Chapter 2 - Little Peeks
Back inside the library's back room, Twilight only just realized the scale of her task. She regretted not keeping a closer tab on Spike's comic hoarding habit. She would need the rest of the day just to sort them, and most annoyingly, it could upset her tightly worn schedule for the rest of the week.
Twilight prepared a stack of crates where she would store the comic books after she sorted them and cataloged them in her personal book catalogue. She was tempted to simply get rid of all the comic books, and the temptation only grew stronger when she started tackling the first stack.
“Magistro issue number seventy-two, Magistro issue number eleven, Magistro issue number ninety-nine... There are almost a hundred issues and they're not stacked in order. Wonderful,” Twilight grumbled. She decided she should just throw all the Magistro titled books into a stack for sorting later.
“Magistro vs. Dr Evil, Battle of the Century. That's an imaginative title.” Another book went into the stack.
“Magistro and Sonic Pony Team-Up.” Yet another book went into the stack.
“Sonic Pony Origin ,Volume 2. Wait a minute, is this the same Sonic Pony as the last one?” Twilight rechecked the last book. The Sonic Pony in question was the same character on the cover. “Wait, so these two book share the same characters? And yet the authors are different? Great, how am I going to categorize them now?”
After a few seconds of pondering, Twilight decided she should just stick to sorting them by title. Despite being stacked out-of-order, Twilight soon finished sorting the first stack. Spike appeared to have stacked all the comic books with Magistro in the title together. At least his time spent helping around the library had taught him some organization habits.
With the first stack done, Twilight moved on to the second stack. Twilight drew out the first book from the second stack, and she immediately spotted a problem. There was a mare with unrealistically slim body on the cover shooting fire bolts, while standing on her hind legs, her body twisted at her waist almost a full hundred and eighty degree to face the reader.
“Ugh, has this artist even learned basic pony anatomy?” Twilight threw the book into the crate.
The rest of the books in the same stack had better-drawn cover – relatively speaking. The stallions all looked buff and muscular, bodies so unrealistically huge they would put Bulk Bicep to shame. The mares were all equally slim, draping themselves all over the colts, and showing their backsides with sensual looks of seduction for the readers.
Twilight felt uncomfortable seeing the covers. “Spike, have you been reading these? It's outrageous!”
Her anger increased with every book cover she skimmed through. All the mares have the same poses, draping themselves all over the colts or lying on the ground at the stallions' hooves. They looked helpless, always in the arms of these strong and buff colts, looking like they were ready to kiss – or ready to faint from starvation, since that was the only plausible explanation for their unhealthily skinny bodies.
“What did Spike see in these comics anyway?” Twilight decided she was going to discuss over this with Spike and whoever in the comic book store who sold him those comics.
Out of morbid curiosity, she decided to read one of them. The one she picked was simply titled Vondork. The cover had a cigar chomping unicorn colt with a staff enumerating lightning bolt on one hoof, and a mare in another, staring back at Twilight with a seductive expression.
“Lord Minehord has returned to unleash all manners of horrors on Equestria. Only Vondork, Equestria's most wanted vigilante, could prevent the total annihilation of Equestria!”
Twilight flipped to the first page. On the very first splash page, the male pony she presumed was Vondork was fighting some red-skinned monkey-like beasts over Canterlot city.
“You're finished Vondork! Equestria is finally mine!” Lord Minehord laughed.
“I'm gonna blow your sorry plot back to kingdom comes, Minehord!” Vondork spoke with a smoking cigar in his mouth. He slammed his hooves onto the ground, causing a tremor that caused houses surrounding him to collapse.
What followed were twenty pages of violent panels depicting Vondork fighting Minehord and his minions. Vondork was reckless, carelessly destroying houses and towers all over Canterlot. In one panel, he even uprooted a tower from the royal castle with his dark magic and flung it at Minehord, right within the vicinity of Canterlot amidst panicking ponies. Never once did Vondork stopped to help the innocent civilians.
Vondork head-butted Minehord through several watch towers, punched him mid-air, and then hoof-kicked Minehord to the ground, once again right where innocent civilians were standing.
“What a hero,” Twilight said sarcastically.
Dispersed throughout the panels, the mare on the cover was also fighting the minions, so at least that was a plus for her. Even then, the artist chose to use every panel with her in it to show off her unrealistically proportioned body. Twilight swore there were several instances where she has twisted her own back.
“Vondork, I got your girl! Bow down to me or she'll die!” Minehord gloated after capturing her, who was conveniently disarmed and suddenly helpless once a few demon monkey minions managed to catch her.
“Save me Vondork!” the mare screamed back.
“I saw you fighting the minions all by yourself, and now all of a sudden you're helpless?” Twilight complained aloud.
Without warning, a beam of light shot down from the heavens, striking Minehord in the back and dissolving him into dust. Sun Fort, alicorn prince of the divine sun gods, floated down from the sky as sunlight penetrated the overcast sky and turned all the demons of Tataurus to dust.
“Vondork, this is nothing but a diversion. Minehord was only a pawn,” Sun Fort said. “Also, Minehord was your brother.”
“NOOO!” Vondork cried out in anguish.
“To be continued in the next issue!” With that caption, the comic book abruptly ended.
Twilight was speechless. After all the build-up and twenty pages of violence with blatant disregard for the lives of innocent ponies, the story abruptly ended with the villain killed off in the most anti-climactic way possible.
What on earth happened anyway? Why was Vondork fighting Minehord? Why did that mare suddenly become a damsel in distress even after being clearly portrayed as a strong warrior? And why the sudden revelation that Minehord was Vondork's brother? Nothing made sense. It gave Twilight a headache just thinking about it.
“What a rubbish story.” Twilight flung the comic book to the stack where it belonged.
“Hey Twilight, what are you doing?” Spike asked from the doorway to the back room.
“I'm tidying up your comic books,” Twilight said.
“Cool! Thanks for doing it for me. I've planned to do it for a week, but it looks like you're doing it for me anyway.” Spike scampered off laughing.
“You're welcome,” Twilight said sarcastically.
Twilight dusted off the cover of another book from a new stack. To her surprise, the comic book cover was not some muscular colt or impossibly skinny mare. Instead, it was a drawing of adorable animals having a picnic with butterflies.
“Is this a comic for babies?” Twilight flipped through the book. Indeed, it was a very safe comic for little fillies, with bunnies and deer hopping around, meeting friends and having little adventures, like getting safely across a river with only a tree log. Twilight was genuinely surprised that there was nothing harmful about them at all.
"Follow the adventures of Bunny, Little Deer and their little lovable friends in yet another series of adventures in the Forest of Friendship! Rated for nursery and above."
“Ha, who knew? There are comics written for little fillies after all. I think this will be right up Fluttershy's alley,” Twilight mused. She flipped to a random page inside.
The animal friends gasped at the ruined wood cake placed on the table.
“Oh no, Bunny, Little Deer dropped the cake we just baked for Otter Jr!” Big Deer said.
“I'm so sorry, it's my entire fault!” Little Deer cried.
“We forgive you Little Deer, it's only an accident,” Bunny consoled Little Deer.
“But Otter Jr's birthday is tonight! How will we ever bake a wood cake as good as the one I dropped?”
“We shall bake another one in time. If we work together, we can overcome any challenges! Is everyone with me?”
“Yes!” The little animals cheered.
“Then let's bake some cake!”
“Well, at least this one is harmless.” Twilight skimmed through a few more books from the stack just to be sure there was no rude surprises, pushed them aside and started on another stack.
Twilight was expecting to see yet another superhero comic, and she was right. The first book had a fairly generic cover with superheroes posing together in a show of strength, only this time the cast were different.
“League of Heroes: The Founding #1. The greatest heroes the world has ever seen band together for the first time to save Equestria!” the book's title boldly proclaimed.
Twilight chuckled. “Well, I think I know a thing or two about saving Equestria. Let's see what the synopsis says.”
They were Equestria's greatest heroes from all walks of life, but they've never joined forces, UNTIL NOW! Direk, emperor of the underworld, has hatched a nefarious plot with Prince Facet to retrieve the Hydra Stone for their own ends! Now, the heroes among heroes were together for the first time to defend Equestria! But will they succeed?
“Wait a minute, this sounds a bit familiar. Oh right, that incident with Spike’s enchanted comic book, how can I forget?” Twilight remembered the time an enchanted comic book Spike bought from some shady establishment sucked them into its own universe, turning them into ‘Power Ponies' and forcing them to defeat a make-believe villain to escape. She was not eager to relive that experience.
Out of caution, Twilight cast a spell that should show any hidden magic in the comic book. To her relief, there was no concealed magic or hidden portal inside. “Right, let's see what Spike sees in this comic book.”
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...Is that last comic G1 MLP?
5189252 1. Yes. 2. My God, I love your profile pic!
Sounds like someone is an Atop the 4th Wall fan!
Welcome to AT4W! Where bad comics burn!
Twikara's gonna teach you all a lesson you won't learn!
Trotsky you're not the smartest. Liefeld, not an artist!
Anyone who's had a bad comic published, it could be you're turn!
Twikara! She has a Hoof... Punch. Has a pointed horn!
Twikara! Elements of Harmony, always leaves a scorn!
Twikara! Bits, Changelings, Minotaur's, and Bucks!
Twikara! This comic sucks! Twikaraaaaaaa!!
5216216 that was glorious
5216216
*Squees incoherently.*