Day 11: Some Chances Never Come Back
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Rainbow Dash heard the sound of her alarm clock and slowly opened her eyes. Reaching out with one hoof to it, she switched it off. She stretched herself a little and then got out of her bed. It was time to get up.
She was awake the whole night to discuss some interesting details on the cover of the newest Daring Do book that would get released in a month with some other fans of the famous adventurer and so she slept very long today. The pegasus was still a little tired after the long speculations, that got a bit heated near the end, but there were things she had to get done today, so she forced herself to finally get up.
Rainbow Dash slowly trotted down the stairs and opened the door of her cloud house. The newspaper was already there, which was no surprise, because it was already afternoon. She lifted it up from the ground and carried it inside. She felt hungry, but before she would make breakfast, she wanted to take a first look into the newspaper.
Every time she slept so long she felt guilty for being so inactive, no matter what was the reason for it, and so she wanted to at least check the newspaper before making breakfast.
She carried the newspaper back up the stairs and into her bedroom, where she sat down, the newspaper on her lap. She opened it up and browsed through the pages to see if something interesting was going on. It were mostly the usual things and nothing was particularly exciting. She turned another page and looked at the big headline in the middle of the page:
Charity Auction of original Daring Do manuscript a huge success!
1,000 bits raised for the Cloudsdale orphanage!
Rainbow Dash froze. Terror and disbelief were reflected all over her face. “NO!”, she thought. “That can't be! I forgot about the auction of the original manuscript of 'Daring Do and the Forbidden City of Clouds'!” Rainbow Dash could not believe it. No, she did not want to believe it! And yet it was true.
“How could this happen?”, she thought. “How could I be so stupid?”
Her mind raced as she was recaping the last night.
“Okay, I wanted to go home yesterday. But then one of the others showed us the cover of the newest Daring Do book. We began to talk about it because there were so many interesting details on it and then it got late. The discussion got a little heated at the end and after it ended, I was a bit angry because of some stupid arguments.
And because the cover and being so angry distracted me I forgot to think on it that I have to get up early enough today to be at the auction and so I slept in for too long!” Rainbow Dash was quietly murmuring all of this during her recap of the last night's events.
Unbelievingly, she got up, sat down at her desk and took out the flyer that was announcing the auction and got confirmed what she already knew. The auction ended a few hours ago! Rainbow Dash looked at the newspaper article again and, frozen from shock and disbelief, she could not look away from it.
Rainbow Dash began to stutter. “I..... I..... what..... what..... no..... this..... this can't be..... Why had this to happen? Why? WHY? How could I be so stupid to miss this?” Rainbow Dash sank resigned down in her chair. “That manuscript was one of a kind.....”, she thought. “And because that I can never get it again..... This chance will never come back.....”
All the sorrow she felt now was washing over her. Soon, her sorrow turned into anger. She clashed her right hoof on her desk. “BUCK IT!”, she exclaimed loudly. And then again. And then three more times. “BUCK IT! BUCK IT! BUCK IT!”
Having lost control completely for a moment, she joggled furiously at the tabletop of her desk. She breathed heavily and then she got up, down the stairs and into the kitchen to make herself breakfast.
After having prepared it, which happened a lot louder than usual since Rainbow Dash was smashing the doors of the cupboards shut and putting things down very loudly out of anger and frustration, she brought her breakfast to the kitchen table. It was more than usual cause Rainbow Dash suddenly felt the need for comfort eating. After she had finished her breakfast, she left her house and flew down to Ponyville. She needed to talk to somepony now.
Arrived in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash went into Sugarcube Corner. The other Daring Do fans, who did not knew about the auction, were there, as usually at this hour of the day. She ordered a milkshake and then sat down on the table between them, her shoulders hanging.
“Guys, I'm an idiot”, was the first thing she said. “I'm a complete, 100% bucking idiot.”
One of the Daring Do fans at the table looked awkwardly at her. “Ok”, was the only thing he said.
“Why?”, asked another one.
“I got so distracted over this cover yesterday and the conflict we had in our discussion made me so upset that I forgot something when going to sleep and so I slept too long. And then I missed this.” Rainbow Dash pulled out the newspaper with the page that shocked her so much open and pushed it in the middle of the table for everypony to see. “Why? WHY AM I SO STUPID??????”, she began again. “I planned to get up early enough to bid on this and then this whole thing made me forgetting it!” She looked down on the table, sorrow adorning her face.
“Jeez”, said the pony who just answered her outbreak with a short “ok”, an earth pony stallion with a grey coat.
The other pony who asked her why she said that she's an idiot, another earth pony stallion with a pink coat similar to Pinkie, just laughed.
Rainbow Dash exploded over it that this pony did not only not understand, but also laughed about her misery. “IT'S NOT FUNNY!”, she snapped at him.
The grey earth pony spoke again. “1,000 Bits for that manuscript”, he said unbelievably.
“Yes, but I could have afforded it! And now this chance has died and there were original notes by the author in it!!!!!!”, Rainbow Dash replied desperately.
“I wonder how much the manuscripts of the other books would sell for”, the grey earth pony wondered.
“I don't care”, Rainbow answered resigned. “I only care about what I missed.”
Nopony answered Rainbow Dash. She was disappointed. She had hoped that a bunch of Daring Do fans like her would understand and try to cheer her up, but that was not the case. They all talked about different things and ignored her. But Rainbow Dash continued anyway.
“All those notes by A.K. Yearling. All the notes she made while writing this Daring Do book. I could have gotten it! And then I oversleep! Why?”, she cried out again.
But nopony was answering.
“WHY? I hate myself right now.....”, was the last thing Rainbow Dash said, before falling in silence.
After having sat there without saying anything and just listening to the conversation of the other ponies, who still ignored her, for several minutes, Rainbow Dash couldn't hold it anymore, and began with her desperated mumbling again.
“I hate myself, I hate myself so much.....”
Finally, one of the other Daring Do fans, the earth pony with the grey coat, paid attention to her. “Dwelling on it isn't going to help. And neither is voicing it”, he said.
Rainbow Dash looked up. She saw that the earth pony stallion was the only pony at the table, besides her. The others had left without her noticing it. She looked at him. “Then what do you suggest?”, she asked, a little provocatively.
“Get over it. If I may put it so bluntly”, he answered.
“You can't get over things like that”, Rainbow Dash answered quietly. “You can get over a lot of things, but not over something like that.”
“Correction”, he said. “You can't get over it.”
“No, nopony can”, Rainbow Dash answered.
“Just bid on the next manuscript that gets auctioned”, the grey stallion suggested.
But Rainbow Dash had already continued as he started his sentence. “This is one of the things that scar you for life. The manuscript I would have bought was one of a kind and because it was one of a kind I can never get something that makes up for it that I missed this page and the chance will never come back.
You can only get over something if you will be compensated for the loss, but there's no compensation for this loss. So you can't get over it. You can only learn to deal with the feeling that will haunt you for the rest of your life.”
Then she answered on his suggestion. “And I will”, she said. “If there is any other manuscript for sale in the future I will definitely buy it, but even that could not get me over it that I missed this one.”
“I have a lot of my own feelings to deal with”, the stallion began again. “But the idea is to block them out and forget what caused them.”
“You can only suppress it”, Rainbow Dash replied to his words. “But even if you do that, sometimes, you will think on it and the feeling will return. Somehow, it will always be there from now on.” Rainbow Dash sighed deeply. “The only way it couldn't would be that I will get this manuscript, because the buyer sells it one day by himself. But this chance is slim”, she continued.
Now the earth pony stallion sighed too. “I'm not feeling very social today and this definitely isn't helping. I leave you to your own havoc.” Then he got up, paid for his drink and left Sugarcube Corner.
“It doesn't matter to me. There's nothing that can help me. Except time that lets the wound this has ripped open inside of me heal to a scar so that it won't hurt constantly anymore.....”, she said before he left, so that he could only just hear it before he went out.
Rainbow Dash was a little disappointed over it that he just left without talking more with her, but she felt a little better after this conversation. But she was far from feeling fine again. She decided to leave Sugarcube Corner too, without anypony left to talk to. Her milkshake had not been brought yet, because many ponies were in Sugarcube Corner today, and so she cancelled her order. Then she left the bakery.
Outside, she was lifting herself off into the air and flew into the direction of the Whitetail Woods. There, she landed on a small cloud and lied down on it in a position that allowed her to look over the edge of the cloud, down into the woods beneath her.
For the rest of the day, she did nothing else than watching the animals down there following their life. Usually, she was not interested in that. Watching animals was boring for her. But when she was really depressed and talking with her friends or other ponies did not help, it helped her to recover and to get over what ailed her soul. So she stayed there until Celestia set the sun.
As it became dark and she couldn't see the animals anymore, she left the cloud and returned home. There was still something that she wanted to get done today, but now she was tired and so she decided to go to sleep and to delay those duties on the next day. With her last strength, she hauled herself up the stairs and into her bedroom.
Falling into her bed and almost immediately asleep, she hoped for it that the next day would be better for her.....
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Yes, I know what that is like...it's very hard and can me one very distraught. But sometimes, in fact, most always, the situation works out for the best. Not always right away or even in a way you might see, but it does. I like this because I can see Rainbow becoming down on herself like this. I know, though that she will always pick her self up. That's just how she is.