100: Lyra's Derpan 2: Derpy's Derpan
Once again, Lyra and Hank were separated by a wall and a door, but this time Karyn and Derpy were running between them.
When Karyn had explained and Hank had confirmed the tradition of keeping fiancés apart from one another until the ceremony, Derpy had lifted Hank up to the second floor and forced him bodily into his room. Lyra had protested that it didn’t have to begin immediately, and that in fact she wanted to spend more time with her newly betrothed, but Derpy had been insistent. When she pushed Lyra into her own room, it created more confusion, as she wondered why she couldn’t be out in the living room. But Karyn understood. Derpy wanted to ensure that she had her part in planning the wedding. So Lyra and Hank did all their preparations by messenger, sometimes with Karyn and Derpy meeting in the hall.
“There is just so much to do and to think about,” Derpy said on one such meeting. “Guests, food, decorations, music. We should bring in Pinkie Pie. She has so much experience.”
“I don’t know that Hank would be into that, considering that Pinkie Pie was the one who started this off in the first place.”
“Good point.
“It’s possible too,” Karyn said, looking back at Lyra’s room, “that they don’t want a standard wedding. Let’s go ask her.”
Derpy allowed herself to be taken in, and Karyn brought up the subject with Lyra.
“I didn’t even think about the actual wedding when I said yes. I don’t even really want a wedding. I just want to be married to him. Get it over with and start our lives together. I mean, we have been together, but our married life.”
“But this is historical. It’s the first marriage between a human and a pony!”
“I know,” said Lyra, fidgeting on the bed. “And that’s what worries me. What if Princess Celestia or some too-big-for-her-horseshoes noblemare thinks that this is wrong? Hank taught me a wonderful saying from Earth. It’s better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.”
“Derpy, she’s right,” said Karyn. “I’m sure Hank will feel the same way. Get it done as quickly as possible.”
“All right, I’ll go ask him.”
“Actually…” Lyra grabbed the door and held it closed with her magic, although Derpy hadn’t moved yet. “Could I ask Karyn to go? I’m sure she could speak to him better human to human.”
Karyn left, and Derpy was about to go out into the hall, when Lyra continued. “Stay back a moment. I had an ulterior motive for wanting to get Karyn out of the room.”
“Uh oh. What’s that?”
“I want to ask you something very important, since you were one of the architects of this whole thing. Are you willing to be my best mare?”
Derpy had a feeling she had almost never felt, and so it took her a moment to identify it. It was so rare for anypony to single her out for an honor that she was about to hug Lyra and scream her thanks. But before she could, she realized something important.
“What about Bon-bon? Won’t she be angry?”
“I’ll want her in the wedding party of course, but Hank and she have never been the best of friends. If he sees that I’ve bumped her down the line, it’ll make him understand how serious I take this, make him see that he’s first in my heart.”
Derpy shook her head. “And Bon-bon?”
“I’ll smooth things over with her. I’ll explain it just like I told you. In the first place, she’s the kind of mare who likes scheming in that way, and in the second, she’s my best friend and she’s never wanted anything but my happiness.”
“All right. I’m still not sure about it, but I’ll defer to you. Now, about a dress, if we have one made it could take a while.”
Lyra recoiled. “No, no. I’ll just wear one of my old ones. I would like something new, but I want to do this ASAP.”
“Sorry, you mean, like, with a tree?”
“No, it’s another human expression I’ve picked up. It means ‘as soon as possible’.”
“Well, I can fly home and grab one of my dresses. It wouldn’t be fancy, but at least different.”
Lyra smiled. “Thank you. I really mean it. But no, I know just which one I want. It’s hanging in my closet and I had it cleaned and pressed after the last dance I wore it to, so it’s perfect.”
“One thing won’t be. If I’m going to be your best mare, who’s going to be Hank’s stallion of honor?”
“Oh, buck.”
“Don’t say that. It’s not right for a mare to swear on her wedding day.” Derpy brightened up. “What if we ask Karyn to do it?”
“There are two distinct ways in which Karyn fails to qualify as a stallion of honor.”
“But who else is going to do it? Mr. Cake or someone he doesn’t know? I think he might like it if the only other human in Equestria is with him.”
“All we can do is ask.” Lyra headed for the door, but Derpy stopped her again.
“I’ll ask.”
Right as she emerged, Karyn came out the other door. “Ah, Derpy, you’re here. Good. Listen, I’ve been talking with Hank, and we have a rather weird request. Do you think Lyra would be OK if I stood next to him? He really doesn’t want a best man, but having another human there, he says, would be a nice nod to what species he is.”
Derpy had a laugh at that, and explained, and so that particular debate was settled. They moved on to figuring out who was going to officiate.
“How exactly does marriage work in Equestria?” Karyn asked. “Does everypony have to get married by Princess Celestia? Is it some kind of magical bond that strengthens their love?”
“No, nothing like that. And certainly the princess doesn’t do all marriages. She wouldn’t have time to do anything else. Basically, when two ponies want to get married, they have a ceremony, somepony important says a few words, and then they go around saying ‘This is my husband’ or ‘That is my wife’.”
“But what about the legal aspects?”
Derpy flashed a confused look.
“I mean, what about...” Karyn trailed off. Many of the benefits of marriage on Earth didn’t apply. Equestrians weren’t taxed the way people in her country were, nor did they get benefits that made more sense to apply to married couples.
Before she could rephrase her question, the door below opened, and in raced Bon-bon.
“Is it true?!” she said.
“Is what true?”
“That Lyra and Hank are getting married?”
Derpy’s jaw dropped. Karyn was stunned as well, but just put it down to the news getting around somehow. Derpy, though, wasn’t taking that. “How did you know?!”
“Roseluck told me.”
“Well, how did she find out?!”
Bon-bon blinked, wondering why Derpy was reacting that way. “I didn’t ask. I assume that Daisy told her, since she told me to wish them luck, but I didn’t ask where she found out.”
“Everypony in town knows! This isn’t what they want.”
“Are you sure it isn’t?” asked Karyn.
Hank poked his head out. “Is it all clear? I have my tux on and I’m hoping that we can do this soon.”
Derpy bit her hoof. “Give me a minute.” He went inside and Derpy flew to the window. “Ponies are already starting to mill around.”
Karyn walked downstairs. “Let me see how far it’s spread.”
Opening the door, fearing a mob, she only saw what Derpy had mentioned, ponies in the street around Lyra’s house, talking to each other. If Karyn didn’t know better, it could have been any social event in Ponyville.
The ponies saw the door open and a human come out, and some approached closer. A pegasus that Karyn thought was Cloudchaser said, “Is it true? Are they getting married? I was thinking of flying to Canterlot to get Princess Celestia to come, but—“
“No, don’t do that. Really.”
“I didn’t, since Flitter already went.”
“Oh, no. Um, thanks for letting me know.” She raced back into the house. “Derpy, it’s bad. It’s becoming an event. We need to get this over and done with.”
“ASAP?”
Karyn looked at Derpy oddly for knowing that expression, but said, “Yes, as soon as possible.”
“We could tell everypony that there’s no ceremony. They’re just eloping.”
“We could, but I don’t think Lyra would be happy about that, and Hank might not think it counts without a ceremony. What we need is an official. Come on.”
For the first time, Karyn approached Derpy to mount her without being invited. But Derpy ignored the slight since Karyn had an idea and the timing was critical. She took to the air and said, “Where to?”
“Town Hall.”
Once Derpy had landed safely on the balcony, Karyn poked her head in to see Mayor Mare signing some papers. “We’re in luck,” said Karyn. “She’s here and not in a meeting.”
Derpy knocked on the window. The mayor poked her head out. “Mayor Mare, we need you to come do the wedding of Lyra and Hank because everypony knows about it and Flitter went to Canterlot and as a human Hank needs an office!”
Before the mayor could react to Derpy’s stream of semi-consciousness, Karyn said, “Please, it’s hard to explain. What we need you to do is come with us and say a few words.”
“Well, that’s what I do.”
It wasn’t easy for them to get back before things degenerated, all the more so because they could no longer fly and because they wanted to get Mayor Mare in without anypony else seeing. Fortunately, Lyra’s house had a back door. More fortunately, they were able to take a back way without being caught. On the way they brought the mayor up to speed.
“You do know the wedding ceremony?” asked Derpy.
“By heart.”
“Great. Lyra! Hank! Come down here!”
“Are you sure?” Lyra called from above. “We can both come out?”
Karyn thought of another tradition. “Do you have a veil?”
“A what? No.”
She searched frantically. “How about just a hat? One that matches your dress.” What could she use? Inspiration struck and she dashed to the kitchen. When Lyra followed her a moment later, she asked for directions. After some work with a pair of kitchen shears, Lyra had cheesecloth over her muzzle.
“Hank’s ready!” Derpy called from the living room.
One more thing was missing. Karyn cursed herself for not having the wedding march on her smartphone. It wasn’t the kind of thing that she would prepare for, and if she had needed it, figured that she could stream it. She scrolled through her playlist for anything with a suitable opening and found a song with a trumpet fanfare to begin. She queued it up and pressed pause.
Derpy came into the kitchen and stood by Lyra. They discussed the procedure, and then Karyn went out to stand by Hank. His tuxedo consisted of jeans and a button-down shirt, the wedding march was just an intro to a pop song, and the bride’s veil was a cheesecloth, but since it was the first human-pony wedding, none of the traditions they were breaking could be said to apply.
The mayor launched into the ceremony. “Lyra, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
“I do.”
“Hank, do you take Lyra to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
“I do.”
“Then by the power vested in me I now pronounce you…” she stumbled, realizing that saying “mare and colt” wouldn’t be appropriate. Karyn leaned over and whispered in her ear. “Man, and mare!” she finished.
Bon-bon, Derpy, and Karyn waited. Either Mayor Mare wasn’t going to say the last line or she had forgotten. It was up to Hank to unveil Lyra himself and put his hand on her cheek. That triggered her memory.
“Oh! You may now kiss the bride!”
He leaned in, Lyra anticipating. As soon as their lips touched, the rest of the wedding party broke into applause. “Thank you, Mayor,” said Karyn. “I’m sure we can get you back to your office now. We’ll just let everypony outside know that it’s already done.”
She went to open the door, only to have it swing into her face amidst a shower of confetti and the sound of a party horn. “Congratulations!” came the cry, but at the front of it was a familiar squeaky voice.
“Pinkie Pie?”
“Yep! I knew that Lyra and Hank were getting married, so I just had to put together the best wedding reception Ponyville has ever seen! I’ve got it just about ready, so come on!”
Derpy came over. “But how did you find out?”
Pinkie’s dull stare and lack of response told Derpy all she needed to know about who had begun spreading the word. While Pinkie’s powers were something that everypony had to live with, Derpy still found them annoying sometimes.
Outside the yard and some of the road were lined with picnic tables and banners. The ponies clapped and stomped as Hank and Lyra came out. The mayor scrunched her muzzle at seeing a public road used for a party, but since nopony else was coming by to use the road, she couldn’t complain. Leaving the house, she joined the preparations.
Lyra herself seemed resolved to being the center of attention. Hank was less sanguine, but since it was Lyra who dealt with most of the fawning, he couldn’t complain. Sitting at one of the tables, he took a drink of water. Music started up, and Karyn couldn’t see from where, but at this point, her task was done, and she joined Hank for a drink as the party got into swing.
In typical Pinkie Pie fashion, the food for the party was all desserts, and she brought out a three-tier wedding cake on a wheeled table. Lyra was enticed to come up and cut a slice, which she shared with Hank. Pinkie had not been able to find a human figure for the top, so a stallion standing on its hind legs had to suffice. Even Hank laughed at that.
“Presents!” Cried Pinkie, who seemed to be in several places at once, even more so than normal. Whether she had engineered it or the ponies of Ponyville were that good, it seemed that everyone had a present already wrapped. Lyra sat next to Hank unwrapping endless potato mashers, corn poppers, and feather dusters. Derpy pulled at Karyn’s shirt.
“What should we do? I didn’t get them anything.”
“Derpy, we handled the wedding. I don’t want to say that we’re exempt, but I’m sure that there won’t be any fuss if they don’t get to unwrap anything from us.”
“But look at how disappointed they look.” Derpy pointed. Karyn didn’t see disappointment, but what she could see in Hank’s expression was a desire to get away from the throng and sort out exactly what had happened. He had hoped for a quick elopement anyway.
Lyra was enjoying herself, but Karyn could see that she was also concerned for her new husband and wanted to make sure he was having a good time as well. An idea popped into her head.
“Come on, Derpy.”
“For what?”
“To give Lyra and Hank their wedding present.”
“But…?” Derpy followed Karyn, still confused. It took a while for them to make their way through the crowd to get near Lyra, and during their push Karyn explained everything. They were the last in line and were able to pull the newlyweds aside.
“Lyra, Hank,” Derpy began. “We were apparently the only ones who didn’t know about this and had time to get a gift, but we do have something for you.”
“We were going to bring Pinkie Pie with us,” said Karyn, “but we think this is more important.”
Derpy picked up the spare saddlebag. “In here are the spells we use to take other ponies back to Earth with us.”
“Enjoy a honeymoon with each other back on Earth.”
Lyra’s smile reached her face before she had the time to be stunned. She looked over to Hank with her horn aglow and her hooves outstretched for a hug. His smile was more reserved, but he said, “Thank you,” in a clear and deep voice.
“You want to go?” asked Lyra.
“You want to go, and this is your wedding day, so I want to do what you want to do. Besides, it means we don’t have to clean up after this party.”
Karyn and Derpy laughed, Lyra thanked them, and then the happy couple went into the house and vanished.
They sat down at one of the picnic benches. Although there was still the brouhaha of the party going on around them, it was mostly around the edges , and they felt as though they could enjoy it as though they were alone.
“Well,” said Derpy. “It feels like we really accomplished something today. Which is more than I can say for most weeks.”
“I think we get things done, but yeah, few events as historical as bringing together the first human-pony couple.”
“Hey, Karyn?”
Derpy’s tone told her that she was going to say something important. “Yes?”
“Do you think Pinkie Pie’s right?”
“About what, specifically? Chances are I’ll say no.”
After Derpy’s laughter stopped, she said, “I mean, the way she sees things, with life being just a story and none of it being real.”
“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t feel like a character in a story. Look at me. Do I look like one? How do I tell?”
“You don’t. If it were true, there would be nothing we could do about it.”
Karyn stared blankly for a long time. “Here’s what freaks me out about it. Like, imagine if one day I woke up, and you and Equestria and all the times we had together were nothing but a dream. That’s how it makes me feel. Because that’s the one downside to knowing that you’re real: you shouldn’t be.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. But everyone else just goes about their daily lives with no magic or anything to make them think that the world is anything other than random actions. And when you think that’s everything, you’re a little freer.”
“I still don’t understand,” said Derpy.
“I know, I’m not sure that I do either…”
“Are you saying that you’d rather believe in magic than see it?”
Karyn laughed. “I think that now, but if you did go away, I’d feel worse off then. I think I can understand how Hank could get complacent, and need something like this wedding to renew his love for Equestria and for Lyra.”
“Then are you going to want to marry me someday?”
“Ha, no. You’re a good friend, but that’s all. Hopefully we won’t ever need big dramatic events to keep together.”
The party was beginning to wind down, and ponies were going home. Now it really was getting quiet.
“I’ll tell you this, though,” said Derpy. “If there was someone out there making us all up for a story, I wouldn’t be very happy with them. Why would they make it all dramatic? Why give me these eyes that make other ponies shy away from me and this brain that doesn’t work as fast as Twilight’s? Why not just make everypony perfect? It would be cruel otherwise.”
“You’re asking questions that a lot of humans ask too. I think ponies don’t because you have Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and they’re kind of like the authors of what happens in Equestria.”
That gave Derpy something to think about, and for a long time, she rocked on the bench doing nothing but watching more ponies leave and the sun sink lower in the sky. Karyn slipped off to get a drink and some cake, then returned.
“On the other hoof,” Derpy said with no context.
“Yes?”
“If our lives are all controlled by somepony, it wouldn’t be all bad. Because they brought me you. Drama isn’t too much of a problem, so long as there’s a happy ending.”
“Well, I can’t say anything against that.”
“Come on. Let’s get you back to Earth.”
Karyn mounted Derpy, and her hand rubbed gently over the back of her neck. Derpy took to the sky and let her wing stretch back to brush Karyn’s cheek ever so slightly. She flew at a steady pace, and the clouds parted like a road. In the distance, the sun danced off them in an orange and red fire that streaked to the horizon. Down below, the laughter of the foals played into the music that seemed to come from nowhere. The upbeat tunes of the party had given way to simple lullabies.
Derpy used her spell, and they were back on Earth, yet for a moment neither was sure that it had worked. The sky on Earth was every bit as cloud-streaked, and the air was cool in their nostrils. Though it was late, it made them feel awake, as though the day stretched before them.
They lit in the yard and climbed the stairs up to Karyn’s apartment. Nothing more was said between them, and nothing had to be. After one more hug, Derpy was in Equestria, and Karyn was on Earth, but a piece of them remained in each other’s world, in each other’s heart.
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Everyone's life is a story that just hasn't been written yet and Pinkie is just able to guess what happens next base on context.
Woohoo! Congratulations, Hank and Lyra!
thanks for the update, it was a nice read with the weding
Yaay for a hundred chapters an stuff.
Currently the record for predicting the future in the lab is about 10 nanoseconds. By the time it gets to 10 microseconds, its going to play havoc with ultra high speed trading. Do you allow the paradox to break reality, or do you just ban it?
Pinkies just very well tuned to extracting the most likely occurances, but with the advantage of her modifiers being not limited only to the current reality.
Huzzah! Congrats on 100 chapters! Looking forward to more!
haha with story moking that its a story.
That's not how you do a wedding! Rarity is appalled.
Quite the opposite -- this sweet
littlestory has often been my reward for getting halfway through another week, and this chapter was no exception. Thanks for sharing it.I certainly don't buy into Pinkie's theory, though. But don't tell her I said that -- if I'm in a story, I'm not sure I want her playing around with it.
Here's an inception: stories within stories! How would you know if one of the characters in a story isn't writing a story of their own?
I think they did awfully well to pull off a wedding in one day, that's impressive!
Keep going! ;)
DAMMIT
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw9169_small.jpg
What exactly is the Pinkie sense reaction to 'Historic interspecial marriage between interdimensional beings
foreshadowing Karyn and Derpy's eventual wedding'?And as Karyn and Derpy ride off into the fading sunset...
They both realize neither Lyra or Hank have an invisibility spell to keep people from spotting a very colorful pony. DOH!
I hope the Princesses aren't too put out that they missed the wedding and reception for the first Pony-Human wedding in history? (I suppose they could just abuse their cosmic alicorn powers and go back in time as disguised ponies)
They're becoming self aware!!
Abort! Abort!!!
*activates skynet emergency preparedness system*
ARNOLD WE NEED YOU!!!
The 4th wall is barely held together with duct tape at this point!
Not that I'm complaing 
Well I finally caught up! This has been an excellent story so far. I liked seeing Hank and Lyra get hitched. It's a shame you didn't have the princesses involved, but using the Mayor was better.
You just had to have a 'wedding episode', didn't you? At least this one didn't get invaded!
Honestly, a very enjoyable read. I think my favourite thing about this ongoing story is Derpy and Karyn's pragmatism, and observing how they both use their perspectives and experience to solve problems together.
Some people consider stories like this one, grounded in the minutiae of social politics and the little problems of day-to-day life, to be boring and mundane. I think I find it relatable and interesting for the same reasons.
It's hard to make stories like this one work, but they're so wonderful when they do.
Thank you!
Well done Chapter, the last 4 or so paragraphs were touching and Sweet.
I'm now imagining a chapter title that consists of nothing but modified 'derp' words.
And finding it oddly hilarious.
Now look at what you've done Pinkie. You made them start wondering if their life it a story. And even further than that, you've got me doing it too.
5616942 same
Edit - Sep 20 2023: What the fuck was this comment. Ignore it as well, I was talking about some stupid scifi writing project nonsense that I was going on and on about back then, nothing important.
You know, I am actually starting to take my ideas as my ideals, which is not good. Considering it is making me annoyed at how people talk. Not this scene, or anywhere in the story, because it is in the story, but it could get bad. I mean calling perceptions fiction.
I need to lower my expectations if this is going to happen to me. I had inspiration from somewhere, but I don't remember where and it dosen't matter. They called perceptions fiction too. No one shares my ideas, and it means I will get annoyed whenever someone disrespects other universes in this way.
Perhaps it is because I have a Second, and I now realize that he is real, somewhere in the multiverse.
Nothing is wrong with the story, to clarify. Just wrong with me.
Sorry, I don't usually talk about myself entirely in comments. Just thought I should get this out.