A human and a Klahd find themselves in a world they did not mean go to and have to find their way back or be trapped forever. As a nameless human explores the powers he had learned through anime, games, and some books, growing into the most dangerous villain Equestria has ever seen. The Klahd a middle aged 'man' from a dimension called Klah. A well traveled and battle hardened veteran turned student at P.I.M. on Perv. As he earns his title of Demon as a graduation exam he finds himself somewhere he did not want to be "Equestria." Now he has to survive with every-pony trying to find someway to detain or kill him except one. As he gets a better idea as to how he would escape he finds a new threat he needs to help the locals combat or this and every other dimension maybe in even grater danger then when Isstvan was at large.
I authors long dead and still here or the content i will use among them are Robert Asprin, Christoper Paolini, and Bethesda.
if you have any points to make please just make a note and tell me where to make the recommended changes
I don't got time to read it now but I'll check it out soon.
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I'm not a professional, but I can spot tons of errors in your first paragraph alone.
It should look more like this:
Today, tomorrow, yesterday, last week... boring. Why is Earth always so boring? Well, there's the order of things day in and day out. Nothing new except undiscovered lands or undiscovered Internet sites... ok, there's television, too... but still, only two to three hours a day are devoted to anything new, plus eight hours of work, eight to sleep, and eight hours to reread or watch what is in my collection. Sigh... Well, let's try combining Sensei Musashi's fifth ring Maki or Ku with Mr. Asprin's Myth-ing and maybe with Doctor Who.... I could try to go to Gallifrey.
To be frank, the last sentence is a bit confusing, and not just because I don't understand any reference besides Doctor Who. It's unclear exactly what your intentions are.
Yeesh, and that's the FIRST paragraph of the FIRST chapter! You need a proofreader, my dear sir or madam, and you need one FAST. Before this thing gets downvoted into oblivion.
I not that my negatives raised disproportionately to my positives when I made Fluttershy cry.
Is this because I did that?
until i get some options on weather or not the letters would have the desired affect or not i cant do more
yo haters please post a note on why you hate...please how do i improve if i don't hear how i offend