Just some random pegasister who stalks you... Oh and loves you too
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"A grandma has ears that truly listen, arms that always hold, love that's never ending, and a heart made of gold"
A certain orange filly awakens in the middle of the night, after having another nightmare.
She goes to the only "mother" she has now for comfort.
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OMFG that was so cute and adoreble, it made me cry
5213641 thanks!
And I'm sorry if I made you cry
*Sniff* I'm not crying...there are ninjas...cutting onions...my heart hurts...
5215696 wow okay....
Thanks!
First of all, allow me to introduce myself.
I am one of the recruits from a new reviewing society called a helping hoof. We are authors from the site who review stories and offer advice anonimously. We each embody the spirits of one of the background mane 6.
Hello! I'm Lyra :3
A first story huh? Not bad sir\ma'am! Not bad at all.
Ah, those classic apple stories. A good apple family story gives you the sensation that there is a warm fire in front of you, cuddling you in its embrace and warming you. And indeed, this pulled it off!
Now praise aside, there's a downside to any story.
I saw multiple grammatical errors. Once you said "closed" and the correct spelling was "close." I recommend either brushing through the story yourself or getting a good editor.
It was visually entertaining, but it did lack some detailing. Try to describe the scene. We haven't been told what granny's bedroom looks like. Is it small with a worn red carpet and peeling wallpaper? Is it larger with minimal furniture and a large glowing fire? Show, don't tell.
Detail: 4/5
Grammar: 4/5
Concept: 5/5, A+ dude! I mean, it's so cute and fitting and- sorry, I'm ranting again... *innocent squee*
Overall: 4/5
Keep writing!
-Lyra ;)
P.s. Thought the poem was cute and fitting.
5217518
5216493 thank you very much!
im gonna fix everything later or get an editor
That was... SO SWEET! I loved it, and it made me cry. Not in a depressed way, lol.
5813029 glad you enjoyed it sweetheart.
6149521 thanks for pointing that out