• Published 25th Apr 2012
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Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human - pjabrony



Serveral years after the events of "Lyra's Human," Derpy Hooves meets a human of her own.

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Clip Show: Wibbly Wobbly, Derpy Werpy...Stuff

“Now, this is a guest.”

Derpy watched the third person in the room with loving reverence. It was one of the rare times that Karyn saw her so childlike.

“Thank you for coming, Mister…”

Derpy corrected her before the guest could. “Doctor. Doctor Hooves.”

“It’s all right,” he said. “I’m not fussy.” As if to give the lie to his statement, Dr. Hooves straightened his bow tie.

“Anyway, like I was saying, now we have a really important guest.”

“We have had Princess Twilight,” said Karyn.

“Big deal. This is the Doctor, my daddy’s best friend, and probably the best stallion in Equestria other than him.”

Karyn was never comfortable talking about Derpy’s father. “Well, Doctor, welcome to my apartment…and planet…and dimension.”

He smiled. “Thank you. I’m pleased you invited me, but may I ask why I was?”

“Derpy insisted.”

“But, I mean, why bring ponies to Earth?”

“Ah,” Derpy interrupted. “That goes back a little bit…”

“When I was getting ready to go this morning, I heard a scraping sound by my door, and I saw that somepony had slipped in a note. But it wasn’t any note, it was a note written on really fancy paper.”

“And what did it say?”

Derpy dug through her bag. “I brought it with me so you can read it for yourself.”

Karyn took the note and looked it over. As Derpy had said, the paper was thick and expensive-looking, and was inlayed with gold. The writing, in impressive calligraphy, was attractive as well, and a little difficult to read for being spindly and sparkly. But there wasn’t much of it.

All it said was: “Derpy, please bring Karyn with you back to Equestria today.”

She flipped it around to see if there was any more written on the back, but all she saw was the quality of the paper once more.

“I don’t get it. That’s it? Are you sure it’s not a prank?”

“If it is, somepony went to an awful lot of expense to prank us. And also, if that’s the case, I don’t think that we should deny the prank-puller a fair chance to put one over on us.”

Karyn pursed her lips. “Well, I’m not sure I agree with that, but curiosity will get the better of me if we don’t go, so let’s go.”

She got on Derpy’s back and held on for the trip between dimensions.

When they arrived, Derpy swooped down, then said, “Where are we going now? The note only said to bring you to Equestria, and Equestria is a very big place.”

“Actually, that’s confusing sometimes. Does the word Equestria refer to just the part that Celestia and Luna rule, or is it the whole universe? The first one would make sense if they have to meet with diplomats from places like Saddle Arabia, but then are they raising the sun and moon for everypony everywhere? And if so, how can anyone stay independent of that?”

“Oh! I know!”

“You do?”

Derpy now dove with a purpose instead of just holding in the air. “Since we found the note at my house, we’ll go back there. Maybe whoever wrote the note will meet us.”

Karyn didn’t know if Derpy had heard her but was just pondering the question of what to do, or if she was so deep in thought that she didn’t even listen. In either case, Karyn didn’t feel like repeating it, so she just hung on as Derpy took the familiar route back to her home.

The Doctor blinked. “That’s a nice story, but what does it have to do with inviting me to Karyn’s home?”

“Oh, that’s what was in the letter.”

He rolled his eyes and tousled Derpy’s mane in a fatherly gesture. “Ah, little Derpy, you’re always funny.”

“I’m not good at this reminiscing thing.”

“You’re fine at it.” It was the first time that Karyn had seen somepony question Derpy’s competence where she didn’t seem to mind it.

“You seem to really love Derpy,” said Karyn.

“Oh, definitely. I worry about her so much, hoping that nothing ever happens to her.”

“I know what you mean.” She thought back…

The elevator stopped, and Derpy made a move to leave, but Karyn saw that it was only the second floor and pulled her back. The doors opened and Karyn stared at a heavyset woman backed by four or five men. They entered the elevator, pushing Karyn back. All at once, things happened.

As the doors closed again, Karyn tried to take up as little space as possible, shrinking into the corner. The ceiling of the elevator car was low, and Derpy was forced to hunker down on Karyn’s shoulders. The portly woman crowded Karyn who made a sudden movement. Right then, the elevator started its descent. That tripped Derpy, who tried to right herself the best way she knew how, by flapping her wings, bumping her into the ceiling. She cried out, cutting it off, but not quickly enough to stop the woman from turning around.

Now facing the back, and with Derpy flapping, the woman threw up her hands and got a face full of invisible wing. Acting by reflex, she clutched her hands at the air. One dug into Derpy’s flesh causing her to call out. The other got a grip on one of Derpy’s hooves.

“There’s something in here!” the woman screamed, but at that moment the elevator had reached the ground floor. The doors opened again.
If nothing else, the pressure of close quarters was released, and by the front of the car, one of the men who had gotten on one floor above stepped out, yelling for security. The other men backed off slowly, unable to tell whether she was having a fit or whether she was in fact being accosted, perhaps by some kind of insect.

Karyn tried to push out of the elevator, hoping that once Derpy had room to maneuver, she would escape easily enough, and then the only problem would be some hasty explanations. But that woman had a death grip! To make it worse, a security guard in a gray shirt and leather belt came running up from the front desk. Karyn looked at his belt and saw that he was unarmed, or at least had no gun. He did have a radio, which he clicked and said something unintelligible. Then he said, “Everyone, let’s calm down.”

“No, it’s here, I tell you!” the woman said. “Help me with it.”

The guard flashed a blank look and went for his belt. Karyn saw the small cylinder in his hand and recognized it as pepper spray. Not knowing whether he was going for the woman or for Derpy, she couldn’t help herself, grabbing at the woman’s arm. “Let Derpy go!” she said.

“I don’t remember that at all!” said Derpy.

Karyn remembered how that incident played out. Although it had impacted her strongly, it had all been a dream. “I’ll explain later.”

Derpy was fine with letting it pass. “Anyway, Doctor, this is Earth. Ask me anything about it! I know lots of things about this world.”

“So do I, I’ve been here before.” Doctor Hooves sipped at the coffee that Karyn had given him and was looking the other way.

“You have?! I thought I was the first!”

“What? Oh, you are, of course. I sometimes get the past and the future confused.”

Derpy leaned in close to Karyn. “Sometimes I think that Doctor Hooves has some weird abilities, even if he’s just an Earth pony.”

Karyn had a few ideas about that herself, but she didn’t know enough to say.

“Oh!” Derpy turned back to the Doctor. “Karyn has powers too! She’s a changeling queen!”

“Is she now? How did that happen?”

“I’ll tell you…”

Chrysalis watched the sparks and then approached Karyn. “That is indeed a magical illness you have. I wonder why. Have you attempted any unusual transformations lately?”

“I haven’t been transformed ever. Except when Princess Celestia switched me with Derpy once. But that was more of a mind-switch than a transformation.”

“What?! No wonder your health is failing. A changeling must transform or she will suffer buildups that are quite painful.”

Karyn sat up, ignoring all her symptoms, and spoke forcefully to Chrysalis. “What are you talking about? I’m not a changeling!”

“Were you not listening at our last meeting when I appointed you a queen?”

“Yes, an honorary queen.”

“Precisely,” said Chrysalis. “Meaning that you do not watch over a hive of your own. You merely have the powers of the changeling. I never figured you to be so dense as to not use them.”

“Then does that mean I have to feed on love as well?”

Chrysalis narrowed her eyes. “Child, does the word ‘honorary’ have a different meaning in your language? You get all the honors of being a changeling queen without any of the accompanying responsibility. But if you do not exercise your powers, the excess of magical energy will cause the symptoms you are seeing now.”

Karyn went wide-eyed. Momentarily speechless, Derpy flew between her and Chrysalis. “Listen, stop talking down to her! You do that to everypony and they don’t deserve it! I was there and you never said anything about giving her any kind of magic power. If she didn’t understand, it’s your fault for not explaining. Not to mention that she would have never taken them had she known. Karyn’s very sensitive about becoming too Equestrian. I remember when she got her cut—well, that was a private moment, but the point is that she’s a human, through and through, and she likes it!”

For the first time, Karyn saw Queen Chrysalis’s sang-froid completely shatter. She had seen her show deference to Celestia and to Twilight when she thought her safety and her duty to the hive were in jeopardy, and her tone was gentler with Karyn herself since she considered them of equal rank. But it was clearly unprecedented that any creature had ever talked back to the queen in the name of another, and that Chrysalis had considered that she might be wrong.

But she wanted to be more practical. “Queen Chrysalis, are you saying that if I use these powers, I won’t be sick?”

“Yes. It doesn’t have to be frequent, but I certainly wouldn’t go several months without altering my form, as you have.”

“And how do I alter my form?”

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “What are you? A new hatchling? You just do it!”

Perhaps inspired by Derpy’s defiance, or maybe because it was the only reference Karyn had for being someone else, but she flashed back to when she had been in Derpy’s body, and tried to recreate the feeling.

It was almost immediate. From her head and her chest it felt like fluid was collecting and coming out of her mouth. She was surrounded by green light, which soon dissipated. A duplicate of Derpy stood in the room. “You’re just lucky that I have experience being Derpy, or I would never have done this. Then I’d be dying and it would be all your fault!”

“Ugh. Please change back. One of the gray worker is too much to handle.”

Doctor Hooves slapped his knee and burst out laughing. “Yes, that’s exactly like a changeling.”

“Oh? You’ve met them?”

“I’m sure I’ve come across some in my travels. But it seems like my adventures don’t compare to yours.”

“It’s not always that exciting,” said Karyn. “Most of the time it’s just like this. We hang out and enjoy the nice weather when we can get it.” She opened the window.

Derpy smiled. “And if we can’t, then sometimes I take her to Equestria where we can definitely get nice weather. Once I even took her to Cloudsdale…”

There was only one bedroom in the house, and it was on the same level as the living room. Again, though, Karyn was disappointed to see only cloud furniture. The bed was not even bed-like, just a puffy cloud.

“Derpy, it’s a lovely house, but I really—“

“I know, Karyn. This is the thing. I know that you can’t walk on clouds, but I had this cloud enchanted so that you can lay on it.”

“You can do that?” asked Karyn.

“It’s a newer spell, but better. When you lay on it you’ll feel the same thing that a pegasus does when she steps on a cloud.”

Karyn looked at her, wondering if she was joking, but Derpy have no such indication. Instead, she released Karyn from the holding spell and sidled close to the cloud. Karyn poked out a finger and felt resistance.

“You got a unicorn up here to do this for me?”

“Mm-hm.”

“That must have cost you a lot. Thank you so much.” Karyn tentatively stepped off.

“Go on, jump off and land on it.”

Karyn didn’t jump, but she did roll off Derpy’s back and onto the cloud. The first thing she was grateful to feel was that she wasn’t free falling. Then she actually felt the sensation of the cloud.

Because they looked so much like cotton, Karyn assumed that it would feel like a big cotton pillow. Instead, it was more like diving into a swimming pool, only she could breathe without effort, and did not need to exert any effort to keep on top. The cloud buffeted her back, and all the stiffness she had felt flowed out of her like it was a solid thing.

She bounced up and down on the cloud, laughing and making happy noises, before the second feeling hit her: an extreme fatigue, as if she’d been awake for an entire day.

“Oh, my.” She yawned and leaned back.

“You’re tired? Feel free to lie down and take a nap.” Derpy grinned with her tongue stuck out.

“No, I didn’t want to come here to sleep, just to stretch out and relax…” Karyn’s speech slurred as her vision clouded. Despite her wishes, she found herself losing consciousness. The cloud seemed to have taken on a life of its own, folding and flowing around her. She could no longer see any part of herself below the neck, and the part of the cloud behind her head thickened to form a pillow. Now in addition to the feeling of floating, she had to deal with the warmth of being wrapped in a blanket.

It was too much for her. Derpy watched her eyes flutter and seal shut. Karyn’s breathing slowed and she rolled into a fetal position.
The rest of the magic that had been infused into the cloud took effect. From each part of her body the cloud turned from white to black as the stress and fatigue was leeched out of her. It grayed the cloud until it became saturated, then rained onto the cloud floor below.
As softly as she could, Derpy hovered on top of her and whispered.

“I know how hard it can be, even at your age. Everypony says that young people have it easy, but we know it’s not. When I was your age, I was scared of not knowing where I was going to live or what I was going to do either. When I got the mail route, at least I had some surety in my life. I watched it with Dinky too. She’s working so hard, but nopony gives her any credit because that’s what young ponies are supposed to do. Well, I give her all the credit in the world. And you too. There’s no one in Equestria I love more than her…”

Derpy leaned her head down on top of Karyn’s.

“But there’s no one on Earth I love more than you.”

A strand of hair fell over Karyn’s face. Derpy brushed it aside with her hoof and planted a motherly kiss on her forehead.

“Aww, that’s sweet,” said Karyn. “I didn’t know about that because I was sleeping.”

“Of course you wouldn’t.”

The Doctor got up, stretched his back, and shuffled on his hooves. Derpy seemed to know what the gesture meant.

“You have to go?”

“Soon. You know that I have so many things to do. But I wouldn’t visit without finding out about your daughter. How is she?”

“Dinky? Of course she’s still the most brilliant unicorn in all Equestria, the most devoted daughter, and never gets in any trouble.”

He looked at Karyn, who understood and nodded. “Dinky is doing well, but I wouldn’t say she never gets in trouble…”

“Karyn! So good to see you again. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you.”

“Same here, Dinky. Why, when your mother told me that you were waiting here for us, I dashed over as quick as I could.”

Karyn said it with as much sarcasm and humor in her voice as she could, but Derpy still looked at her sideways. A moment later, though, she seemed to understand, as she grinned and hugged her filly. “I’ve missed you too.”

“As have I, mother.”

“Mother?” said Derpy. “You mean me?”

“Of course, mother. How droll, as always.”

“I’ve been your mommy for all your life. Why ‘Mother’ now?”

Dinky flipped her mane back. “Well, after all, I’m almost a grown mare now. ‘Mommy’ is a better word for a little filly to say, don’t you think?”

“Does that mean that you’re not my little muffin anymore?”

Dinky seemed to have been caught by that, and it reminded Karyn of the way Derpy had reacted when asked if they had a contact plan for Dinky. “I guess I don’t mind in private, but just ‘Dinky’ is fine when we’re in public. To wit, let us be on our way.”

She gave another mane flip and walked away as if she were the mayor of Fillydelphia. Karyn was amused a little and headed after her, but Derpy looked more distressed.

The city of Fillydelphia was indeed built low as Karyn had observed from their flyover. The streets were narrower than in Canterlot, but without any cars there was still plenty of room. Shops lined the avenues and it seemed that each one had a dwelling above for its owner and their family. Dinky waved to one and all, even though it didn’t seem like she knew them personally.

The stores and houses were getting progressively nicer as they neared the center of town. Dinky turned down a block that was dominated by the marquee of a hotel, the Goodhoof. Derpy was still looking all around, and so was shocked to see Dinky turn toward the front door.

“Come, mother, this way.”

“Are you planning to stop in the bar here for dinner or something?”

Dinky giggled. “Perhaps on our way out, but no, this is where I’m staying while I’m in town.”

Right at that moment, a stallion in uniform walked up to her. “Welcome back, Miss Hooves. Your room has been tidied for you, and there are no messages. Anything else I can provide for you, don’t hesitate to ring.”

“Thank you.” That only impressed Derpy the more.

“The way she had changed made us both a little nervous, but it was just a phase she was going through, and it ended soon enough.”

“Then all is well,” said Doctor Hooves. “That warms my heart.”

“Will it be very long before I see you again?” asked Derpy. Though the smile never left her face, her eyes weren’t in it.

“It may be, but I will always be watching over you. Farewell.”

He left, and it was Karyn’s impression that he vanished a moment before he activated the spell to take him back to Equestria.

“Well, another visit went well, though we didn’t do much.”

“I know.” Derpy was still looking at the spot where Doctor Hooves was just standing. “But that’s what spending time with him is like. Even if I don’t do much, it feels like I’ve accomplished something. Someday I want to really get to know him and understand him.”

“That may be a task too big for either of us.”

Author's Note:

Over an hour late. Unforgivable! I may have to start changing the posting time. In the meantime, I certainly owe you a good, strong preview.


“No, it’s not nearly as heavy as my mailbag.”

“So who’s going with you guys today?”

Karyn, now fully aware, remembered why she was so anxious about that day. “It’s the visit we were supposed to have before we got caught up with you. It’s Pinkie Pie.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe how many there are! Are all the people on Earth here?”

“Oh, no. There are billions of them.”

“Billions?” Pinkie said the word in the same way that a person might say it when told the amount of their lottery winnings.

“It’s true,” said Derpy. “I found it hard to believe when I looked it up on the Internet the first time, but yeah, that many. There’s no way you could see them all, though.”

“Give me time…and space, and several other dimensions. But there is something I definitely want to see.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“And they’re just regular pastries, right?”

“What do you mean, Derpy?” asked Karyn. “Does Pinkie make non-regular pastries?”

“Sometimes I like to get creative,” Pinkie said.


Please come back and read that too. Maybe I'll get it up on time!

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