For the first few years of Twilight's Coronation the world of Equis felt peace, no evil was stirring in Equstria yet to the north east is the powerful Gryphon Empire. The Gryphon Empire is thrown into Chaos as the old king dies. Another takes his throne and that Gryphon isn't the same light heart king that once ruled over the Gryphon people. No in his heart is a blood lust not seen since King Sombra had taken over the Crystal Kingdom. War is coming; everyone can feel the ripples of power flow through and the Princess of Day and Night are called to action against the threat of possible invasion. Other nations feel the threat of war loom over their kingdoms and rush to either side of the fight ready for the first shot that will shake the planet.
Forged Steel is a simple Earth pony that will be thrust into the horrible mix of war and blood shed. A war on this scale had never been fought before and not with any of the new weapons of the advance time. Death will most likely surround everyone that puts on a uniform for the Princess of Day and Night. Maybe there is a greater purpose to it all but Forged Steel will be sent into hell itself.
The cover image isn't mine and all the Credit goes to BTedge116 whose work is some of the best I have seen.
Where did you get the cover art?
It's ncie to finally get away from the discord x fluttershy fics as well as twilight x flash sentry fics (I tell you I am mad)
My personal sanity aside I am actually hooked on this. I like this alot. It's new which is nice and it has a deep plot to it. Plus i also like the name of the main character mixing in with the affection the gryphon leader has for the metal!
The only improvement is that I want to see a number 2 on the chapter options asap!
5/5 spike moustaches
5195119
I saw the picture on Devairtart but I have always liked him.
5195168
Thank you for your kind words, I will try and hurry things along but life seems to like to kick my butt around.
TO the rest of you guys and gals why are you thumbing down? I can't improve if you don't tell me.
5195444 Some people just do it for the hell of it. It's pretty damn annoying and idiotic, but others will give you a reason why.
I like this, and I look forward to more.
5195548
Thank you, It is good to see some good in the hearts of men and women
5195566 There's a lot of those type of people here. You just gotta find them.
This story actually has quite a lot of similarities to mine which I'm currently working on, but there are quite a lot of noticable differences. But the big common point is war with the Griffon Empire. Good luck, and have a free like.
5196520
Why thank you... I guess... well it is good to see work being done on the idea
There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes I was able to find and there were a few run on sentences. But other then that it was great.
5197454
I would like to know what they are so I can fix them
Hmmm .... good start so far ! Let's see what happens next.
This seems like an interesting idea. Unfortunately, your description is lacking. It's really dense, which makes it hard to parse. I recommend splitting it up into a couple of paragraphs just to make it easier to read. Also, there are a couple of places that need commas and a couple of other grammar fixes (i.e instead of 'light heart king' it should be 'lighthearted king' and 'Twilight's Coronation' should be 'Twilight's coronation').
On the other hand, the cover art is a fantastic choice, so you've got that going for you.
Just reading the first few paragraphs, I can tell you almost exactly what's wrong: you need to stop telling me what happens and start showing me. Rather than telling me that there is rising tension, you need to give descriptions of events and scenes that don't even make mention of the word "tense."
Secondly, you need to finish a chapter, forget about it for a week, then go back and edit it for flow. The course of events changes speed and perspective without enough transitions.
*Handsome. That was the most obvious mistake to me, and the structure of the sentence seems funny to me.
Now apart from that, there are the concerns that 5201197 expressed. I'll be tracking this.
5202737
5201197
Thank you, I will work on it the best I can but no guarantees
This story uses excellent literature and sentence structure with just a few punctuation errors, but really...i expected trench warfare
All in all, good fiction