• Published 25th Apr 2012
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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human - pjabrony



Serveral years after the events of "Lyra's Human," Derpy Hooves meets a human of her own.

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88: Down Filly-Dink-ia Way

“All right, we have to turn and burn.” Derpy clapped her hooves as soon as she appeared. “Time’s a wasting in two universes and we’re on a tight schedule.”

“We are?” said Karyn. “We don’t have another gala to go to, do we?”

“I hope not, this is something far more important.”

Karyn looked around her apartment. “I was hoping to have some time to clean for you, and with you. Then we’d just relax and catch up on what’s been going on. Maybe we could take the car for another ride.”

“Can’t do any of that. It’s Dinky!”

“Is she in trouble?”

“Certainly not!” Even negating Karyn’s worry, the fear showed in Derpy’s face. “At least, her letter said that there was no trouble. But she’s coming to Fillydelphia today, and that’s close enough that we should definitely get out there to see her.

Karyn flashed back to the week before when Derpy was so worried that she had been neglectful to Dinky. She also remembered that, while Dinky had been going to school for a few years now, she had been the center of Derpy’s life for many more years before that. Since then, Derpy had been so busy with managing her own life and having fun with Karyn. It made sense that, once she got used to it, she would consider that she wasn’t doing enough.

Furthermore, Karyn herself hadn’t seen Dinky since the incident with her father, and felt it was her responsibility to make sure that she was still getting along well. For all she knew, her father was the reason that Dinky was in Fillydelphia. If that was the case, Derpy would definitely need Karyn with her.

“All right, let me just get my coat.”

“No time! Changeling magic yourself if you’re cold.”

Karyn stared. “I thought you didn’t like me using it when no one else could.”

“But this is important.”

“If you’re all right with it, I am.”

Karyn made a coat appear around her, and she reflected that this was an added bonus of her magic. The coat was made of her own substance, but unlike when she tried to put a finger in a tight spot, it didn’t hurt in the cold. But she had little time for such idle thoughts, as Derpy dragged her into Equestria and down to the train station.

She bought a ticket, and as if the stars were aligned for Derpy, a train came moments after. Was Derpy aware of the schedule and did she time it for this, or was it serendipity? Karyn decided not to ask. They found their seats and Karyn looked out the window.

“I remember taking this way, the first time we went out to the beach.”

“Yeah, we should go back there again.”

Karyn thought that sounded nice, particularly in the cold. “I remember Fillydelphia being a major junction as well. I guess that’s how we were able to get a train going there.”

“Good point. A lot of the ones going farther stop there as well.”

“Is Dinky going to meet us as the station?”

Derpy pulled up short. “I…guess. I hope? Truth be told, I just got a letter from her that said she would be in town. We didn’t discuss it any further.”

“But Fillydelphia’s a big town, much bigger than Ponyville, right? How are we going to find one pony in that big a city?”

“Well, we’ve found her in Canterlot, and that’s bigger still.”

Karyn again decided that discretion was warranted, and decided not to point out that on those occasions they knew Dinky’s address.

The train pulled into Fillydelphia station, and even if Dinky had agreed to meet them, it would have been a difficult prospect without more detailed instructions. The station led down to a large field where cargo or passengers could wait to get on board. It looked to Karyn like a summer fair with no rides or booths.

“What do we do now to find her?” she asked.

“I’m thinking at this point you should get on board and we’ll fly over.”

“Really? In a big city like this? I thought you said that wouldn’t work, which is why you never did it in Canterlot.”

“In Canterlot there are lots of tall buildings and towers for somepony to be hidden by. Fillydelphia is big, but not tall. Come on.”

Karyn climbed on Derpy’s back and tried to scan the crowd, but she didn’t have hope. Pony faces didn’t have the variations for her that they would have to a native Equestrian, and the rainbow of primary and secondary colors made it difficult to search. By the time they reached an area where the buildings thinned, Karyn’s eyes felt like Derpy’s looked.

“Do you have a plan or are you just flying randomly?”

“I’m doing a grid the same way I do my mail route.”

“But your mail route takes all day,” said Karyn.

“Only because I have to make stops.”

That was a point that Karyn hadn’t considered, and she went back to looking as Derpy reversed direction. They were flying close to the train station when she saw a familiar shade of blue, and marveled at their luck.

“There she is!”

“Where? I don’t—oh, I do see her!”

Derpy dove for the ground, and Dinky spotted it and braced herself for a collision. But when Derpy’s speed dropped, Dinky was able to use a little magical manipulation to bring her down safely.

“Karyn! So good to see you again. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.”

“Same here, Dinky. Why, when your mother told me that you were waiting here for us, I dashed over as quick as I could.”

Karyn said it with as much sarcasm and humor in her voice as she could, but Derpy still looked at her sideways. A moment later, though, she seemed to understand, as she grinned and hugged her filly. “I’ve missed you too.”

“As have I, mother.”

“Mother?” said Derpy. “You mean me?”

“Of course, mother. How droll, as always.”

“I’ve been your mommy for all your life. Why ‘Mother’ now?”

Dinky flipped her mane back. “Well, after all, I’m almost a grown mare now. ‘Mommy’ is a better word for a little filly to say, don’t you think?”

“Does that mean that you’re not my little muffin anymore?”

Dinky seemed to have been caught by that, and it reminded Karyn of the way Derpy had reacted when asked if they had a contact plan for Dinky. “I guess I don’t mind in private, but just ‘Dinky’ is fine when we’re in public. To wit, let us be on our way.”

She gave another mane flip and walked away as if she were the mayor of Fillydelphia. Karyn was amused a little and headed after her, but Derpy looked more distressed.

The city of Fillydelphia was indeed built low as Karyn had observed from their flyover. The streets were narrower than in Canterlot, but without any cars there was still plenty of room. Shops lined the avenues and it seemed that each one had a dwelling above for its owner and their family. Dinky waved to one and all, even though it didn’t seem like she knew them personally.

The stores and houses were getting progressively nicer as they neared the center of town. Dinky turned down a block that was dominated by the marquee of a hotel, the Goodhoof. Derpy was still looking all around, and so was shocked to see Dinky turn toward the front door.

“Come, mother, this way.”

“Are you planning to stop in the bar here for dinner or something?”

Dinky giggled. “Perhaps on our way out, but no, this is where I’m staying while I’m in town.”

Right at that moment, a stallion in uniform walked up to her. “Welcome back, Miss Hooves. Your room has been tidied for you, and there are no messages. Anything else I can provide for you, don’t hesitate to ring.”

“Thank you.” That only impressed Derpy the more.

They climbed a set of stairs while Dinky explained that the upper floors were specifically for pegasi since they had an easier time of getting up there, and it gave the hoteliers more room to sell. One floor up, Dinky led them to a room which she opened with a gold key. Derpy’s jaw dropped.

All the furniture was trimmed with more gold, and the fabric itself was crushed velvet. A basket of fruit, ripe and luscious, had been placed on the central table. The two beds were covered in silk duvets, and Derpy couldn’t even count the number of pillows. The curtains were drawn, and she could see the road below. To their right, a long strand of woven fabric went up into the ceiling, and Karyn guessed that this was the bell that the bellhop downstairs had mentioned ringing. The gentle sound of falling water was heard, and when they looked into the washroom, they could see that it came from a stone bathtub set up to look like a mountain pool.

Derpy closed her eyes, and Karyn couldn’t tell if she was bursting with pride or worrying about Dinky’s change. “I was just reviewing, and I think that other than the Princess’s chamber in Canterlot Castle, this is the nicest room I’ve ever been in.”

Karyn had a chuckle at that, but Dinky said, “It is rather opulent, is it not?”

“Where did you get the money to pay for this?”

“Well, that’s the thing,” Dinky said, and for the first time, her confident demeanor was shaken. “You see, I’ve found, well, that is, I’ve made a friend.”

“That’s great! The more friends you have, the better.”

“Yes, well, though, beyond being a friend, she’s the kind of unicorn who really wants to help out young ponies like me, and—“

They heard the hoofbeats coming in, and the voice called from outside. “Dinky?! Is that somepony else I hear in there?”

She came in, and while Derpy seemed to not recognize her, Karyn could tell who it was by the cutie mark.

“Trixie!”

It was indeed, and Derpy was surprised that there was a pony who Karyn knew and she didn’t. But before she could bring it up, Karyn was subjected to an impromptu visual inspection.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie has never seen the likes of you before. Would you be so kind as to explain to Trixie what you are?”

“I’m a human from another world.”

“Fascinating,” said Trixie. “Dinky, you know her? You should have told Trixie. Trixie is always interested in the strange and unusual.”

“I guess so, but to me she’s not strange and unusual. She’s a good friend who’s helped me get through difficult times in school.”

Trixie nodded approval, and laid herself out on a couch.

Derpy had finally recovered, and she leaned her head in near Karyn. “Who is she?”

“This is Trixie, a stage magician who was humiliated by Twilight Sparkle a long time ago, then supposedly reformed and went good. What’s happened to her since, I can’t say.”

“Trixie has been doing quite well since then. In the far reaches of Equestria, the rumors of the incidents in Ponyville were mutated into tales of a brash, fearless mare who challenged Princess Twilight and came close to defeating her. That she wasn’t a princess at the time gets lost in the shuffle. But Trixie has been able to parlay that into a refreshed career, and she is once more the most fabulous and respected performer across Equestria!”

Karyn braced herself for the display of fireworks that she remembered accompanying Trixie’s boasting, but thankfully none were present in the cramped space. Derpy, meanwhile, had put her hooves to the sides of her head, which she was shaking.

“I don’t get it,” she said. “She keeps talking about Trixie, but you told me this is Trixie. Are there two of them? Or is this, like, Trixie’s spokesmare because the real Trixie likes to stay hidden?”

Karyn sighed. “Yeah, Trixie, could you stop referring to yourself in the third person. Third pony?”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie never speaks of the Great and Powerful Trixie as anything other than the Great and Powerful Trixie! And sometimes just Trixie.”

“Well, it’s confusing. I’m only thankful you never met Princess Luna. Nopony would be able to understand you. And she learned to speak normally. Please, you’re confusing Derpy.”

“Hm. Tri—perhaps it is possible to speak without referencing myself at all.”

Karyn had to settle for that, and she explained to Derpy that there was only one Trixie, who just had a speech impediment.

“Well, passing that over,” said Derpy, “why is Dinky in your hotel room?”

“I’m learning the stage magic game!” Dinky said. “Trixie’s showing me how I can use the things I learned in Princess Celestia’s school to wow the crowds. I haven’t done a performance yet, but there’s a lot of practice involved, and it’s way more fun than the studying I had to do at school. In the meantime, Trixie lets me sell for her and take tickets and such.”

“I’m sure it is fun, but that learning isn’t for you to trick everypony and entertain them cheaply—no offense, Miss Trixie. Princess Celestia hoof-picks the unicorns that she thinks can help other ponies the best, to do good in Equestria.”

“What’s not good about giving everypony a nice show?”

Derpy looked around the room. “There’s nothing wrong with a nice show. But obviously Trixie is really well-off. It seems to me that she could be charging less for her performances. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m wary of ponies who throw around bits so easily.”

“That’s the best part! She pays me more than that dirty old shop ever did, and I don’t have to do all the boring research that I did there. I get to travel Equestria as well. Mother, you can’t tell me that you don’t like riding the train.”

“I do like riding the train, but only because it’s a special occasion, and we save up our bits for it.”

Trixie decided it was time to intervene. “Your daughter is a grown mare and a talented unicorn. Just because she doesn’t follow the same path as you, it doesn’t mean that she’s wayward. Don’t hover over her.”

Derpy’s nostrils flared at that, as hovering over Dinky was an accusation she’d heard before, and it always grated on her. Karyn put a hand on her shoulder, and then looked at both Dinky and Trixie. She remembered the first impression she had of Dinky, but now, seeing them together, they didn’t look that much alike.

“Trixie, would you mind leaving the room for a minute or two. We need a family conference.”

Trixie raised her eyebrows. “Why should you have the room to yourselves? Dinky needs representation from her new friends as well as her family, and besides, who is paying for the room anyway?”

“You don’t have to, but I’m asking as a favor. And so Derpy doesn’t break down. You don’t want that to happen in your room, do you?”

Trixie still stood still and made it clear that she was not moving. But Dinky walked up to her and said, “Please, Trixie. It’ll mean a lot to me. You’ve been nothing but kind to me, but she’s my mother, and I have to give her time if she asks me.”

“Very well, Trixie will leave—that is, the room will be left by—er, what I mean…oh, have your talk!”

She turned up her nose and cantered out. Dinky looked at the door as she left, then turned back to Derpy with a mixture of worry and defiance. “Do you really not approve of Trixie as my friend?”

“Little muffin—I can say that, right? I will never disapprove of one of your friends. I think you’re a smart pony, much smarter than me, and able to pick up if someone’s trying to put one over on you. I really like that Suzie mare we met last time. It’s not Trixie I’m worried about, it’s the idea of you as a stage performer. I just always thought one day you’d be a professor or a spellcrafter or a healer.”

“You don’t approve of performing magicians?”

Derpy thought of the one she had seen on Earth. “If they’re done well, it can be all right. Oh, I don’t know what I mean!”

“Let me try,” said Karyn. “Dinky, I know that it seems nice to have money and to live like this, but that’s only because Trixie has been doing this for many years, ever since you were a filly. Starting out, it’s a difficult job, just as much so as running a shop or any business of your own. It’s all about sales and sticking your hoof in ponies’ faces to make them buy what you’ve got. And that’s not you.”

“But that’s only part of it. Once I get through that, there’s all this.”

“All right, but what if you have a show that nopony wants to go to? What if during one of your shows a storm comes up—well, no, you have scheduled storms here—what if some illness sweeps through and even if they do want to see you they can’t get out of bed? Now instead of an opulent room, you’re sleeping in your cart.”

Dinky went wide-eyed. “Can that really happen?”

“Why don’t you ask Trixie?”

“But then what do I do?”

Karyn sympathized. Equestria didn’t have the kind of corporate structure that Earth did, and it was difficult for a pony who wanted a steady nine-to-five job to find one. Even civil service wasn’t the same, and Dinky certainly didn’t seem like a candidate for the Royal Guard.

“I don’t know, for sure. But there’s got to be a job for you where you’re in the back of the stage, not the front. Somewhere where there’s good pay that doesn’t vary with the season. We’ll work hard to find it for you. But if you keep with this, it’s only going to hurt you, and that’s only going to hurt your mother.”

“Well, before we do anything, let me talk to Trixie again.” Dinky opened the door with magic, and Trixie poked her head back in.

“It’s all right,” said Karyn. “I was telling Dinky that being a stage magician isn’t all fancy rooms and outfits.”

Trixie nodded. “Actually, you’re half right. It does often involve fancy rooms and outfits, but not in the way that most ponies think of it. I’m not staying at this hotel because I’m extravagant; I’m staying here because if ponies saw me coming out of a lesser hotel, it would shatter the image they have of me as a high-class Canterlot unicorn who’s come into town to give them a taste of the high life.”

“Then you don’t really enjoy the luxury?” asked Dinky.

“I do enjoy it, because it’s part of my job, and I love being a magician. But no, I don’t enjoy it the way a pony off the street would if you just gave them this room.”

Dinky looked down at the floor and was silent for a minute. “Trixie, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep touring with you.”

“I know. I’ve known that about you for a while now, but I had to give you the chance to find it out for yourself.”

“Hey!” Karyn butted in. “You’ve been talking normal for the past few minutes.”

“I have, haven’t I? So few opportunities to do so. Being the Great and Powerful Trixie means keeping in character all the time. But when I’ve really connected with somepony, I can be just…Trixie."

"So, you're not upset with me?" asked Dinky.

"I would be far more upset if you had insisted on trying to emulate me when you couldn't. Now you've got it out of your system, and you won't be tempted again. As for me, I'm free and clear to look for another apprentice. It works out for everypony."

Everyone smiled, and the tension in the room was released.

"Now that that's settled," Trixie continued, "why don't you all come to the show tonight? I'll get you all in, front row!"

Not looking at her, Dinky said, "Thank you, Trixie, and I might take you up on another day, but right now, I've got to get back to catch up on school...and my mommy needs to get home too."

They left the hotel and headed back down to the train station. Derpy checked the board. "It'll be another hour before the train going back home arrives."

"That's all right. Now we get a chance to visit like old times."

Karyn watched mother and daughter catching up on everything that happened that week since Dinky's last letter. She told Dinky about her class schedule and tried to explain about the new car as well.

"I guess I'd have to see this machine to understand it," said Dinky. "Mommy, can I go to Earth someday?"

"Earth?! I get worried when you're in Fillydelphia!"

"But we're still in Fillydelphia!"

"I know!" said Derpy. "And I want the train to come soon...but at the same time, I don't, because I get to spend more time with you."

"And I feel the same way, along with seeing Karyn more. I'm torn too!"

Karyn stepped in between them. "What if, Derpy, you try to worry a little less, and Dinky, you try to give her less reason?"

"Agreed!" they said in unison.

The whistle of the train came from the horizon, and they were all on their way back.

Author's Note:

It's cold up here, but I'm still writing! Here's next week:

Only a few minutes late, she heard the sound of the window being lifted and quickly shut again. Derpy turned visible.

“I shouldn’t have even bothered disguising myself,” she said. “In the first place, no one’s out there, and in the second, it’s so gray that I would blend in anyway.”

“Not with that plaid scarf and striped hat.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I don’t think those sound tasty, but I don’t eat grass either, so we have different tastes.”

Derpy nodded. “Well, if we can’t go out, what are we going to do?”

“Nothing to do except hang around the house and watch movies.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Derpy had turned around in her seat. “Well, I guess that’s one way for a human to make a cloud. It didn’t last too long, but it was there.”

“Aww, that’s sweet. Like I’m a little bit pegasus."


Come back next Wednesday for more of Derpy and Karyn's hijinks!

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