Shopping Trip
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Shopping Trip
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“I don’t like this place one bit…” Dash said, practically clinging to Alex as the four of them waded through the crowds inside the massive shopping mall, “This place is way too much like Haven Station...”
Dash was clearly paranoid as they headed through the mall. It didn’t help that every person would steal a glance at her unique rainbow hair.
“Really?” Alex asked, having not made that connection himself, “Are there no malls in Equestria?”
“Not like this,” Twilight said, looking down the halls and nodding, “Stores enclosed in a massive structure like this is so… foreign. It’s almost like Haven Station was built with this kind of place in mind.”
“That was the place where you were brainwashed, right?” Chet asked.
“Yeah.” Dash nodded, frowning once again at the much discussed event, “This place just brings it back.”
“What are you so worried for?” Alex asked, looking down at her clinging form, “You know crazy karate and shit!”
“Well yeah… but I don’t in this world,” She admitted, clearing her throat to cover her embarrassed tone, “If some guy tried to kidnap me, I’d trip over myself trying to run away! I can’t fly or anything!”
“Well—“
“And so many people here are rude!” Twilight added, “What if someone picks a fight with us?”
“What’s with you two?” Chet asked, laughing, “If some guy ever tries to beat you up, Alex, being the man he is, will pull down his pants, and chase the guy off. No one wants to fight a dude and risk touching his balls or something.”
None of them responded. They just looked at Chet, all with a mystified expression.
“I’m just kidding!” Chet said, throwing his hands up in the air, “I saw it in a video, okay?”
“Moving on…” Dash said, looking to the nearest store and exclaiming, “Why don’t we go in here? What’s the big secret Victoria has?”
Alex and Chet both snapped to the store she was referencing, and had similar thoughts.
“Oh…” Alex said, “That’s a store where they sell underwear for women. Lacy, sexy stuff.”
“So, like what Rarity wears?” Twilight asked, “The transparent ones?”
“Yeah,” Dash agreed, “That’s what she usually sleeps in.”
“Rarity, huh?” Chet asked, smiling at the memory of the gorgeous girl he had met a week ago, “How does she look in that stuff?”
“She’s a frickin’ horse, Chet.” Alex said, disappointed with the perversion his uncle was showing, “You think horses are sexy?”
“You’re the one who’s having sex with a pony!” Chet countered just a little louder than he had wanted to be.
The bustling crowd around grew, as they all looked at Alex with a myriad of equally horrified expressions.
Alex sighed, his face turning pink from the embarrassment of the situation.
“Come on sweetie,” Dash giggled, gripping his hand and pulling him through a gap that appeared in the shocked spectators, “Why don’t we go buy some lunch.”
“Okay…” Alex said meekly, looking to the floor as Dash pulled him away.
As soon as he was gone, everyone was staring at the remaining two.
“It was just an inside joke!” Chet called to them, “Have you seen how big a horse penis is? How could he have possibly sex with that?”
Twilight quickly left the same way Alex and Dash had, wanting nothing more than to get away from this situation.
Catching up with the two of them, she looked to Alex sympathetically and apologized, “Is he always like that?”
“Always.” Alex said, nodding.
“I guess we know where Dax gets it from, huh?” Dash laughed, “It’s kinda eerie how similar you are to him.”
“Well, I’m like my dad.” Alex explained, “And my mom always told me that my dad and Chet were the same person when they were younger.”
“So your dad grew up, and Chet didn’t?” Dash asked.
“Well, I think having a baby is what kicked him in to ‘responsible mode.’” Alex continued, “I hope that’s not how it’ll go with me.”
“Oh, is Dash pregnant?” Twilight asked, looking between the two of them, as they both broke out in a blush once again.
“No!” Dash retorted instantly, “W-we’re gonna get married before any of that stuff happens!”
“I never took you for old fashioned,” Twilight giggled, as Chet finally caught up with the three of them.
“Okay, I think I just made things worse,” He said, looking over his shoulder with a measure of paranoia, “I’ll try not to mention any… equine mating at the mall anymore, okay?”
“Thanks,” Alex laughed, not really upset over the event, “So, you said food court?”
“Yes!” Twilight chirped, licking her lips, “I wanted to see all the kinds of food I can get there.”
“There’s a pretty big variety there,” Chet nodded, pausing as he realized that she may have a few limitations, “Well… that is if you don’t mind eating a little meat.”
“Gross…” Dash grumbled, feeling her stomach lurch at the thought, “I don’t know how the girls didn’t throw up all over the place when they ate that stuff.”
“It wasn’t so bad…” Twilight said, fondly remembering the unique, and rather delicious taste to the food they had all partaken in, “Well, except the horse steak.”
Chet’s face suddenly went white as a ghost.
“Oh geez! I forgot you all had some of that!” Chet said, his eyes wide, “I made you guys eat your own kind!”
Twilight laughed, having already got over the horrific experience, “Don’t worry. It may be terrible to say, but it wasn’t the worst tasting thing I’ve ever eaten.”
“How could you say that?!” Dash asked in awe, “I love animals! How could you ever eat them?”
“Well, it’s like Fluttershy said,” Twilight recalled, “She feeds fish to her animals all the time, and the animals in this world are just like those fish in Equestria. It’s just the normal way of things here. I might actually try some more!”
“Really?” Alex asked, a little surprised to hear that from her, “That’s pretty open-minded of you.”
“I talked to all the girls about it,” Twilight said factually, “They all said they’d give it another go if they came here again. Rainbow Dash, you should give it a try with me—”
“Nope!” Dash said shaking her head as much as she could, “I don’t know what’s wrong with all of you, but there is no way- I repeat no way, that I would ever have any kind of meat!”
“Geez, when did you turn in to the prude of the group?” Alex laughed, as she gave him a frustrated glare.
“You of all ponies know that I’m no prude!” Dash defended, “I’m just not willing to eat things that were once living, breathing animals! How many had to die just to feed the people in this mall?!”
The other three in the group frowned at her attitude.
“Let alone the people in this entire world!” She continued, her volume increasing, “How many did that book say? Six billion?!”
“Seven now,” Chet coughed, proud that he knew that small fact.
Dash mouthed the words ‘seven billion’ as she simply blinked.
“That’s a huge number,” Twilight said, moving off the topic of murdering animals, “I don’t think our world has a fraction of that.”
“Too many girls, not enough men.” Alex quipped, knowing that wasn’t truly the case, “The girls can only have so many kids, right?”
“You know, we never did find out why there are so many girls in Ponyville,” Twilight said, recalling the first day she had met Alex.
“I remember that,” Alex said, surprised that she did too, “I honestly thought the entire world was girls, save like six dudes.”
“You’d be a much hotter commodity if that were the case,” Twilight chuckled, “Instead you belong to Miss Stick in the Mud.”
Dash sighed. At this point she was just feeling embarrassed by her outburst regarding the meat. But, she sure as heck stood by it.
“Look, eat whatever you want.” She finally said, “Just- don’t push it on me, okay?”
“Okay,” Alex said, knowing that meant he wasn’t allowed to have meat either. But, he had spent plenty of time having nothing but hay and flowers, thanks to Chrysalis. He’d be fine with whatever he had. “I’ll skip the meat then too.”
While her ego wouldn’t allow her to simply jump up and hug him in response to that, she instead gave a single glace up to his eyes, before looking back to Twilight.
“So, why don’t we get going here? I’m pretty hungry.” Chet said.
“Yeah.” Alex agreed, picking up the pace as they all matched him, “We’ve still got a long day ahead of us.”
////
The four sat comfortably at their table in the food court, next to a window that overlooked the parking lot in front of the mall.
“See?” Chet said to Twilight, “Meat’s pretty great, right?”
Twilight gulped her last bite of chicken from the stir-fry she had bought for lunch, and nodded whole-heartedly, “It’s different, but I really do like it.”
“Next time, get a burrito from the place I went to!” Chet said, pointing to the fraction that hadn’t been eaten, “I got, chicken, beef, and two kinds of pork in this thing!”
“I… think I’ll need to work up to it,” She laughed, looking to Dash, happy to see that she wasn’t glaring, or giving any other disapproving looks, “How were your subs?”
“Good,” Dash said, having genuinely enjoyed the foods she was so familiar with, “I feel a million times better to have it in me.”
Almost comically on cue, both Twilight and Chet felt their stomachs lurch.
“I… Think I need to run to the bathroom.” Chet said, standing up suddenly.
“M-Me too!” Twilight said, looking over her shoulder to the bathroom she noted when they took their seat.
Instantly, they both took off in opposite directions, running to their respective bathrooms.
Dash laughed out loud as they ran, “See! That’s what they get for eating all that nasty meat!”
“I think that was the ice cream they had earlier, actually.” Alex said, chuckling, “They both had a little more than they should have.”
Dash frowned, “Can we just pretend that it was the meat?”
Chuckling again, Alex nodded, “Sure thing, dear.”
A short silence followed, as Dash awkwardly shifted in her seat.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked, tilting his head.
“Oh, yeah.” She nodded quickly, “I just… wanted to thank you for having the veggies with me.”
“What, that?” Alex asked, a unsure of why that was a big deal to her, “It’s my job to do shit like that for you.”
“Well, yeah…” Dahs said, “I just wanted to say thanks.”
“If you want anything from me- literally anything,” Alex said, “Just say! I’d give up porn if you really wanted me to!”
“What do you mean?” Dash asked, her expression suddenly much less friendly, “Since when do you look at porn?”
Shit.
“W-well- you know!” Alex stammered, “There are just some times that you’re busy with work, or out training with the guys… I need to take care of myself!”
Dash remained silent.
“Don’t get mad!” Alex said instantly, “I just said that I would stop if you wanted me to!”
Dash cracked a smile, “Do you really think I give a crap if you look at that stuff? Celestia knows that I did while you were brainwashed by the Changelings!”
Alex blinked a couple of times.
“Just make sure that next time you do it, you invite me!” She laughed, leaning her head on his shoulder and sighing, “So, what’s next on the day plan?”
“Uh,” Alex said, looking at his watch, “The pool! There’s a huge one attached to the mall. So, I thought we could spend a few hours going down the slides, and going off the diving boards.”
“Um, is it easy to swim as a human?” She asked.
Alex thought back to his first time swimming in Equestria, and remembering how difficult it was to keep afloat.
“Just wear an inner-tube, you’ll be fine!” Alex said, figuring it would be a non-issue.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t.
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I really didn't expect Rainbow to be the hold out on the meat issue.
Great chapter. I loved the meat humor and the horse sex jokes in this story. I can't wait to see what is going to happen next. Great job.
6006052
I think you may need to re-word that.
6006188 Better?
chex is really rubbing it in.
You know, what Alex really needs is one of those automated drive through pawn shop appraisal windows. You drop your item in, it does image recognition and other tests, and tlls you how much it can give in cash or credit. If its only half properly coded, they upgraded from 32 to 64 bit values, then it would give him Google level credit before anyone caught it.
6006198 Much better.
It is quite funny how it is Rainbow Dash who holds onto old traditions and is skeptic of eating meat while Twilight is completely okay with it.
I have to admit this story keeps surprising me even after all this time. Chet is a very amusing relative, shenanigans in human culture, and the fact that Chet is scheduled to bring those shenanigans to Equestria. Nothing will go wrong.
Well, I expect a lot of water based hilarity in the next chapter now
I just really want them to go back to Equestria.
Well, I expect a BIG swimming contest, and, of course, water SHENANIGANS!!
Best girlfriend ever? Anyone?
Okay. Meanwhile, I wonder how things are going in Equestria? I think it's 3 to 4 days in Equestria to one day here?
I am really enjoying these chapters with them on Earth. Its a real nice break from the constant struggles they face on Equestria.
in theory it would be easier to swim than walk, but...