• Published 25th Apr 2012
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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human - pjabrony



Serveral years after the events of "Lyra's Human," Derpy Hooves meets a human of her own.

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146: A Host of Golden Derpodils

“It’s getting more humid out,” Derpy observed as she sipped her coffee.

“I know, right? It’s like there was this brief window when it wasn’t freezing cold, and now it’s all muggy. That’s not fair.” Karyn debated turning the air conditioning on, but it was far too early in the year for that. After the good rapport she’d developed with Gayle the previous week, she wanted to be nice and not raise her electric bills. “I wish that I could remember how terrible it felt in the winter, and how much I would have liked to walk from that right into this weather. Similarly, there should be a way to get the icy cold of winter when it’s a hundred degrees and full humidity.”

Derpy nodded, but she really didn’t see where Karyn was coming from. The weather was the weather. She could change it locally, but heat had to come from the sun. The higher an arc it took, the more heat would reach the ground, and the hotter it would get. Princess Celestia had her schedule, and everypony followed it. It should be even easier, she thought, in a world where the sun moves on its own.

“Would you rather have it too cold or too hot?”

“If I have to choose…too cold. Because I can always put on more clothes, but I can’t take more off.”

Derpy didn’t think it would be polite to say that she could. “I can understand that.”

“Plus the warming weather is another reminder that I’m getting closer to the end of term and I still haven’t found a job yet.”

“Any good leads?”

“Some, but it feels like I’m spinning my wheels. I have to study more, because finals are coming up, but I’ve still got to get in my goal for applications. The only way I can do that is to sacrifice either quality or sleep. I’ve been doing both in equal measure.” Just as Karyn seemed ready to veer into self-pity, she smiled and looked at Derpy. “Sometimes, the only thing keeping me going is that I know Sunday is coming.”

“Keep heart. It won’t be for much longer.”

“I know. Soon I’ll be out of school and I’ll be spending all my time looking for a job. That’ll be just great.”

Derpy caught the sarcasm. “It’s only until you find one. Or, until you find a good one.”

“As if that’s going to happen. Whatever. It’s my day off, and I want to relax. Let’s do something fun, something that’ll get you more in tune with Earth.”

“What would that be? I think I’ve done most of what you have.”

“I doubt that,” Karyn said. “Earth has so much going on, there must be something to do.”

“Well, let’s do something particular to spring. If the weather’s getting better, we should at least be outside.”

“It’s probably still too early for the beach.”

Shivering, Derpy said, “Oh, definitely. I don’t want to get wet at all. Plus you know that I prefer our Equestrian beaches. No offense.”

“Never. But OK, what to you says spring?”

Derpy thought about it a while. “It’s hard to say, because spring covers so much time. From the winter wrap-up to the summer sun celebration. They seem so far away. I guess it’s the time that I work the most. I usually don’t take vacations or days off, or spend too much money. I save that for the other season.”

“There’s something to that. Like our major holidays. There’s always one a few months away, with the exception of the three-month gap between President’s Day and Memorial Day.”

Although she knew of those holidays only vaguely, Derpy didn’t pursue it. “Actually, what I would be doing around this time normally would be to start my garden. It’s a lot of work to get everything plowed and fertilized and seeded, but it’s very time-sensitive. Ever since I saw some pony farmers doing it, I know that, although I was going to do something with my wings, I wanted something that would work on a schedule like that. I love getting my hooves in the dirt.”

“Don’t remind me. I went through all that last year, remember?”

“Oh, yeah! Do you want to do it again? I can mark out a plot for you.”

Karyn’s mind went to a more prurient meaning of the word that Derpy used, and she laughed. “No, that’s fine. I’m glad that I got the few herbs that I did last year, and they helped me in cooking, but it wasn’t worth the sweat and toil. I can get the same thing for a few dollars at the grocery store. Of course, I’d like to be able to earn those dollars easily, but I can best do that by spending my time on the job hunt.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want to talk about that.”

“You’re right, and then we circled back around to it. Forget about it. Let’s find something fun to do.”

Derpy agreed, and wanted to use the laptop to find activities, as they did from time to time. But something hit Karyn about what Derpy had said.

“You’re not growing a garden either?”

“No, not this year.”

“Hm. I’m a little disappointed.” Realizing her hypocrisy, Karyn said, “I guess that is isn’t right to say it, but I like flowers and gardens a lot more when someone else does the work. If I were rich and had a palatial estate, I would definitely have a gardener to make it beautiful. So I thought that you liked gardening, and I hoped to see how it would come out.”

“Maybe next year. Or maybe not. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get you out…I’m saying too much. Let’s just leave it that I’m not planting this year, and there’s a good reason.”

If Derpy didn’t want to reveal any more than that, Karyn wasn’t going to press her. She joined Derpy at the laptop.

“Anything particular you’re interested in?”

“What you were saying with the flowers. If there’s something where we can see other people’s flowers that we don’t have to grow ourselves, that would be best.”

Karyn didn’t quite get what Derpy was talking about. “You mean a flower-gazing party? I remember those from some of the cartoons I used to watch. They would have cherry blossom festivals and someone would have to get there early to get a good seat. Then everyone else would arrive and they’d share lunch. But I didn’t think that anyone actually did it in real life.”

“Maybe not, but we can find some and do our own, right?”

“We’ll see. Actually, it’s funny. Because those stories come from Japan. The one place in this country where they do have a lot of cherry trees is in Washington D.C., because some Japanese diplomats gave them a whole bunch. Around here, they’ll be harder to come by.”

“They don’t have to be cherry trees,” said Derpy. “Although I do like a good cherry. But the blossoms and the fruit just always seemed like two different things, you know?”

“I do. And it was flowers that we wanted to see anyway, right? All I can do is search for it.”

“Even if it isn’t that close, I’m willing to drive a fair distance.”

Karyn didn’t know if she would be, but she put the phrase “flower viewing” in the search engine and, by serendipity, something came up. “Well, what do you know about that? It looks like there is a flower festival this weekend at a botanical garden not too far away. I didn’t even know there was a botanical garden that close.”

“They probably don’t advertise. Can we go?”

“It doesn’t look like there’s an entry fee or anything. Maybe it’s one of those places where they have a suggested donation, but no actual cost. Yeah, let’s do it.”

They took their time getting ready. There was no scheduled start time, and it would last all day. Karyn was grateful that they were going on a Sunday. The festival had been over both weekend days, and she hoped that the mass of crowds would have gone the day before.

Parking near the botanical garden was sparse, but they found a municipal lot a few blocks away. From the time they had figured out what they wanted to do to the time they walked in was less than an hour.

The garden was laid out in a massive square, three city blocks on a side. Massive hedges spanned the blocks, and between some were gates to block off people from just entering and exiting wherever they pleased. Free entry was at the corners, and it was there that Karyn and Derpy went. As they overlooked the park, Derpy realized that the hedges had concealed a decent throng of people. Different sections had been laid out in seemingly random shapes, like blobs when viewed from the sky. Between them the people walked like ants through a colony.

“I didn’t think this would be so popular,” said Derpy.

“No? Why not? We came here. I mean, I didn’t hear any advertising for it, but they probably didn’t hang flyers at the college. Most people here do look to be older.”

“Yeah, but I thought they’d all be too busy. It strikes me that most humans always have so much stuff to do.”

Karyn considered. “They do, but that’s all the more reason they want to come out for something like this. When you’re stressed, it’s all the more that you need to relax.”

They were getting into the crowd, and because of that, they didn’t want to speak. Karyn’s Bluetooth was a good trick, but it didn’t disguise Derpy’s voice. On this occasion, though, they didn’t mind, because the beauty of the flowers was best appreciated in silence.

At each bush, Derpy would hover over the flowers like a bee pollinating. The colors were so vivid and bright that Derpy could be fooled into thinking that she was back at home, and the fragrances were heady and vibrant. Karyn enjoyed them as well, comparing them to wines and liquors she had smelled.

They moved from garden to garden. Karyn wished that she and Derpy could have done this on their own, without anyone else present. They found a corner near the hedges where, for the moment, no one else was walking and they could talk.

“It’s very beautiful, isn’t it?” asked Karyn.

“Yes. I wonder how much time, how many people had to work to make this. Back in Ponyville, Daisy and Lily and Roseluck could do something like this, but it would take them days of making sure everything grew just right.”

“I’m sure there were a lot more than three people, and they probably spent weeks here, not days.”

That made Derpy appreciate it all the more, and she insisted that they visit each garden, with none left behind. Karyn was fine with this and enjoyed the walk. She tried to keep track of where they were from the nine-block square they had seen from the outside, but when she lost sight of the hedgerow, she gave up on that and just enjoyed the flowers.

She did reflect, though, that as a little girl this was exactly the sort of event that her parents would have to drag her to, and that she would get bored at, demanding to be taken home sooner with a stop for ice cream on the way, to make up for it.

All at once Karyn realized that she wasn’t even sure which direction they had come from. The next break in the crowd, she mentioned it to Derpy.

“I haven’t kept track myself, but if it really came to it, I could fly up and find out where we are.”

“Or I could GPS it myself. But not now. I like the idea that this garden has some secret path that would take us to the land of flowers.”

Because of their disorientation, they doubled back a few times, but they had a general idea of where they were going. Eventually the low bushes and flower displays gave way to more flowering trees, and then just plain trees. When even those were gone, they found a row of carts that served food.

“Can we get something to eat?” asked Derpy. “I’ve been walking around all day.”

“Sure, but I don’t know if they’ll have anything good.”

The first few carts they passed were completely unacceptable. It all seemed to be carnival fare, corn dogs and cotton candy. They weren’t in the mood for the latter and the former wasn’t on their diets. After the sixth cart, though, they found one that was serving rice. Karyn got two plates, which was far more expensive than it would have been anywhere else.

“Where should we eat these?”

“Let’s head back toward the garden area. We won’t go all the way, but there’s got to be a tree we can get under.”

They found a spot where a few other people had the same idea, but Karyn took a tree far from anyone else. The plastic plates and forks made eating the rice difficult, even more so for Derpy.

Karyn also wasn’t happy about having to sit on the grass. She hadn’t even thought about lunch, and had worn a nice skirt that she would now have to have cleaned. Had she considered that she’d be eating on the ground, she would have worn jeans, even if it was hot.

It was impossible for them to get all the grains of rice on the forks, and after a few minutes of chasing them around the plates, they gave it up and threw the plates out. “I’m still hungry,” said Derpy. “And if there is going to be all that food we should get something more substantial.”

“Fine. How about a funnel cake. It’s definitely vegetarian, just deep-fried batter and powdered sugar.”

Again Karyn had to order two, although she doubted that she could finish hers. Derpy loved the waffle-shaped treat and gobbled it up. “This is so decadent, but I could eat it every day.”

“You’d better be careful, or I’ll have to put you on a diet again.”

“I think I’ve got that under control. I eat much lighter on workdays, and then I can cut loose on the weekends.”

“I guess that works.”

Derpy finished it off with a smack of her lips that probably drew attention to her despite being invisible. “So what do you want to do next?”

Karyn considered. They hadn’t really spent much time there at all, even though it seemed like longer. And something in Derpy’s tone, maybe just a slight deepening of the voice, told her that maybe they were both ready to go home. “I could say that we were done here, unless there’s something else that’s really important to you.”

“No, I was going to say the same thing, but I wonder if you worry that we didn’t get the full experience.”

“I’m glad to have a friend who thinks like me on that issue. When one person’s not enjoying themselves but the other is, it can be hard for them to say that they want to go.”

They made their way back through the flowers, neither bothering with any directional aids. Certain colors of flowers served as landmarks until they could see the entrance. After that they took their time, getting one last sniff of the fragrance and one last glance at the beauty before them.

On exiting the botanical garden, they crossed the street immediately since they had the light. They walked parallel to the hedge until they reached the other corner, and after that it was a few more blocks to the car. But Karyn pulled up short.

“What’s wrong?” asked Derpy.

“Did I just see go in who I think I saw?”

“Huh?”

“I swear I thought I saw Albert walking in to the garden.”

Derpy took off and looked over the hedge. “It is him! I was sure you’d be wrong since he usually spots us first.”

“I wonder what he’s doing here. I wouldn’t have figured him for the flower-gazing type.”

“Maybe you misjudged him. Or maybe he’s just here to get some of those funnel cakes.”

Karyn laughed at that. “Although, I think he might have lost weight too. Not that I see him that often, but the first time, he was plain fat.”

Derpy took off for height again. “I think you may be on to something. Though again, it could stem back to when we had him under surveillance. In any case, good for him for getting it under control. You want to go back in and say hi to him?”

“What? N—“ Karyn’s immediate reaction was to say no. Their history had given her an instinctive repulsion to him. But when she thought about it for a moment, she reconsidered. He was no longer truly an enemy, would never reveal the secret of Derpy to the public, and even treated her civilly. If she agreed it would not be a difficult or harrying encounter. It would just be a quick hello that any two people might have who knew each other. “Do you want to?”

“I can tell that you don’t. So you don’t have to.”

“Ask me on another day and I might say yes. For today, I think it’s enough that I’m not actively running away.”

Derpy liked that, once more, Karyn could be open with her about something that she didn’t want to do. But as for her, she had even less of an abrasive history with Albert. If anything, it was he who didn’t like her, or her world, or the existence of magic in general. “Do you mind if I do?”

“I suppose not. You know, just be careful. I’ll wait here and play on my phone.”

Derpy went over the wall to find him. He was walking along the outside of the gardens, not getting too close. She was about to go over and whisper in his ear, planning to give him a little scare, but before she could he stopped and reached into his pocket. Pulling out a handkerchief, Albert put it to his face and sneezed. Then he sneezed about six more times before breathing in through his mouth. He was clearly in distress.

He must have hay fever, Derpy thought. A shame that he couldn’t enjoy the flowers the way everyone else did. Then she realized that there was an element of serendipity here. She flipped open her bag, but she couldn’t find the spell she wanted by touch alone. Shelter was not to be found, so Derpy did what she could, forcing herself into the hedge. It hurt, but she wasn’t in anyone’s way and no one would be looking.

It only took her five seconds, but during those five seconds she was visible. No one seemed to notice except for Albert himself, despite bleary eyes. She activated her spell, clearing up his airways immediately. He rolled his eyes, walked over to where he thought she was, and said, “Thanks.”

Derpy flew back, making her presence known with a cough. “Did you say hi?” asked Karyn.

“No, but I helped him out.” She recounted what she did.

“If you were going to do him a favor, why didn’t you stick around and talk to him?”

“Like you said, maybe next time.”

Karyn nodded as they walked on. It had been an interesting evolution of the relationship. Outside of a few of her meaner teachers and the occasional school bully from her childhood, Karyn had never met anyone that she disliked so immediately as Albert. But unlike all those others, she had come around on him. Someday, she thought, they would be friends. Perhaps even the initial heat between them would forge the friendship into something stronger.

They neared the place where they had parked, but there they found a display associated with the garden that they hadn’t noticed on the way in. Some of the cuttings were being sold, and Karyn took a look at them. “Maybe I should get one.”

“Sure, if you like. It would be a way you could spend some money since they didn’t charge use for going in and looking at their flowers.”

“Probably I’ll kill it in a week, but for now it’ll be a reminder of the fun we had today.” She handed the keeper of the stand a five-dollar bill and took a four-pack of the flowers, packed in some fancy soil.

“You can take care of it fine if you keep at it.”

“Who knows? It might even relieve some of the stress I’m under from job hunting?” They reached the car, and Derpy held onto the little flowers so the dirt wouldn’t get over Karyn’s upholstery. “There’s more than one. We could split it up and you could take some back with you to Equestria.”

“Thanks, but this one is yours. If it grows again next year, I’ll take a cutting.”

Now Karyn had a challenge, and she made up her mind to rise to it. She drove home swiftly and put the flower by the window where it would get sun. She didn’t know how long it had been since it had water, so she filled a pitcher and gave it a splash that soaked into the dirt. “I hope you grow, little flower,” she said, remembering that plants that were talked to did better. “If you do you’ll be a good symbol for friendship.”

Author's Note:

The title of this week's chapter comes from Wordsworth's "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud," which made it into another chapter title as well. Anyway. We go now to the final story arc. Let's see a preview!


“Do you remember when we first met?”

“Let me see…oh, of course. You didn’t like me at all.”

“Do you remember what you did about it?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That wasn’t what I was thinking.”

Derpy smiled and walked away, but only then did she catch Karyn’s tone. Something still wasn’t right. “Are you sure? I won’t be insulted if you think it’s a bad decision.”

“No, it’s wonderful. It’s perfect."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm putting this last one in spoilers. Please think hard before reading.

“Great old house, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s lovely.”

“I hope you don’t worry, though, because this might be the last time you come in to it.”

Karyn panicked. “What?! You mean that I’m not going to be allowed to come to Equestria anymore? Did something happen with the princesses? Are you going to be cut off from Earth? Please say no!”

That'll be next week!

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