• Member Since 6th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen 47 minutes ago

Pen Stroke


A fan-fiction author and game programmer that lives in Glendale, CA.

T

During an evening performance at a private manor, Octavia is shown one of the rarest and finest instruments known to Equestria, a Stellar Variance cello. Just being in the same room as one is a dream come true for Octavia, but then she is given the chance to play it. It is an opportunity Octavia can't pass up, no matter the consequences.

Yet, the next morning Vinyl finds herself at the same private estate, searching for the friend and roommate who never came back.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 64 )

Can't wait to read it!

stoopid work!

Instant fave! :yay: Awesome story!

Awesome as usual, pen.

Incredible, as always. Pen you are simply the best author I've... :rainbowhuh: well seen is the wrong word since I haven't seen you, so... You're the best author I've read so far. :rainbowlaugh: Thank you for one more awesome story.

Gotta say, the best part of this entire thing was reading all of Vinyl's lines. All of them. I believe that our friend Pen here has quite the knack for writing a great Vinyl Scratch.

Octavia deserves to be whacked over the head. She got herself into a boat load of trouble that she narrowly escaped ( no thanks to herself ) and now she's giving Vinyl a hard time.

What the crap? How'd I miss the release of this?

~Skeeter The Lurker

I get the feeling that there were various thing that inspired this...

Like, stories that involve the house being alive and such.

Still, this was quite enjoyable!

~Skeeter The Lurker

All in all, a fantastic, and appropriately haunting, halloween tale. Your characterization of Vinyl was terrific and spot on for my mental interpretation of her.

Rose Note was appropriately creepy and I love how you wove the music into the story, driving the crescendo of the story with the cello music. Nicely done!

On one final note, there was one thing that kind of threw me out of the story at a couple of points, and that was in the description of the chandelier attacking Vinyl--

The lumber mass extended a part of itself, growing a new leg just to take a step.

and

Quarter notes became eighth notes and then became sixteenth notes that seemed just as eager to stab Vinyl as the lumber mass of metal she was trying to outrun.

I see "lumber" and I think of wood (hazard of having worked in construction for a summer), not a mass of slicing metal bits. I think you meant either lumbering (massive and moving ponderously) or perhaps limber (flexible and malleable in shape).

Still, a wonderful halloween story. Have a like and fave!

5211044

*points* Your avatar! :raritystarry: I've been following Ink Potts for a while now and just recently watched "Hell to Your Doorstep"!

:raritywink:

Fun read! It had the perfect amount of tension and suspense for a horror story.

“Is it alright with you if I stand? I’ve never enjoyed playing my cello sitting down.”

Not at all. I’d probably be standing as well if these old legs of mine were stronger.”

This has the opposite meaning to what you mean, I think.

I LOWER MY SENSE OF DECENCY AND HOPE FOR HUMANITY IN PREPARATION FOR REALITYCHECK PARODY OF THI

EBONY THRIVES ON CONFLICT OVE FANFICS:pinkiecrazy:

I kid of course

Eh. I'm not a fan. I realize this is your style, but the rampant telling sucked any wisps of suspense that might've otherwise gripped me during the fight scenes. Transitions within scenes weren't very smooth, either, and I feel like the story as a whole is flat.

Not bad, by any means, but by the end, I was skimming. NIce idea - wonderful, actually, but the prose proper let down the concept.

5212160

Could also be a word that I could use so... yeah thanks for that. But I stay with "I've read" :rainbowwild:

5210942
My God... Skeeter has failed at lurking... SHAME ON YOU! SHAME!

Clearly my belief that you had become one with fimfiction (becoming in essence the brony equivelant of SHODAN) have been torn asunder.

5212581

More like not all feed items show up.

~Skeeter The Lurker

That was intense. For a while I though that Vinyl was going to die and Octavia would be lost forever. Glad to have been wrong.

5212650
Sorry. Just having a little fun with you:twilightblush:

Are the Stellar Variance instruments inspired by the Stradivarius instruments by any chance? :P

And the day was saved through JOLLY CO-OPERATION!

Awesome story, and bless you for making it have a happy ending.:yay:

5212581 He does seem to be everywhere on the site. Perhaps one account used by many people allowing them to be on fimfiction nearly 24 hours a days?...Nah.

5215931
Like I said... brony SHODAN

5212261 Actually I think the question was supposed to be "do you mind," meaning a negative response was permission to stand...

5216222
It was edited afterwards.

This seems incomplete somehow. How did its former owner manage to keep up the ruse for so long? Surely at least one of the previous victims' friends and families would eventually notice. What happened to the manor afterward?

This was good 'n all, but it the ending was too... nice.

It was like a Scooby Doo episode, wrapped up in a pretty bow at the end. You could've perhaps had the mare somehow repossess her old body, and make an escape. Or you could've had them try to tell ponies what happened, and make everypony else think they were insane.

I mean, just having Octavia tell Vinyl that the mare posses bodies with the cello and then a question and joking at the end is just boring.

But besides that ending, I liked everything else.

I totally thought Vinyl was going to die.:raritycry: but I'm glade she didn't:pinkiehappy: Good work as always Pen Stroke!:twilightsmile:

“This DJ too big a meal for you!”

It would be either, "This DJ is too big a meal for you!" or "This DJ too big a meal for you?!"

Damn! This was chilling and amazing!:raritystarry:

Pen Stroke he's are man if theirs a good story its probably going to be from him:twilightsmile:

This is my favorite kind of Vinyl. Charming and a little goofy in her own cool way, too focused on partying and hanging with her friends to be considered a fighter of any kind, but always ready to step into the role of an action hero. In that sense, this was more exciting than frightening. I'm not complaining, though, since it was Halloween-y enough for the season, and kept me thoroughly entertained from start to finish.

It stumbled a little at two points, though. After Vinyl shreds the carpet snake, as well as after she gets cornered by the chandelier, you slow down and spend several paragraphs indulging in her exhausted relief and hopeless despair, respectively. During the buildup to both moments, all I was getting was fast-paced action and danger. There was nothing to get me emotionally invested in her plight, so for me those two breathers were just hollow time-wasters, trying to pick up on emotions that hadn't been generated. The only place where it seemed to work was when she smashed Stellar Variance, and the threat was thoroughly eradicated. You were probably in a rush, and felt the prose fit, but I think in hindsight it would've helped the story's momentum to slim down those first two passages. After blowing up the carpet, for example, I would've just had Vinyl fall over with a thump and let loose a long-suffering groan, and during the climax, described her thought process as she struggled to conjure up an idea.

Verdict: cool story, may read again someday.

5220522
ah but that is how someone would speak in the heat of the moment. You wouldn't care about being grammatically correct if you were in that situation, especially with Vinyl's character

5226555 Very true :D I just didn't know if that was purposeful or you know incorrect :twilightblush:

Loved it. And if that is what every story of yours is like, I can't wait to read your others.

A nice horror story.

All I could hear was Nowacking's Voice over for Vinyl and an Impecible Breightish accent for Tavi.
I loved it!

I'm glad you used these two ponies. I hope to see more of them from your creative imagination.

Whoops, forgot to read this anywhere near Halloween, but I suppose a mid-November scary fic works too, and work it did. Excellent job as always, Pen.

This story opens with 'It was a dark and stormy night', and yet makes the premise engaging rather than cliche.

I knew I was in for a good tale after I realized that. Well done!

This story was..amazing! I've expected the same old same old, but nope! Something completely different and really fun and challenging with it's own quirky bits, made both Octavia and Vinyl's character really be used in an great horror atmosphere! Vinyl felt like..an old Resident Evil styled character, always trying to figure out ways and whatnot, at least to me..it was really fun and an great read! I'd highly recommend this story at anytime! Spooky and scary and heart-pounding, but a great read nonetheless!

Magnificent! Rose Note makes the perfect chilling, creepy antagonist--kinda reminds me of Lady Dante, from the FMA anime. And the concept of music being used as a weapon like that, having its own magic... brilliant! I could almost hear the various melodies that could play for each scene, to make the mansion bend to her will--it would be interesting to see if I can reproduce those tunes on my violin! You've really stoked my passion for music, sir--this fic is a must-read!

Well that was... amazing. I don't normally read one-shots, but this was well worth my time. Magnificent writing here!

Probably one of my favorite fics involving these two, though there were a few small things that bothered me. Most have been mentioned by others, and were small errors in the writing. The one that bothered me most, though, was your blatant disregard for the Chekhov's gun trope. One of my favorite tropes because of how satisfying it is to see it coming-- to have noticed that detail early enough that you get a small thrill when it turns out to be important. That detail, in this fic, could well have been the crystallized spell that Octavia kept in her cello case. You made a point of mentioning it, but it is never discussed further. Even a passing reference to it, such as Rose Note tossing it unsuccessfully at Vinyl or Vinyl attempting to use it to snap Octavia out of Rose's control would have been nice. Heck, perhaps Rose could have used a song that suppressed magic and Vinyl could have used it to stop her from playing. Something, anything besides nothing would have been nice.

But that's a nitpick in the grand scheme of things. This was an enjoyable read regardless.

Great story!
I hope someone with an animation budget gets the idea to use a cursed instrument like this. I'm not musically creative enough to come up with appropriate Cello tunes for this story in my mind, but I imagine having a soundtrack that flows so well with the story that it creates the story would sound amazing!

I was expecting a twist at the end. Maybe some hint that the cursed magic wasn't completely gone. I'm not disappointing that there wasn't, of course. Just means I was wrong.

Now this is a cool, creepy story.

I love how twisted this story is, and the cello music, I practically hear it the way you describe it :pinkiehappy: When I read the description I thought Tavi was gonna die, but I have to say I love this ending much more than that :twilightsmile:

Damn, that was really intense.

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