71: Shh! It's a Li-Derp-y
Derpy finished her Sunday cleaning ritual and flew upstairs to get her saddlebag. Even though she travelled every Sunday, she liked to run down a checklist as though it were an important mission. She ran down each spell-holder to ensure that they were all present and in the right order, that they were packed down to not fall out, and that the strap of the bag was secured tight around her waist. Since she had lost weight, she was down to the last hole on the strap. Soon a new bag would be required.
Returning downstairs, she made one final check of the house, inserted her hoof into the spell, and was right about to turn it, when she heard a soft voice.
“Mew.”
“Muffinhead? What’s wrong? You have food, you have water. I let you outside yesterday to, well, you know. There shouldn’t be anything else you need.”
The ginger cat bounced up and rubbed himself against her hooves.
“I guess cuddles don’t follow a schedule, do they?”
She knelt down and bumped heads with the cat. He then bounced to the window and tapped it.
“No, you went out. You have to stay in while I visit Earth.”
Muffinhead only meowed louder and jumped.
“Are you pointing at the sun?” asked Derpy. “What, do you want to see Princess Celestia?”
He rolled his eyes, then stared, trying to develop telepathy.
“Oh! It’s the angle of the sun! You’re saying that it’s been a year since we met. You’re right. I’m sorry I forgot. I’ll do something nice for you tomorrow. I promise.”
That seemed to be enough for Muffinhead, as he gave her another rub and bounced up the stairs. Derpy shook herself to knock off any shedded fur, and was finally able to leave to see Karyn.
Flying from the college to Karyn’s summer home, Derpy let her mind wander. Getting the cat had been a fun diversion for her, and made sure her house wasn’t empty. But it also served as a constant reminder that Earth was part of her. Muffinhead didn’t go out too often when other ponies were around, but if somepony did see him, Derpy would have to explain his origin. Mostly they would roll their eyes then. Going to another world and coming back with a cat, that was just something Derpy would do.
She lit on Karyn’s windowsill and let herself in.
“Good morning!” said Karyn.
“Hello to you too. What’s the situation look like as far as your parents?”
“They’ll be in and out all day. Nothing special planned that they could drag us away from fun, but nothing stopping them from coming in.”
Derpy leaned against a wall while humming and breathing slightly so Karyn could track her while invisible. “If that’s the case, how about getting out of the house?”
“That fits in well with my plans. It’s the perfect weather outside.”
“Perfect weather? Is there such a thing? I take an interest. Even if I’m not in weather myself I could let the weather pegasi know about this perfect weather you have on Earth and they can import it.”
Karyn giggled. “Maybe not perfect, but I think it’s the best. It’s the kind of temperature where it’s cold outside, and so all day your body gets cold. But the sun’s out, so as soon as you get into the car that’s been baking all day, you get those warm rays all at once. To me it’s even better than slipping into warm pajamas right out of the drier.”
“I’ve never done that either.”
“That’s right, you hang your clothes on a clothesline. And you have natural fur to keep you warm. Well, trust me, going from internal cool to external warm is one of the best feelings a human can experience. So definitely, let’s get out of the house.”
After flying back down, Derpy broached her idea to Karyn. “So I was thinking that we could go back to the park where we found Muffinhead last year. We haven’t been there all summer, and it’s kind of like a tradition.”
“A one-year-old tradition.”
“Doesn’t make it any less. We could go around to that section where no one goes and I can go visible.”
“We could at that,” said Karyn. “But what would we actually do there? Last year we had the picnic, and that’s fine, but we shouldn’t center events just around eating. When I said I wanted to get out of the house, I actually had in mind, you know, doing something.”
“Going to the park isn’t something?”
“It is, but it’s also nothing.”
Whatever zen moment Derpy was going to have was cut short as Karyn opened the door to the car. “OK, here we go. Aaaaaah,” she said as she slipped into the seat and rubbed against the fabric. “So toasty. Come on, get in before the heat’s all gone.”
Derpy followed suit, but saw no reason to be particularly excited. “It’s just hot.”
“Fine. I’ll roll down the windows and then we’ll get cool again.”
They pulled out of the driveway, and Derpy said, “How about this? You head toward the park. If you spot something you’d like to do on the way, we’ll do it. Otherwise, we just go on to the park and do the picnic thing.”
“That sounds fair.”
Derpy thought this was clever, in that it would be unlikely for Karyn to find something. She drove on, squinting into the sun and enjoying it. They had not, of course, driven the route for almost a year, and Derpy’s direction sense was needed twice to tell Karyn where to turn. As she made the second, she said, “I know this route! I go to the library this way.”
“Library?”
“Yes. We should grab a couple of books there and read them in the park.”
Her plan foiled, Derpy resigned herself. “We can do that. Just don’t tell Twilight Sparkle. She’ll want to know everything about it.”
“You see her more than I do, living in the same town…and same universe.”
They pulled into the parking lot and Derpy disguised herself. “It’s a lot less treeish than the Ponyville Library.”
“Yes. Library architecture is very distinctive on Earth. Lots of bright lights and windows, so that when the sun is out, like today, it gets natural light.”
The building was mostly rectangular, but Derpy saw odd projections at some points and a cupola on top. It didn’t appeal to her taste, but once they got inside Derpy did like the wide halls and the stacks. There was room to maneuver and a nice smell of cleanser. She whispered, “Do you think they’d like me to dust the tops of the shelves?”
“Maybe, but don’t draw attention to yourself, and keep your voice as low as possible. It is a library. If a book tickles your fancy, let me know and I’ll take it out on my card.”
“You have to pay for them?”
“Not my credit card, my library card!” Karyn was happy that Derpy had picked up enough Earth culture to know what a credit card was, but sighed that there was still so much to learn.
She ambled over to the fiction section. Walking up and down the aisles, she saw some familiar spines and picked out a stack. It was a delicate balance, choosing library books. Too few meant being stuck with potential boredom. Too many meant increasing both the likelihood that she would not return them on time and the severity of the fine when it happened.
Karyn had just settled on five books when she felt Derpy’s presence. After checking the aisles on either side, she whispered, “Find anything?”
“Not really. I can’t tell which are the good human books and which are the bad ones.”
“I can see where that would be a problem. Maybe I can find something for you.”
“What about the ones you have?”
Karyn looked at the titles she had picked. A couple of murder mysteries, some international intrigue, and a historical fiction novel. None of them were appropriate for Derpy. “I don’t think you’d like these. I’ll get you some light fantasy.”
“How do you know that you’ll like them, then?”
“I’ve read them all before.”
She no longer felt Derpy keeping up, and had to walk back a bit.
“You already read them? Then why are you taking them out again?”
“I want to reread them.”
“But you know what happens,” said Derpy.
“Which means I also know that they’ll be good. Even though I know what happens, I don’t know all the words. A book is a lot more than its plot. The words that make up that plot make a kind of music. You don’t listen to a song only once, do you?”
Before Derpy could answer, they reached the end of the aisle where there were people milling around. Karyn speed-walked past the supernatural-romance section to the true fantasy. She picked up a book and held it aloft. Since Derpy didn’t poke her to say no, she went to the checkout desk.
Right in the middle of the floor, Derpy whispered, “But don’t you want to get new music too?”
A passing librarian said, “Music section is that way,” pointing behind the desk. Karyn did her head-scratch laugh and moved along.
Once she got in private again, she whispered, “I will get a new book if you promise to keep quiet. We almost got caught there.”
After finding a book by an author she liked but that she hadn’t read, hustled to the automatic checkout, and got back in the car.
“You mad at me?” asked Derpy.
“No. I’m used to it now. But I can’t promise that I’m going to read this new book. I certainly want to do some rereading first.”
“I suppose. Let’s get on to the park!”
They pulled out onto the road again, Karyn humming to herself. A few miles down the road, Derpy spoke hesitantly.
“Can I ask a question?”
“Of course. I’m really not mad at you.”
“I know. But you took out the books without checking them out. That’s not right.”
Karyn turned to her right, the road being clear. “What? Oh, you mean the automatic checkout. You’re probably not used to that. It’s a whole electronic system that’s really efficient.”
“Maybe I will tell Twilight about the human libraries.”
“Up to you.”
She kept peeking toward the back seat where the stack of books was on the floor. It gave her the feeling of having a secret treasure waiting for her. When she saw the fantasy novel that she had picked out for Derpy floating toward the front, she said, “Wait for it. If you start now you’ll have to interrupt when we get there.”
After they stopped off for picnic food, they reached the park. Another drawback to having to hide Derpy was that Karyn had to carry everything herself. With the bag of food in one hand and the stack of books under her other arm, she walked slowly past the roller slide and around the lake. The park was crowded, and families were everywhere, children playing on the playground equipment or feeding bread to the ducks. Halfway around Karyn put everything down and took a rest. The tableau would have made a good magazine spread, and she snapped a picture with her phone before moving on to the meadow.
One final check to make sure that no one was watching, and Karyn snuck behind the trees. Now, despite the sounds of the park, by appearance they were in their own world. The tops of the trees were shaking, and if one didn’t know how strongly rooted they were, they might appear to want to tip over. The crabgrass and the clover mixed in with the grass to give every shade of green.
“Darn,” said Karyn. “We didn’t bring a blanket. Never mind. I don’t mind if my pants need to be laundered.”
“And I can always take a shower.”
Karyn laughed, and Derpy went visible. “It’s good to see you again, at last. Here’s your book.”
They sat underneath the trees, and the combination of sun and shade played silly patterns across the books they were reading. The rustle of leaves harmonized with the turning of pages. Derpy was taking a long time with each page, and had to turn back more than once. Karyn had one of the books she’d read before, and happily bounced through for the good scenes. After a while, she dug in the bag for a bottle of water and sipped in time to the story.
A few birds flew overhead, cawing and tweeting as they passed. Derpy and Karyn looked up at the same time, then caught each other. Karyn shook her head, just in case Derpy had any ideas of getting up there with them.
When she went back to reading, she let out a huge belly laugh.
“What is it?” asked Karyn.
“The way this book talks about magic. It’s hilarious!”
“Well, you’ve got to remember that we have no context for understanding real magic.” It took Karyn aback to say the last two words. “So it probably wasn’t intended to be funny. The author was just doing the best she could to make an interesting story.”
“Maybe you should interview some unicorns and write a story about actual magic.”
“Oh, no. I’m a numbers girl, not a writer. I’ve seen the English majors in my school, and they’re going to be a lot worse off than I am. Trust me, writing about magical ponies is just a waste of time that no sane person would do.”
Derpy stared skeptically. “Wouldn’t it be fun though?”
“Well, I won’t say I wouldn’t like to read it. But I wouldn’t spend my time writing it. Still, to each their own.”
They went back to reading. Aside from the occasional chuckle from Derpy when another point of the fantasy novel got something wrong, Karyn was able to lose herself in the familiar story. Only when she realized that Derpy had put down her own book, taken out some of the snacks, and was munching, did she bookmark her page and sit up.
“Are you thinking about what you’ve read?”
“Not exactly. I really like spending time with you, and if this is what you want to do, that’s OK. But is this really socializing? To read together? It seems like we could each do it on our own.”
Karyn closed the book entirely. “You’re right, but sometimes it’s not even about the activity. We could be watching a sunset or driving in the car or sleeping in the same room. It’s not always about the interaction as it is about the connection. We’re each not alone, and that’s important.”
Derpy didn’t respond to that. She just looked.
“But all right,” said Karyn. “We can move the picnic back out to the main park so that we’re around people. Unless you’re really keen to stay visible, in which case you’d better get us to Equestria.”
“No, out there is fine. Just to have some human contact besides you.”
“I can always try to find Albert if you like.”
“No!” Derpy backed off at that, but Karyn was joking and she packed up all the books and food while Derpy went invisible again.
“The only problem is that you won’t be able to read while we’re sitting out there.”
“That’s all right. I want to reflect on what I’ve read so far. When I do read books, that’s how I do it: in fits and starts, giving each chapter time to sink in.”
Karyn slipped in her Bluetooth. “A lot of people are like that. They read before bedtime or such. If that works for you, it’s good. I like to binge on my reading. When I was little, that wasn’t always so convenient.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because in our old house, we only had one bathroom.”
Now out in the open where people could see them, Karyn and Derpy made their way halfway around the lake to one of the benches. “How about that one?” asked Derpy.
“Sure. It’ll be comfortable not to be sitting on the grass anymore.”
Karyn was right, as it was a vestige from before benches had to be designed to be uncomfortable to sleep on. The wood was old and, perhaps from a previous rain shower, felt softer than it should have, even though it was not wet. Karyn sat on one side, leaving enough room for Derpy on the short side, so that if someone else sat down, they would go for the longer side and not sit on Derpy.
Unless, Karyn thought, they were a creepy perv, in which case I want Derpy to buck them off the bench.
The position did result in a close cuddle, but neither Derpy nor Karyn minded.
Karyn pulled out her book again, taking a look over the scene before diving back in. Derpy would interrupt frequently with an observation about a child on the playground falling down, or a notice when Karyn passed a chapter. Here Karyn saw the advantage of rereading a book. If she were trying to incorporate an unfamiliar story, the interruptions would have been a bother.
A middle-aged woman walked by and sat on the long side of the bench. She took out a compact and touched up her makeup.
“This sure is good stress relief,” said Derpy. “Watching other people have fun while you relax.”
“Definitely. Especially with all we went through last week.”
The woman turned and stared at Karyn, wondering if she was talking to her. Karyn smiled and pointed at the Bluetooth.
Rolling her eyes, she turned back away and so did Karyn. She muttered under her breath, “…comes to the park and still can’t be bothered to disconnect. They’re all the same.”
If Karyn really had been on the phone, she probably would not have heard what the woman said. As it was, she decided that she wasn’t going to let it pass. “Listen, lady. In the first place, just because you saw some report on the news about the decadence of youth doesn’t mean that you know what’s going on. Our connectivity is a benefit, not a drawback. Beyond that, there’s more to what I’m doing than you know.”
She picked up her bag again. “Come on, this place isn’t so relaxing,” she said, while moving down several more benches until the lady was out of earshot and barely visible.
It wasn’t until Karyn was long gone that the lady said, “Who was she telling to come on?”
They were closer to the playground at the park’s entrance than the meadow, so no further retreat was possible. But that didn’t seem to matter, as no one else had witnessed the scene. Karyn pulled out her book again.
“Did you really have to get mad at her?” asked Derpy.
“No, probably not. It was just a combination of two things that irk me. One is people who hate on technology for no good reason. The other is jumping to conclusions.”
“What if she had jumped to the conclusion that you weren’t on your phone but were using it to cover up talking to your invisible pegasus friend?”
Karyn laughed. “If she got that in a guess, it would still probably irk me.”
She went back to her book, and Derpy let her alone for a little bit, just people-watching. After another chapter, she joined in, reflecting that she didn’t get enough human contact. All summer long it had mostly been her parents and Derpy. But she thought it was right. If this was to be her last summer of absolute freedom, better to spend it with as few people as possible. There’d be plenty of time for that later.
“Hrm.”
“What is it?”
Derpy fidgeted on the bench. “Now I want to read more of the book!”
“Heh. We’ll go home soon and you can read in my room so long as the folks are away. Maybe even if they’re there. You can lay the book on the bed and it’ll look like it’s just there and the pages will appear to just be blowing in the wind. Just let me finish one more chapter.”
Resigned, Derpy went back to watching the happy families in the park, singing to herself lightly. Anyone passing by would have thought it was Karyn.
“You done yet?”
“Yes, all right. I find I like this kind of exhibitionism. Or lack thereof in your case.”
“What do you mean?” asked Derpy.
“Well, since you’re good at hiding in plain sight, in a way. I’ve gone from being nervous about it to dealing with it to kind of liking it. Maybe when you’re not here, Dinky could come by. Do you think she’d like to see Earth?”
Derpy took a long pause. “Given what I learned last week, maybe not. You know, that she just wants to live a simple life, she’d probably not want to leave Equestria. She’d want to come and see you.”
They walked slowly to the car. “It doesn’t feel like we accomplished much today, does it?” said Karyn.
“We saw our secret place in the park. The place I found Muffinhead. When we look back, we won’t have to say that it was a place we went to one time and never went back again. To me, that’s an accomplishment.”
Karyn got into the driver’s seat and buckled to her seat belt. “I guess it is after all. Let’s go home.”
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I was tempted to stop reading the chapter after this line.
Karyn, how could you say that...lots of sane people can write about magical ponies but there are a lot of not sane people who write about them too. I guess I can see her point.
We would have no awesome stories if no one wrote about magical ponies.
By putting that in line the story the author technically called themselves insane or at least admitted they are not sane.
Huzzah! New chapter!
3292576
As long as the author doesn't suffer from insanity but enjoys every minute of it... I think it should be fine. ;)
3292576
You got the joke.
Of course it probably isn't very sane to be a web developer who spends their time, money and knowledge to host a site to store a repository of magical pony stories either.
"Trust me, writing about magical ponies is just a waste of time that no sane person would do."
That's right. No sane person.
3293730
I think I'll keep my sanity. I'm quite fond of it.
3194331
The ponies do have a zeppelin-ish type airship. Its in the Season 3 episode 9 - Apple Family Reunion. Its not a true zeppelin but its as good as we are going to get.
Yes, it's the core concept of "hanging out", not that any given activity is meaningful, but the mere togetherness is what matters.
I'm actually fairly surprised twilight hasn't visited earth yet (as far as we know). Even though she has the monitor spell on Albert, seeing things in pony should certainly be enticing. Perhaps she just hasn't heard of the libraries yet...
Keep going! ;)
I don't suffer from insanity. On the contrary, I rather enjoy it.
3296591
Insanity is the envy of the sane.
— Says, Me!
I've tried the sane lane, it was depressing.
3297562
My experience is quite the opposite. My insane side brought me depression but I killed the depression with tens of thousands of hours of video games.
Lucky for me I got some sanity shoved into me and it brought me more happiness than my insanity was bringing.
But taping back into my less sane side can be fun at times
So many of my friends have no idea I ever had an insane side.
"Sanity" is just the name we give to the most common form of insanity.
Also, I am not sure wether it would be a good idea to introduce Twilight to human libraries or – Celestia forbid – Wikipedia. On one hand, she would probablx read for at least a week straight. On the other hand, she could use knowledge about our world for the betterment of ponykind. On yet another hand, there are some aspects of human history she really should not know about.
3299695
Congratulations! You're the 1000th commenter! You win...another chapter! Coming next week at the usual time.
3294247 There's also the airship "yacht" from Sweet and Elite (s2 e09). Specifically, it's seen during "Becoming Popular (The Pony Everypony Should Know))".
Also, I'm surprised no one's pointed out exactly what the "stories about magical ponies" line is. (According to tvtropes, at least. I guess I just like pointing out tropes. Odd, because I don't even have an account on that site.)
Anyway, it's self deprecation based humor.
Considering the last time anyone commented on it was over a year ago, I feel I'm not belabouring the point:
Aww, you're plenty sane pjabrony.
Besides, even if you're not sane at least you're in good company.
PS: But yeah! Good, solid chapter.
Edit - Sep 20 2023: I don't use the word cringe lightly, I despise the word, just so you know this is serious. Cringe ahead, this comment contains large amounts of it, please don't read it, it's embarrassing. Less so than the others I've edited this warning into, this one was just irrelevant and kind of rude.
Honestly, my writing isn't for me because it cant be for me. Whenever I write something or record something, I can't read or watch what I've produced. I just have no interest in it. It's less significant with stuff I've recorded.
It's just like with stuff I've read from others. If I read a book, after I'm done if I try and read it again, I get bored within the first few chapters. I mean, I don't remember every word, but since I remember how the story goes, I get bored with how it progress's and I stop reading.
Currently, what I'm writing is Ian Zairon : The Origin Point, and the only reason that I have for writing that (Ian Zairon. The Origin Point is only going to be one of many.) series is to solidify the background for Ian.
Before I started writing it, Ian's history was in a state of flux. Every time I thought about him his brother had a different death story, although all with the same premise. Spoilers ahead, but if you don't read my story, ignore that spoiler warning.
I always intended for Fenix to get disappeared into breach space, but how and his ultimate fate was always the source of change. So, I decided to write it down. And then I decided to write it down. And then I decided to write it down. And then I, well, you get the picture. I hope. Anyway, so a few weeks before school ended, I got the idea to write down Ian's adventures in the multiverse, and it turned out that I actually enjoyed writing it. I started trying to write like a person who wrote. But I'm still not writing for myself. The only reason I would read it would be as a reference for Ian's history. And I might read it in a few decades for fun if the world lives that long. Which I doubt.
But anyway, I write for others mainly. And after I read book or a story, I have to wait a few decades before I read it again, probably. I'm only 1.7/1.6 decades old. I'm not sure which, but that is a tangent I am not going to let myself go off on. That is why I am so sad when I finish a good story or book. I can never read out again unless somehow I get amnesia and forget what happened.
Sorry for the longer nature of this comment. I tend to write long when I really care about something.
Also, if you are wondering why I quoted this quote it's because I had the idea for this comment when I read that paragraph.
Sorry again. I might add on to this later on.
Sorry. Because the other two were side thrusters and this one is the main engine. Why am I making a space ship out of sorrys? Because shut up. Also because I am absolutely insane, but that's beside the point, not in front of it.