• Member Since 30th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 7th, 2020

TheMysticBrony


Hey everypony! my name is MysticBrony! and welcome :D

T
Source

Seven years has passed since the defeat of Tirek. Everything is peaceful and happy for all ponykind, but, a young stallion named Fang comes to Ponyville and brings his past with him, stirring a dangerous group known as the Mystics. Some of the most powerful magic wielders known to ponykind, however, this group has been plagued by evil and death. They are labeled as criminals and are wanted by the Royal guard. Will the heros prevail or will the evil consume them.
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Cover art by this awesome person-
Ryuku the creative

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 26 )

Not bad, not bad at all. Just one thing. Why in everything that's good would Celestia tell a national secret to a class of teen agers? :rainbowhuh:
Anyway, good chapter.

5213718
Thanks :) And the answer to that question will come in later chapters :3

Interesting start, very interesting. I'm curious about the mystics, and it's understandable that people would fear them when they could do things normal ponies can't. I'm curious about the next chapter and what you have planned.

Interesting, very interesting. I'm curious to know who the mystic is and what Fang is going to do as the new member of the chorus and the karate club. It should be different. I like how you're doing things so far and can't wait for your update.

5236707
Thanks :) I am really happy that you are enjoying it. I will try to get the next chapter out sometime next week.

Hello!

I'm liking the concept of this story and I see that this will go to glorious places in the future. However, there's just the manner of some grammar mistakes and formatting that's nailing it to the floor. I would suggest getting an editor of some kind to take a good look at it and you will be golden!

-All of the Above

...
Who is Tarac?
If you mean Tirek, then okay.
Tarac though?

5506576

It is, I forgot how to spell his name lol thank you for the correction :3

Comment posted by Lexiebommel10 deleted Jun 6th, 2015

This review has been brought to you by The Syndicate Reviews

I dove into this story faster than a viagra-fueled 50 year-old with erectile disfunction eagerly waiting for the dried up cooch of a twenty year-old.

Okay, that came out wrong. Admittedly I thought this story was going to be every cliche out there. And it’s couple. I’m still waiting on the rest of the tripe to come out of the hole it’s being pulled out of. Jesus, I am off today. The Mystics is a donut with a nice wide hole, but I just wish it was tighter. That way when I inevitably start thrusting into to said hole, I want to get off and not just stand there thrusting meaninglessly into the air like a fool in broad daylight, in a park with kids in it.
The Mystics is the presumptuous little red-headed step-child assuming I’ll love it just because it’s the shiniest. And I do… after I have a couple underage drinks and I get my favorite wacking stick. It does this right, and it does things wrong. Admittedly I am a bit under fueled. It’s the fucking travelling. I’ve been here, I’ve been there, I’ve been fucking everywhere! The Mystics is what polygamy and gaming are to those who oppose them; it makes me want more! I suppose over the course of the story so far you could say that it’s deep… Yeah, and the Star Trek movies were good.
Fang (maybe a less five-alarm name there Shakespeare) moves to Twilight Sparkle’s Castle B&B, hoping to have a normal life (and some local cooch), while hiding from his dark past. And I bet you all know how well that’ll turn out.
This story is good along the lines of plot and pacing, in terms of wording it’s been assembled haphazardly and thrown at the nearest wall hoping it would stick. Cluster fucks are fun when the right increments of cluster and fuck are used. The Mystics is more cluster than fuck, and here is what I mean by that: there are more words and paragraphs then there are sentences. And every word and paragraph is seemingly vying for my attention. It conflicts. I feel as if a giant whale scrotum is continuously bouncing on my attention span waiting for me to tap out, while I fondle said scrotum like my life depends on it.
Over all it indeed is a good story, though the kinks need to be rolled, it needs to be reshaped and tighter for me to enjoy properly. Not everything about this story is flawed. Here are a couple things I really enjoyed about it: no noticeable fictional shorthand for jumped-by-bullies-insert-powerflare-here and that Diamond Tiara is the slut I always imagined her to be. I could be more cynical, but I don’t need to be to get my point across.
Overall I give this (incomplete) story a 6.5/10 (quality-wise). Now maybe once the story is finished I’ll be able to get off or I’ll forever have to shy away from the works of TheMysticBrony.

6237509 :rainbowhuh:

The FUCK did I just read? :rainbowlaugh:

Please, please PLEASE tell me that you're being paid for writing these reviews! :rainbowlaugh:

This is good story so far, but some of your sentences make no sense.

Three on one over Fang picking up a flyer?

That could worded differently

Apple Boom: Seriously You guys pick a fight over somepony picking up a flyer.

The description led me to read this, and I gotta say, it's looking good so far. I look forward to seeing how this unravels.

Hmmm... are you by chance looking for an editor for this story? It's got potential, but the way it's worded and grouped I think does bring the overall quality down quite a bit.

7102754

I do indeed have one she and i have been going through most the chapters to fix some things ^_^

I agree with "All of the Above," just a few grammatical errors but it is all developing nicely into a very intriguing story.

" Who knows,Twilight kinda over reacts when it comes to Princess Celestia." <---- THIS line made me Laugh Out Loud! Love it.

"Element Round?" You do mean the Elements of Harmony, right? I'm pretty sure that name refers to both the magic artifacts and the Mane 6. Maybe you could call them the 'Bearers of Harmony'.

8589821
I hope its a good wow :3 Thanks for favoring ^_^

This is an interesting beginning :pinkiesmile: The narrative was a little rough around the edges, but all in all, it was not too bad. Furthermore, I really like your magic lore and the Mystics seem like an interesting group. Also, why do I feel like Scootaloo’s new love interest is one of them?

Grammar-wise, there were a few random errors, but nothing too obnoxious. As for recurring issues, make sure to check your tenses. You normally write in present tense, but for a short span of time, you have jumped into the past tense (see the part just before the princesses are introduced). The biggest problem was the punctuation and capitalization in direct speech. That’s completely normal for anybody’s first story, so don’t be scared by the length of the following explanation. It might seem hard at first, but once you take the hold of it, it’s really easy :pinkiesmile:

When there is a speaking action present in the dialogue tag (says, replies, asks, comments etc.), the tag starts with lowercase letter (except for proper nouns and I). However, direct speech in such case cannot end with a period. A comma has to be in its place. (Question and exclamation marks, as well as ellipses, are alright there as well.) On the other hand, when the tag contains a non-speaking action (nodds, blushes, sighs etc.), the tag has to start with an uppercase letter and the direct speech cannot end with a comma. Period or other punctuation mark has to be there. Phew... a little bit of a lecture, sorry for that :twilightsheepish:

And, that’s all I wanted to say. The beginning was interesting, so I’m going to see what the next chapters might bring! :ajsmug:

8661010
Why thank you ^_^ yea I have been trying to work on the mixing tenses. Sadly it’s a habit now lol but I need to go back and edit the chapters I did it in. The lore is so much fun to write about. I have some more in depth magic coming in future chapters and I honestly can’t wait to get to them. Have a story board and everything. Just need a solid time to write it all out :3 I’m glad you like it ^_^

~MysticBrony

8683290
You are welcome. Seems really good, then!

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