Proof Reader Credit goes to New Dawn
also taking OC's just give good Physical Descriptions and personality other wise i may just fuck up your OC
In the year 10687, in the land of Equestria, a young dark gray, dragon with purple eyes, named Merith, wanted to be different from the rest of his kind. But not to the extreme of no longer being considered a Dragon.
So he embarked on a journey to find the land beyond the land he knew as home, and this is his story.
tags and stuff will be added in on the go
Chapters (5)
Mother of God...
reactiongifs.com/r/mog1.gif
What is this?
Interesting premise, shite execution. Get three editors and pre-readers, please, if you want to improve your storytelling skills.
I tried, I honestly did, but I cannot.
The grammatical errors are so prevalent that it makes it very hard to read without the distraction. Secondly, your characters are so uninteresting that I had no feeling for them. Thirdly, you offer very little in any explanation on what is going on. You haven't really fleshed out the scene to paint a mental image. Your pacing is so absurdly fast that I am just confused on what is going on. This also falls under your chapter lengths. They are so short that it is to the point that you cannot even build immersion. A recommended chapter length is two thousand words or more. This makes it a worth while venture for your readers.
My recommendations are: find an editor and proof-reader for your grammatical errors. Work on fleshing your characters, scenes, and world out so that a reader can relate or at least understand them. Slow your story down and take your time with it—a rushed story is never liked.
I'll link you a few groups that might help, be willing to accept their suggestions for help. Trust me, the author alone cannot write a great piece of literature.
The Proofreader Group
Overly Extensive Editors
Looking for Editors
School for New Writers
I hope this helps.
i.imgur.com/tXqjb3k.png?1
If I'm going to be brutally honest, that describes this entire story so far pretty well.
You need to work on increasing the lengths of your chapters, a general rule of thumb is to aim for a minimum of 1'000 words per chapter.
You should probably get an editor/proofreader (or multiple, the more the merrier) to fix the grammar, and spelling, because that's something this story fails to deliver in.
I'd also like to point out that your Original Character protagonist isn't very interesting. He's flat, uninspired, probably a bit overpowered and just generally comes off as a Gary Stu self-insert. When creating original characters, it's important to give them traits, quirks, personalities and just a general depth to make them more interesting. It's also very important to give them weaknesses and faults that they can work to overcome. I can recommend Googling it as well as checking out blogs made by the user Viking ZX, for example you can check out this one, or perhaps this one, or maybe this one.
But as it stands right now, I'd say scrap it, go back to the drawing board and try to rewrite it into something different.
--Dementia Ravenmane, 2014-12-11, 23:01
My face while reading this lounge.moviecodec.com/images/attachment/broly-vs-count-bleck-46832.jpg
wat.
You need a proofreader. This has potential but, I'm going to be honest. It needs editing.
5374030 also this is my first so plz be easy but not that easy
5374030 Then find more places. The internet is vast!
For some reason, that sounds really, really wrong.
5374064 good point that does soud clopfic'ish but i try not to
5374068 And you're speaking to a clop writer. That makes it even worse.
5374068 well shit
5374030 I'm up for proofreading.
5374220 well go ahead and go over it and proof-read
5370918 also that is coming soon just hold on with me Kay?
5374488 Ok, but I'm a tiny bit busy at the moment, I can do it tonight though.
5374508 also preview acces just pm me
LOL. Cover looks like hi-def ender dragon
5419089 i kind of based Merith of it
THANKS
5419089 also it is
5421146
you're goooooooood
HAHA LOL IT IS!!!!!!!!! I QUESED IT!!!!