Act II-II
Crystal Heart Academy: founded forty-two years ago, it was originally a part of the public school system, aimed at providing education for the growing suburban populations. Brand new facilities and top-quality teachers led to the academy earning a reputation for integrity and excellence. It used to be the ‘go to’ school of the city, with waiting lists for people just trying to transfer into it. In the eighties, it won the state’s top honours for teaching excellence seven out of the ten years; there were even talks about it being ranked as one of the best high schools in the country.
Even Principal Celestia counted herself amongst the school’s many notable alumni.
But the candle that burns twice as bright, burns twice as quick. When the economic hardships of the early nineties began to take their toll, the school began to partake in unorthodox means of bolstering their budget. Rumours of bribery spread like fire through an arid field, and it didn’t take long for the allegations to prove true. When faced with mounting scandals and crushing budget constraints, the school district decided to save face and shut down Crystal Heart. The school sat unused for almost a decade until it was suddenly purchased by the wealthy Amore family. After thorough renovations, the school re-opened, but now as a private academy, offering the best of staffing and facilities to those who could afford the lofty tuition fees.
It didn’t take long for the new Crystal Heart Academy to build a new reputation for itself, but now as a school for the city’s wealthy, and even playing host to a number of international students. It was amazing what one could do when you charged massive tuitions, headhunted the best teachers in the field, and reduced the school population to half of what its predecessor once catered to.
Now don’t confuse my undertone of cynicism for contempt. If anything, I was a bit envious seeing as their school had twice the operating budget and a third of the populace as compared to Canterlot High. I doubt their students ever had to make do with rickety desks, tattered textbooks, or sacrificing Frogurt Fridays in order to appease the budgetary committee.
As we arrived at the school, passing by the old cast iron gates that bore a bronzed emblem of the school’s namesake, everyone in the truck was captivated by what we saw. The school grounds were immaculate: if the grass was always greener on the other side, I suspected there was no other side compared to Crystal Heart Academy. I doubt there was a single blade that wasn’t perfectly aligned with all of its neighbors. Big Mac, our driver, kept the truck at a slow pace just so we could prolong our indulgence.
“What do you reckon it costs to send somebody to a place like this?” Applejack remarked, tipping her hat back as to afford a better view of the school grounds.
“Probably more than you’d have if you sold every apple on your farm,” I replied. I didn’t want to sound like a downer, but one had to be realistic: this kind of place was well beyond the station of some apple farmers and a former unicorn.
Once we had spent enough time sight-seeing, Big Mac parked the truck and we all disembarked. I could see the soccer field in the distance, complete with growing crowds of fans, both parents and students. What I saw reminded me a lot of my time while under Princess Celestia’s tutelage. There was an air of refined dignity about the school grounds, and an energy of youthful jubilance that was restrained by etiquette and respect. In a way, walking towards the soccer field, flanked on either side by uniformed students, I felt a bit homesick for the Royal Palace. At the same time, though, I felt a bit sorry for all of them. Expectations had a way of chaining a person, and the higher your station, the greater the expectations heaped upon you. The standards I held myself to drove me to scorn my mentor and disgrace myself before an entire school. If I ever became a student of an academy such as Crystal Heart, I would likely fall back into my old way of thinking: self-absorbed and stuffed with contempt.
On the other hand, it was nice to be surrounded by people my age who didn’t look at me with a sneer or vulgar gestures. Though my lack of a uniform meant that I was not one of them, they didn’t care in the least. I was just another teenager to them; there were even a few boys who smiled and waved in passing. It was nice to know I could still turn heads. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for me to realize that, despite so many people around me, I still felt very much alone. Applejack was still unpacking her truck, and Rainbow Dash was off with her team. I was adrift in a sea of people. Every time I felt tempted to go up and say hello to somebody, a nagging voice in the back of my mind reminded me that nobody would be interested in being my friend once they found out about my reputation.
It was like having a monkey always on my back: most of the time it might sit quiet and behave, maybe even to the point where you feel comfortable enough to venture out into public, but you were always paranoid that it was going to start howling and flinging poop at people at the drop of a hat.
Up ahead I could see the Wondercolts running through their warm-up routines on the field. It was easy to spot Rainbow Dash among them as she was always the one running the fastest and shouting encouragements at the others. She could be a surprisingly good leader when she wasn’t preoccupied with showboating. I wanted to go over and say hi to my friend, but I was worried that she might be too focused on her game to give me the time of day. On top of that, I didn’t want the rest of the team seeing the two of us being so friendly with one another. The last thing Rainbow Dash needed was her team losing faith in her because of me.
I was beginning to feel a bit discouraged. Maybe coming out here was not as great an idea as I had originally intended. All around me I could see people gathering into clusters of friends, chatting and laughing together. It wasn’t too unlike Canterlot High, except everybody was wearing the same navy blue blazers. I began to look behind me to see if I could spot any sign of Applejack or her brother, but there was no such luck. However, unless I was planning to help them out, they would be too busy doing sales to help with my sudden sense of isolation.
“Come on, Sunset, get it together! Just focus on the job and you’ll be fine!” A little mental pep talk proved to be enough to invigorate me with some motivation. I could use the time before the game started to do some interviews with the opposing team: the Crystal Heart Gryphons.
As luck would have it, no sooner did I set off to find a Gryphon, one of them found me. However, it was one of the few people from the school that I already knew and would’ve preferred to avoid like the plague. A hand grabbed me by the shoulder and spun me about face so that I was face-to-face with a familiar and unamused hawken face.
“You have a lot of nerve showing your face around here,” Gilda remarked as her eyes focused in on me.
“Because you threw me around a coffee shop?” I calmly replied. The possibility of bumping into my favourite ex-client had crossed my mind, but I had figured that Gilda would’ve preferred to save face rather than exact revenge. In that respect, I may have made an error in judgement. “I think you’re making way too big a deal out of this. Why don’t we just put that incident behind us and start over?”
“Start over? Why you little—!”
I may have made yet another bad call, as Gilda became incensed by my remarks, stepping closer until she was looming over me, just inches away. I think the only thing that stood between me and getting hoisted off my feet was the fact that we were in public; a safety that I doubt would hold Gilda back for long.
“You screw me over on my assignments, you punch me in front of people I know, and then you get that woman to humiliate me in front of my parents! You think I’m just going to forget all that? I swear to god, I am going to make you pay for what you did.”
For a brief moment, I was worried. When you were dealing with a girl who had a temper as volatile as Gilda, anything was possible. Much to my relief, her outburst did not go unnoticed for very long and another student, also dressed in a soccer uniform, rushed in and intervened.
“Okay, Big G, no need to start something just before the game,” the newcomer said as she forced her way between Gilda and I. “Come on, if the coach sees you roughing somebody up again, you know what he’ll do.” It was surprising to see somebody so much smaller than Gilda willing to stand up to her. The new girl was about Dash’s size with the kind of lean, athletic frame you’d expect from a young soccer player. Gilda could probably snap the girl in half without even breaking a sweat, but, much to my surprise, she relented with a frustrated sigh.
“Fine, fine!” Gilda shot back. “This dweeb ain’t worth getting into trouble over.” She then glanced past the other girl to glare daggers at me. “But this ain’t over, Shimmer. You watch yourself!”
“Save it for the game, G,” the other player said dismissively before shoving Gilda away. “I swear to god, that girl is going to get herself kicked off the team at this rate.” She appeared to be muttering to herself because she turned about with a surprised look on her face, as if just remembering that I was still standing there. “Oh, hey! Sorry about all that,” she said, offering an apologetic grin. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I replied before straightening my coat. “Gilda and I just have some issues to work out.”
“Issues? Is that what you’re calling it?” the other girl said before letting out a hearty chuckle. “It looked like Gilda was two steps away from using your head for a soccer ball. What did you do to piss her off so badly?”
“I might have punched her a few times.”
Strangely enough, the girl seemed even more amused by this revelation. “Oh, wow! Now that is brilliant. I mean, I know Gilda deserves a good knucklin’ every now and then, but I didn’t think anybody here had the bearings to commit to it. Good on you, though, even if it does mean that Gilda wants to snap your head off.”
“I think I can handle her,” I said. In all honesty, I probably couldn’t, but I didn’t want to come off as weak. “Nonetheless, thanks for the save. I’m Sunset Shimmer, by the way.”
“Nice to meet’cha,” the other girl replied as she immediately offered out her hand. “Name’s Lightning Dust. Best you remember that ‘cause it’s all people are going to be talking about once this game is over.” Her egoism reminded me of a certain friend of mine, though whether it was from genuine confidence or bravado was a question that would be settled on the field. When we shook hands, I noted her strong and steady grip, which gave me the impression that the answer was the former.
“Gilda isn’t going to start giving you trouble because of your little rescue, is she?” I asked. While I had no issues dealing with Gilda’s temper, I would’ve felt horrible if others got caught in the crossfire.
“Nah! Don’t worry about me,” Lightning Dust said, shrugging off my concerns. “Me and Gil are pretty tight, actually, so I can get away with a lot more than most people could.” While that was one less thing for me to worry about, it did leave me a bit concerned about whether Gilda might use their friendship to sway Lightning’s opinion on me. “Now I haven’t seen you around here before. Are you with the other team?”
“Not exactly,” I answered as I pulled out my notepad. “I’m with the Canterlot Free Press, the school newspaper.”
“The press, eh?” Lightning replied as her eyes lit up. It seemed that the more I spoke with her, the more like Rainbow she became. She began to stretch her arms out, almost as if trying to show off her limber frame, and said, “Well, lucky for you that you found me because I’m all the interviewing you’ll need to do today.”
“Is that so?” I replied with a smirk. I quickly took out my pen and flipped my notepad to the first page. Before coming to Crystal Heart, I had been worried that my time away from the newspaper club would have left me rusty, but it felt more like slipping on an old pair of comfortable shoes. “You seem pretty confident about yourself. Care to share a little bit more? What’s your position on the team, and how long have you been playing?”
“Striker, and it’s my first year here,” Lightning Dust replied, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. “I’m originally from out east, so I’m new to the soccer scene here.”
“So that’ll make this your debut game?”
“That’s right,” she answered with a brilliant grin. “The coach happened to see me playing at a soccer camp last summer. Once he found out I was going to Crystal Heart, he pretty much begged me to join the soccer team when the school year started. Not that he needed to, mind you, since I was planning on joining anyways.” I doubt there was any actual begging involved, but it did remind me of how Rainbow Dash described her own recruitment onto the Wondercolts.
“I heard that Crystal Heart has a new soccer coach this year,” I continued while jotting down quick notes of her previous response, “any thoughts on how he’ll perform this year? Do you think it’s a bit odd for a school as prestigious as Crystal Heart to hire a coach that’s virtually unknown, especially considering the reputation that his predecessor had when he was hired.”
Lightning Dust just gave a half-hearted shrug in response. “Hey, I don’t know squat about the last coach. All I know is this coach knows his stuff, and he’s a real stand-up guy. Kinda cute too, but...uh, don’t quote me on that last bit.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Thinks coach is cute,” I teased while pretending to write the words down.
“Hey, mind if I ask you a quick question?” Lightning asked before I was able to bring up my next question. “Do you know Rainbow Dash?”
“She’s a friend of mine,” I answered. I bet Dash would’ve been elated to hear that her name gets circulated around Crystal Heart, no doubt thanks to her athletic reputation.
“I hear she’s really good.”
“Probably best in the division,” I replied. I could’ve spewed out some of the stats that I still remembered from listening to Rainbow’s showboating, but I got the impression that Lightning Dust heard all she needed to.
“Perfect. I’ve been been itching for a challenge.” For the first time, I saw a marked difference between Lightning and my friend. Rainbow Dash loved to play because she loved to win, but from the way that Lightning’s face lit up at the mention of ‘best in the division,’ I could tell what motivated her to play. While the question of whether or not her confidence would translate into talent remained to be seen, I had no doubt that she would be a player to keep an eye on during the regular season.
“Well, good luck to you in the game,” I said as I finished the last of my notes.
“Try not to get too discouraged when I crush your precious Wondercolts,” Lightning Dust shot back. “But listen, we should totally hang some time later.”
“You mean like...friends hanging out?” I replied, surprised by the sudden suggestion.
“No, like mortal enemies. I’ll bring my claymore and everything.” We both had a good laugh once I realized how silly my question had been. “Of course like friends. I mean, you seem pretty cool—stood up to Gilda, after all.”
The notion of making a new friend did make me a bit nervous. We had only just met, but apparently she had seen enough to find me worthy of further consideration. Yet, that still left the lingering fear in my mind of how she would react when she found out about my past behavior. My rational side reminded me that I would never be completely free of my past, so the only way for me to move forward would be to accept it and be honest. However, the irrational side was quick to point out that nobody has willingly been my friend except under the orders of others. My own merits were, for a lack of a better word, non-existent. I possessed all the warmth and friendly appeal of the business-end of a morning star.
In the end, though, I had to try.
“Sure, that sounds like fun,” I agreed once we both settled down.
Lightning Dust then took my pen and notepad, and scribbled something down. “Let me give ya my number,” she explained before handing it back. “Shoot me a text when you get a chance.”
It was a good thing that she didn’t ask for anything else involving phones before heading on her way, otherwise I might have had to explain to her how my phone was currently in a locked drawer somewhere in Luna’s room. Explaining that you’ve been grounded for stealing school property was not the best way to make first impressions.
Once we had said our good-byes, again, I quickly reviewed my notes before continuing on my way. The crowds around the soccer field itself were beginning to thin as students took their seats upon the bleachers. This made it all the easier for me to spot the next person that I had set my journalistic sights upon. Since I had been given little time to prepare for my assignment, I was keen to interview the new coach for Crystal Heart’s soccer team. All I knew of him was what information I could find on the internet during my lunch break, which amounted to his name, Shining Armour, and the fact that he had little documented experience in coaching.
When I first read the name, I had a strange nagging sensation at the back of my mind. The name seemed familiar, somehow, but for the life of me I could not figure out how. I would recall if I had met or read about such a figure during my time in this world, so I had to conclude that the familiarity must stem from Equestria. It didn’t match with any of the nobility that I was familiar with, but I had been out of Equestria for quite some time so it was possible that I had simply forgotten.
Finding the coach did not prove to be a difficult task. I simply had to go to where most of Crystal Heart’s soccer players had gathered and look for the one receiving the most attention. Lightning Dust was right about one thing: he was rather cute in the nice-boy-next-door way. Upon seeing him, I was once again hit with a sense of familiarity, this time due to his pale complexion and the locks of blue hair protruding from under his baseball cap. I knew I had seen a similar style before, except more equine of course, but I was still drawing blanks as to its significance. It was as though my subconscious was trying to warn me of something that the rest of me had yet to clue in on.
As the coach was busy talking with some of the players, I waited until they were sent off for their warm-up routines before making my approach.
“Excuse me,” I called out in order to get his attention. “It’s Shining Armour, correct? The head coach for the Gryphons?”
“That’s me,” he replied, flashing a friendly smile to me. “You must be the reporter from Canterlot High—Lightning said you might come looking for me.”
“I’m relieved to see you didn’t run for the hills then,” I joked back. Some people didn’t like the idea of interviews, but luckily for me, he appeared to be as eager as Lightning Dust had been. With pen and paper in hand, I fell back into journalist mode. “So, Shining Armour, how does a young man like yourself with so little experience manage to land a job at a prestigious private academy like Crystal Heart?”
“Oh come on, it’s not that strange, is it?” Shining replied with a nervous chuckle. I caught an immediate scent of deflection coming from him. “I applied for the job, and had an interview with the Headmaster. It’s the same process that every other applicant went through.”
“Except the other applicants had far more experience than you. Word has it that you don’t even have any professional coaching experience under your belt,” I quickly rebutted.
“That’s because all of my experience has been volunteer-based,” the coach said in a swift defense of his reputation. “I’ve spent the past ten years coaching soccer at summer camps and junior leagues. None of it was ever paid. So, yes, I have no professional experience, but I assure you, I am familiar with the role.”
From deflection to a strong defense. If it weren’t for the fact that I could tell something was amiss with his answers, I would’ve been impressed by it. It was just a suspicion at the moment, so I couldn’t do much else other than probe around the issue and see what response came back.
“Well if it wasn’t your resume that put you at the head of the pack, I take it that means your interview with the Headmaster left a good impression with him,” I postulated.
“I can only speculate as to what the Headmaster’s exact reasons were, but people do say he has an eye for hidden talent,” Shining Armour explained with an indifferent shrug. “He did state that he was impressed by my dedication and passion for my work, but I haven’t the faintest idea if that was what made the difference in choosing to hire me. All I can do is my best, and hope that’s enough to justify the risk he’s taken in hiring me.”
It’s true that hiring a relatively unknown coach like Shining Armour did entail certain risks. Young athletes came to Crystal Heart hoping to excel, and a poor quality coach was an easy way to anger a lot of rich parents. A disastrous season could spell trouble for the careers of both Shining Armour and the Headmaster.
“You have a rather daunting task ahead of you,” I continued on to my next line of questioning. “Crystal Heart and Canterlot High may not have a long-standing rivalry, but what it lacks in age, it’s more than made up for in intensity. There’s more than a dozen planned matches between the two schools in the months ahead. What’s your strategy in preparing for this upcoming season?”
Just as Shining Armour was about to answer, he was interrupted to the sound of somebody calling out his name. Neither of us had to look far for the source, as a very attractive young woman came walking up. Judging by her youth and lack of a school uniform, my first guess was that she was part of the school faculty.
“Cadance! I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” Shining Armour replied, a mixture of both nervousness and excitement painted across his face. “I thought you had those parent-teacher interviews to do today.”
“I convinced them to reschedule,” the young woman answered, smiling playfully. “After all, I couldn’t miss your big debut game, now could I?” She then paused and glanced about to her surroundings. “Were you able to convince her to come out?”
“I haven’t seen her yet, but I’m sure she’s out there somewhere,” Shining said with a shrug. “You know how caught up she can get in those experiments of hers. She promised she would try, but that’s about the best you can get from her these days.” They both let out a disappointed sigh, though I was left still confused and now wondering why the young woman also looked strikingly familiar. I was almost certain that I had seen an equine version of her somewhere in the Royal Palace, but once again I was bereft of answers.
“I’ll go check the labs,” the woman said with another sigh of resignation. I wasn’t sure what they were so concerned over, but it sounded like somebody with workaholic tendencies. Before the other teacher left, she smiled back to Shining and gave a quick wink. “Good luck with your game, by the way. I’m sure you’ll do great.”
“Thanks,” Shining said as he waved good-bye. Once the other teacher had turned about to head on her way, I noticed that the coach now sported the dopiest-looking grin I had ever seen. Somebody wasn’t very good at being discreet about their feelings.
“And who was that exactly?” I perked up, smirking a bit as my question reminded the love-struck coach that I was still standing next to him.
“Wh-what? Oh, her? That’s um…Miss Cadance,” he answered, trying to hide his embarrassment behind a sheepish grin. “She teaches arts and social studies at the school.”
The second mentioning of the teacher’s name proved to be enough to knock some of the cobwebs out of my memory. “Cadance?” I repeated before narrowing my gaze at the coach. “That wouldn’t happen to be ‘Cadance’ as in Mi Amore Cadenza? As in the Cadance of the Amore family, the same family that owns Crystal Heart Academy.”
“Sort of, but I mean it’s not as though she owns the academy,” he answered, as though one could downplay the implications of him being smitten by one of the youngest members of a family that had a net worth larger than most countries. I had no doubt that Cadance didn’t actually own the school herself, but she likely had some influence in what happened there, and I noticed that she seemed quite friendly with Shining, too.
“Uh-huh, and she wouldn’t happen to be this ‘hidden talent’ that the Headmaster saw, now would she?” I insinuated with all the subtlety of a tap-dancing elephant.
“We’re just old friends! And she would never abuse her position like that,” Shining snapped back in a hasty defense. The speed in which he responded led me to believe that I was not the only one to ever make such an implication, but I was more interested in the undertone of his reaction rather than what he actually said. He sounded more upset about what it would mean for Cadance than himself, though I suppose that would be expected from a man who probably got weak in the knees whenever she was around. “I mean, yes, she did help get my sister enrolled at that school, but that was before I got hired. And the Headmaster was convinced once he saw how gifted she was.”
Up until that point, the nagging voice in my mind had been growing more intense, but once I heard the words ‘my sister,’ my mind was struck with all the force of a tonne of bricks shaped into the word ‘realization.’ I didn’t even pay attention to anything else Shining Armour might have said afterwards, as I became fixated on what he and Cadance had been talking about moments ago. They were talking about his sister, Twilight Sparkle, whom had just been confirmed to be a student at the academy.
How did I not see this sooner? Once I had realized their connection, the family resemblance in Shining couldn’t have been more obvious if they had painted ‘Twilight’s Big Brother’ across his face.
Twilight was somewhere on the school grounds, and if she weren’t already somewhere in the bleachers, then she was likely going to be dragged there by Miss Cadance. This wouldn’t be such a huge problem if it weren’t for the fact that I didn’t believe for a second that Rainbow Dash wouldn’t rush off the field in a heartbeat if she spotted Twilight Sparkle in the stands, if only because she might initially presume her to be the same Twilight that she already knew. From there, the world would find out about the magic portal in the school’s front yard faster than you could say ‘do I know you?’
“I have to go!” I blurted out after the five-second delay that my brain needed to process the situation. As far as plans went, I had nothing to go on. The only thing I could do now was find Applejack and Rainbow Dash and warn them that Twilight Sparkle was a student at this school.
Unfortunately, by this point, there were so many students sitting in the bleachers and around the field that it was difficult to find my friends, especially because most of the students not in the bleachers were standing and I was a bit vertically challenged by comparison. I had no choice but to ascend the bleachers in order to better view the crowds. After several ‘pardon me’s from pushing my way through the crowds, I was atop the bleachers and afforded an unobstructed view of the area. Once I had elevation, pinpointing Applejack’s unmistakable Stetson was as easy as spotting Princess Celestia in a crowd. I spotted my friend on the far side of the field, working her way through the crowds with a large tray filled with bottles of fizzy apple cider.
As for Rainbow Dash, she was out on the field with her team. Finding her was not going to be an issue.
Between the distance and crowds, shouting to my friend was out of the question. Even if I could be heard, Rainbow Dash would probably just assume I was cheering for her, not trying to get her attention for something important.
Given the sense of urgency I now felt, I decided to take the quick way down from my vantage and simply hopped off the back-end of the bleachers. It was a bit higher than I had expected, so I didn’t quite stick the landing, rather fall onto all fours as my knees buckled under the impact. The only person more surprised by the hard landing was the girl I landed just inches in front of.
However, her surprise was soon matched by my own when I looked up and realized who I had almost landed on.
“Twilight!” I yelped without even thinking. It was definitely her, with the same messy hair and ruffled lab coat that I had seen her with before.
“It’s you,” Twilight gasped in response. A second later, though, her brain clued in on the obvious. “Wait, how did you know my name?”
Lucky for me, improvising lies was something that I had plenty of experience with. “Your brother mentioned it,” I answered, picking myself off the ground. “I was talking to him just a few minutes ago.”
“Of course he would mention me,” Twilight muttered, followed by a sigh. She seemed to be buying my fib, though she still looked perplexed by my presence. “Who are you, anyways, and what are you doing at my school?”
“Sunset Shimmer,” I answered. Rather than explain my reasons, I merely pointed over my shoulder at the bleacher full of students.
“Oh, right!” she said with a sheepish grin, “I completely forgot about that.”
It took a lot of willpower on my part to keep a straight face. How could someone stand so close to a soccer field full of cheering students and not realize that a soccer game was going on. Not to mention she had supposedly promised her brother that she would attend, or at least try to. That did make me curious about something.
“If you forgot about the game, what brought you out here?” I asked.
“I only forgot about what kind of gathering was happening out here,” she explained. “I knew some students from Canterlot High were going to be here, so I was going to see if I could get take some readings and maybe get a few samples.”
I had trouble believing that she was pursuing the same project that she had been working on when we last crossed paths, but when I noticed the bag she was carrying with her happened to have the reader of a geiger counter subtly poking out, there were few other explanations.
“Is this still about the dirt?”
“Soil,” Twilight corrected me. “And...yes, it is about the soil. None of my results are making sense, so I need to gather more data.”
“What sort of data?” I asked, growing more concerned over her intents.
“Whatever I can get, really: geiger readings, hair samples, maybe even a cheek swab if they’ll let me.”
The thought of Twilight Sparkle going over to the Canterlot High soccer team and asking for cheek swabs was almost enough to throw me into a panic. Half the soccer team would likely recognize Twilight, and while I might get lucky with Rainbow Dash realizing that this Twilight Sparkle was not the same person as the one she knew, the rest of the team was as trustworthy as a kleptomaniac in a supermarket. I had to come up with a way to dissuade Twilight from her insane plan, which was going to be a challenge if she was anywhere near as determined as the other Twilight Sparkle was.
“Don’t you think going up to a soccer team, in the middle of a game, and asking for samples is going to come off as a little...weird?”
“It probably will,” Twilight replied, sounding more resigned to the fact than indifferent to it. “But this is science. I can’t let my personal feelings stop me.”
As stubborn as I had anticipated. I wish I could’ve told her the truth, because the constant lying was not helping me overcome my inner demons. I needed something more honest. “You know, you and I are a lot alike. We get fixated on something, and we lose sight of what’s going on around us. But you can’t just charge off blindly after your goals to the exclusion of all else. It’s not good for you in the long run.”
Twilight fell silent as she gave me a scrutinizing glare. “I sincerely doubt we have anything significant in common,” she concluded.
That was needlessly harsh. I didn’t remember the other Twilight ever being so blunt. “What is that supposed to mean?” I shot back.
“Oh, come on, just look at you,” she said, waving her hand at me as though the answer should be obvious from a single glance. All I could do was shrug in response. “You’re attractive, you’ve got nice hair, and that leather jacket you’re wearing. I saw you earlier when you were talking with Gilda and Lightning Dust, okay. So don’t act like you know what it’s like to be…”
Her defiance stopped abruptly, her words drifting away like smoke in a stiff breeze.
“To be what?” I asked, more concerned than curious.
“To be a nerd,” she sighed. “Girls like Gilda and Lightning Dust are more likely to stuff me in a locker than even try to understand the merits of the scientific method.”
The old me would’ve shoved Twilight into a locker just for staring at me the wrong way, so it wasn’t as if her deductions were unfounded. Still, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for the girl: being a nerd was not easy, especially if you were surrounded by entitled brats with inflated egos. I gave Twilight my sincerest smile in hopes of reassuring her before leaning in closer.
“I’ll let you in on a secret then,” I said before giving a dramatic pause, “I used to be a nerd too.”
Truthfully, to have described my old ways as ‘nerdy’ would probably have been a stretch on the definition. Back under Celestia’s tutelage, I was definitely an overachiever who buried myself behind textbooks day after day, but I doubt anyone would have described me as a nerd—if only because everyone was too polite to insult Celestia’s star pupil. However, one person’s overachiever was another’s nerd, so it wasn’t a complete misrepresentation.
Twilight, however, looked understandably skeptical of my claim. However, like any good aficionado of science, she would put my claim to the test. “Okay then, what’s Avogadro's number?”
“Six-point-zero-two-two times ten to the power of twenty-three.”
“The quadratic equation.”
“Negative b, plus or minus the square root of b-squared minus four-a-c, all divided by two-a.”
“Number eleven in the periodic table.”
“Sodium.”
“The six flavours of quarks.”
“Up, down, top, bottom, strange, and charm.”
“What’s your opinion on Oxford commas?”
“You can have them when you pry them from my cold, dead hands.”
“Wide ruled or Academy ruled?”
“Wide ruled is for babies,” I scoffed. “Satisfied?”
She chuckled and smiled back. “I am, and I’m sorry that I misjudged you.”
“Well, in your defense, I spent the past few years doing a very ruthless job of elevating my social standings, to the exclusion of all else might I add,” I explained. “But listen, your brother and Miss Cadance were both very concerned about your attendance at this game. I think it would mean a lot to Shining to know that you’re here cheering for him.”
Twilight began to fidget on the spot, her gaze bouncing between the soccer field and her bag of equipment. For most people, this would have been an easy decision, but it was obvious to me that she was never the type to be ‘like most people.’ It was admirable, in a way, how well she stayed true to her convictions, but people didn’t live in bubbles, and she’d learn that hard the way like I had if somebody didn’t help her out. While I had no intention or interest in coaching Twilight through the same lessons that I had yet to learn myself, this did keep her away from the other Canterlot High students.
“I did promise him I’d be here for the game,” Twilight sighed in resignation. “But...what about my project? I’ll need more data if I’m going to make any progress, and there’s a smorgasbord of potential data right over th—” Just as she pointed to the field, just past me, she stopped abruptly and set her eyes upon me. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Alarms were going off in my head, but whatever train was coming, I was not going to be able to get out of the way.
“The data that’s been giving me so much confusion was from the samples I collected from you,” she explained.
“What samples? You took a reading of me with your geiger counter.”
“I...um, may have snipped a lock of your hair when you weren’t looking,” she admitted.
At first I didn’t believe her, or rather I didn’t want to believe her. The idea that Twilight could be so underhanded was disconcerting to say the least, and reminded me way too much of my old behaviors. Alas, when I pulled some of my hair around to better inspect it, I noticed that there was a crude, sheared edge in stark contrast to the usual tapered ends. Even when the evidence was in front of me, I just couldn’t believe that she actually went and did that, and I would’ve never been the wiser had she not told me. It was a harsh reminder that I couldn’t treat this Twilight like her more naive counterpart who had been less familiar with the nuances of human culture.
“You could’ve just asked,” I muttered. Despite wanting to be annoyed with her for messing with my hair, that would only succeed in driving her straight towards my schoolmates. For the sake of keeping her contained, I had to be forgiving.
“Okay, could I have another sample?”
I wasn’t sure if she was oblivious to just how brazen it was to ask for more of something after having admitted to stealing it already, or if she just didn’t care. Both possibilities had unsettling implications attached to it. Once again, my hands were tied as to my response.
“Only if you promise to actually sit down and watch the game.” Though it was an odd request for me to make, it was easy to play it off as just taking care of the concerns of a worried older brother. I could count it as my good deed of the day, if only to balance all the lying I had committed thus far.
Twilight must have wanted the data from me more than I realized as it didn’t even take her a second to reply, “Deal!”
Indifferent to the concept of patient consent, Twilight took me by the wrist and pulled me over to a secluded spot underneath the bleachers. I was left wondering what sort of ‘samples’ she had in mind as I watched her pull out an assortment of tools and gadgets from her bag. A part of me was beginning to second-guess this dealing.
“Geeze, Twilight, most people ask me to lunch first,” I joked in a half-hearted attempt to relieve my tension.
“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked, holding something that resembled a cross between a cattle prod and a stethoscope.
Once again, I was left wondering how a girl who held a vested interest in a field based around observations could still be so oblivious to her surroundings. I had to point out to her the, at least, three pairs of hormone-driven teenagers who were using the seclusion of the bleachers’ underbelly as a make-out point.
In a heartbeat, my friend went from violet to picante right before my eyes. If the blood had hit her face any harder, it would’ve given her whiplash. “Oh my goodness!” she blurted out as the shock caused her to fumble her tools. “Th-that’s not my intention at all! I would never do that with you—I mean, n-not that there’s anything wrong with you. You are obviously very attractive and well-educated—”
“Twilight.”
“—Plus you don’t stumble around because you don’t want to make eye contact with people—”
“Twilight.”
“—You’ve probably never even had to use hydrochloric acid to break into your own locker because you forgot the combination and were too nervous to tell your homeroom teacher—”
“Twilight!” It took two hands slamming down on her shoulders to finally snap the girl from her panic-addled mind. She froze like a deer caught in headlights, which, lucky for me, was a scenario I had been in often before, and knew how to address. “Relax. I was just joking,” I ordered.
“Right. A joke. Of course.” It took Twilight’s brain a few seconds to reset itself, after which she was able to calm down and return to her more science-driven nature. “You should...um, warn me next before you do something like that.”
“That would defeat the purpose of a joke,” I chuckled. “Now come on and let’s get this over with before we miss the start of the game.” She nodded in response and readied her stetho-prod hybrid. “Hold on a second...just where exactly does that thing go?”
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Yeeeees, such a nice breath of fresh air. It's a welcome change from, well, this:
Trust me, Sunset, you really don't wanna know where goes that stetho-prod hybrid.
5571422
A small part of my soul just died from reading that. I hope you're happy.
5571455
I had to read the whole story :(
5571458
People also have to pick up after their dog, doesn't mean they go and grab the nearest person by the lapel and shove their face into the steaming pile and shout, 'take a whiff of this one!'
5571466
I don't think you understand. Bad fics are shared among friends
5571466
Oh, come on. You have to stop and smell the badfic once in a while. How else will you ever appreciate the good?
I have to wonder why Sunset never explains to Gilda that she's been compromised, and that the "woman who humiliated her in front of her parents" is the vice principal who she lives with now.
You'd think, if Gilda had that information, she'd know well enough to stay the heck away from Sunset (and the people watching her) for her own good. 
Darn I was hoping Cadance was the head of the school. But I'm guessing it's Sombra. sigh.
5571589
I don't think giving private information to someone who wants to punch you in the face is a good idea. Who knows what Gilda's rich family would do if they found out that the principals were sheltering a student (one which, if they looked closely enough, is undocumented). Best to keep as many people out of your business as possible, especially if they have a grudge against you.
But, but, claymores are awesome! I would love if a friend brought one to show off.
Pffft. Ha! Oh this is going to be funny.
.
..
...
Yes. Yes it was.
Huh, things are definitely becoming more Twilight-centric now, as I suppose they always must in Sunset fics. I do love that Shining Armor has clearly slept his way into coach's job, and I also am intrigued by Lightning Dust, I can't wait to see her interact with Rainbow Dash.
Big Idea: Sunset Shimmer has a way she can gain the love and respect of the student body, completing a great task that will make her a hero even before the Sirens show up: She must bring back Frogurt Fridays!
It's interesting to see alternate Twilight, who possesses many of the same flaws as canon Twilight but ramped up even further because she's not only never had friends but she's never had a close relationship with Celestia. And I have a hard time imagining Sombra as being as supportive. All she's got are her family and Cadence.
.... Dammit, brain, you know this was just a joke. Stay clear of the shipping lanes.
Human Twilight is PRICELESS!!!!! I can hardly wait to meet human Sunset!
5571422
em... what fic is that from?
5584768
You're best off not knowing.
5584909
It sounds soo bad it might be fun...
5584963
If that's a thing you want, go read this.
5585184
For a lesson on how not to respond to negative criticism, one needs only to look at the comment thread for the story. It is a rather....interesting contrast when I look at it and reflect on my own mindset when I approach.
5585558
It was even worse the first time around. But it looks like the author deleted all the old chapters, which also deleted all the old comments. Those comments were great, too.
5585712
This is the 'improved' version? Reading the first few paragraphs was single-handedly the most uncomfortable experience I've endured this week (and I just had to replace the burnt-out CPU, video card, and motherboard on my computer). I got a spitting headache quite soon after starting and it took me a few moments to realize it was because my eyeballs were literally trying to claw their way out through the back of my skull in a desperate attempt to get away from the words. I suspect trying to read the original version would tear open the fabric of the universe, destroying not only all creation as we currently know, but shattering the time-space continuum to utterly destroy all that ever has and ever will be...just in order to prevent myself from reading further.
5586473
Yes. This is the "improved" version.
Twilight's back once again. I hope that Sunset has gotten through to her because it's best for Twilight's and everyone's sakes that she not show herself around to much. I guess this is why dimensional travel is a bad when there's another of you in the vicinity.
Remember those probes you were thinking about a chapter or so ago? Yeah, Twilight's got those in spades.
Oooooohh myyy.
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/r2d/images/6/69/George-Takei-oh-my.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140823031959
This is adorable.
5573619
Now, now, we don't know that Shining slept his way into the position (wow, word choice). He may just have a crush on Candance and got his job through legitimate (if possibly odd) means. Heh. maybe "Papa Amoure" is HWorld's Discord?
And the Frogurt Fridays thing is an absolutely brilliant idea!
Mmm... Frogurt Fridays~
I think human-Twilight should have asked this question:
"How much energy is theoretically required for the unification of all four fundamental interactions of nature - gravitational, weak, strong, and electromagnetic?"
The correct answer is approximately ten to power of nineteen GeV.
Yep. She's Twilight Sparkle alright.
Meanwhile, I'd be arranging a permanently-crippling accident for Gilda. Call it 'pre-emptive self-defence'.
I would have complained that I child have answered all of Twilight's questions (except for the sodium one) very easily....Then I remembered I'm a nerd too
Daaaw!
Nerd Twilight is so fun to read!
....yet somehow nowhere near as daaaw-worthy as that single line from Ms. Shimmer
Oh hell, I was just reading the exchange between Twilight and Sunset and my head almost exploded. A good rendition of Sci-Twi is hard to pull off, and you've definitely done it here.
Of course! Sunset Shimmer Is 100% waifu material
Ooh little widdle Twilight, so nerdy and insecure ^3^ ... Seriously though, what about Sunset's jacket?
Actually, HF is really lousy at attacking steel. In fact, it's used in industry to remove rust from inside high-pressure steam boilers without harming the metal surface. It also happens to be a powerful neurotoxin, and one of the most insidiously lethal substances around. Certainly not something you'd find in even the best equipped highschool or home chemistry lab.
Standard HCl - hydrochloric acid - is MUCH better at oxidizing steel, is available in high concentrations to highschool chemistry labs, and would be much less likely to kill everybody.
In short, Twilight would have to be really, really, REALLY stupid to go pouring HF on things, since the unventilated and unfilterable fumes would cause instant blindness, lung damage that occurs without pain, followed by a horrible death by gradual organ failure.
7820863
Huh. Well TIL. Better go change that then
Frick yeah!
I love that metaphor. It is just so odd yet makes so much sense.
Sarcasm for the win!
I really didn't wanna remember this, but now I do
I had forgotten how quickly Sci-Twi got involved in the story.
I do believe now she's going twily-nanas
7841923
Didn't realize a comma could be so controversial
Personally I never thought that shining armor and Twilight looked at nothing like for you to realize right off the bat that their siblings, the resemblance does become more clear once you bring in their parents, but I feel like shining looks a bit more like rarities that brother than Twilight but that could just be the white coat