Minty Image

by mintgreenconspiracy

Chapter 7-6: To the badlands!

"AHHHHH!" Discord exclaimed, giving an unearthly shriek as he took a good stretch. "What a beautiful day... " he announced, turning to face the camera. "For chaos!" He said, causing an explosion of nonsense behind him as a deck of a thousand cards exploding behind him, followed by some squab roasts, and the Trix Rabbit -- who was quickly stuffed into a giant hat. "Silly rabbit: crossovers are for the Donald!" The draconequus announced, chastising the rabbit.

He took a step ahead. "Maybe I should do that whole 'blue flu' scam again, and -- " He said to himself, with a chuckle, finding himself, suddenly face to face with Princess Twilight.

The draconequus gulped nervously, grasping at he collar that was suddenly on his neck. "Umm..." he exclaimed giving an exaggerated gulp. "I mean... Been there long Twilight?" He asked, 'smoothly', suddenly dressed as a greaser. "I mean: 'B'!" He said, pointing his talan at Twilight, a pair of sunglasses sitting, loosely, on his face.

Twilight messaged her bridge with her hoof, with her hoof, seemingly unaware of the 'blue flu scam'. "Discord," she announced sternly. "We need to talk!"

"About what, Twilight, my second bestest buddy?" He asked sleeping comfortably on a cloud. "Do you need something to drink?" He asked, poofing up a nice fru fru drink.

"Comfy?" He asked, puffing an oversized pillow, that suddenly sat under Twilight, who was suddenly reclined in a very large easy chair.

"Actually, Discord -- " Twilight stated, being suddenly interrupted by an angry pink blur.

"Discord!" Shouted the pink pony in a demonic voice, the flames of hades, which appeared from seemingly nowhere, burning behind her head.

"You can't prove that I broke that pinkie promise! It could have been any beautiful six foot tall hunk of a draconequus..." Discord protested futilely, interrupting the pink blur, who now floated inches from his head.

"Okey dokey lokey!" The pink pony announced, bouncing away about three feet before stopping in mid aid, an absolutely befuddled expression on her face.

"And you!" He shouted 'angrily', the sounds of clown noses squeaking as he turned to Twilight. "Aren't you supposed to be training that little pink menace alicorn in magic today?"

"Actually she's up in Canterlot, today, with her mother, Cheerilee," Twilight responded nonchalantly. "Celestia says she needs them for the day, for some reason.

"Twilight Time?" He responded back, a sad trombone playing behind him.

"No, that's tuesdays, thursdays, and every second friday!" Twilight responded clinically.

"Well nice to talk to you, then!" Discord said calmly, as he stepped into his shriner car. "We'll -- "

"Hold it right there, buster!" Twilight shouted, grabbing him in her magic. " -- "

"Yeah!" Pinkie shouted, the flames, just now, being put out by a squad of brave firefighters. "I have a beef with you!" She announced, her tone still slightly demonic. "Some pony named Sweetberry suddenly showed up yesterday, and promptly ran the cakes out of Sugarcube Corner boasting at how 'supreme' her baking was!"

"And what does this have to with me?" The draconequus said, sweating bullets. "Remember that lesson about 'jumping to hasty conclusions' -- "

"Actually, " Twilight replied, tapping her muzzle with her hoof. "I think you are thinking of the lesson -- "

"And if that wasn't bad enough!!" Pinkie moaned, sounding even more upset.

"It gets worse ?" Asked the draconequus, sweating literal bullets.

"Uh huh!" Pinkie squeaked cheerfully... She stopped for a moment. "I mean... grrrr....!" She exclaimed, remembering that she was angry. "And then some pony named Cotton Candy showed up, and bored all the cakes' customers to death with her endless babbling... I mean, can you imagine a pony that just won't stop talking, going on, and on, and -- "

"I can't imagine, " Discord replied, snapping his finger, causing a large metal mask to materialize over the pink pony's face, muffling her continuing banter. "I'll simply have to go down, and have a word with the mayor!" He stated, angry, turning around to walk away, only to find that his path was blocked by the pink monster.

"And you know what's even worse?" Pinkie asked, the mask, suddenly, nowhere in sight (Rats!)

"Oh?" Discord replied, 'nonchalantly'.

"Yeah!" Pinkie replied, bouncing around the draconequus. "And some pony named Razzaroo suddenly showed up, and stealing all my pony birthday celebrations!" She announced, with a snarl. "And not to mention my new pony greetings! And I've had it!"

"Fascinating, " replied 'Spock-cord'. "Perhaps it's some kind of an interstellar entity, I shall endeavor to speak with the mayor, about this phenomenon!" He said, pulling a bar of soap out of a pocket that materialized out of thin air. "Geordi beam -- " he said, pausing between each word.

"Hold it buster!" Twilight said, trapping him in a magic bubble. "And you know what's even weirder, " she stated, putting her head against the bubble. "They all have weird muzzles... Just like Rarity, Cheerilee, that other Rainbow Dash, and that other Pinkie, " she sneered, looking directly in Discord's face. "I... wonder... how.. that... could be?"

Discord gave a silent gulp, he knew where this was going. "And that, dear Twilight, is an excellent question, " he said, in a gravelly voice. "But, I'm not sure how you are defining the word 'have', I should go back to my advisors, and have them write a carefully written statement delving further into your definition of 'to be', " he said, walking off again.

"Well, it seems to me that you are avoiding the question, Discord, " Rarity said, pulling the monster with her magic. "And I simply think that you are acting very suspiciously," she continued, formally. "And, though, I know that we should trust you as a friend, I think you aren't being completely honest with us, dear, " Rarity said, with a frown.

"Well.. that is to say..." The draconequus said, dodging the question, did he have to tell them now?

"And I need to know why some odd earth pony named Daffidazey has decided to invade my shop, and is giving everypony the most absurd hair cuts, it's like the poor dear is nearsighted!" Rarity stated, calmly, tilting her head delicately, as she spoke.

"Well..." the draconequus studered, talking in slow motion. "You... see... I?" He said, a wind up key on his back running down.

"Umm..." Fluttershy interjected, having just trotted up. "Guys..." She squeaked quietly.

"Look, Discord, " Twilight said, with a frown. "I learned something from Rainbow when I was trying to help her, and I think you know more then you are saying, " she said, loudly. "Remember! It's not healthy to keep secrets from your friends."

"Can I ask you a question?... if it's not too much trouble..." Fluttershy squeaked, cowering in herself.

"Oh wait..." Discord said, holding an old fashioned audio horn to his ear, putting the thin end of the device in Fluttershy's mouth. "I think Fluttershy's trying to talk to us," he said, getting into a 'listening positon'.

"What is it, Fluttershy?" Twilight asked, just now noticing the butternut pegasus.

"Yes, Fluttershy, " Rarity said, encouraging her friend. "What is the matter, darling?"

"Well, I was trying to let angel have some sun, but that weird pony from a couple weeks ago is back, and she's kind of tanning herself in Angel's favorite spot, " she said, uncomfortably. "Sorry..." she apologized, turning away, only to have a rabbit kick at her leg. "And I was hoping you can ask her to leave... If it's not too much trouble..." she said, putting her hoof to her head. "What was her name again?" She said, pausing to think. "Sunny... Sun... " She said, searching for the name. "Sun--"

"Why 'Sun-day Funday', of course!" The draconequus said, trying to change the topic of conversation again.

"No that wasn't it," Fluttershy said, contemplatively, her rabbit making elaborate motions. "No! That's right, her name was 'Sunny Daze'."

"Twilight's face grew pale, she'd heard that name before already, " she turned to the draconequus again. "Would you care to explain?"

"Well... I... Um..." Discord replied, his claw pulling out his 'collar', as he spoke. "That is to say..."

"DISCORD!?" All five ponies asked at once.

"Fine..." the draconequus said, feeling defeated. "Let me start from the beginning..."

**********

"And you think you can train princess larva in the proper behavior of a princess?" The queen asked the blue drake, as she sat on the great stone throne, the original throne of queen Flutterheart -- the first changeling queen.

"Worry not, fair queen, " the blue drake said, with a humble bow, making the queen want to vomit... what a stuck up, arrogant... "For I am an expert at training princesses, " he said, dragging a large green book with a purple tiara, and a blue wand with a purple star on it, a book which was almost as large as the drake himself. "And my princess book will teach the princess the specifics of a princessy life, " he asserted, giving the queen another bow.

'And this is the princess trainer my infiltrators located?' The queen thought, rolling her eyes. "So tell me, Kenbroth, why did you leave the protection of those wretched ponies, and their absurd 'Crystal Empire'?"

"Why because I heard that there was a princess in desperate need of princess training, " he said, with a chuckle. "Besides... The prince I was training finally decided to take lesson number four thousand seven hundred sixty five to heart..." he admitted, remembering the scene all ready.

Earlier...

"Prince! Prince! Prince!" The drake said, shaking his claw. "What are you doing?" He asked, staring down at the prince below.

"Spike!" The prince shouted, in frustration. "What in the hay are you doing in my bathroom?" He growled, quickly covering himself up. "I'm taking a bath!"

The drake shook his head. "Prince... Prince... Prince... Rule seventy four: a prince is always busy, except when he's obtaining favors..."

Shining shook his head. "And rule seven of Shining Armor's rules: A clean husband makes for a happy wife, now please come back later, " he begged the drake, his voice cracking slightly.

The drake shook his claw. "Tut! Tut! Tut! Prince, overbathing will throw off your humors, " he said, with a sigh.

"And not bathing enough will ensure I sleep on the couch, " the prince responded back, in protest. "Now get out! I need a break!"

"A break!" The drake huffed. "There's no time for that, my prince, we have many things to get done today, and -- "

"Spike! " he said, massaging his bridge. "Could you please leave, I don't need you to be a helicopter 'mentor', and I'm starting to lose my temper, and I really need a moment, and -- "

Healthspike shook his head. "Temper, temper, prince! And you simply must consider your health, and -- "

"EXCUSE ME, GUARDS!" The prince asked, shouting in exasperation. to the guard by his door. "CAN YOU PLEASE ESCORT HEATHSPIKE BACK TO HIS ROOM?" He shouted, sternly. "I'LL SPEAK TO HIM AFTER I'VE HAD A CHANCE TO COOL DOWN!" He shouted, taking slow breaths. 'Remember, Shining, yelling at Heathspike isn't good, no matter how crazy he's driving you.'

"Very well, " a platoon of purple crystal pegasus guards, their elaborate semi transparent crystal armor shining beautifully as they spoke, in unison, nodding their heads. "Please master Heathspike, let's return to your room."

"Splendid!" The blue monster said. "We seem to be making excellent progress here!" He sound, proudly. "I might even say that we are on the verge of a breakthrough!"

The prince gave a sigh. "Please keep Heathspike out of my private quarters until Cadance can return, please, " the prince sighed.

"Oh! So commanding!" The drake shouted, enthusiastically. "My work here is all but done, " he said, proudly, as the guards ushered him back down the hall. "But whom shall I train next?" He asked, deciding his next venture, it was too early for him to go back to sleep!

"Hey Master Kenborth Gilspotten Heathspike, " one of the guards whispered, in his ear, "I might have the perfect pony for you to train, and she's already so anxious to meet you," the guard responded, with a mischievous smile.

"Oh!" The dragon replied, feeling quite intrigued. "Do say?"

Back in the present...

The queen gave a sigh. "Are you sure, that you are a princess trainor, Sir Heathspike?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow,.

"Of course, " the drake said, bowing slightly. "Or it is not I, Kenbroth Gilspotten Heathspike, who am at your service!"

The changeling queen rolled her eyes. "And tell me, drake, what makes me think you can train my daughter in being a proper changeling princess?" She asked, curiously, having just lost a fifth princess trainor to her first daughter, and on the verge of losing a sixth.

"Why it's simple, my queen, " the drake replied, formally. "For one thing, " he said, holding out a claw. "I descend from a long line of royal dragons."

The queen quirked her eyebrow, that was an interesting thing to hear, the dragons usually lived in hordes, instead of kingdoms, and the Kahgen, certainly, never risked their young, like this.

"And secondly, I have taken on a dozens of students before over my thousand year life, " he stated, his pointer talon pulling on the second talon in his left claw.

On the other hand, if he, really, had experience, learning at a dragon's hooves might be useful in making a true predator out of her squishy green daughter.

"And thirdly, I have this: " he said, holding up an oversized green book with a rather tacky looking tiara, and a wand that looked like something out of a cheap fashion show. "It's my princess book," he said, proudly. "And it has all the rules we need to make a proper princess out of her."

And it could be said that, in that day, the sound of a pin dropping could be heard miles away from the hive, as everypony stood around with their mouths gaping open.

"Are you certain about him being a princess trainor?" The queen asked, turning to her infiltrator, who only buzzed his wings.

"Well, " the drake said, cheerfully, interrupting the queen's discussion, before her infiltrator could respond. "I've simply adored this tetatet, but when am I going to meet the dear?"

The queen broke out laughing. Was somepony messing with her? She asked herself, her face turning red, because this joke wasn't funny!

"Very well, " she said, showing one of her fangs. "Oh guards, would you please meet me in the princess' room?"

The guards nodded dutifully, their faces smirking almost imperceptibly.

After a few minutes the blue drake was dragged ushered into a rather plain chamber, which was surprisingly slime free, for a changeling hole.

The room was light, as many of the nobles chambers were, by candlelight. Inside lay of series of tacky floats, made out of very sorry looking flowers that had, presumably, been scrounged up from the area surrounding the badlands, though, one had to ask, how they found them in the middle of February, or whatever it was they called it in Equestria.

The queen gave herself a face hoof, and opened her mouth to speak, but the drake responded first. "Why Minty, " the drake said, with bemusement. "What are you doing here?" He asked curiously. "Shouldn't you be back in Ponyville?" He asked, walking up to the mint green pony, and doing laps around her.

The mint pony gave a goofy giggle, presumably out of embarrassment.

"And a better question, is -- " the green pony's mother asked, as calmly as she was able. "What in the hay is this c... stuff...?" She asked, her beet red face smiling uncomfortably.

"Why it's for this year's very special 'Princess promenade' of course!" The green pony replied, with a hearty chuckle. "Duh!"

The queen looked at her guards, a look of utter befuddlement on her face.

The guards raised his right front hoof, shrugging it nonchalantly.

"And what does that mean?" The princess' advisor asked, returning from a short date with a bottle of the hardest cider he could get his hooves on.

"You know, 'The Princess Promenade'!" She replied, eagerly, waiting for a sea of agreement.

After a few moments, she continued, looking a lot more serious. "You know?" She asked, receiving instead a sea of head shaking. "It used to be The Spring Promenade, until Spike showed up, and made Wysteria a princess, and then we turned it into the Princess Promenade, " she said, with a chuckle.

"Spike huh?" The queen said, turning her eire to the drake. "Tell me more?"

"Well, " the green pony said, taking a long breath. "First we make floats, and then we decorate the castle, ... " she said, explaining the event, in gory details to ponies that were no longer listening.

"And why are my guards dressed in these ridiculous outfits?" The queen asked, noticing the tacky dresses that her guards were now wearing.

"Yes, quite princess, " the old changeling stallion, who had been training the princess asked. "And these tacky floats?"

"Well, " the green pony said, taking a breath. "Because it's the Princess Promenade and that means... " She continued, breaking into song.

"Hip hip hurray! Today's the day! The day that everyone's a princess!" The green earth pony sang, pointing to one of the guards, and bringing the changeling mare forward. "Come forward princess changeling guard number 7!" She said, motioning the guard up.

"Well I always wanted to be a princess!" The guard chirped.

"Come up princess changeling guard number 5!" She shouted, summoning a, rather large, stallion guard forward, who was still dressed in full body armor.

The queen stood there, utterly paralyzed, probably coming up with a good way to punish the princess' current 'princess trainor'!

"Come forward changeling guard number 3!" She announced, motioning another changeling up.

"Me?" The mare asked, pointing at her upper barrel, with her hoof.
"And you can be a princess too!" She shouted, motioning off towards an invisible audience behind the fourth wall.

"NOOOO!!!!" The queen shouted, her face growing a ghostly white, her mane and tail standing on end. "You can't be a princess!" She shouted, at the first guard.

"Ahhh...." The guard moaned.

"And you can't be a princess!" She shouted, at the top of her lungs to the second guard.

"Meh..." The stallion said, nonchalantly. "I'm ok with that! I'd be kind of uncomfortable as a 'princess'."

"And you can't be a princess!" The queen shouted, to the third guard, who looked down, sadly.

"And none of you can be princesses either!" She shouted, motioning over the fourth wall. "The only ones who can be princesses -- " She said, angrily, being interrupted by the blue drake, who was wagging his talon around.

"Or princes!" He stated, calmly.

"Ok..." The queen snarled back. "Princesses and princes, are me and my children!"

"But Mama Minty!" The green pony protested. "That's not a very fun arrangement!"

The queen gave a belated sigh, she had to be patient with her daughter, after all, her wicked aunt had had years to warp and melt the poor dear's brain into a steaming cesspool of nonsense. It wouldn't be something that could be fixed in an instant.

She turned to the princess' trainor. "You are dismissed Wisdom Tree, " she said, turning to the tutor, that had apparently already sped off in utter madness... The sixth one so far.

"And you!" She said, turning to the drake, her face growing dark. "You have a week to turn my daughter back into a real princess, or I'm going to have to make sure the hive gets its fill with you!" She said, her face giving off a decidedly sadistic expression.

The drake gulped. "To become one of you, I suppose?" He asked, nervously.

"Oh... You'll wish that's what we'll have done when we finish!" She said, with a toothy smile...

"Oh?" The drake replied.

"Oh yes..." She replied. "We'll drain a lot more then your love..." She continued, walking towards the drake, who backed away slowly.

"O...h...?" He replied, sweating profusely.

"Let's just say we'll 'transform you into a walking skeleton'!" She said, getting her mouth right up against his ear, and making loud sucking noises. "Get it?" She cooed, in his ear.

"Of course..." The drake replied, nervously.

**********

"So yer tellin' meh, " Applejack, said, stoically, her face taking a stern tone usually reserved for when ''Bloom was misbehavin'.' "Dat that yah ran inta a world that was inherently unstable, an' chaotic filled ta the brim with en-tra-py?"

Discord nodded his head, playing some kind of prehistoric looking off white box in his claws. "It was a cancer on the multiverse... or something... and was, as such, scheduled for demolition..." He said, nonchalantly.

"An' ya ', and yer family 'del-eet-ted it'?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow, and pausing for a moment. "Ya know, 'fer everyponies protection'?" She said, trying to figure out what she was just told. "'Cause of it's in-stab-ility, due ta all the conflictin' wishes?"

"Something like that... Well usually, " the draconequus responded, sounding like a proper Trottingham gentlepony, a monocle in his eye. "And I already did."

"So did yer 'del-eet' it, or not?" The apple pony said, in utter befuddlement.

"Just not this time, " the draconequus replied, cryptically.

"What yer mean, 'not this time?'" Applejack replied, quirking her eyebrow again. "Ya cain't just get rid-o a world an' not git rid of it, it don't make no sense!" She continued, getting in the draconequus face.

The draconequus fixed his collar again. "You see, wasn't as bad, as usual, and it involves cycles, and us keeping our memories across cycles, and -- "

"Don't worry about it Applejack, " Rarity said, putting a hoof on her friend's wither. "I'm more concerned about something else he told us, " Rarity said, turning to their friend Discord. "Tell me about those objects you said you buried there."

The draconequus gave a nervous chuckle. "You see, I wasn't exactly reformed at the time, and all I knew was that even if I corrupted all six of you, you could find a way to come back, and that harmony kind of sucks for my kind, and I kind of... " he stammered, uncomfortably.

"What did you do, Discord?" Twilight asked, her tone stern, yet still calm.

"You see I originally thought of inoculating myself against harmony via -- " he said, trying to distract the dialog.

"DISCORD!!!" All six of the other ponies said, in unison.

"And I kind of made elements of disharmony," he said, really quietly. "You know... to consume the world's endless entropy, " he continues twiddling his claw, and his paw.

"Could you please speak up, darling?" Rarity asked, formally. "I didn't really get that."

"And I kind of made elements of disharmony," the chaos deity reiterated, really quietly.

"He said that he made elements of disharmony!" Pinkie replied. "Though I think the canon name is 'elements of chaos'!" She continued, bouncing up and down, wildly.

"'Elements of disharmony'?" Twilight said, facing the other ponies. "Why don't I like the sound of that..."

"Well there's nothing to be afraid of, " discord said, with a high pitched chuckle that made him sound like he'd been possessed by a extraequestrial space spider, or been dipped in some very bad acid. "It's only a problem if somepony were to find them, then, depending on their will power, they'd either become a sock puppet for my sinister former self, or gain control of my power from the inside, " he said, coolly motioning his paw along a straight line, wearing an atrocious wig which gave him the most rediculous looking head of red hair. "No big!"

"No big?" Twilight said, angrily. "That's extremely 'big', Discord!" She snorted. "Why didn't you tell us earlier?"

Discord twiddled his talon and claw. "I was kind of worried that you guys, especially Fluttershy, would think I was still bad, " he said, turning away from the other ponies.

"Ahh, Discord, " Fluttershy said, giving him a soft nuzzle. "I would never think you're bad, " she said, in a gentle voice.

"Why thank you, my dear," he said, his face turning a slight red.

The rest of the ponies joined in, giving him statements of agreement, and soft nods.

"Excellent!" He said, with a smile.

"Ok girls!" Twilight said, turning to the others. "I'll go back to the library to pen a letter to the princess, and then we -- "

"Oh and Twilight, " the draconequus said, twiddling his limbs. "If anyone comes asking about me relapsing slightly, and taking up a gig in crank phone calls, and telemarketing -- "

"DISCORD!!!" All six ponies shrieked, in unison.

"Oh, and I certainly didn't ring Rarity's doorbell 74 times yesterday!" He said, with a chuckle. "Only 75 times..."

"That was you!?" Rarity shrieked.

**********

"So, " the changeling lord said, with a greedy chuckle. "Even in her failure, Belladonna came through for me, " he said, turning to their last remaining assassin, as they gently fondled the last artifact. "You see, Solanaceae, " he said, his voice dripping with murderous intent. "My loyal assassins can succeed, despite Celestia's meddling, " he said, pointing an accusatory hoof at his last assassin. "Unlike you, oh slave of the departed lady."

The colt only looked down, bowing more deeply.

"But worry not, for I am merciful and will give you one more chance!" The changeling lord said, putting up their hoof. "For I have intel that leads me to believe that the last bearer is currently hiding under Celestia's roof, in Canterlot!" He announced. "Prove your loyalty by bringing them back here!" He commanded, pointing to his last assassin. "Otherwise, you are finished Solanaceae!"

The changeling colt nodded nervously. "Yes, my lord!"

"Good!" The changeling lord announced. "And soon I shall be all powerful!" He shouted, bursting into boastful laughter.