Chapter 4: Pinkie Pie
Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants
Chapter 4: Pinkie Pie
-ooo-
“We must now make our way to the element of laughter!” Magic Pants announced in a voice as crisp as the morning air as Twilight, Applejack, and her trotted away from Fluttershy, who was busy sobbing uncontrollably.
Twilight turned towards Magic Pants, averting her eyes slightly as the sun above caught the crystal changeling-bat-pony-zebra-draconequus-breezie’s crystal body and fired a rainbow directly at Twilight. “Okay, but you still haven’t explained—”
“TO SUGARCUBE CORNER!” Magic Pants exclaimed in a voice like an angel’s choir accompanied by an angel’s marching band.
Twilight sighed as Magic Pants flew off. “Well… At least Pinkie might not freak out…”
“Are you sure this a good idea Twi?!” Applejack exclaimed.
“If anypony can handle Magic Pants, it’s Pinkie…”
“Maybe…” Applejack uttered. “… But who knows what she’ll do when she sees her! What if she tries to throw a big party fer her and brings her all over town?”
Twilight’s eyes went wide. “Oh no! We have to warn her!” Twilight suddenly spread her wings and took flight.
Applejack sighed. “Alright… I’ll jus’ run some more…” She uttered in a grumpy tone as she broke into a gallop. “Since I can’t fly or nothin’…”
Twilight flew at full speed, soon coming across Magic Pants as she descended to the ground, right in front of Sugar Cube corner. A few citizens of Ponyville all stopped what they were doing and fled as fast and as loudly as the could as they caught sight of Magic Pants, her magnificence simply too much for them to behold.
Magic Pants began to trot up to the front door of Sugarcube Corner, regally raising each foot before daintily setting it down once more.
Twilight quickly teleported herself in front of Magic Pants.
Magic Pants halted majestically.
“Wait!” Twilight pleaded, she leaned her head down slightly as she tried to catch her breath. “Let me just... huff… puff… just go inside and let Pinkie and any pony inside know you’re coming.”
Magic Pants gave Twilight a perplexed look as Applejack came galloping up and stood next to Twilight.
“You wish to announce me?” the brilliantly shiny pony asked as Applejack also tried to catch her breath.
Twilight stopped for a moment to think about this. “… Yes,” she answered.
“Huff… puff… You mean warn other ponies…” Applejack uttered.
A small “Ooff” escaped Applejack as Twilight planted a hoof into her side while grinning nervously at Magic Pants. She wrinkled her brow and shot a small irritated glance at Twilight.
“Oh, Twilight,” Magic Pants said in a voice as warm as freshly made pancakes. “Despite the fact that I’m the most royal of royals, I am also very humble and do not expect ponies to treat me differently.”
“It’s fine!” Twilight insisted. “I mean… I know a… erm… accepting pony such as yourself will be fine with whatever you’re given… but uh… erm…”
Applejack took a half step forward. “Ah think what Twilight is tryin’ to say is that ponies would feel more comfortable if they had just a little time to prepare for yer arrival… You know… you being super royalty or whatever…”
“Oh dear…” Magic Pants uttered in a voice as gentle as the fuzzy fur of a kitten. “Well I don’t wish for ponies to feel overwhelmed by my unexpected visit.”
Twilight’s face lit up as she reached for the door. “Well, just let Applejack and I… er… mentally prepare Pinkie Pie for your arrival!”
Magic Pants waved grandly as Twilight and Applejack quickly piled into Sugarcube corner. “I shall wait patiently here to be called and simply bestow love and joy at all those who pass by,” Magic Pants said, the melodic echo of her flawless voice only slightly interrupted by a pony’s high-pitched scream from down the street.
Twilight flashed Magic Pants one last nervous grin, then closed the door after her, breathing a sigh of relief. “Thanks, A.J.”
“Sure, sugarcube,” Applejack replied. “Let’s just hope we can wrangle Pinkie from doin’ somethin’ too crazy… even by Pinkie standards.”
Twilight paused for a second. “… We’re pretty bucked, aren’t we?”
Applejack nodded. “I reckon so…”
Twilight and Applejack walked up to the front counter of Sugar Cube corner, mentally celebrating the store was empty at the moment, save the familiar pink pony smiling widely at them from behind a counter of colorful treats.
Pinkie Pie waved enthusiastically as the two approached. “Hello Twilight! Hello Applejack! Crazy screaming weather we’re having today, huh?”
Applejack pursed her lips slightly. “Well, that’s all on account of the new… sorta-pony that’s come to town.”
Pinkie gasped. “A new sorta-pony in town?! We have to throw her a not-sorta welcoming party!”
“NO!” Twilight exclaimed. “No party! Not yet…”
“No party?!” Pinkie cried in disbelief. “We can’t have that! How will all the ponies of Ponyville enjoy the splonderful feeling of meeting some pony new if we don’t throw a big ‘ol party?!”
“By keepin’ as far away from this gal as possible!” Applejack answered.
“A.J., seriously!” Twilight cried. “Can you at least try to work this out with me here?”
“Well, you know as well as Ah do that a party is a bad idea…” Applejack turned and cocked an eyebrow at Pinkie. “‘Splonderful’?”
Pinkie frowned at Applejack. “Splendid plus wonderful, d’uuuuuh! And since when is it a bad idea to throw a party, ever?!”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Ow…” she exclaimed as she raised a forehoof to said eyebrow.
Twilight tilted her head slightly and looked at Applejack in concern. “What’s wrong?”
“Ah need to switch which eyebrow I raise for a bit,” Applejack said as she raised and lowered her other eyebrow a bit. “Ah think I’ve overworked one…” She turned back to Pinkie. “An’ remember the day my family was sad ‘cause Winona’s mom passed?”
Pinkie pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “… Okay, ‘Happy dead pet day’ was kinda a bad idea, but this is a welcome party! Aside from birthday parties, they’re like… the most important parties ever!”
“Pinkie?” Twilight began. “While Applejack’s delivery could use some work—”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Jus’ tryin’ to keep an awful lot of pony breakfasts and lunches from comin’ out the wrong end…”
Twilight creased her brow and shot an irritated glance out into wall-passed Pinkie. “—she’s right in that our new arrival is maybe not party material… because of… erm… reasons…”
“Reasons?” Pinkie replied. “What kind of reasons?! Ooo! Ooo! Is she too sassy? Clashy? Trashy? Gas—”
Applejack quickly placed a forehoof against Pinkie’s mouth as she looked at Twilight. “Twilight?” she said. “Ah think its okay to admit that Magic Pants is so utterly bizarre-looking, we’re having to be cautious about who sees her.”
Outside, a group of school-aged foals all screamed and ran past one of the windows of Sugarcube corner.
Applejack frowned. “Even if we’re no good at it…”
“Wait children!” Magic Pants cried from outside in a voice as inviting as a freshly laundered welcome mat. “I only wish to share the magical candy produced from my sweet glands!”
Twilight sighed heavily and hung her head.
Pinkie gasped. “Magic Pants! Best name ever! And she sweats… sweets…? Candy! I knew my horrorscope was wrong when it said I’d be visited by unimaginable horror!”
Twilight looked up at Pinkie. “Actually, her full name is Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants.”
Pinkie depleted the area in front of her of oxygen. “EVEN BETTER NAME!”
Applejack creased her brow at Pinkie slightly. “I think you meant ‘horoscope’, not ‘horrorscope’, sugarcube.”
Pinkie shook her head. “No! My horoscope said that today I’d wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep! So far, it’s been dead on…”
Twilight shot Pinkie a quizzical look. “Wait, so you actually have something that gives you a daily ‘horrorscope’?”
Pinkie nodded. “Yepper! But it pretty much says the same thing every day…” Pinkie rolled her eyes, a happy smile still on her face. “I don’t even know why I even check it!”
“Well, it jus’ may come true today,” Applejack said.
“A.J.!” Twilight said sternly.
“What?” Applejack protested. “She’s pretty dang scary-lookin’! You know it, I know it, everypony who’s seen her today knows it…”
“Oh, silly fillies!” Pinkie said with a dismissive wave of her forehoof. “It’s not the outside that counts, but the insides! And inside everypony is the same army of tiny gnome-ponies that take our food and deliver it to the parts of the body it needs to go to!”
Applejack raised an eyebrow, taking care to choose the one she hadn’t pulled just minutes ago. “Pinkie, Ah’m not sure you have a completely accurate grasp about how the insides of ponies work…”
Twilight raised a forehoof. “It’s fine, I’m sure Pinkie can handle a little weirdness.”
Applejack lowered her eyebrow, turned to Twilight, then raised it again. “A little?”
“Applejack! That’s not nice!”
Applejack shook her head. “I’ve jus’ seen what too many ponies had to eat after them gnomes had gotten to it.”
Twilight let out a frustrated groan.
“Gee, Applejack,” Pinkie said. “You seem to be talking a lot about pony’s food and where it ends up today,” she mused.
“Yer about to find out why,” Applejack uttered.
“She’ll be fine!” Twilight insisted in a voice that hinted that she was trying to convince herself as well as anypony.
“You hear that, Applejack?” Pinkie asked. “I’ll be fine! And if Twilight’s princess sense says it’s true, it must be.”
Twilight cocked her head slightly and raised an eyebrow. “Pinkie, that’s not a thing…”
The front door to Sugarcube Corner suddenly opened, revealing the being of splonderful beauty on the other side. “Is some pony in need of my princess sense?!” Magic Pants asked in a voice as full of concern as it was with illustriousness.
Pinkie grinned wide and turned towards the door. “Oh Helloooh-hoooo-oooooh-noooo…”
“Ah, The Element of Laughter!” Magic Pants said as she fluttered up next to Applejack and Twilight and extended a forehoof. “It’s a pleasure! I too spread mirth and merriment wherever I go!”
Pinkie held her giant grin for a couple seconds before her eye twitched and she let out a high-pitched shriek. “AAAAAIEEEEEEE! Kill it! Kill it!”
“Pinkie, calm down!” Twilight exclaimed. “She’s just here to help! … I think…”
Pinkie reached into her display case and started flinging cupcakes at Magic Pants. “KILL IT!”
‘Splat! Splat!’
“Awww...” Magic Pants uttered with a smile as cupcakes splattered against her body. “She’s bestowing gifts upon me!”
“KILL IT WITH FIRE!” Pinkie suddenly reached into her mane and pulled out a can of hairspray and a silver lighter. Despite the immense fear she felt at even looking upon Magic Pants, she leaned forward onto the case and held the lighter and can of hairspray mere inches away from the crystalline being whose mane continued to shimmer with beautiful neon rainbow light.
“Twilight!” Applejack cried as she pulled Twilight away from the front case. “Get down!”
“PINKIE!” Twilight cried, extending a forehoof as Applejack dragged her back several feet. “WAIT!”
Pinkie didn’t wait. She, in fact, did the opposite of ‘wait’, which in this case meant quickly creating a small flame with her lighter and spraying the hairspray at it. A small inferno suddenly erupted from the can and lighter.
“Pinkie! NO!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Welp,” Applejack said as she tilted her hat up, “coulda been worse…”
Magic Pants giggled as the flames licked her face. “And she does tricks! She is truly the Element of Laughter.”
Applejack sighed. “It’s worse…”
“OH CELESTIA!” Pinkie shrieked as she ceased spraying Magic Pants with flames. “She can’t be killed! I need… I think I need to throw up…”
Pinkie made a mad dash for bathroom.
Twilight let out a frustrated groan and turned to Applejack. “When she gets out, do you think we can convince her to stick around and help figure out what to do with Magic Pants?”
Applejack cocked an eyebrow. “She tried to set her on fire, Twilight. Unless ye’re lookin’ for some other way to off this crock-pot of mystery stew, I think maybe we just write off Pinkie and move onto… onto…” Applejack frowned and trailed off.
Twilight sighed heavily. “Rarity?”
Magic Pants nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! We should make haste to the Element of Generosity.”
Applejack hung her head. “Oh, this won’t be pretty…”
Magic Pants suddenly reached out for Twilight and Applejack and pulled them close to her. “Hold tightly to my friendship flank, friends.”
“… What?” Twilight uttered as her face contorted in confusion.
“… Pass…” Applejack said.
“We shall teleport directly to Carousel Boutique!” Magic Pants announced in a voice as soothing as aloe on sun-burnt skin.
Applejack frowned heavily as she quickly hooked an arm around one of Magic Pants’ back legs. “Teleport? Ya mean we aren’t gonna warn—”
‘PIZZAAAAAP!’
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Pinkie's reaction is the best so far!
This is certainly...a thing.
Poor Pinkie, she always has to put up with a Mary Sue coming to town.
What the actual fuck?
...this... appears to be a thing.
I don't even...
...is it a problem that I was amused by this? I'm not sure if it is a sign of insanity or something else...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
*Looks at title*
*Backs away slowly*
5410955 Signing your own name on a comment might be a sign of insanity.
5410993 And? What of it?
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Wait, so Pinkie's a Taurus?
Whoo hoo! A new chapter! I absolutely loved Pinkie's reaction and her random attempts at trying to get rid of Magic Pants!
Now I want to see how Rarity will react to Magic Pants. 
Also, I think Applejack may need to raise a different eyebrow if she keeps hurting it. Otherwise, she'll lose one, just like in this gif:
https://derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/5/7/620133__safe_solo_applejack_animated_screencap_edit_wat_looking+at+you_frown_trade+ya.gif
5410999
Canonically, it's hinted her birthday is May 3rd, so 'yes', actually.
I agree with Pinkie
*notices story update*
Wait, what story could've updated this late...
*opens bookshelf*
Oh.
This fuckin' thing.
Now the real question is this: Was the word "licked" used as a personification term, or did the flames actually shape themselves into tongues and lick her?
Guys, I think we have to write Ponyville off as a lost cause. In fact, we'd better write off the surrounding lands as well.
Best we just take off, nuke the entire site from orbit. Although I really don't think once we do that, any of us are going to be sure....
... I feel like I just came down off an acid trip and I'm not sure why.
5411041 Fair enough.
ohh by the picture I expected this to be a bad intentionally op Mary sue, not such a hilarious story... ohh I cant wait for discords reaction. can he stomach his own "daughter?" or was there a reason she was in another dimension?
also gives me an idea for a changeling though I'm not sure I have the skill the make a flirtatious ancient evil changeling monarch originally sealed away by the changeling queens through the ages ... well until a few certain ones blasted the current to who knows where.... I may have to try writing that story or finding someone to.
5411270 that, actually sounds really interesting. I think you should go for it, and be sure to tell me how it turns out. it has to be better than mine at least.
XD DAT NAME THO
We need Celestia, Luna, Cadance, the Tree of Harmony, the Crystal Heart, Pinkie Pie, Discord, and everyone in Tartarus to lend Twilight their power to KILL IT
KILL IT
KILL IT
5411337
not even molag bal or the mad god is touching that
5411311
maybe, I've never really had the writing drive though.... always get caught up worrying about if I'm able to make it good enough.
though I may have to try just to see how it will turn out... hopefully I get a decent name to come to me...
*reads comments*
*recoils in horror*
*wonders whether to thumb up sight unseen in order to keep this ... thing ... away*
She makes Cthulhu look tame by comparison.
5411577
I just got a mental image of Cthulhu standing on a chair, yelling "EEK!" at the sight of her.
So fire didn't work eh?
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20141002193111/warframe/images/5/58/Nukey_nuke_it_from_orbit_its_the_only_way_to_be_sure0.jpg
This is insanity.
I MUST keep reading. 
But...she isn't wearing any pants...
I...what? I don't even...
Twilight sighed as Magic Pants flew off. “Well… At least Pinkie might not freak out…”
Normally? There's no way in hell Pinkie Pie would freak out. It would go against every single trait of her character.
But sadly, the author has the switch pulled marked: 'Okay, instead of everyone finding the mary sue unspeakably beautiful, they'll find her unspeakably ugly instead.'
“If anypony can handle Magic Pants, it’s Pinkie…”
Again, normally, yes. But the author has the 'everyone is disgusted at the sight, etc' switch pulled. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AntiSue
“KILL IT WITH FIRE!”
Minty, "Pinkie Pie . . . is that what you'd say to me if we met again?" *breaks down crying*
5411577
Whose brain or soul as she tried eating? I know this story is about how stupidly written Mary Sues tend to be, but in story it comes across the writer simply having INVERTED all the character reactions to Mary Sue traits.
It's JUST as stupid when all the character hate her as when all the character love the sue!!!!
5411853
Looking back at the story, it is weird that nobody gave the creature a chance, given her expressed friendly intentions (even though some of the ways she wanted to help sounded fairly alarming). And yeah -- Twilight (rational), Fluttershy (xenophilic) and Pinkie Pie (all-loving) should in canon have been more accepting. You're right, the Mane Six are here behaving OOC.
Pinkie, just Pinkie!
Looking at this story, and I can't believe I'm saying this, I sympathize with Magic Pants. Yes, she is a Mary Sue, but Mary Sues are supposed to be unbearable because they warp the characters and the whole story to whatever suits them. Magic Pants hasn't really done that, unless you count everyone hating her on sight which doesn't make sense since she hasn't really done anything for that.
IT LIVES! Pinkie's reaction was hilarious, love your AJ. Can't wait to see Rarity. She'll probably try to gouge out her own eyes with sowing needles.
5411942 sounds like you have never read a Justice4243 story. The mane 6 are ALWAYS OOC in his stories.
You wrote Clestia instead of Celestia at one point.
5411942
Isn't Twilight trying to give the creature a chance? She's escorting it around town, helping it on it's self-appointed mission to meet the element bearers and all, despite finding it horrific to look upon. She tried to stop Pinkie from attacking it. I think Pinkie Pie is OOC deliberately as the joke is that it's so horrifying that the character who would be normally most welcoming is most hostile but really Twilight's not that far off character. Though canon Twilight would definitely have tried to fix the problem with magic long before it got this far.
5411853
Well yes. This is the genre of 'stupid comedy'. Telling people it's stupid indicates you're missing the point. You might as well tell Saturday Night Live that Gerald Ford didn't really fall down all the time-- I assure you they already know.
I think you pretty much ran the joke into the ground at this point. It's not really funny to watch the same thing happen over and over again.
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZJbWp2CTbk]
5411811 remember that in her written description she is rapidly changing color, so her very appearance could cause nausea and seizures.
5413656 I would also like to add to your statement that their responses are not too far from canon, as it was only Twilight that realized that Zecora was not a witch.
How on earth do they think that Rarity, the pony who freaks out when someone wears mismatched clothing, is going to be able to help in any way with this situation? Except maybe give Magic Pants a fashionable burqa?
Oh, and I love Magic Pant's organs, I can't wait to learn where the Sweet Gland comes out of!
5411097
The only important question is did you enjoy this acid trip?
5447408
Well, I still have my pants and no embarrassing pictures have appeared on facebook, so all in all it went quite well!
This is absolutely hilarious.
I know what I'm going as at brony con~!!!
5418163
Somehow I knew it would end this way.
Im suprised no one saw the wierd al reference.
5411015 I think this video better explains how her eyebrow will fall off. Especially considering the insanity that is this story.
7949976
What in the world is that video lmfao