• Published 25th Apr 2012
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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human - pjabrony



Serveral years after the events of "Lyra's Human," Derpy Hooves meets a human of her own.

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119: Uniderpified Flying Object

The wind that blew through Karyn’s window bore a chill, and like a new streak of color in a painting in progress, it made her take notice. Soon she could no longer sport short-sleeve shirts or sundresses. She would once again envy Derpy for having her fur coat. Whatever the calendar said, autumn was here.

It was not yet cold enough for her to put her hands around her cup of coffee and huddle with it to her face, but the steam pouring forth from the mug opened her pores and her sinuses, and she sipped and raised the mug to Derpy who was sitting across the way.

“Yes, it’s good coffee,” Derpy said.

“I wasn’t really saying that, but it is. I changed brands.”

Derpy didn’t respond, and Karyn was OK with that. A nice, relaxing day, with conversations at a slow pace, was exactly what she wanted. “We don’t have anypony coming for a visit, do we?”

Derpy thought about it. “No. But at some point I still have to sort out the bags. One’s still in Canterlot with Dinky.”

“Yeah, we should get on that.”

They finished their coffee and breakfast, and Derpy took her usual perch on the bed. Karyn didn’t even want to sit in the chair, so she joined Derpy on the bed, both lying perpendicular to the usual direction with their feet dangling off.

“We’re being so lazy today,” said Derpy.

“Yeah, a lazy Sunday. I don’t know why they chose that day rather than Saturday to label as open for laziness.”

“Probably for church reasons. If I remember right that was a tradition on Earth.”

“Yeah, but I don’t consider it laziness, having to get up early and dress in your best—meaning stuffiest—clothes and traipse down to hear a sermon.”

Another conversational pause, and then, “So how was your week?”

“A little intense. On Thursday we had a blackout. You probably don’t have to deal with those.”

“No, explain. Please.”

Karyn laughed internally at Derpy’s hastily remembered manners. “Well, we all get our electricity from the power companies, and if they fail, then everything gets shut off at once. Unless it has batteries. Sometimes it happens for a reason, like when there’s a storm and some of the lines get blown down, but other times there’s just too much of a drain on the system. The last time it happened was about ten years ago, on the Eastern Seaboard, but this week it happened here. Everything was down for about six hours.”

“So you didn’t have any lights? That’s why they call it a blackout?”

“Yes, but that didn’t actually happen this time, since it started at two in the afternoon. So the sun was still up—that doesn’t go away. One of my classes was canceled, but it was no fun, because I couldn’t just come back and play on the computer. The laptop has a battery, but the router and modem don’t, so I can’t get any internet.”

Derpy thought that that should have been relaxing enough for Karyn, but then she considered further, and realizing that not knowing when things would come back on, and if she was going to have to go to bed as soon as the sun set, would be rather stressful. “Sorry for that.”

“Meh, it’s over now and hopefully it’ll be another ten years until the next one. How was your week? Anything similar in Ponyville?”

“No, nothing going down. The only excitement was when a couple of traveling salesponies came through.”

That finally got Karyn to pick her head up. “Not the Flim Flam brothers?”

“Yeah! Nice guys. I met them, had a little chat.”

“You didn’t buy anything from them, did you? They’re scam artists, or were back in the day.”

“No. I offered them to be some of our pony guests here on Earth, but they just laughed and called me a funny little filly. It was kind of condescending, but I’m used to that.”

Karyn never liked when Derpy accepted other ponies bullying her, but in this case it cut particularly sharp. “I wouldn’t have wanted them as guests anyway.”

Derpy shrugged. “What do you want to do now?”

“Dunno. Let me check the web site for the local news to see if there are any fun events today. They usually have a section for that.”

Karyn twisted and sat up, stretching as if she had just woken, and walked over to the laptop. After a moment, Derpy, still staring at the ceiling, heard her say, “Oh, wow!”

“What’s up?”

“There was a spate of UFO sightings in the town.”

“A what?”

“A spate. Their word, not mine.”

Derpy got up. “No, I knew that word, what’s a UFO?”

“Unidentified flying object. Which people usually think means that it’s aliens. These things flare up and die down, and they’re never proven. Usually it turns out that people are seeing regular planes or balloons or such but they can’t tell exactly and they panic.”

“I want to see one!”

Karyn sighed. “No, you don’t. No one believes people who say they’ve seen them. Plus we can’t say when or where they’ll be. Hmm.”

“What?”

“Well, in this article they say that there’s a location where people are gathering. They don’t necessarily see them there, but there are all sorts of weird lights and such.”

Derpy was now fully off the bed. All thoughts of relaxation were gone. “We’ve got to see that. Maybe I can meet one of the aliens and broker peace between them and the humans.”

“I bet you could. I see no reason not to go down there. It’s better than just hanging around the apartment all day. But probably it’s going to be a bunch of crackpots in weird outfits fussing over nothing.”

“So not that far off from when we went to the pony convention, right?”

Karyn pulled up short, and was about to say that it was completely different, but she couldn’t quite describe how.

They got in the car, at which point Karyn realized that she didn’t know quite where she was going. The news article hadn’t been specific, and she couldn’t very well put “nearest UFO crash site” into her GPS. She recalled the article on her phone and, though it didn’t have an address, she could tell the general direction in which to drive. Once they got there, her plan was to find a place to park and walk around.

All was well as they left the city and drove for a few exits on the highway, but once they got into the boondock area that Karyn believed to be their target, they hit heavy traffic, and they soon saw why. A throng of people were in the streets, and traffic cops were out directing cars to detours. The detours did not lead around; they led back.

If one good thing came of it, Derpy finally understood Karyn’s unspeakable distinction between the people at the pony convention and those there for the sighting. The ones present were older, and there were fewer costumes, but more than that it was the eyes. The people looked like they were waiting for someone to challenge their beliefs, and would relish the argument.

When the detours led them back to the highway, there was a stoplight and a gas station right before the entrance, and Karyn pulled in to decide what to do next.

“Do you think we should sneak through the crowd?” asked Derpy. “Between my invisibility and your changeling powers, we can go just about anywhere.”

“We can, but we’re not going to see anything good. What I was thinking is that we might go to Equestria.”

“Yeah? Any particular reason?”

Karyn looked around the gas station, which also had a garage and convenience store. Both were, in their own way, greasy. “For one, I would like to see some nicer scenery. But also, you mentioned that Flim and Flam were in town. I’d like to see their act. I don’t intend on buying anything—or letting you buy anything—but I bet they put on a good show.”

Derpy was more ambivalent, but she agreed and they got out of the car. It presented a small difficulty finding a private spot to activate the spell, since the area behind the garage was overgrown with weeds, and hiding there would mean being slapped with plants that Karyn didn’t trust, not to mention having no reason to be there. So they settled for walking a little bit up the highway and waiting for a moment when no cars were within view.

Once in Ponyville, Karyn looked around for where the brothers would have set up. She anticipated them in the main square where they would get the biggest “house” and have the best chance for sales, but it just looked like an ordinary Sunday.

“What do you figure?”

“I don’t know. They only came into town yesterday, so maybe they’re setting up their pitch for the week.”

Karyn got an idea. “Unless they’re in the market. Taking away everypony else’s business would be right up their alley.”

Derpy and she headed for the bazaar, but again saw nothing out of whack. She found the stand with the shortest line and waited a few minutes to get to the head.

“What kind of cheese this week, Derpy?”

“Hey, Whey. I’ll get some in a minute, but what do you hear about the Flim Flam brothers. Word was that they were setting up for a pitch?”

The mare behind the stand shook her head. “I saw them too, but nothing since. And between you and me, that’s for the better.”

“Thanks.” Derpy bought some cheese anyway, because she knew the sellers’ time was valuable, and she and Karyn split it as they kept walking.

“I forgot that you guys eat cheese too; I keep thinking of you as vegans. Was that pony Milky Way?”

“No, it’s just Whey. She runs the stand with her sister Curd. Never heard of the one you’re talking about.”

Karyn shrugged, and concluded that not everything that she read was canon after all.

They made their way idly through the market, happy to have the relaxing day they’d planned, when at the edge they met Twilight Sparkle.

“Princess,” Karyn said by way of greeting.

“Hello. It’s been a long time. Enjoying yourself?”

“Yes.”

Derpy was still fixed on her question. “Did you hear anything about Flim and Flam, the salesponies? Karyn expected them to be here and wanted to see their act.”

“I think that the mayor was going to make some trouble and ask them to get a permit before they sold anything, but I cautioned her against it for fear of settling a precedent. But it was a moot point since they haven’t asked for the permit. Last I heard they had set up their cart down in the residential area. Opposite from where you live.”

“OK, we’ll check it out, thanks.”

Karyn wondered if it wouldn’t be rude to speak so briefly to Twilight, but Derpy was already on her way in the direction that Twilight had indicated, so she followed.

“What are you going to do if they’re just hanging out there before they move on to the next town?” she asked. “There’s no guarantee that they’re here to sell something.”

“Ponies like that don’t go to a place unless they’ve got something in the works. Let’s see. Hmm.”

They came up on an alley. Karyn trusted that Derpy knew where she was going, and in fact Derpy suspected this alley as the only place where one could reasonably put a cart. No cart was there, but it appeared that there had been one. A wagon wheel lay on its side, and the broken half of another was a few feet away. Closer to the front of the alley, a double harness was on the ground, neatly sawn off a short distance from where the horse or pony would strap in to pull the cart.

“It looks like they met with an accident,” said Karyn. “Or else they ticked off somepony who broke their cart.”

“It doesn’t necessarily have to be that. If they wanted to come in here, they would have backed in, and in doing so could have broken their wheels.”

“OK, but then why would their harnesses be here?”

Derpy scratched her head. “What if they were stuck, and the only way to get out was to saw off the harnesses?”

“Where would they get the saw?”

“If they had one, they could have used magic. They are unicorns, remember.”

Karyn had been crouching by the harness. “I do remember, and I still don’t see how that could happen. Why not just magic the harness off you and worry about the cart later? Anyway, they’re clearly not here.”

“You’re right. Hey, let’s go back to Earth now that we’re around the detour!”

“What do you mean?”

Derpy pointed at the sky. “By my internal mapping and sense of direction, we’ve come exactly as far in Equestria as we would have needed to on Earth to get past where they turned us around.”

“Yeah? I mean, I trust you implicitly, but that’s like a super power, being able to do that. OK, let’s go back to Earth.”

Still being cautious, Karyn insisted that Derpy and she both go invisible before making the transition. The last thing she wanted was to be questioned as to what she was doing past the police line, and how she got there. But when they did transit back to Earth they were, as Derpy said, well past the detour line, and so Karyn had her abate the spell so she could walk around unencumbered.

She still didn’t know the area perfectly, but knew that there was a river and a boardwalk somewhere around. “Let’s head down to the river. If a UFO was around here, that’s the only logical place for it to be.”

“That makes sense,” said Derpy.

“I had a similar thought.”

Any voice other than Derpy’s would have startled Karyn just then, but when her memory placed the sound, she grunted, winced, and turned slowly until her eyes confirmed what her ears told her.

“Hello, Albert.”

“Karyn,” he said in greeting. “And, I assume that Derpy is around here somewhere.”

“How did you get past the cops?”

“I of course have no need to ask you the same question. I don’t know the particular supernatural means you used, but I’m sure that you didn’t do what I did, which is to understand exactly how the police of today establish a permieter, and where the holes therein are. Something I’ll have a say about if I ever choose to lend my services to the official force.”

Derpy couldn’t resist getting a jab in, since he didn’t know exactly where she was. “I liked it better when you just answered, ‘I’m a detective, that’s why’.”

Albert glowered in the direction of the voice.

“I’m surprised to find you here,” said Karyn. “I didn’t think that UFOs were your style. Aren’t you all about rationality?”

“That’s exactly why I’ve come. It annoys me that we’ve got so many of the credulous types coming into our fair city because of an overblown news story. I want to figure out exactly what happened. Ideally, I could tell the papers and then everyone would go away, but of course my first goal is to know for myself.”

“Oh, of course. Well, I’ll tell you what? What if we leave you here to your investigation, and Derpy and I go on our way?”

“I wouldn’t recommend that.” Albert gestured to the inside of his pocket. “A moment ago I turned on the camera in my phone, so if you decide to vanish or use any of your powers, I’ll have a full record. And before you get any ideas, it’s set to automatically stream and upload to a secure web site.”

“And what if we just walk away?”

“Then I’ve got you in a restricted area.”

Again Karyn seethed. “What do you want?”

“You know that I don’t believe in coincidence. You’re here, and I want to know why.”

“We just read an article in the local news, and Derpy thought it would be interesting to check out.”

He looked around, as if expecting something concrete to come about from his own mental churning, but then he said, “No, I don’t think so. Take me through everything you did.”

Karyn balked, but it was Derpy who gave all the details of them arriving in the car, being turned back, finding the gas station and going to Equestria, only to find that the reason they went didn’t apply, and that more fun was waiting on Earth.

“Hm. Well, I guess I was wrong. There’s no mystery here. You want to come back with me? I’ll show you how to get back through the line without cheating.”

“That’s...unusually nice for you, sure.”

He led Karyn and Derpy to a path between two streets that wouldn’t have been on the map, but did lead back to the highway. Once there they were able to blend in with the crowd. “It might be a bit tricky getting through this, but the gas station your car is at is about a quarter mile away. That said, I hope you won’t run off just yet.”

“I see no reason to stick around.”

“Well, I said that there was no mystery, and that’s true now, but I think we might be able to see something interesting tonight.”

Karyn started walking faster to get away from him. “Great, you enjoy that.”

For the first time she had known him, Karyn heard Albert drop his tone of superiority and be sincere. “I could really use your help on this one.”

“How, exactly?”

“I’m not sure. If I knew I probably wouldn’t need you guys. But, can you hang out until the sun goes down at least? I’ll pay for dinner.”

“I’ll tell you what? You get in your car, and I’ll follow you.”

Karyn reached her car and got in, opening the door for Derpy as well. “I wonder what his idea is,” said Derpy.

“I honestly don’t care.”

“But aren’t you going to follow him and then come back later?”

“No, that was an excuse. He can get bent.” Derpy didn’t respond. “Unless you want to?”

“I think I might. Call it mare’s intuition, but I think we should check it out.”

Karyn shrugged and waited for Albert’s car. She didn’t know what she expected, but it was an ordinary sedan, painted green. In other words, the perfect car for being inconspicuous.

He drove only a short distance before pulling into a diner. Karyn was happy that it was a public place, and well-lit at that. She let him lead and ask for a table for two before stepping in.

“Actually, can we get a booth? I like to have room to spread out.” Once they sat down she said, “Did you forget about Derpy?”

“Sorry, I’m not used to having to make accommodations for invisible people.”

They ordered drinks, and Karyn noticed that while Albert was still what just about anyone would call overweight, he no longer had quite the roll of fat at the back of his neck, or fat fingers, or fat thighs that made him stand with his feet far apart. “You’ve lost weight,” she said, hoping to kindle some bonhomie.

“Yeah, well, it’s a little harder to overeat when you know that someone in an alternate dimension could be watching and silently judging you.”

“Oh, right. I forgot about that.”

He grimaced and ordered a chicken salad. Karyn was hard pressed to find vegetarian dishes on the menu, but ordered for her and Derpy.

“I have to buy her a meal too?” asked Albert.

“Yes,” Derpy said. “Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m here. You’re not a very good detective if you don’t know that.”

Albert grumbled into his water, and they spoke very little for the rest of the meal.

When they were finished, daylight was waning, and he nodded his approval. “Should be dark enough now. Would be for me. Shall we head back?”

Now even Karyn’s curiosity was piqued. She followed him back, this time parking in the lot of a strip mall. Though still summer by the calendar, and though the last of the sun’s light was still coming over the horizon, a chill was in the air, and Karyn wished she were wearing a long-sleeve shirt. She contemplated changing into one, but figured that Albert would be happier without such an overt display of magic.

They took the same route back, waiting for the police to be looking the other way before slipping onto the path. The crowds had thinned out, and they were alone. Karyn was grateful for Derpy’s presence, as she never liked being alone with strange men.

They crept up on the water, Karyn no longer just trusting that Derpy would be there, but holding on. She was forced to stop, therefore, when Derpy did.

“What’s wrong?”

Albert looked more intense, as if he knew what the answer would be.

“Out there, on the other side of the water...” said Derpy.

“Yes?”

“The light.”

Karyn looked. A faint light was coming from the other side, but as far as she could see it might just be a car with its headlights on, perhaps with a couple parked in it. “What about it?”

“You can’t tell, but I’m more used to seeing it than you, and I know when I’m seeing it on Earth. That’s the light of a unicorn horn.”

Author's Note:

To be continued...

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