2: A Letter of Introderption
Derpy thought it would be faster than this. Actually she thought that it would be instantaneous, as she had always seen Twilight teleport from one point to another instantly. But instead she was held in a magical warp for several seconds. Or, she thought, perhaps the human lived in some sort of dance club that didn’t play any music but did have lots of trippy lights. Not the most likely hypothesis, but that was the way that Derpy’s mind worked. She hoped that when it stopped she would see the human right away, not have to go searching the world for her.
Karyn, they had said she was named. It still sounded weird to Derpy, but at least they had the same amount of letters. What would she be like? Nice, she hoped.
The magical display finally started to coalesce and it squeezed her through a single point into her new surroundings. She looked around. She was most impressed with the walls. They were perfectly flat like paper that had been painted over. No pony would ever make walls like that. You could always see the grain of the wood even if it was painted. She hoped she could see the perfectly flat trees that grew here.
Then she took note of the furniture. This was more traditional wood, though it shined with some kind of lacquer. There was a fairly small bed, a fairly large bureau, a fairly average desk with a human sitting at it, a fairly tall bookshelf. . .
The human! She had the same blonde hair as Derpy, but no tail. Her face was freckled and she was dressed up. Derpy figured that that was for the occasion of meeting her, and wondered if she was being rude by not having dressed up herself. Oh well, she thought. She wants to meet me, not my clothes. The human’s eyes grew wide and she gasped.
“Oh my gosh!” Derpy wondered if gosh was the name of the humans’ leader. “It’s really you! You’re really here!”
“Yes, my name is—“
“But you’re a cartoon pony!”
“Huh? No, I’m a pegasus pony,” said Derpy, displaying her wings. “I’m Derpy Hooves, pleased to meet you.”
“But you’re made up!”
“No I’m not. This is my natural skin tone.”
“No, I mean. . . Never mind. I don’t believe it, it was real!”
“I thought that you knew I was coming.”
“Well, I did, but I didn’t really believe it. I just saw this message on a board one day titled “Would You Like to Live in Equestria?” and because I was bored that day I wrote a little essay on the positives and negatives of living there, and then a week ago got a message that said they were impressed and that a pony would be visiting me. I thought it was a joke.”
“I see. Believe me, it’s very serious. I worked awfully hard to get here.”
“That’s awesome. I have so many questions! Do you really like muffins? Did you really wreck town hall? Do you hang out with the Doctor? What’s Dinky like?”
Derpy got the impression of the human as a little excitable, something like Pinkie Pie back home, but perhaps it was just the thrill of the meeting. She had to act as the voice of reason, not a typical position for her.
“Whoa there! Lyra told me that you would know things about Equestria, but not all those intimate details about me. And I don’t know anything about you, so why don’t you formally introduce yourself?”
“OK. Well, my name is Karyn Hubert, and it’s Karyn with a y, not an e. I’m a freshman here at USCI, studying IT.”
“That’s a whole lot of letters. What’s USCI and what’s IT? I think I got all the rest.”
“USCI is the name of the school, University of State College Institute. IT is information technology.”
“Infor-what now?”
“Information technology. It’s all about computers and phones and networking and stuff. How we can store data—which can be anything, words, books, pictures—and get them where they need to be seen.”
“Oh! You’re studying magic! My filly is—”
Karyn interrupted, chuckling. “No, it’s not magic. It’s all physical, based on the movement of microscopic particles.”
“Yep, magic!”
“Not magic. Just a system for handling ideas.”
“That’s magic, all right. It’s OK, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Twilight Sparkle back home studies magic and was worried when she first came to town that her friends wouldn’t like her for it, because another magician came to town and tried to upstage everypony.”
“You mean Trixie.”
“Oh, you know about that too. OK, tell me more.”
“Well, that’s who I am, really. That and someone who loves ponies. I watch it every week and I’ve even been to meet some other fans just to hang out. But now I’m hanging out with a real pony, which would give me so much cred if anyone knew. I guess I have to keep you a secret, though.”
“I’m the first pony to come to Earth, and they told me to keep a low profile. Maybe someday, though.”
The two of them looked at each other as the conversation paused. They were both still a little sure to proceed. Derpy went over and peeked out the window.
“It’ll be interesting if nothing else to see what a human school is like. I didn’t do too well when I went to school. But I learned enough to carry the mail.”
Karyn stood up quickly. “The mail! I forgot to go check it yesterday. Would you mind if I went out and got it? It won’t take me long at all.”
“No, not at all, but while you’re gone, could I. . . ?”
“Yes? You need something?”
“Yeah, I need a place to. . . “
“To what?”
“I have to, um—“
“Oh, you have to pee! You can just say so. But this could be a little problematic. See, I share the bathroom with the room across the way. We each have our own door, but you could go through to the other room. Point being, if anyone knocks, you have to let them know you’re in there or they could come in and see you.”
“That would be bad,” said Derpy. “They’d hear my voice. I’ll have to try to imitate you.”
“I don’t think that would work. My voice is a lot higher than yours. But we’ll say I had a cold or something. OK, go ahead and use it, I’ll be right back.”
They both came back to the dorm room at the same time. Derpy had enjoyed washing her hooves in the faucet instead of in a basin as she would have back home. She was starting to come around on Karyn, but didn’t feel that she really knew her yet.
For her part, Karyn had used the opportunity to try to come to terms with actually having a pony from Equestria in her room. On the one hand it shattered everything she knew about the way the world worked. On the other hand, Derpy was nice.
“So let me see how human mail works,” said Derpy. “I take a professional interest.”
Karyn showed her the three letters that she had brought in. “I can’t imagine that it’s much different from your mail. Return address on the top, recipient’s address on the bottom, stamp on the upper right. We add a set of numbers to the address to make it easier to catalogue addresses.”
“And a human delivers it? How does she cover all the houses in town without flying?”
“Well, there’s more than one. Do you mean to say that you deliver all the mail in town?”
“Oh, no! There are others, but I don’t think I would ever finish my route if I had to walk the roads. As is, I can hit every house in Ponyville and Cloudsdale every other day.”
“Ah, see, we get mail every day. And there’s a lot of mailboxes in town. Although, it’s funny, now that you mention it, many years ago when there was still untamed country out west, they would send mail using something called the Pony Express.”
Derpy was confused. “But I thought there were no ponies here.”
“There are ponies, but they can’t talk or use their hooves to grab things. They had humans who would ride on them and the humans would carry the mail.”
That didn’t sit right with Derpy, and somewhat offended her dignity as a pony. But then she was distracted by the envelope again.
“Hey, this envelope’s all crinkly!”
“Crinkly? Oh, the window. They do that when they have a lot of mail to send to a lot of people so that they can print the address on the letter itself instead of the envelope. Big companies do it, and it usually means that it’s a bill or a check. Given the state of my finances, not a check. “ She tore open the envelope. “Yep, cell phone bill.”
Derpy tried to parse those words and came up empty. She just figured she would nod her head and play along until the conversation came around back to her level. That usually worked.
Karyn opened the second letter and said, “Tuition bill,” then looked at the third letter. This one, Derpy saw, was in a red envelope that did not have a crinkly window. Karyn opened a drawer and put it in. “I’ll look at that one later.”
“Yeah? I’d think that that would be the important one. In Equestria, a red envelope usually means it’s a love letter.”
Karyn turned away from Derpy and didn’t answer. Derpy saw that in the drawer were several other red envelopes. “I’m right, aren’t I? It’s a love letter?”
“Maybe, of a kind. In any case you don’t want to hear about my problems. Tell me more about Equestria, since ponies are what I use to escape my problems anyway.”
“I don’t mind if you talk about problems. If just watching ponies helps you with them, imagine what talking to a pony could do!”
Karyn looked down at her feet and said nothing. She didn’t really like opening up to anyone, but Derpy wasn’t just anyone. It was somehow different unburdening herself to a pony who would go back to her own world rather than her own kind. If nothing else, Derpy would find it more difficult to judge her harshly, since she knew so little about Earth.
“All right, I guess I’ll tell you. See, the truth is that I wasn’t even supposed to come to this school. I had a boyfriend in high school, which is the school you go before college. He was real smart, the smartest in the school, and our plan was that he would go to college, and after he finished and had a job, we would move in together. I hoped that would lead to marriage.
“Now, what you have to understand is that college is expensive. If you’re lucky, your parents will save up and pay for it, otherwise you have to take out loans and you start your life off in debt. Or if you’re smart enough, or if you can play sports, maybe the college will let you go and pay for it themselves, which is called a scholarship. Mike, that’s my boyfriend, got a scholarship for just being smart.
“But they check his grades every half-year to make sure he’s doing ok, and if he’s not, they take the scholarship away. Last year he went for the first time, and he wrote me a letter every week telling me how wonderful he was doing and how well it was going. As near as I can tell, those letters were the only time he put pen to paper during that first semester, since his grades were distinctly mediocre, so much so that they did make him pay for this year.
“My parents told me I could no longer afford to wait for him and hope it all went well. I would have to get a job myself and if I wanted it to be anything decent, I’d better get into school. Well, there was no chance of me getting a scholarship, and my parents can’t afford to pay it either, so that means that I have to take out loans. And it’s bad enough owing money, but all the paperwork to get them and trying to write essays to get grants of a few hundred dollars so I don’t have to owe everything is just more stress.
“Maybe it doesn’t sound all that bad when I just say it straight like that, but here’s what it comes down to: six months ago I was living a dream that I could just wait a few years and then I’d be a housewife. Now I’m in the harsh reality of twenty-first century struggling for economic survival. And it all started when those red envelopes turned out to be lies.
“Look at me, babbling on. You probably haven’t even understood half of what I’ve been saying.”
For the first time, Derpy realized that she was the older, more experienced, and more mature of the two. That was a different experience for her.
“You’re right,” she said, putting sympathy in her voice. “I didn’t understand a lot of the details. But I think I got the gist of it. I think your problem isn’t your problems so much as how your problems have gotten to be a problem.”
Karyn, emotionally drained from her confession, laughed through half-formed tears. “Now it’s my turn to say I don’t understand.”
“You have three problems,” Derpy said, sitting down and raising three hooves to illustrate. “One is that you’re not in as good a money situation as you thought you would be. The second is that your colt-friend isn’t what you thought he would be. The third is that you’re still mired in ‘would have been’s.
“The first is a practical problem, the second is an emotional problem, but the third is just your problem, and the sooner you let it go, the sooner you’ll find the solutions to the first two.”
Karyn’s emotions took over and she raised her voice angrily. “What do you know about it? You’re just a cartoon pony!”
“I know, just something that humans made up. Except I’m here, right here with you.” She rested a wing on Karyn’s shoulder. “You said before that ponies were your way of escaping your issues. What if instead a pony could help you deal with them? Because you’re never again going to be able to see me as just that funny pegasus with the crossed eyes. I’ll always be the mare who offered to help.”
“And maybe I can at least help you avoid my mistakes. My life hasn’t been all bubbles and muffins, you know.”
Through her tears and her rage Karyn laughed. “Well, you’re still funny. I guess I never thought of you as having had any troubles. Hey, is this our first fight as friends?”
“I guess so,” Derpy said, “But it’s over now. It’s exactly how I like fights with my friends to be: short and in the past.”
The pony and the human embraced. Derpy had not missed the significance of the fact that it was Karyn who called them friends first.
When they broke the hug, Karyn said, “I’m going to go out and get us something to eat. Anything in particular you want?”
“No, whatever you bring Is fine. I can eat anything, so long as it’s delicious. But what about the expense? You said that you’re short of money.”
“Don’t worry about that. One of the ways they get us is to make us buy a meal plan, which gives you more food that one person could use, especially if she’s underweight and a vegetarian like me. I can buy a couple of meals a week for you without noticing.”
She left the room and once again Derpy was left with her thoughts. She had to try to find a way to help Karyn with her problems. She reflected back on her own youth. In her mind, growing up was something that had happened to the ponies of the generation before her. Nopony had ever given her the big book of things you need to know to advance beyond foal stage, and she had to wing everything. Literally, in some cases. Only through trial and error had she learned how to economize and how to deal with stallions who took more than they gave, even though one had given her Dinky.
That was another difference between the two of them. Karyn hadn’t borne any human foals, though Derpy could see that she was of age. On the one hoof, that could be good for her. On the other hoof, she wouldn’t have given up her filly for anything. But even that hadn’t made her grow up. She was still Dinky’s playmate as much as her mother.
In the line for food, Karyn was occupied as well. The luster of learning that Equestria, pegasi, and Derpy were real was wearing off, especially since Derpy had made the conversation so serious. But the ramifications of that were coming through. Derpy was more than just a two-dimensional drawing that someone messed up the eyes on. She had lived out many years, working a taxing job, raising a filly, keeping a home in Cloudsdale, and dealing socially with other ponies. The idea of her as a mentor was laughable at first, but didn’t seem so silly once she thought about it.
“Miss. . . Miss! You’re next!”
So deep was Karyn in her reverie that she hadn’t realized that she reached the front of the line. She turned to the impatient queue behind her and muttered, “Sorry. I just don’t know what went wrong.”
She loaded up her tray with a heaping portion of salads and vegetables, along with some tofu processed to a meat flavor. If the cashier thought she was indulging in overeating, he had the decency to say nothing.
Bringing the tray back to her room, she set places for herself and Derpy. “I don’t know if you’re going to like all this,” she said, “but it’s the local cuisine.”
“Don’t fret,” said Derpy. “Worse comes to worst, I’ll go out later and graze if I get really hungry.”
“Yeah, I don’t think you want to do that. You’ll get spotted and cause a panic.”
“But I’ll be—oh, I forgot to tell you. They gave me a bunch of spells before I came. One of them is for invisibility.”
“What do you mean, a bunch of spells? You’re not a unicorn.”
“Yeah, but Lyra and Twilight, they made these cool things for me,” Derpy said, reaching into her bag. “Ooh, we could have used this one before when I was in the bathroom. It finds the voice of the human I’m nearest and lets me mimic it. Listen.”
Derpy put her hoof into the spell and twisted, then started talking in Karyn’s voice, “Hi, I’m Karyn, a perfectly normal human who is not in any way a pony from Equestria.”
They both laughed. “That’s cool, I’ll have to let you call my parents next time so I don’t have to,” Karyn said.
“Actually, I’m wondering now. Do you want there to be a next time? Because I can’t stay here much longer. Things are going on back in Equestria that I have to attend to. I’m glad I could meet you, but maybe you don’t have room in your life for a pony.”
Karyn started to say, “Of course I want you to stay!” but checked herself. If she did invite Derpy back, it meant keeping a secret from everyone she knew, having to lie and make up excuses for missing days with the people she knew. But on the other hand, it meant having a My Little Pony pony for real! Then she realized that neither point was relevant. Derpy wasn’t a secret. Derpy wasn’t a pony. Derpy was a soul. She chose her words very carefully.
“You can come back. . . as often as you want to.”
Derpy had the ability to hide her emotions well, since so much of displaying emotions comes through the eyes. But she could read them well, and understood Karyn’s trepidation and the way she used the word “want.” She smiled.
“All right. Logistically I can’t say when I’ll be back. Time flows differently in our worlds. You may see me when you least expect me.”
“That wouldn’t be a first,” said Karyn. “Which reminds me, what were you doing in Fluttershy’s chicken coop that one time?”
“That was years ago! How did you even know about that?”
“The show, remember?”
“I’m not sure I like what it’s showing of me. Anyway, from what I remember, I was shirking off work and I know that Fluttershy takes her bunny rabbit on a walk that time of day, so I thought I could duck in and take a nap. But I was woken up by a big production number and poked my head out to see a couple of pegasi singing up a storm—not literally. I figured I better get back on my route.
“Actually, back in those days I was always getting myself into sticky situations. One time I got trapped in a snow globe! Now that was a story. It all started. . . “
The two talked as the day waned, swapping anecdotes and sharing laughs. All the tension that had passed between them was gone. When all was dark Derpy shouldered her saddlebag and gave Karyn one last hug. She was all set to activate her spell when Karyn shouted, “Wait!”
“What?”
“You’re going to disappear now, right?”
“Yeah, is there a problem?”
“I just had a moment of fear, that as soon as you did I’d say to myself, ‘You’re hallucinating. You’re going mad. Ponies are just made up!’”
Derpy cocked her head in thought. Stretching her wing as far forward as it could go, she took one of her flight feathers in her mouth and pulled hard. She felt a sting shoot up her back as she laid the feather on Karyn’s desk. Saying nothing, she put her hoof into the spell and twisted. Karyn was alone. She picked up the feather.
“Until next time,” she said to it.
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It was a rather long wait... BUT THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT!!! I guess taking more time and care with stories does result in better quality
Yay! More! More!
Lol Derpy. I love it when people don't make Derpy this storm of madness that ruins everything and can't form a sentence. The smarter side of Derpy is the better side.
Those spells are a good fail-safe for any corners you write yourself into, very good planning on your part. Keep up the great story, I can't wait for the next chapter... well.. never mind. I can wait for a very long time as long as the chapters keep this excellent quality.
I was wondering when the next chapter would appear. Dat Vas Fun!
551989
Schedule for this one is that each chapter is published at midnight UTC between Wednesday and Thursday.
551994
I was actually referring to the current chapter, as in wondering past-tense, but thanks anyway.
Hehe....more. This be good, lad or lass. (I'm not Irish, Scottish, I'm a pirate)
Meeting a girl who's into IT? That's as much a dream for me as meeting humans is for Lyra.
All the girls who were ever in any of my classes were only there because it was required for their bloody secretarial courses. And except for the lectures on how to use MS Office, they spent most of the time goofing off on solitaire or facebook. HAVE YOU NO AMBITION?!
Funny how girls stereotypically can't live without their damn facebook, yet few seem to have much interest in how it works. I dream of meeting a chick I can chat with in perl or BASH.
The snow globe…
I am really loving this story, and your writing too!
*Frantically searches online for a 'Would you like to live in Equestria' ad*
MUST FIND IT MUST FIND IT
3324954
*makes an ad to lure unsuspecting bronies into Filly Funtasia*
Thought of this quote when Derpy mistook computers for magic:
--Arthur C. Clarke, writer of such books as 2001 and Childhood's End
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. "
Well, technically, isn't magic anything that can not, at the time of description, be understood with the listeners worlds scientific knowledge?
Like a caveman seeing a quantum teleportation device as magic.