love end prematurely and I have no intention of doing it my self. Other then that this story more or less is a experiment to see if I am able to constantly produce content and to all around get used to fimfiction before I start any of the big stories I have planned.
Well shit...
Oh, and dis gon b gud.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5231416
dis is gon da b bery gud.
Well done, CHANGLING! panic oops sorry lawyer =
$$$$$$
5233983
Just wait a hour or two there will be another chapter today I am not breaking my perfect streak four days in if I can help it!
Nothing! No original title for this chapter what so ever! The disappointment I now have I you guys is indescribable.
I truly like this story please continue
5237720
Who said I was going to end it? Anyway its nice to have somepony comment everynow and then. Makes you want to go on your laptop and write for 2 hours or so.
Did I just write somepony... um okay its official pony's have now passed a new boundary in my life.
Fuck.
I can't wait to go to bed have been up all night studying for a test tomorrow. Hopefully things workout, like always please tell me about anything you feel can be improved, this is my first fan fiction and I am hoping to improve.
I had a feeling that he is going to meet Twilight Sparkle did I guess right?
He already did....
5243972
I have the quickest respond time of all authors! Mahahahah!
5243981 Well, not only a genius, but a Tier 0 genius. If you aren't careful, you could get a Gary Stu out of him. But it seems like you have put good checks on his emotional sense and development to counter his high intellect. Keep up the good work.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
5250859
I will go back and change a bit but really my counter intends to be that he will only really study mechanics since that is what his dad used to do. He can not be a gary sue if he never learns everything right? Plus he is only good looking in his own head if that counts for anything.
The thing with Callidus is that he like many other great thinkers in our society he thinks to highly of himself, he will fall. And he will never have physical strength to his advantage after what I am going to do to him.
My mistake I really didn't want him to come off as a gary sue.
5250895 I didn't say he was a Gary stu, just that he could turn into one if you don't be careful.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~