It was a start of a new day in Ponyville, the light of the bright sun shined through a window of Sugarcube Corner. A pink pony felt the warm sunshine on her face, she smiled and dragged herself off the bed.
The sleepy pony yawned,"Good morning Celestia, the sun is looking extra bright! It must be a special day today, I can feel it, don't you?"
The mare beamed, she walked towards her bathroom and heard a book fall down to the wooden floor. She looked at where the sound was, she saw a book. It was her scrapbook. She plopped down on the wooden floor and flipped through the pages. She saw many pictures of her friends on adventures. Once she flipped through the next page, she stopped. She stared at the pictures within the page, it was full of her with...... Cheese Sandwich.
Pinkie sighed, and placed her hoof on the pictures,"That was a super awesome day, it's been like forever."
There was a knock at the door,"Pinkie, I need you to take care of a shift for me. Carrot Cake and I need to bring an order to this wedding. We thought it was tomorrow, but apparently they moved it up to today. Why don't you come down and eat breakfast?"
Pinkie closed the book,"I'll be there in a sec, don't worry Mrs. Cake!"
......................................................................................................................
The happy squeals of delights from the fillies echoed around the small living room. Wrappers, crumbs, and confetti littered the floor, but for once nopony cared. It was the best birthday party any of them could remember. Matrix trotted over to the poncho clad stallion in the corner. "Thanks so much for this, Mr. Sandwich. It's the best party my sister's ever had."
The stallion grabbed his poncho hat and placed it on his head,"Your welcome little filly, it's my job to make everypony smile."
The mare giggled,"You remind me of this mare that my cousin wrote in her letters, she does the same thing you do, you should go visit her. I think my cousin said she lived in Ponyville or something."
Cheese Sandwich chuckled,"Maybe.... someday."
The mare waved her hoof goodbye and watched the party pony leave to the sunrise. Cheese Sandwich walked through the rough path to who knows where.
He turned to the rubber chicken resting comfortably on the saddle. "Well, Boneless 2, where do you think we're going next?" The rubber chicken's head sunk lower. Cheese nodded thoughtfully, as though an unspoken conversation had just occurred. "You want to go to Ponyville?" His emerald eyes sparkled in excitement. "Hehe, I guess we can go for a while. But, when the Cheesy sense comes, we'll have to leave. I'm a traveling pony after all."
Cheese began to trot his way to Ponyville.
................................................................................
Pinkie Pie took the dirty dishes to the sink,"So,when will you two be back?"
Mrs. Cake pushed the cake through the door,"Tonight!"
Mr.Cake waved to Pinkie,"Take care of the foals!"
Pinkie waved back,"Don't worry!"
Pinkie walked to the counter and rested her hoof on it,"I wonder when you'll be back, you never told me. I guess I should have asked you before you left."
The store's bell ranged, a purple alicorn came through that door and went towards to Pinkie,"Hello Pinkie."
Pinkie jumped,"Hiya Twilight, what are you doing at this hour?"
Twilight smiled,"Well, I was hoping if your not too busy, you would want to plan a party for somepony I know."
Pinkie squealed,"A party, for who exactly?"
Twilight flew up in excitement,"It's for Cadence and Shining Armor,....... They're having a foal!"
Pinkie gasped,"A party for Cadence's foal! That's great!"
Twilight flew down and pranced around like a little filly,"I know, I'm going to be an aunt! So will you do it?"
Pinkie jumped,"Of course! This is going to be the biggest party ever!"
..............................................................................................
Cheese hummed a happy tune while he walked through the dessert. Then he stopped, he started to feel a doozy coming up. Everything shook, his cutie mark started to make music.
Cheese hopped,"Wow! Now that was a doozy. That's weird, it's saying to go to....."
Cheese gasped," Ponyville!"
Cheese leaped happily to the air,"Yes! Now I have a reason to go! And there's going to be a party there too, a big one."
.................................................................................
Twilight trotted with excitement towards the door,"Well, I'll leave you to it Pinkie, thanks."
Pinkie hopped happily towards the kitchen. Alright, lets get baking. I just need to find those cooking utensils, and some ingredients, I should probably go to the market.
.................................................................................
Cheese looked up to see a sugary sweet like building. So this is where Pinkie lives in, I wonder if this place is made up of real sweets.
The stallion went up to the pink wooden steps and opened the door to smell the sweet aurora of the shop's sweets. He looked into different directions to see that nopony was there. Cheese noticed a small bell, he tapped on it to see if somepony was there.
Pinkie heard the bell, "Just a minute!"
Cheese's ears perked up high.That sounds like Pinkie's voice.
Pinkie grabbed her utensils,"Here they are."
Pinkie Pie grabbed her cooking utensils and walked to the counter to meet the customer,"Okay, so what do you....."
Cheese took off his poncho hat and smiled at the Pinkie,"Hi Pinkie Pie."
Pinkie jumped in excitement," Cheese, I can't believe your here, I never thought you'd come back because your a traveling pony and all. But who cares, your here in Ponyville!"
Cheese's smile grew wide as he watched the pink mare jump up and down talking to him. Look at her, so full of energy, sometimes I forget how she even does that.
Pinkie stopped at mid-air,"Wait, why are you here?"
Cheese dragged his hoof around Pinkie and pointed his other hoof to the distance,"Well my pink friend, I was going to visit you, but then I felt my cheesy sense pointing that their was a party being planned here."
Pinkie was overjoyed to hear that he was going to plan the party with her,"So that means your going to plan the foal shower with me?"
Cheese was thrilled at the thought of working with Pinkie this time. And this time, they're not going to battle with each other.
Cheese slightly nodded at Pinkie,"Yepadoodles!"
Pinkie bounced and smiled at the stallion,"That's great, I was going to pick some ingredients at the supermarket after the Cakes come back, do you wanna come?"
Cheese nodded,"Sure."
Well written the pace was a bit touch and go but only for like a second!!
The foal shower sounds like it's going to be awesome!
Wrote cheese well as well as pinkie, can't wait to see more!
Fav,d!
5195675 Thanks! And uh, what did you mean by the pacing part, was it too fast?
Who's baby-sitting the twins?!?
5195693 They're sleeping, and Pinkie isn't going to go shopping after Mr. And Mrs. Cake come back.
Yeah a little jumped from pinkie thinking about cheese, to the cakes leaving, twilight being an aunt to cheese coming then he,s there!!
Quick pace is not bad at all is pretty snappy but does steal from the scene a bit you end up focusing on the characters more and less on the surroundings, which is double edged.
If you want the fic to deal with a certain moment that it leads to slow down a bit pace it a little slower and showcase not only your characters but also the scene, the background is just as important as the characters!!
But if the fix is character driven a quick pace is perfect you get inside the heads of the characters and see the world from their eyes, in the end it's all in how you want the fix to flow.
I'm new to your fics so I'm not used to your style just yet, to give really inside track tips.
In all the story is great it feels snappy but in a good way, hooks the reader from the start!
I'll go and read your other fics and get a sense of style about you and then give more input, but in the end consider me a follower!!
I do like it!
5195768 Thanks! But I think this one is a little harder for me to pace it slow, I mean my first fic, it was easy to take it slow, this one is a bit harder to control, I'm focused on the relationship of the two ponies right now, but thxs for the advice!
5195771 Thanks! Glad you like it!
5195701 Baby-sitting 101 you NEVER leave kids unsupervised regardless.
Lol yw.
Hope to see some cheesy goodness ahead¡!
I like this. I look forward to future chapters!
MOAR
MOAR
AHH
Time for a story.
I was considering giving up my otp of cheesepie, then this comes along and
NOPE
NOPE NOPE
I'll go down with this ship.
I'LL GO DOWN MAYUN
Sorry... gotta cut back on the sugar
It could use a tad more detail and I saw some editing mistakes but....
Thumb'd faved followed.
7/10
Oh my GOEH I can't wait unfilled the next chapter!!!!
You're off to a good start.
5198192 Thanks, since you helped me with it. I just hope I can make it interesting by the time I finish it.
Someone doesn't like my story!!!!!
SOOOO ADORABLE! Nice work!
5198864 Thanks!
5198777
That'll happen. Whatever you post, someone won't like it. There's no way around it either; you can't please everyone. Still, hold your chin up, and feel good that the upvotes far outweigh the downvotes. Here, have another one. It's a nice introduction, has an interesting idea what with Cadance and Shining Armor as well as CheesePie, so I'll look forward to more.
CheesePie also brings in some auto-dislikes. Some may hate the ship and seek out to dislike it whenever possible. Some might not just be a fan. Like I said, don't let it bring you down, you've got quite the start here.
5199092 Oh, thanks. I'm glad you enjoy it.
This looks cute and loveable. One question:What about the Crystal ponies? I would guess they would really like to celebrate their rulers having a foal with a party in the Crystal Empire.
5201795 shh! Don't give out Pinkie's plan!
5202121 Ok sure. I was just worried that Cadance and Shining would head down to Ponyville for the rockingest foal shower ever, while up north a bunch of sad Crystal ponies are drowning their sorrows drinking Mulesons lager and pigging out at Donut Joe Hortons.
I love it so far !
5202941 Thanks!
I never read your first one.
5203770 You mean my first story?
5203786 yes
first thing I want to say is that your characterization for Cheese and Pinkie are great. there dialogue also sounds in character.
The opening was a bit rushed and pretty typical for the start of a story (I can't tell you how many times I've read about the sun shining down on someones face and them waking up).
Another thing I would recommend is not over explaining everything. Try and work more at showing over telling.
Along with that is description. You say the obvious and in general the descriptions seem boring.
another thing I'm hoping for in the future is that you don't just write about pinkie and cheese falling in love and throwing a party.
overall, I enjoyed it. take this thumbs up.
5206639 Thanks, but remember, I'm just a newb okay?
5206739 lel, ima newb too. its a great story, I was just putting something you could work on
5206769 Thanks,
Awesome work! I can't wait for the next chapters! Try to slow down a little though, and put some conflict into the story. Awesome!^^
Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich are reunited once again and it feels so right. Also, I hope Spike will be invited to the party.
5210075 I hope so too. Poor little guy.
5206769 POTATO GIRL!!!!!!!!! (Your profile picture.)
5241372 Whats a potato girl?
Your first romance story? Well I like it! Good job!
5241374 Well, not my first. My first one was deleted by me. So I took a new route.
5241373 Terein's profile picture is a character from Attack on Titan. During training, on of the other soldiers called her "Potato Girl", since while at attention she started eating a steamed potato. XD It was hilarious! But her punishment was to run until dawn, I think. But the time it was night, and the day ended, she was finally done. Potato Girl pretty much became her nickname.
5241377 Still amazing though!
5241387 Thanks!
5241385 Oh okay! But, what does it have to with my new picture that I just uploaded
5241393 Oh, I was just directing it to Terein. But yours is cool anyway!
5241400 Thanks, i'm just trying out some pictures. That's all.
5241372
PO-TA-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(please excuse our potato girl shenanigans)
I like Cheese even more now that I discovered he is played by Weird Al Yankovic!
* reads two sentences * falls in love with this