THE EPIC RARITY WRITE OFF

by Write Off

Whirlwind Romance

Whirlwind Romance

-

"Stand still at once!" said Rarity, in a tone that brooked no dissension.

Pinkie Pie immediately stopped wiggling. "Sorry, Rarity. I'm just so excited about modeling for you, and I want everypony to see how wonderful and fantabulous and sensationriffic your new dresses are!"

Rarity could feel herself beginning to sweat as she finished putting the gown on her friend. "Now remember, Pinkie, you're not trying to make them laugh tonight."

"Of course I remember," said Pinkie, "I'm playing the part of a super-serious super-duper-model who does super-silly things like walking slowly and slinky, and making super-silly duckfaces at the crowd. It's like one big prank! I'll be laughing inside the entire time!"

Rarity smiled, still worried. The other two models stood next to them wearing Rarity's newest dresses, vogueing for each other. "I'm glad you're here for me," she said. "All the pink models here in Manehattan had been hired before I even received my invitation in the mail, and dyeing models' coats is so gauche. There, all done."

"Hey," said Pinkie, looking at herself in the mirrors, "I look so pretty! It's like I'm a big pink flower with petals and-"

The stage director popped his head backstage. "Showtime."

Rarity started to hyperventilate.

--

Rarity was aglow with pride at the afterparty. She swept through the ballroom, smiling and nodding her head at anyone who acknowledged her. These were her people: the fashion, the jewelry, the sophisticated patois. The room was abuzz with the consequential murmurs of high-powered deals being forged, and the inconsequential chatter of partygoers blowing off stress.

Pinkie walked alongside her, maintaining an air of class. Finally, it was too much for her, and with a tiny, high-pitched giggle, she said, "I'm gonna go get some or-dervs, 'kay?"

"For your performance tonight, you deserve nothing less," said Rarity magnanimously. Pinkie bounced off toward the nearest waiter.

Rarity sighed, shaking her head.

"Models, am I right?" asked a voice next to her ear. "Oh," said Rarity, and she turned.

Beside her stood a sky blue pegasus, with freckles across the bridge of his nose. His bright red mane was swept forward dramatically, accentuating the short cut.

"Whirlwind of Hoofington," he said in a tone of familiarity, "And you are Rarity, Hoity Toity's newest discovery." He brushed her side with his wing. She looked, and saw that his cutie mark resembled a tornado.

She smiled. "I saw your work during yesterday's runs. Those upper cuffs are an elegant solution for wings; I may have to license your design. Do you work exclusively with pegasi?"

"I appreciate the female form wherever it may be found," said Whirlwind, tilting his head. She noticed he had a small goatee beard under his chin, also red. "Earth pony, pegasus," he brushed a hoof against hers. "Unicorn. Oh, those are lovely lashes! Are they real?"

Rarity blanched at being caught out on her false eyelashes. "We.. simply must look our best in public, as members of the fashion community. I'm sure you understand."

"Oh yes," he said, picking up one of his forehooves. The light blue hair was trimmed back in a layered, ragged manner, showing the hoof to be contrasting orange. His pedicure was perfect. The effect was both masculine and elegant. "You know, I do think we'd work well together. Stay here for a moment." He headed toward the juice bar.

Rarity stayed where she was, in the middle of the room, while other ponies conversed. A few seconds after she started feeling awkward, Pinkie walked over. "Hey Rarity, the other models liked your designs."

"Oh, that's good to hear," said Rarity, a bit distracted.

"Yup! I don't think you'll have any trouble finding another pink model next time. But I'd like to do this again! This party isn't my kind of party. It's more of a game."

"A game?"

"Yeah!" said Pinkie, talking more excitedly. "Like, everypony wants to be fake friends real quick, and there's secret rules that you can't talk about, or else the game is over and nopony wants to play any more! You gotta pretend you're not even playing a game! I think I'm gonna win the 'being a model' game. I've already got a dozen offers of photo shoots!"

Rarity's eyebrows rose. "A dozen different dressmakers want you to model their dresses?" she said in a flat voice.

"Of course not, silly!" said Pinkie, tilting her head, "Only ten of them are dressmakers. Two are photographers!"

Rarity's mouth fell open, but she didn't say anything.

"I'm not going to take their offers, of course. It would be exhausting to play the game all day! Oh, I just hope Fluttershy is having a good time taking care of Gummy!" continued Pinkie, putting a hoof to her chin.

--

Inside a cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest, a yellow pegasus mare grunted with effort as she held an alligator's mouth open. "Oh, come out please, little mousie! Gummy was just playing!"

The mouse skittered out and bolted into the hole in the wall. Gummy backpedaled and dove after it, but his snout got stuck halfway in the hole.

A rabbit kicked him on the tail. Gummy made a chittering noise as he tried to see what had hit him.

Fluttershy pouted. "I'm so sorry, Gummy, but that's what you deserve for trying to eat a poor, defenseless field mouse," she said, "I'll go get you some fish. You just stay right there. Angel, please leave our guest alone."

As soon as the door closed behind her, the rabbit kicked Gummy again for good measure.

--

"I'm sure they're fine, dear," said Rarity. Then she saw a red mane coming toward her through the crowd. "Stay a moment, won't you?"

Whirlwind returned, carrying a tray of drinks in his mouth. Rarity hovered it for him. "Why thank you, my good sir. I'd like to introduce a close friend of mine, Pinkie Pie. Pinkie, this is Whirlwind."

Whirlwind shook Pinkie's hoof. Pinkie, for her part, put the act back on. "Charmed."

"You," he said, "You were the one in that chiffon number with the cape. I must say, it fit your curves." He winked at her.

Pinkie smiled. "Why thank you." A rhythmic rumble started, and spotlights played over a section of floor. "Oh, will you excuse me? They're playing my song."

"Of course," said Rarity and Whirlwind simultaneously. Then they looked at each other and laughed.

He was the first to speak. "Well, I think you have delightful taste in friends." He touched her hoof again. "It's rare to find models with manners, nowadays. They're all so entitled, thinking they should be mobbed by strangers wherever they go."

Rarity managed a fake smile, her own fantasy punctured by his words. "Yes. Well, I had a dress that worked perfectly with her. It's all curves and embellishments this season, isn't it?" She was suddenly, acutely aware of how dry her throat was. She hovered the drink tray closer, and separately hovered one of the fluted glasses to her lips. White sparkling grape juice, cool and refreshing.

"I am definitely on that trend," he said, gesturing toward himself with a hoof. Then he took a sip from the other glass, and maintained eye contact as they drank.

Over the next fifteen minutes or so, Rarity found herself fully engaged in the conversation. She and Whirlwind sparred briefly on topics of personal fashion preference, discussed fabrics and emerging trends, and other insider talk.

The discussion would have seemed needlessly detailed to her other friends. Rarity smiled at the thought of Rainbow Dash discussing the thread count on white cotton, or Pinkie Pie talking about the use of certain stitches for speed versus strength.

As she smiled, Rarity realized she was smiling about the whole evening. The perfect fashion show, the high class ponies, the beautiful clothing on display, and this conversation.

She was positively giddy, talking without much regard to what she said, yet certain that every sentence was a rose in bloom. And Whirlwind! Why, he was the most dazzling stallion she'd ever met! Every witty word was a gem, every glance a drop of water in a desert of ponies who cared nothing for her passion! Just thinking about him made her heart flutter.

Was this...

Was this love?

Was this true love, a romance for the ages? A chance meeting at a fashion show? Were they destined to be together?

Suddenly Rarity found herself stumbling over words and blushing. She stopped talking, and Whirlwind smiled. "You look like you could use a drink. Stay right here."

As he left, Pinkie Pie came back. "Wow, Rarity, you've really got a thing for him, don't you?"

"Pinkie!" said Rarity, in a hushed but urgent tone. "I don't want him to know I have feelings for him!"

"Oh, this is great! I'm so happy tonight's gonna have a happy ending for you!"

"I know! Isn't he the most amazing stallion?" asked Rarity, doing her best to contain her excitement. "I think he's falling for me, too. Oh, but I don't want to rush it. I don't want to spoil this moment. It could be the beginning of a whole new life for me!"

Pinkie's eyebrow went up. "Wait, a whole new life? I thought he was just interested in tonight."

Rarity paused, then quietly said, "Beg pardon?"

Pinkie gestured at the ballroom around them. "We're at Couture Fashion Week Manehattan, in the famous Waldhoof-Astoria hotel! Only the hottest ponies in fashion are invited to this event! I only know that because you told me, but you said it like it was a dream of yours. Anyway, he's all over you, getting ready to show you a 'grand old time'," she said, in a mock British accent, "And you're doing a great job of showing him you're interested. Do you think you'll go to our room or his?"

Rarity pushed her away. "Eeew!” she whispered, “You must be kidding. I would never- He would never- We just met- You're just jealous!"

Pinkie's smile fell. "I thought that's what you wanted! You're showing all the signs, returning all his gestures. It's just another game, and you're playing your part perfectly."

"I find true love," Rarity said, still hushed, now furious, "And you dare to come to me telling me he's only interested in a- a fling?!?" She advanced on the pink pony, who backed up a step. "How dare you! And you call yourself my friend! Away with you! Away!" She made a brushing motion, although she only wanted to do something unladylike, like buck her in the face.

Pinkie frowned. "I don't think he wants what you want, Rarity."

"Away!" Rarity stopped trying to be quiet, and this drew some stares.

Pinkie turned, and walked away. The crowd closed in behind her.

Rarity turned her back. How could she say such things? How could she intimate that he was only trying to... get under her tail? Why would she display such rank jealousy?

"I believe these are for you," said a voice, and she turned again. Whirlwind stood there with another tray of drinks, this time perched on his open wings. "Is... is something wrong?"

Rarity calmed her breathing and levitated the tray. "Why don't we go over there?" she asked, gesturing toward tables around the edge of the room.

They made their way to an empty table, and Rarity set the drinks down. "I'm sorry, my friend was a bit argumentative just now, and I 'lost my cool,' as it were. So, where were we?"

This time, as they talked, Rarity found herself comforted by his words, his tones of voice, the gentle touches of his forehooves against hers.

This is how a husband should act, she thought, then smiled as she realized her choice of words. But courtship should last, she reminded herself.

As they talked, she found herself thinking that of course this wasn't too fast. He's forward, yes, and bold, but honest. They were forming a relationship, and this negotiatory sensation was natural for such a bond. He certainly wasn't playing a game.

As minutes passed, Rarity found herself forgetting Pinkie's words. Whirlwind was a gentleman, she insisted to herself. And the giddiness gradually returned. Soon, she was floating on his words once more.

"Can I ask you something?" said Whirlwind, swerving from the current topic. Suddenly, she noticed Pinkie Pie, standing two tables back, out of Whirlwind's sight. She was making a strange gesture with her arm, like she was pulling something to her face.

"Yes, of course." said Rarity, returning her attention to Whirlwind.

He walked around the table, and brought her close, kissing her softly on the lips.

Sparks flew, and Rarity felt dazed. "I'm sorry," she asked, in a breathy tone, "What were you going to ask?"

Over his shoulder, Pinkie made the gesture again. Rarity's brow furrowed.

Whirlwind kissed her again, this time more aggressively.

A warmth built in Rarity's chest. "I think the answer is clear, don't you?"

Whirlwind smiled. "Absolutely." And then he nuzzled her face, at the exact same time that Pinkie brushed her face against the table. Pinkie's hoof came up; Whirlwind's hoof came up and brushed Rarity's leg.

Rarity jerked away, bumping the table. The glasses tipped over, spilling the few drops remaining in them. She backed up. Whirlwind's eyebrows rose.

Then his smile returned, his casual smile which made Rarity's stomach turn. How could she not have seen it? How could she have been so blind? He hadn't been courting her! He just wanted to... to rut! To rut and run, most likely.

Rarity felt the evening's pleasures crash to the ground. She was about to turn on Whirlwind, call him out on every scummy thing he'd done. But Pinkie Pie stopped her with a wink. She came over and stood at the table too. "Hey, Rarity. Why hello, Mister Whirlwind, I see you're still here. Are you enjoying the party, 'cause I sure am."

He blinked, then recovered. "Your friend here is a delight, Miss Pie. She and I have gotten to know each other quite well. In fact, I thought we were about to retire for the evening."

"Oh, you can't go yet!" said Pinkie, "We haven't had all the fun this part has to offer!" She pulled out a tray of hors d'oeuvres. "I dare you to eat more of these than me. I betcha can't! I'm Ponyville's hotdog eating champion, three years running!" She put her hoof to her face in an aside, "And I'll tell you, a day after the contest, I sure am 'running'."

Whirlwind turned pale. Rarity suppressed a smile.

"Why don't we go somewhere more... private?" said Whirlwind to Rarity. He stepped a little closer to Rarity - or would have, if Pinkie Pie hadn't put a hoof right in the way. He tumbled ungracefully to the floor.

"Want a hoof up?" asked Pinkie. He grabbed her hoof, only to have a thoroughly unpleasant experience. She'd put on a hoofshake buzzer, goodness knows where she had hidden it.

"Well!" said Whirlwind, getting up on his own, then brushing himself off and flapping his wings in annoyance. "It seems I've wasted my evening."

"Yes," said Rarity, coolly, "It does seem so." She and Pinkie turned up their noses and walked out of the ballroom.

In the hallway, Rarity found herself shaking with rage. "How dare he! The cad! The fiend!" she said, pacing back and forth.

"Secret rules to social games," said Pinkie, with a shrug, "I didn't know you didn't know you were playing his game."

Rarity looked into Pinkie's eyes. "I'm sorry I doubted you. Thank you for helping me avoid a dreadful mistake. Can you forgive me for my harsh words and for pushing you away?"

"No problemo, sister!" said Pinkie, "That's what friends are for!"

Rarity reviewed the night's events. Whirlwind had convinced her that they were soulmates in under two hours. It made her positively sick to realize how close she'd come to being a conquest, a tally mark in some little black book. Why, the whole experience made her feel dirty. Compared to the pond scum she'd met tonight, Blueblood was indeed a prince charming.

"Hey!" said Pinkie, suddenly, "Do you think we could get a letter to Princess Celestia at this time of night?"

Rarity smiled. "No, Pinkie, I think this is one lesson on friendship we'll keep to ourselves. For now." The anger and anguish of being fooled so thoroughly was quickly fading. "I think I just need a good laugh."

"Oh, oh! I know a little comedy club just around the corner!" said Pinkie, bouncing, "And we're in luck! Janeane Giraffalo is playing this week!"

"I said a good laugh," said Rarity. "Her political views-" She saw Pinkie’s smile dip a bit. "Oh, what the hay. Lead the way, Miss Pie!"

(the end)

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Bonus: the player