• Published 25th Apr 2012
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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human - pjabrony



Serveral years after the events of "Lyra's Human," Derpy Hooves meets a human of her own.

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40: Mommie Derpest

“Ah, another beautiful day on Earth,” Derpy said as she appeared.

“Maybe you should look outside before you say that.” Karyn pointed at the window. It was dreary and foggy outside, the kind of cold and clammy fog that comes on warm winter days.

“Well, another day that a pegasus pony would be really useful if you’d only let me control the weather for you.”

“Not a chance.”

Derpy had gotten into the habit of inspecting Karyn’s dorm room on arrival each week in a subtle effort to get her friend to be neater. It was mostly in order, but the closet door was open a crack, so Derpy went over to shut it.

“Hey, what’s this?” she said. “Don’t you know that you’re supposed to open your mail as soon as you get it? It’s insulting to the carrier if you don’t.”

“Well, I know what’s in that one, and I wanted to wait until tomorrow.”

“Why? Is it something you don’t want me to see?”

“Actually, yes,” said Karyn. “I hoped keeping it out of sight would have put it out of mind as well. It’s a care package from my mother.”

“You don’t want me to know she cares about you?”

“It’s not that. A care package is a gift that you give someone you love just because, and it’s usually mostly food. It’s probably full of cheeses and dried fruits and nuts.”

Derpy perked up. “Food? Well, crack it open!”

“You’re on a diet, remember?”

“Oh, right.”

Karyn took the box and put it back in the closet, shutting the door tightly this time. “How did you do anyway?”

“I was honest and good. I’ve got a list of what I ate.”

“All right. I was good too. And if you don’t eat from the package, then I’ll have it for this week and I won’t have to spend as much on food. So leaving it alone helps us both.”

Derpy relented. “Although, if we are going to want to avoid the temptation, and if we are going to keep me to my dieting routine, and if we do want to go somewhere where you won’t have to spend money, want to go to Equestria today?”

“That sounds like three good reasons.”

Karyn mounted, and they went through their usual routine. As they descended, Derpy said, “I’d like to send one of those packages to Dinky. What do you think?”

“I think it’s a great idea.”

“I can get most of the things that were in your package.”

“Well, it doesn’t have to be the same,” said Karyn. “It doesn’t even have to be food. Maybe just some reminders of home.”

“Ooh, I’ll send her a tube of horn wax. She’ll like that.”

“What does that do?”

“It makes a unicorn’s horn waxy and shiny.” Derpy ran into the bathroom and got the tube.

“Did she leave that here or something?”

“No. I use it on my wings. It’s the same stuff as wing wax, and it’s a bit cheaper.”

Karyn briefly wondered if she meant a small amount cheaper, or the actual currency. Derpy continued to rummage around the house for items, throwing them in a box.

“Looks pretty good,” said Karyn. “Now all we have to do is to send it.”

“If only we knew a mailmare.”

“Well, I didn’t mean for you to carry it there yourself and now.”

Derpy was already putting on her uniform. “Why not? Don’t you want to see her?”

“I suppose I do. But can we afford the train?”

“You’re the one who can’t spend money. I’m the one who’s watching what she eats. Try to get it straight.”

Derpy grinned to show that she was joking, and they headed to the station.

As the train pulled out, Karyn said, “Do you think it’s all right to drop in on her unannounced?”

“Hmm, you may be right. I should write her a letter first to tell her I’m coming.” Derpy pulled out a pencil and pad and scribbled a note. “There. Now I’ll deliver that first, and it won’t be unannounced.”

Karyn just shook her head.

When they reached Dinky’s school, Derpy slipped the note under her door and waited. As soon as they heard Dinky trot over, pick it up, and read, “Coming for a visit. Mommy,” they opened the door. Dinky shook her head in the same way that Karyn had.

“Do you guys have water in your ears or something?” Derpy asked.

“No, it just means we’re happy around you,” said Karyn.

Dinky hugged her mother and friend and invited them in. “What brings you to Canterlot? More shopping?”

“No,” said Derpy, “giving things away. To you. Karyn told me all about this really nice tradition on Earth where mommies send their daughters boxes full of goodies when they miss them. The daughters, not the boxes.”

Derpy passed the box over to Dinky, who opened it with her magic. “Ooh, horn wax, thank you, Mommy! This will really help with all the extra work Princess Celestia has been giving us.”

“Extra work? Are you falling behind?”

“No, but I think she’s still singling me out anyway. Of course, everypony else says the same thing. In any case, we all get the impression that she wants us to buckle down and really learn as much as we can as soon as possible. Having my inspiration here will help.” She sidled up to Karyn.

“That’ll be nice. You always do seem to work better when she’s here. I’ll leave you two alone then.”

“Wait,” said Karyn. “Where are you going?”

“I figure that if I leave, I can go back to missing Dinky, which means I can get her another care package!”

Smiling, she walked out the door.

“Your mom is so crazy sometimes,” Karyn said.

“Yeah, I know. But I love her.”

“Did you know that when you were really little? I mean, that your mother was kind of different from other ponies?”

Dinky looked sideways. “If I did, I didn’t really care. I had a lot of good foals I went to school with, and a good teacher, and they didn’t make fun of me that I noticed. If anything, it was the adult ponies that teased her more, but she kept me sheltered.”

Karyn nodded.

“What was your mom like?”

“Oh, not nearly as fun as yours. She had to work, same as your mom, and I think she resented it a little. She was always getting on me about cleaning my room. Come to think of it, Derpy does that now. Maybe she thinks she’s my surrogate.”

Dinky chuckled. “Or that you’re mine.”

“Could be. So what are we studying?”

Dinky trotted over to her desk and pulled out her notes. “Perception spells. Like how to tell what’s inside a box without opening it.”

“It’s a good thing your mom didn’t know that you were studying that subject when she brought in the care package. She would have given you a pop quiz.”

“Ha, ha. You’re probably right. But it could be a good test anyway. See if you can put something in the box that I wouldn’t recognize, maybe something that we don’t have in Equestria. Then I’ll try to spot it.”

Karyn dug around in her purse and found her lipstick. Figuring that she’d never seen a pony accentuate her lips, it might fit the bill. She put it in the package with the rest and challenged Dinky to find it.

She furrowed her brow and glowed her horn. “I can’t tell exactly what it is. It looks like some kind of pen. But I can definitely pick it out from the other things. It’s on the left hand side, about three inches from the box wall.”

“Wow, that’s cool. You can really see it?”

“Not exactly, but human objects have a different feel to them from the things my mommy gave me. That was so nice of her. Was it really your idea?”

Karyn shook her head. “My mom sent me one, so yours got the notion.”

“Well, it was nice anyway.”

“I wonder if that’s why she tries to be such a good mother.”

Dinky was confused. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, I was just thinking that because she never knew her mom, your grandmother, maybe she just wants to try so hard to get it right and make her proud.”

“I don’t know about that.”

Now it was Karyn’s turn to be confused. “Has she said anything to you?”

“No, but I’ve heard stories about my mom. From grandpa, when he was alive, and from other ponies who knew her.”

“What was she like?”

Dinky hopped over to the bed and made herself comfortable. “From what I understand, she was very. . . outspoken. Which is a nice way of saying that she didn’t take any guff from anypony. She was tough as nails and even went to work for a while when grandpa was sick or hurt sometimes.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. And they said she had very strong hooves. She could take a straight bar and bend it into a horseshoe, and could hoofwrestle an earth pony and win. And even though she only owned two dresses, she would always put one of them on if a guest came to the house.”

“Why did she do that?” asked Karyn.

“She and grandpa didn’t have a lot of money to go to formal events. So I think she wanted to have an occasion to wear them.”

“That’s so sweet. I should ask Derpy for more stories about her.”

Dinky scowled. “I’m not sure that she knows too many. You know how she is about grandpa.”

“I think she does. I went with her on her mail route one day, and there’s a pony with the same name that she delivers to. It’s a nice tribute to her mother. But I still wish she had known her. No, not even that. It’s just that both of us have such wonderful mothers, and she deserves one too.”

“Oh, that’s so sweet. Yes, it would be nice to hear more stories about Grandma Dancey. But the only pony I know from that time is Princess Celestia.”

“Yeah,” Karyn muttered. “Hey, what about Granny Smith, the matron of the Apple family? She’s old enough that she might have known your grandmother.”

“I never thought of that. We should go see her.” Dinky started packing a saddlebag and heading for the door.

“You mean right now? Shouldn’t we wait for your mom? And how will we get to Ponyville?”

“Train, same as always. And we don’t need to tell mom, it’s supposed to be for her. And yes, now.”

Karyn wanted to protest, but Dinky was already halfway out the door. Finally she thought of something. “But you know that your mother will catch us. She always does when we try to sneak out.”

“You’re right. Hang on.” She levitated a hat onto Karyn’s head. “There. Now you’re disguised. Come on.”

Matter-of-factly, Karyn said, “You are your mother’s daughter.” But she left with her.

Despite Karyn’s fear, they reached the train station without incident and took the train back to Ponyville.

Apple Bloom was repairing a fence at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres when they approached. She wasn’t a close friend of Dinky’s, but they knew each other’s name and were cordial to one another.

“Howdy!” she said. “What brings you round the farm? Most of our crops ain’t for sale right now in the season.”

“Actually,” said Dinky, “we were hoping we could talk to your grandmother. Maybe hear some old stories.”

“Really? Well, I’ll lend you my hair ribbon. Maybe with her eyesight she’ll think you’re me, and then she’d tell them to you instead of me. Not that I don’t love her, but I must have heard them all a million times by now.”

Karyn grinned. “We’ll take that chance. Is she around?”

“Granny’s mostly retired now. She doesn’t even sort apples on cider-making day anymore. But she sits upstairs in the house and watches the ranch. She’s the one mentioned this fence needed mending.” Apple Bloom pointed toward the second-floor window. Dinky and Karyn spotted the elderly pony rocking in her chair.

“Thanks. We’ll go talk with her.”

The old boards of the house squeaked as they climbed the stairs, and the old bones of Granny Smith creaked as well.

“Hello, Miss Smith,” said Dinky.

“Hello yourself, whipper-snapper. What’s that you got there with you? Some kind of baby dragon?”

“No, she’s my friend. She’s called a human, and her name is Karyn.”

Granny Smith looked down at her knitting. “Well, if she’s a friend, I guess that’s all right. And you are?”

“My name’s Dinky, Dinky Hooves.” She hesitated as she realized that she was imposing on a relative stranger. “I was just wondering, since you’ve been around so long, if you might have known my grandmother. Maybe you can tell me something about her.”

“Well, sure I knew your grandam.”

“That’s great! What was she like?”

Granny Smith leered. “She was the orneriest, meanest, twistedest pony I ever knew and no mistake! Kind of mare who would kick you in the teeth so much as look at you.”

Dinky’s jaw dropped. “Really? Everypony always said she was nice. Tough, but nice.”

“Well, of course nopony wants to hurt a little’un’s feelings, but them’s the facts. Now you take old Mr. Waddle f’r’instance. Kindest feller you’d want to know. Always sayin’ hi and smilin’. Well, one day he passed by and sure as I’m sitting here your grandmother comes right out and says, ‘Can’t stand that stallion.’ Didn’t care who heard it either.”

Karyn wanted to stop her. Dinky looked as if she were about to cry. But Granny Smith was still talking.

“No wonder your daddy left home as soon as he was old enough to work.”

“Wait, what?” Dinky picked her head up. She thought back and realized that she had never specified who she was talking about. “I’m sorry, Miss Smith, I don’t mean that grandma. I meant my other one, Dancey Hooves.”

Granny Smith perked up at the name. “Oh! Well, that’s a pony of a different color! Gray, if I’m not mistaken. Poor Dancey. Shame what happened to her.”

“You knew her?”

“Dancey Hooves. Haven’t thought about her in a long time. Not the brightest apple in the basket, but you couldn’t tell her that. Kept a flower garden of chrysanthemums, every color of the rainbow. Wasn’t stingy about giving them away, neither. Yes, she was a darn fine pony. Shame what happened to her.”

Karyn put her hand on Dinky’s back. “It wasn’t entirely a shame. A very nice pony came out of it. No, two very nice ponies.”

Granny smiled, but then fell asleep for a minute or two. Karyn and Dinky weren’t sure if they should leave, so they tried to steal away quietly. As they reached the door, she woke back up and said, “You tell your mother I said hello, now, you hear?”

“I will, Miss Smith,” said Dinky. “You know, since she never had a mother, maybe you could sort of adopt her.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t like to do that. I know I don’t look it, but I’m awful old. Nopony should have to lose two mothers.”

There was nothing else to say to that.

They walked back downstairs. “Dinky?”

“Yes, Karyn.”

“How old is Granny Smith?”

“Ooh, I don’t know. She was around for the founding of Ponyville, so quite a while. But I think that she’s the type who’s just too set in her ways to leave. When she does, it’ll be on her terms.”

“I guess some people are like that,” said Karyn.

Dinky stopped at the door to the house. “When grandpa died, he’d been sick a real long time. Mommy took care of him as best as she could. The day it finally happened, he laid down in bed and wouldn’t talk at all. He was very pale. But he kept breathing. We’d watch his chest go up and down, over and over, for hours. At the foot of his bed there was a clock, and I’d watch it tick away. I didn’t think he could see the clock. The hands kept moving, and his chest kept rising and falling. At the stroke of midnight he let out one more breath. That’s when Mommy said that it was Grandma Dancey’s birthday, and wasn’t it nice that we were all together for it.”

“It’s just so wrong, all that your mother has had to go through. I don’t know how she’s stayed so nice. I think if I had all that happen to me, I’d be bitter and mean, the way that Granny Smith described your other grandmother.”

“My mommy’s a special pony all right. We should do something nice for her.” They passed by where Apple Bloom was still working on the fence. “Are you sure that there’s nothing for sale right now?”

“Well, we do have some candied apples that Big Macintosh put up in jars, but they haven’t sold too well. Most ponies like to buy fresh.”

Dinky negotiated with her until they agreed on a price. It wasn’t expensive, and she decided that she could afford to buy it and still have enough to get them back to Canterlot on the train. Karyn objected to a gift of food.

“I’ve been trying to get your mother to diet,” she explained.

“Maybe we can tell her not to eat it. Or to ration it out over several days.”

“We can try, I suppose. But in any case we ought to get back before she misses us.”

Soon they were back on the train again, and Karyn commented that she felt like a rubber band.

“Back and forth, Ponyville to Canterlot. Probably Derpy will take me on one more time before we pop home.”

They went back to Dinky’s room to find Derpy waiting for them.

“Hey, you two. Where’ve you been? I got you lots more stuff.”

Dinky was hesitant about revealing her truancy, but Karyn came to her rescue. “Dinky’s been practicing perception spells, and since she’s so familiar with this room anyway, we figured that it would be better if she got to a new environment.”

“Then what’s that jar?”

This time it was Karyn’s turn to stammer, and Dinky’s turn to bail her out. “I picked this up while we were out. I thought it would be a nice gift for you.”

Derpy took a look at the dried apples. “Sweet Apple Acres, huh? I didn’t think they sent much to Canterlot.”

“This was sent by a special train.”

“Really? Cool. What’s the occasion?”

Karyn stood between the two ponies. “On Earth, we have a holiday set aside every year to celebrate mothers, where we give them gifts and cards. It’s not for another couple of months there, but if you don’t have that in Equestria, it might be a good tradition to start.”

Derpy looked at her daughter. “That’s so sweet. Although Karyn won’t like it that you gave me a gift of food.”

“She already told me so,” said Dinky. “Hey, what if you didn’t eat it?”

“You mean just keep it around?”

“I was thinking, what if you put the dried apples in a dish and lit a candle in the middle. It would probably give a nice smell to a room.”

Derpy stared off into space, picturing the image. “That would be nice, I think.”

“Say, Mommy, are you ever sad that you didn’t have a mommy of your own? Karyn and I were talking about it and thinking about asking some older ponies to adopt you.”

“Oh, no! Don’t ever do that.”

Karyn was surprised at her strong reaction. “Would it really be so bad? I have a mother who loves me and I’d want the same for you.”

“I figured something out a long time ago. Everypony has a certain amount of love given to them in their life. I saved up all of the love that should have been given to me as a filly, and I got it back from Dinky. If somepony adopted me now, they’d be giving me love that could have come from her. Or from you.”

Karyn and Dinky weren’t sure that Derpy’s idea made sense, but it was sweet, so they indulged in a group hug.

“And another thing,” said Derpy. “If it were an older pony, I’d have to deal with losing them eventually. I don’t think I could handle that.”

“That was her opinion as well.”

“Whose?”

Dinky quickly changed the subject. “Hey, what about if Princess Celestia adopted you?! You could call her mom and she could come visit you and bring you things, and there’d be no chance that you’d lose her.”

“No way! I’m not getting anywhere near the crown again. I’ve got my own little kingdom right here, with one subject, and that’s enough.”

That was too much for Dinky, and another group hug was inescapable.

Author's Note:

Rushing to get this preview in before deadline!

“Whew,” said Derpy. “I hope this counts as my exercise for the day.”

“Well, I think technically you’re supposed to work out above and beyond what you would normally do. Like, if you have to go to the market to buy food, you’d walk around there, but you’d do that even when you weren’t trying to lose weight, so you need to do it again.”

“You’ve got to be kidding!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karyn grinned. “You are really devious sometimes. All right, we’ll follow your plan. Wait, won’t you be able to go and come back without time having passed here?”

“Hmm, you’re right. Actually, this will be a good chance to test how well we can control that. If I consider that I’m going home, and not just popping back to grab something, time should flow. We’ll see how that works.”

Karyn agreed to Derpy’s experiment, and let her go.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So your friend is one of these unicorns?”

“Well, no,” said Karyn. “She’s a pegasus pony.”

“You mean she has both wings and magic? I’m not sure that’s fair.”


See what I did there?

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