Chapter 8: Discord
Greetings readers,
First off, thanks for following this twisted story for this long. I do apologize in advance that one of the gags that's probably overstayed its welcome continues. I'm trying to do a little more with it than make it a single point of humor, and I'm also going somewhere with it. Given the bizarre nature of this story, I'm not sure if it'll be "worth it" to everyone that reads, but hopefully you're enjoying some of the other humor that's occurring courtesy of PCRaMPs bizarre interactions with those that she meets.
Again, thank you all for coming this far. I do hope you're enjoying the madness. 
Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants
Chapter 8: Discord
-ooo-
Applejack flailed her hooves about as she spun and floated amidst a swirling purple sky, random chunks of grassy fields, and a large, leafy tree with a face. Unable to control her lazy ‘flight path’ as she kicked out helplessly, she soon bumped against the tree.
“Ooof!” Applejack cried.
“Hey!” the tree snapped angrily. “Watch where yer going!”
“Sorry?” Applejack said in a confused tone. “Ah don’t exactly have a lot of control of where Ah end up. Ah mean… Ah can’t fly or anything.” She sighed heavily. “And Ah’m talkin’ to a tree.”
The tree and Applejack began to float away from one another, the tree giving Applejack an indignant look. “What? Yous think yer better than me jus’ c’os yoos have a circulatory vascular system?”
“No, Ah... Ah just don’t usually talk to trees! Ah jus’ usually kick ‘em.”
“Oh! Sos now yas threaten’ me, huh?”
“No, Ah—”
“Whys donncha float over here and say that to my face!”
“‘Cause Ah can’t fly!” Applejack gave out an exasperated sigh. “Twilight! Can Ah please come back down! Ah’m arguing with a tree!”
“I heard that, yous mook! Come over here sos I can throttle yous with my branches!”
“I said you’re in time-out!” Twilight cried from below. Twilight stood in front of a yellow door sandwiched between two arched windows and below a rectangular window all attached to a cozy-looking red house with yellow roof and yellow brick chimney. As normal as the house looked with its picket fence and cobblestone path leading up to it, it floated atop a large mound of lawn and rock similarly suspended in the chaotic purple environment.
“It’s okay, really!” Magic Pants said with a tone of boundless forgiveness. “I have a capacity for boundless forgiveness! I’m sure our dear, special friend has learned her lesson!”
“Twilight!” Applejack moaned from above. “Please! Ah’m begging you! This tree jus’ sicked a bunch of bees on me and they’re demanding I pay for protection with pollen! Ah don’t exactly carry flowers around with me everywhere I go!”
“Ugh…” Twilight uttered. She looked up at Magic Pants. “Well, I guess if you’ve forgiven her…”
Magic Pants nodded saintly. “I have learned that love and tolerance are the true paths to inner peace,” Magic Pants said in a sagely tone as she winked beautifully at Twilight.
“… Riiiiiight…” Twilight uttered.
“Twilight!” Applejack cried frantically. “The bees have swarmed around a firearm of some sort and are waving it around! I don’t wanna be shot by bees!”
“Alright, alright!” Twilight cried.
“Allow me!” Magic Pants said in an awesome tone as she extended a forehoof towards Applejack. A rope of sticky webbing (just like Spider-Man, totally rad!) shot out and caught Applejack’s back. Applejack soon found herself being pulled towards Twilight and the regal-looking Magic Pants. She hit the ground with an “Oof!” as she landed on her back.
Applejack elected to stay on her back with her legs in the air for a moment, her eyes wide as she stared up into the swirling sky. “Ah’m not sure I want to know what jus’ happened…”
Magic Pants’ face appeared in Applejack’s field of vision.
“My dear friend Apple—”
“Ah!” Applejack called out in surprise.
“—jack, are you alright?” Magic Pants asked with deep, deep concern for her dear, dear friend.
“Well, Ah wasn’t shot,” Applejack said. “It’s not much at this point, but it’s about all Ah got.”
“AJ,” Twilight began in a chastising tone, “I don’t think that was called for. Don’t make me put you back in time out with the bees!”
Applejack was on her hooves in an instant. “Not the bees!” she cried. She looked up at Magic Pants, turned away and made a sickly upchuck sound as her cheeks puffed out, then took a deep breath. Turning back to Magic Pants she quickly said, “Ah’mSorryAhSaidYouLookedLikeSomethingATwelveYearOldWouldMake!”
Magic Pants’ face opened up into a spectacularly beaming smile and she gathered Applejack into her forelegs, raising Applejack off the ground as she stood on her back pony leg and back dragon leg.
“Aaaaahhhh!” Applejack cried. “Celestia, why?!”
“Oh, apology accepted, my little pony!” Magic Pants said in a mirthful tone full of joy.
“Twi…?” Applejack said as she shot a pleading glance at Twilight.
Twilight shook her head. “That’s the price of forgiveness, Applejack.”
“Twilight, she’s sticky and smells vaguely of pancakes.”
Still affectionately and tenderly clinging onto Applejack, Magic Pants grinned widely. “That’s the smell of my—”
“AhDon’tWannaKnowThankYou!” Applejack quickly blurted out. “Can I go back down now?”
Magic Pants gave Applejack one more squeeze full of love and forgiveness and sat her gently down on the ground.
Applejack merely stood and shook, staring off into nothing. “Ah want a shower, but Ah don’t think they make water hot enough…”
Twilight shook her head. “Why are you being such a drama queen about this?”
Applejack narrowed her eyes at Twilight. “Magic Pants, I think some pony needs a hug.”
Magic Pants quickly gathered Applejack back into her long, elegant forelegs.
“Why me?!” Applejack cried.
Twilight sighed and wrapped on the door with a forehoof. “Discord?!”
“Oh mah stars and garters! It’s like drownin’ in pudding!”
“Are you there?” Twilight asked. “We’ve been out here a long time and—”
“I feel it in mah mane!”
“—really need to ask you about our guest!”
“Ahhhh! Some of it jus’ got into mah mouth!”
“She says she’s your daughter!”
“Quick! Someone induce vomitin’!”
The door to the house slowly creaked open, revealing Discord with a coy look in his face and a bag of popcorn in his arms. “Did she—‘crunch, crunch’— now?” he asked.
“Father!” Magic Pants exclaimed with elegant excitement as she let go of Applejack.
Applejack merely laid in a sticky heap of translucent goo on Discord’s lawn, her eyes unfocused and her tongue lolled out as one of her back legs twitched.
Twilight narrowed her eyes at Discord. “How long have you been there?”
Discord threw the bag of popcorn behind him. The popped kernels wailed ‘WE HAVE BEEN REJECTED!” before the sounds of a fire abruptly starting could be heard from inside Discord’s house.
Discord smiled widely at Twilight. “I’ve been here literally the entire time since you entered my realm.”
Twilight groaned. “Of course.”
Magic Pants spoke up sublimely, “Father has awaited my return with bated breath!”
Discord made no note of the strange pony creature as he motioned the ponies inside. “Make yourselves comfortable!”
Twilight looked down at Applejack, who merely twitched a back leg in response.
“Uh…”
“I got this,” Discord said as he raised his lion’s paw. He produced a garden hose with a high-pressure sprayer on one end and screwed the other end into his belly. He reached up for his right ear and gave it a turn. It gave a metallic creak just like a like an outdoor faucet as a spray of water shot out at Applejack.
Applejack coughed and sputtered as she was suddenly blasted with water, her cowboy hat being blasted off into the vast expanse of sky.
Discord let go the sprayer and produced a giant, hot-pink hairdryer with a cord and plug. He placed the plug into his right ear and suddenly Applejack was shot with a wave of hot air as she clenched her teeth. High pressure air followed into mouth, causing her cheeks and lips flopped about.
As quickly as he begun, Discord turned off the hair drier, leaving a frizzy, but otherwise goo-free Applejack in front of the group.
Applejack dizzily swayed from side to side as Discord placed hose and hairdryer under his left armpit and pulled out Applejack’s cowboy hat. He gently placed it on top of her frazzled mane.
“Dis-Discord…” Applejack greeted woozily.
“Applejack,” Discord said simply with a nod as he held open the door and once again motioned for all the ponies to enter.
Twilight, Applejack, and Magic Pants all filed inside, Magic Pants filing inside with at least 20% more grace than the other two.
There was a couch, a large easy chair, and a footstool all engulfed in flame sitting in an otherwise tidy living room.
Twilight and Applejack cast unamused looks at the flaming furniture.
“Your furniture is on fire,” Twilight reported dryly.
“Is it?” Discord replied as if he hadn’t noticed. He chuckled to himself and waved his eagle talon dismissively. “Oh well, it must be Blurgsday, amIright?”
Magic Pants began to laugh in a mirthfully melodic tone. “Oh, father always tells the best jokes!”
Applejack just sighed. “Can we jus’ get this over with?”
Twilight glanced at Applejack and pursed her lips then looked up at Discord. “Look, Magic Pants here says she’s your daughter… as well as the daughter of several other notable ponies and non-ponies. We were hoping you could shed some light on this situation.”
“Of course!” Discord said in a cheerfully tone.
“Really?!” Twilight and Applejack said in disbelief.
“Well you see dear Twilight, dear apple horse. The answer is really quite simple!”
Twilight’s face lit up. “It is?”
Applejack still looked at Discord in disbelief. “You can’t be serious, yer really going to explain how Magic Pants came about?”
Discord nodded. “Yes, pay attention now.”
Twilight and Applejack leaned closer.
Discord opened his mouth a wave of greenish brown sludge filled with garbage shot out of his mouth.
“BLARCHRAR—”
“AH!” In a purple flash, Twilight put a shimmering purple shield around herself, Applejack, and Magic Pants.
—CAHRACRACHARACHARACHARACH…!”
“Well color me shocked,” Applejack said sarcastically as a slime-coated garden gnome bounced off Twilight’s shield.
“Even father showers me with gifts!” Magic Pants said with a radiantly gleaming luminous smile. “Oh, my family is so generous.”
“No, no,” Applejack said dryly as the refuse-filled slime filled the room around the bubble. “This is exactly how Ah wanted today to go,” she added as a rusted bicycle flew by.
Twilight looked over the slime as her horn continued to glow a brilliant purple. “Maybe… maybe the secret is hidden in the slime! Or it’s a metaphor!”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “It’s certainly a great representation of how today has gone, alright.”
Twilight turned to Applejack with a sour look on her face. “Do you have to be negative about everything?”
Applejack looked around as the level of sludge welled over head-level for the ponies. “Ah don’t know Twilight. You tell me, what’s the bright side of all this mucking around we’ve been doing?”
“Uh…”
“‘Cause we are now literally surrounded by ‘muck’,” Applejack said as a filthy lawn flamingo drifted past the bubble. “Now, are ya gonna tell me this is how you imagined our adventure with Magic Pants would go? Or are ya gonna admit this has gone on far enough?!”
Twilight went silent as she stared at Applejack’s serious expression.
“Friends, you shouldn’t quarrel so!” Magic Paints said in an elegant and concerned tone of voice. “Perhaps my—”
Twilight cut Magic Pants off, “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea. Maybe Applejack is—”
“No, no!” Applejack said. “Got some magical calm down salve?” she said irritably.
“Why yes, actually!” Magic Pants said giddily at the thought of aiding her friend.
“Great!” Applejack said. “Jus’ rub it all over me! Or do I walk up and just start rubbing you? How far do I stick my muzzle up your—”
“AJ!” Twilight cried in alarm.
“No, Twilight,” Applejack said as she circled behind Magic Pants. “This is mah life now! Might as well” –Applejack suddenly started gasping for air. “Might as well…” she said weakly “Can’t breathe…”
“… Oh right…” Twilight said in a strained tone. “The bubble is airtight… but there should still be enough air to…”
Magic Pants’ face lit up like a spectacular Hearth’s Warming tree. “I naturally replace all the oxygen around me with a sweet perfume that makes everypony around me happy!”
Applejack collapsed and raised a forehoof. “Yes… Take me sweet release of death. Ah’m ready for you!”
Twilight’s horn glowed once more, and with a ‘poomf’ Applejack, Magic Pants, and herself were on top of Discord’s house.
“Swing low, sweet chariot~!” Applejack sang as she laid on her back with her eyes closed. “Coming for to carry me home~!”
Twilight nudged Applejack with a hoof. “AJ, we’re fine.”
“Shhhh…” Applejack raised a forehoof to her lips. “Jus’ let me believe a bit longer.”
“Well, did you get all that?” Discord’s voice asked cheerfully.
Applejack’s eyes shot open. “Oh no! Ah’m in Tartarus!”
Magic Pants spoke in a tone of great gratitude and happiness. “Oh, your generosity was most graciously received, father!”
“Ah’m in double Tartarus.”
“Uhh…” Twilight began. “So… Uh… Do I need to analyze the slime, or…”
Applejack sprung up to her hooves. “No, Twilight! Jus’ no! If you want to stare at slime for the rest of the day, yer on yer own!”
“AJ! We’ve come so far! I’m sure with a little research we can crack this mystery right open!”
Discord stroked his beard thoughtfully. “No, no. I think I was quite clear earlier.” He grinned wickedly. “Would you like me to explain again?”
Applejack fearfully grabbed hold of Twilight, placing a forehoof over her mouth. “No! No! Once was enough. Thank you!”
Twilight glared up at Applejack.
“We must be off!” Magic Pants said in a majestically commanding tone the split the sky.
“Finally, some good news,” Applejack said as she released Twilight. “Please tell me we’re heading back to Ponyville!”
“We must visit my mother Queen Chrysalis!” Magic Pants said in a commandingly majestic tone.
“Ah hate everything.”
Twilight’s eyes shot open wide. “Magic Pants! I don’t think we should just—”
With a brilliant neon rainbow glow of Magic Pants’ horn, the ponies suddenly disappeared.
Discord wiped his eagle talon across his brow. “I’m glad that’s over.”
Sludge-covered garbage suddenly erupted from Discord’s chimney.
Discord turned, placing his talon and lion paw on his side. “Well my chores are done for the day!” he said in a prideful tone. He stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I wonder if ol’ Queen Chrysi will fare any better than than anypony else who’s had the misfortune of seeing—elch— Magic Pants…”
-oooo-
Queen Chrysalis suddenly opened her mouth and a brilliant red, somewhat-viscous fluid spewed out in a torrent.
“AHHH!” Twilight cried as a purple shield once again surrounded her and Applejack.
“Have Ah mentioned that Ah hate everything?”
“Mother’s love envelopes me like a warm, gooey blanket!” Magic Pants declared in a happy, stately tone as she was blasted by the vermillion goo.
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Magic Pants was clearly born when people said "nope" too many times.
6848830
Nope
That tree sounds like an ork!
pre05.deviantart.net/1c9a/th/pre/f/2012/251/1/1/da_ork_life_by_oevrlord-d5e1wp3.jpg
Yyyyyeah I think it's time to wrap this one up. It's kinda getting stale.
I do believe Discord explained everything quite clearly.
Qhelp. That occurred. Magic pants is best.... Whatever she is.
SAVAGE
Also, I think I've figured it out. It's simple, really. Magic Pant's special talent is making people vomit!
Wonder when will somebody kill it.
I like how the narration itself is on her side, despite the fact than none of the characters in the story are, except possibly Twilight and even that's grudging.
6849086
The vomiting might be, but I found the bit with the bees and the tree pretty amusing. And the hugging. Really, all of Applejack's suffering was a delight. Still, I doubt it can sustain itself for more than another couple chapters.
Dear fuck, what does it take to get Twilight to give up and banish that thing?
I'm a bit stunned that even Discord couldn't take her, though.
6852344
I'm not exactly sure that he couldn't. He gives me the impression of playing along to mess with the ponies. Applejack in particular.
6852742
Oh, he was definitely messing with them. But he was still horrified by her even after they left.
6868424 I hope it's a happy ending. So far, I feel kind of sorry for her you know, you know.
6916268
I felt sorry for her up until...
No, no I didn't. I've felt zero sorrow for her.
6925537 Why?
6925670
Because it's like feeling sorry for the mosquito that carries malaria, but that gets swat at because of it.
6926001 Why? She was created for the whims of us. And she's not understanding.
6926120
I'm sorry, but would you mind rephrasing that? I really didn't get what you were trying to say.
6927204 Imagine being put on this earth and you only want to be accepted. But from birth you've been nothing but ridiculed.
So you associate being ridiculed with being accepted.
6928368
She wasn't born. She's an impossibility, an irregularity in the universe that destroys and disrupts history and the rational functioning of the world. You're acting as though she's a pony--she isn't. She's a pony-shaped black hole of logic and paradox.
There can't be a single individual that is simultaneously the child of Celestia, Luna, Breezie queen, Zebra king, Chrysalis, Discord, and Sombra. "She" is a twisted distortion of reality, an unreasoned existence who's very presence corrodes at the rational mind through her horrific impossibility.
She doesn't want to be accepted. She has self-acceptance, and gives zero shits about anypony else's opinions of her, her actions, or what effects her presence has on other ponies.
6929504 I don't know. You may be right, but then again...
6850401
Perhaps Chrysalis is trying to do just that! And failing!
Well now shes cannon and theres a whole bunch of her. Great.