34: Derpective! You're Looking For Me
After hearing of Derpy’s insomnia a few weeks before, Karyn decided to make her dorm ready for an early arrival. She had told Derpy that, if she was awake early, to go ahead and come over. The computer would be ready, and she could browse the internet or play games until Karyn woke up and they could spend the day together.
She had anticipated that such an arrival would wake her up, either by the sound of Derpy’s spell or the light from the monitor. She had also been concerned that, if they were both up early, they would be tired early as well. The problem she did not anticipate was that Derpy would come in, start watching funny videos, and they would both be distracted so much that she didn’t get dressed until noon.
“I wish we had the Internet back in Equestria,” Derpy said. “Any time you want, you can just type in something and be entertained.”
“Yeah, but at the same time, it makes you not want to go out and do things.”
“Not for me. I’m ready to go out right now.”
Karyn dealt with her tousled hair and put on her makeup. “It’s easier for you to be ready.”
“Whatever. I still say that you’re lucky to be working with computers. I wish that, when I was a filly, I started working and going to school to learn about the Internet that we had in Equestria thanks to my previous wish.”
“Oh, come on, there are lots of other things you probably would have studied. You can do anything you put your mind to.”
“Yeah, but I just have this feeling,” said Derpy, pointing at the computer, “like the Internet loves me.”
“It does.” Karyn headed to the bathroom to finish making herself presentable.
“What other things?”
“Huh?”
Derpy poked her head in and talked over the sound of the hair dryer. “You said that there were other things I might have studied as a filly. What kind of things did you mean?”
“Um, well, I didn’t have anything specific in mind, but I’m sure that the college offers plenty of interesting things that an inquisitive mare would like.”
“No history, though. I’ve had enough of that.”
Karyn shut off the dryer with an audible click. “Yes, I remember how you did my test. But why don’t we go around today and I’ll show you all the departments and explain to you what they do?”
“Can’t we just look them up on the web page?”
“Yes, but that’s what I was just saying you shouldn’t do. All the information we need can be obtained by using our legs, plus it’s a nice day for this time of year. I’ll grab my coat and hat, and you can keep warm because you’re a pony, and we’ll go out and get some air with our information.”
Derpy still thought that Karyn was being a little Luddite-ish, although she didn’t know the word for it. Nonetheless, they put on their disguises and headed out into the bright sun and cold air.
“Why is it so much more dazzling in the winter?” asked Derpy.
“Because the sun’s at a lower angle at the same time of day, so it gets in our eye.”
“I’m telling you, you humans need a princess to raise the sun for you instead of letting it go wherever it wants. We have winter the same way you do, and the sun stays overhead where it belongs.”
They walked down the path away from the dorms and toward the classrooms. Karyn’s college, being a state school, offered a lot of different programs. The first building they passed was a square, modern building with an open courtyard underneath.
“This is the school for business and accountancy,” Karyn said.
“So the students here want to run their own businesses?”
“Probably not, for most of them. You’re more likely to find people who want to run a business in another school for whatever it is they want their business to do. Or skipping going to college and just diving in. The people going here want to be part of other people’s business, telling them how to run it better and spend their money right. Of course, in a lot of those cases, they say that spending the money right means paying the business majors more.
“This is just my opinion, but the whole thing’s problematic. If people did start their own businesses, and didn’t sell stock and just ran it on their own, then no one could complain if they got rich and spent their money on perks for themselves. But because everything is a big corporation, they’re bad guys when they fly private or have big houses.”
Derpy let Karyn rant on, then raised a concern of her own. “For money, you guys use those plastic cards or paper bills, right?”
“Yeah.”
“I just think the architecture here is so plain. If we had this kind of school in Equestria, we’d build a nice, round, gold building to make it look like a bit.”
Karyn laughed, but then sighed. “I know. That’s why everything’s a little prettier there. But at the same time, we have all the modern conveniences like the computers you admire so.”
Derpy couldn’t argue with that, and they moved on.
Down the road, Karyn put on a smirk and pointed at two buildings right next to each other. “This has to be a kind of joke on the part of one of the administrators. The one on the left is the engineering department, and the one on the right is the Women’s Studies center.”
“How is that a joke?”
“Those two disciplines are rivals. The engineers think that schools for things like women’s studies or ethnic culture studies are ivory-tower fluff that have no relevance to the real world.”
“I’ve seen some very nice ivory towers in Canterlot,” said Derpy. “But you’re probably using it as an expression to mean far above the streets where things happen.”
“Very good, yes. Anyway, the women’s studies people think that engineering and the hard sciences are just perpetuating the world as it is and getting in the way of social progress.”
“Who’s right?”
Karyn thought about how best to answer her, and she kept walking as she did. “Neither one, really. IT is one of those hard sciences, and I’m certainly a woman, but I don’t feel loyalty to either side. But everyone’s after money.”
They turned a corner and walked along the main entrance road to the college. There were cars and trucks coming in and more people milling about. It looked like a class was about to start, as students were running into a building from several directions.
“What’s this one?” asked Derpy.
Karyn pointed at the sign on the door. “Like that says, this is the criminology department. You probably don’t have a lot of crime in Equestria, and when you do it’s more like somepony taking a bite of a cake they shouldn’t. But here, it’s an awful problem, and how to stop it and conduct investigations is a big issue.”
At that moment, Derpy’s stomach gave an audible grumble.
“A bit hungry, are we?” Karyn asked.
“Yeah, we got such a late start that I didn’t eat much.”
“Me neither. Well, come on, let’s grab something at the cafeteria and head back to the dorms.”
Suiting the deed to the word, they made their way swiftly to pick up lunch. There was a bit of a lunch rush, and Karyn had to sneak Derpy a few lettuce leaves just to stop her from continuing her stomach-rumbling. It was hard for her to pretend that the loud noise came from her own belly, which was tiny in comparison to Derpy’s barrel.
The young man there had a pudgy face that Karyn didn’t recognize. His pop-eyes scanned the room as soon as the door opened, and sweat gleamed from his face, despite the relative cold. He said nothing, but Karyn had a distinct feeling of discomfort, so she said, “Yes? Can I help you?”
“I saw you a few hours ago in front of the criminology building. I’m studying there to be a detective.”
“That’s good, I guess.”
“They train us there to be observant. I like to think I’ve learned a thing or two. For example: when I see someone ostensibly talking on a cell phone, but whose Bluetooth isn’t showing any light, and who’s point at signs like the person on the other end of the phone can see, in an area that I know to be a complete dead zone for cellular coverage, I start to get suspicious. So I’d like to know what’s going on.”
He watched her face for a reaction, and was not disappointed. Karyn showed panic before recovering and trying to bluff her way through. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about. I do talk on my cell phone, and maybe I point because I forget, but there’s nothing duplicitous.”
“Mmhm,” he said. “May I come in?”
“I’d rather you didn’t.”
“That’s fine. I can also tell you that I heard two voices coming up, and even looking in I don’t see anyone else.”
“Of course you did,” said Karyn. “I was Skyping with a friend.”
“Very nice of you to set two places for lunch, both of which have been eaten, for a friend that you’re only talking to online.”
“I’m sorry, I never got your name.”
“It’s Albert. Very nice to meet you.” He flashed a toothy grin and extended his hand, but Karyn didn’t want to shake it. It looked as greasy as his face. “And I accept.”
“What?”
“You said, ‘I’m sorry.’ Twice. And you changed the subject. It’s clear you’re hiding something. I like to know what people are hiding.”
Karyn didn’t know what to think. The cover was blown. He wasn’t going to go away until he found out all about Derpy, told the world, and got his name in the paper for discovering that talking ponies were real. Then she took a moment. He was just a student, with no real authority. He couldn’t search her room or conduct any kind of real investigation. And whatever he suspected, it was probably nowhere near the truth. She’d have to brazen it out.
“All right. What do you think is going on?”
“My theory isn’t complete, but it’s definitely something supernatural. You’ve got a ghost or an invisible man or something. Maybe you have fairy godparents.”
She wanted to slap his fat face. Instead she said, “You’re way off” and closed the door in his face.
“What—“ she started to say, but Derpy turned back visible and waved her hoof frantically. She pointed at the door, and then at her ears, wiggling them about. Karyn understood that she meant that Albert was probably still listening. Then Derpy pointed at her bag, at Karyn, and at her own back in sequence. Karyn nodded and got on her back as she pulled out her spell as quietly as she could.
Once they were safely in Equestria, Karyn exhaled and started gibbering. “What are we going to do? How could he have made so many connections? Oh, we’ve been so careless. I should never have taken you out so often, or we should have used a better disguise. I need to watch what I say and I should remember that everyone else sees me as talking on the phone when I’m really not. We’ve got to get him to go away!”
Derpy listened, letting Karyn expend her energy before they discussed it rationally. She was pleased to hear that at no point in her ramblings did Karyn suggest, or even worry about, the two of them not seeing each other on Earth anymore. They had gotten past that at least.
“We were careless, but he also got lucky,” said Derpy. “We pass hundreds of other humans all the time and they don’t notice anything because they’re polite enough not to.”
“That’s true. He’s definitely a jerk. So what can we do about him? I don’t suppose you have a spell to erase his memory? We can make him forget that he saw anything.”
Derpy was shocked. “I don’t have anything like that! Twilight and Lyra said they would under no circumstances craft any spells that would hurt anyone, humans or ponies.”
“It wouldn’t be hurting him exactly.”
“A person’s mind is their most precious possession. There’s nothing more hurtful than messing with another’s mind.”
Karyn wasn’t sure if she agreed. “Well, it’s a moot point anyway, if you don’t have the spell. So how do we deal with him?”
“Do you think he knows about the show? If he does, or if we can make him understand, maybe we can just explain everything to him.”
“I don’t know if you looked at him, or if you heard the tone of his voice. He’s not out looking for friends. It’s either that he’s so driven by a puzzle he can’t figure out that he won’t go away until he understands, or he’s envisioning the fame and fortune he’ll get once he reveals it to the press. He might even think I’m planning a terrorist attack or something that he’ll stop.”
Derpy pondered for a moment. “Then what we’ve got to do is give him a plausible explanation for what he thinks he saw, and let him know that it’s something completely mundane. After that, he won’t care.”
They brainstormed a few ideas, but weren’t meeting with much success. “It’s the second lunch that’s the real problem,” said Karyn. “He knows that there was a second person in the room eating and talking. If we could show him someone else, we could try to explain it away. But there’s no way to do that.”
“Maybe there is. But we need some supplies. And maybe a little luck of our own.”
“What did you have in mind?”
They descended to Derpy’s house, where she brought out a big sheet of paper. Together they drew up their plan.
“And are you sure about this explanation?” Karyn asked.
“It worked once before.”
Half an hour later, they walked out of a shop in Ponyville carrying a package. “I didn’t even realize that you had shops like this here,” said Karyn.
“Oh, yes, for parties, or for Nightmare Night when parents don’t want to spend a lot of time.”
Karyn opened the box and slipped on the black wig. “I’ll need a different outfit too.”
“You’ll have to change as soon as you get back.”
“No, I’ll just throw on a sweater or jacket over top of this. Come on, let’s go.”
She got on top of Derpy’s back, signaled her readiness, and looked around as soon as they returned to her room. She found a gray jacket in her closet that provided a nice contrast to her maroon shirt. She ran to the door and looked out the peephole, bending her eye to see down the hall. As she expected, the junior detective was still waiting and listening. Silently counting to three, she tore open the door and broke into a run down the hall to the stairs at the end.
Now she had to be a little careful. She didn’t want to get caught, but neither did she want to lose him by running too fast. The stairs were the kind that went back and forth in a well behind swinging doors. He burst through a few seconds after she did, and she was on the first floor when he was halfway down the flight to the second. She opened the door and let it swing, then went outside.
She slowed up to allow him time to catch up. Crossing over the front of the building, she turned to move to the back where the garbage bins were kept. As soon as she was sure that he saw her go there, she moved in to where Derpy, invisible and guiding her by whispers, was standing. She jumped back on and a moment later was back in Equestria.
Now it was time for phase two. “For once I’m glad of the time distortion,” Karyn said. They flew back to Derpy’s house, where she took off the jacket and wig.
When they appeared back in Karyn’s room again, she calmly walked over to the window and peered out to where Albert was still looking around the corner. “Everything all right?” she called.
He looked back up to see her, his eyes narrowing. She pulled her head back in the room and gathered up the trash from the two lunches. Calmly strolling down to the bins, she dumped it in and grinned.
“All right, who is she?”
“Who’s who?” If she had faked confidence before, now it was genuine, and he knew it.
“Where was she went I was up there?”
He was on the defensive now, and Karyn sensed it. “Excuse me if I decide not to tell you about what my girlfriends and I do in my room.” She figured that the thought of two females together would cloud his judgment.
“But you weren’t talking to her outside the building. You couldn’t have been.”
“You’re right, I wasn’t. That was a completely separate issue.”
“All right, then,” he said, “spill.”
“I suppose I might as well, since it won’t do you any good. You are familiar, I assume, with proprietary information as related to new products and services? And the laws that go with them?”
“Yes.” He stretched it out as if expecting a lie.
“I don’t know how well you keep up with technology in the criminology department, but I can assure you we’re always researching something new. Or at least combinations of old technology. For example, you’ve seen that software on cell phones that answers questions you pose by voice. And I’m sure you’ve also heard of GPS. Then again, there’s also the satellite and local camera apps that give you real-time views of street locations. Well, it’s a project of mine to combine all three. So yes, even though I don’t have cell reception everywhere on the campus, I can still input information into the system I’m working with. You didn’t see the hidden camera I had below my bangs. Ultimately I plan to have a system that can recognize images, addresses, and voice commands, and translate any one into another.”
Karyn didn’t know if he would buy the explanation, but she was sure of two things. One, that he was completely out of his depth with the level of technology she was describing. Two, that she spoke with confidence, as if she actually believed the story she was telling.
Albert’s pop-eyes shrank to dots as he tried to stare her down, but she kept her grin and stuck out her tongue a little.
“Maybe,” he said. “We’ll see. I’m going to keep my eye on you, and find out who that other girl was. I still say there’s more here that you’re not telling me. Maybe not illegal, but definitely embarrassing. Oh, yes, I’ll be watching.”
“You just try it.”
“Don’t underestimate me. I’m smarter than you.”
Karyn laughed. “No. You’re not.”
He stormed off. Her laughter rose to audible levels, and Derpy came up and said, “What’s so funny?”
“He said, ‘I’m smarter than you.’ The word you can mean both one person or multiple. He might be smarter than me, but he’s definitely no match for the two of us.”
“What are we going to do now?”
“First, we’re going to write up a fake but plausible sounding paper about cell-voice-GPS-camera integration—which isn’t a bad idea, actually. I might start working on that for a term paper. Then we’re going to stop worrying. Between technology and magic, we won’t have any problems.”
Derpy shook her head and laughed. “When you put it that way, it almost sounds fun.”
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another good chapter and my first first
I was rushing to be first, but oh well i didnt quite make it...anyway nice chapter and im glad to see a new character in it,and i hope Albert stays a bit.
Oh shit!
I have a feeling that he's gonna blow their cover soon.
I believe the terms she's looking for is 'Apple Family'.
gentle men there is a spy among them
"There's a new gang on campus... They go by Tall K. and The Muffin. And I'm going to put a stop to them... My name is... uh... TBA, and this is my campus."
You're a loose cannon, unnamed detective student guy! (Can't wait for the next installment, as always.)
If they really wanted to mess with Albert, I could see it going something like having Karyn put a broom on invisible Derpy's back, climbing on then flying in front of the cafeteria door. A seemingly real flying broomstick. Al's brain would explode.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/061/1/b/my_1st_derpy_hooves_meme_by_pevlarus_in_exile-d4rhgqe.jpg
oh campus police.
Been replaying through the Gyakuten (Ace Attoney) games recently, so I can't help but picture Albert as this guy.
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100105005852/aceattorney/images/thumb/d/de/Sal_Manella.png/170px-Sal_Manella.png
1906756
I've never played those, but that's a good image!
1906956
They're really good if you like logic/puzzle games like Professor Layton or Ghost Trick. I'd highly recommend it if you ever get the chance.
Only bad part are the horrible puns they changed a lot of the characters' names to in localization. -_-
It appears that there is a section of the story missing. One moment they are grabbing lunch and the next Karyn is talking to a guy outside of her dormroom with no mention of ever leaving the cafeteria. The sudden jump is a bit jarring to say the least, but it was a good chapter despite that.
3863696
You're right.
It seems to go directly from
to
It seems like there's just a short snippet missing where they return to Karyn's room and then hear a knock on the door.
I hadn't noticed until your comment made me double-check.
Sorry for the late reply...
... ... ... So he has no real authority and is going to school for law, but doesn't understand that he could be in so much shit if she were to, for example, contact the real authorities and claim he's following her, invading her privacy, and harassing her? Good lord a weasley little man like that, she could very easily pass him off as a stalker.
His career would be ruined if she pressed charges and could prove it, not to mention possible jail time. A restraining order would be nothing to set up.
What's more a young woman in college should know how to deal with some creep stalking her, if not from experience (hopefully), then from adults talking to her about it.
vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/e/ec/FANMADE_Twilight_Clapping.gif/revision/latest?cb=20120228224010
THANK you! This needs to be said more often.
7590163 Thank you. It's something that always bothers me in fiction, whether it's something like Men in Black, or something like Fruits Basket, where people talk about erasing memories, and then I'm like, "And these are supposed to be the good guys?"