Skitchverse Chapter 3
Trixie didn’t know how Pinkie did it.
As she sat at the table, slaving over a yet another sun cursed paper lantern, she resolved that she would never plan another party again in her life. Rubbing her forehead, she glanced towards the outburst that flowed from the kitchen.
She, and the rest of her inherited crew of ne'er do wells, were currently inside a restaurant. It was owned by a friend of her double’s family, an older earth pony with a neatly trimmed snow white beard, whose name was also the moniker of the restaurant; Jambalaya.
They had come to the restaurant after it closed for a place to work and prepare. While the chef did make an overly large production about imposing on his “hospitality” he had let them in to set to work. And while, she, Northern Lights and Kassa worked on making a massive pile of party decorations (the lion had proven to be scarily knowledgeable of such things), Iron Will had joined the old stallion and his son in the kitchen.
Trixie had a bad feeling about Jambalaya's kid, Rare Find. She was convinced that he was infatuated with her...or more accurately, the other her. She could see it in his eyes, the way they nervously darted her direction whenever he thought she wasn’t looking. She was also becoming increasingly convinced that Kassa was onto her. He had caught him staring intently at her once or twice.
Those thoughts were interrupted by another deep, angry cry from the kitchen, “Damn it, Jambalaya!”
With a roll of her eyes, Trixie slid off of her seat, cracking the stiffness out of her back before trotting into the kitchen. What she saw was a pair of chefs currently locked in a supreme contest of wills. Iron Will had a knife in hand, and was brandishing it at Jambalaya like a school pointer.
“This is an ambassadorial party!” The minotaur growled. “Your po’colt sandwiches won’t cut it! What I have here,” He emphasied with a jab of the knife towards several trays of hors d’oeuvres. ”Are slow roasted mushrooms, stuffed with pine nuts, sun dried tomatoes and given just a sprinkle of lemon juice!”
“There’s gonna be foals at this party aren’t there?” Jambalaya fired back, unconcerned with the cutlery. “You really think they give two tail shakes about your pine nut filled mushrooms!” He motioned to a stack of fried mushroom po’colts. “This is Neigh Orleans signature sandwich boy!”
Iron Will glowered armed crossed across his chest. But then he raised an eyebrow, a thought occurring to him. Jambalaya raised an eyebrow of his own, the pony and minotaur pointing to each other.
“Sliders!” They said at the same time.
“Well, that’s one more crisis averted.” Trixie deadpanned. “How’s the cake coming?”
“Smooth as butta.” Rare Find grinned from his corner of the kitchen, where he was icing an impressive four layer cake with the delicate precision of a jeweler. “This’ll impress those tapir right quick.”
“Anyway,” Jambalaya spoke up, motioning to the sandwiches. “These weren’t for the party anyway. Ya’ll need energy if we’re going to finish this tonight.”
The rumbling in Trixie’s stomach agreed. And the sandwiches did look good, though they could all stand to have more toppings. Trotting back out to the dining room with the others, she threw herself back into her seat, eager to get something to eat.
The sandwich that Jambalaya presented her had an intriguing looking blue colored spread on it. She took a bite, the rich mushroom flavor washing across her tongue, with just the right amount of salt and batter to give it a crunch. But then the flavor profile changed, and it became a mix of citrus, mint and freshly cut grass. Blinking, she took another bite. This time the mushroom flavor transformed into freshly plucked daisies and roses.
“Like it?” Kassa asked, balancing his own po’colt in a claw.
“Yup.” Trixie nodded. “Love the spread.”
“Yeah, ya sure do like that poison joke spread.”
Trixie froze, her mouth full of mushroom and...poison joke? She was eating poison joke!? Kassa smiled from his seat, lightly tapping a claw off the tabletop. “So…’Trixie’,” the sarcasm dripping off those words was pronounced. “Mind filling us in on who you really are?”
Trixie slowly swallowed, then nervously licked her lips. “Well, I am Trixie...kind of. I was going to tell you, really. I just got caught up with what we were doing.”
Northern Lights glared back at Trixie, while Iron Will just crossed his arms, that very sharp looking knife still clutched firmly in his hand. For his part, Kassa loosely pressed his paws together.
“For what it’s worth,” He frowned. “I believe you.”
“Really?” Trixie blinked.
“Trixie, I’m a grifter,” Kassa smirked with an almost insufferable smugness. “Reading creatures is what I do. If we didn’t think that you were sincere in your desire ta help, we’d have ditched ya at the manor, used ya as a distraction, and gotten everypony out in the chaos.”
“Oh, thanks for that.” Trixie groaned, throwing her hooves up. “Glad that I at least came across as trustworthy enough!”
Kassa shrugged. “What we do is dangerous. You can’t blame us for being careful.”
Trixie pouted, but didn’t argue the point. Mostly because she couldn’t come up with a good counter to a vigilante’s group justifiable paranoia. She also mentally kicked herself for getting wrapped up in the task and not bringing up her state earlier.
“Anyway,” Iron Will interrupted, waving a hand for her to continue. “You were going to explain where you came from?”
“I’m from another Equestria!” She quickly explained. “I’m not exactly-”
“Ha!” Northern Lights grinned, punching the air. “Pay up! I said alternate universe!”
Trixie blinked as she watched money change hooves. “You...you bet on my origins?”
“I thought it was amnesia.” Iron Will commented.
“I’m going to guess the Sextant of Worlds was involved somehow.” Kassa hummed, now drumming his claws on the table. “It is kind of right in the name.”
“Really?” Trixie frowned. “That brass thing in the office? It didn’t look magical at all.”
Northern Lights loosely tapped the edge of her plate. “It was when we swiped it from Classy Clover. Trixie specifically said that it was, though she didn’t know what it did.”
Trixie hummed, tapping her chin. “Maybe it broke? Or maybe it needs to recharge?” Then she paused and rubbed her forehead. “Okay...how is the fact I’m from another universe not bothering you at all?”
“This world has a history with the idea,” Lights shrugged. “Some bastard tried to drain the world’s magic and trapped some other poor bastard here. So...I can’t say that I’m ‘not bothered’. The fact that we’ve had two of you world jumpers show up now? Is this going to become a regular thing around here?”
A helpless shrug was the only response Trixie could give to that, though she did empathize with the pegasus. Two times getting thrown around time and space was officially two times too many. Stars above, once was one time too many!
“Well, Miss Trixie,” Jambalaya spoke up. “Ah have to ask what yer gonna do now.”
“I’m not going to ditch you now,” Trixie quickly clarified with a shake of her head. “This ‘ambassador’ needs to go down. But I could use some help getting back to my home when this is done.”
“Not much we can do,” Iron Will frowned, leaning back in his chair. “We aren’t mages.”
“But you could go to Ponyville!” Kassa perked up. “Not only is it where the Element Bearers live, but one of them is the personal student of Princess Celestia and the human that got trapped here. They’d probably be more than happy to help get you home.”
“Probably?”
“Probably nothing!” Jambalaya slammed his hoof on a table. “They helped our Trixie and they’ll help you. I guarantee it.”
The old stallions mood was infectious, and a smile quickly grew on Trixie’s face. Clapping her hooves together, she sat a little taller. “I appreciate the vote of confidence. Though….” She tilted her head slightly. “I do have to ask how Neigh Orleans got like this. I mean, it wasn’t perfect by any means but things here seem...extreme.”
“To answer that question,” Kassa began with a flourish of his paw, his accent shifting to one of class and style. “We have to go way back, to when Equestria and Prance were two separate kingdoms.”
“Ugh…,” Northern Lights rolled her eyes. “Not the professor voice. That’s your worst character!”
“Hush. I have a story ta tell.” He dismissed, dropping back to his native accent for a moment. But he quickly recovered, moving on. “Anyway...the story of Neigh Orleans began during one brutal Prench winter. The coldest on record in fact. It devastated the crops that year, causing many ponies to starve. The country and nobility- already wobbling from the invasion of King Sombra a few years before- basically collapsed into anarchy.”
“Oh yeah,” Jambalaya nodded. “That winter gave pony kind the legend of the wendigo. One of them, at least.”
“The people of Prance came to the decision to merge with Equestria. It still had plenty of food, being further south. And even in those days, Celestia’s compassion was legendary. Thusly, Prance became part of Equestria.”
“I’m sensing this is where the but comes in?”
“Of course! There will always be those who disagree about these things. One of those ponies was Resounding Neigh. He said ‘To Tartarus with Celestia and what she wants!’ and stormed south to...here, basically. L’etouffement Mire.”
Trixie’s eyebrow threatened to disappear into her mane. “Who in their right mind decides to found a city in the middle of a place called The Choking Mire?”
“A mad pony, that’s who.” Iron Will snorted. “But mad ponies can still get things done.”
“He and his followers followed the river right to where the wetlands give way to the sea and set to work. It wasn’t long,” Kassa continued, “before the ramshackle settlement began to attract more creatures.”
“By advertising his settlement as a free city, with a hooves off government,” Northern Lights added. “He was able to attract a lot of settlers...though some were of questionable quality. It wasn’t long before everypony was talking about Neigh’s Orleans.”
“Pirates from the southern isles, political dissidents and rebels from half the known world, and criminals unwilling or unable to work within the confines of Equestria.” The lion picked up again, ticking each group off on a claw. “That last group is the most important, by the way. They’re the ones who burrowed into the burgeoning industry and trade of the city like ticks and didn’t let go. Neigh, while mad, wasn’t a complete idiot. He had picked the location for specifically because it could serve as a port and trade hub with .”
Trixie had been mentally running over her own timeline’s history during Kassa’s story. While there were some similarities- mostly in Neigh Orleans being founded as a more southern based port- the presence of Resounding Neigh had definitely sent things running in a different direction. She made a mental note to look into the name when she got back home, if only for her own personal curiosity. But there was a question that was still in the back of her mind.
“But Neigh Orleans is part of Equestria now. Things must have changed.”
“Oh, they did,” Kassa nodded. “Eventually, Manehatten happened. More specifically, its own waterfront received a massive renovation project from the crown. And as the years marched on, it slowly began to eclipse Neigh’s old creation. Neigh Orleans city council eventually gave up being a free city and came crawling back to Equestria.”
“Which be exactly what Celestia planned, iffin the conspiracy types getting drunk in my restaurant are tellin’ the truth.” Jambalaya shrugged.
“Yeah. And I’m Celestia’s long lost hidden child.” Northern Lights snorted. “I love those Tyrantlestia theorists. She could give everypony free cake and they’d curse her for not adding in ice cream. Thank the sun they’re a very small bunch of loud mouths.”
Opting to not bring up how such an offer would be reacted to back in her reality, Trixie instead turned her attention to another question. “Wouldn’t Celestia have known about the crime families and such? Couldn’t she have done something about them?”
“Well, she did. About the most blatantly obvious ones at least. Most up and left- last I heard they had a new free city out in the Badlands. The rest learned to be more subtle. The city guard got corrupted by the various crime families almost as soon as it was founded. So reports of how bad things were down here either never made it back to Canterlot, or were discredited.” Kassa explained, the disgust evident in his voice.
“Of course, once Trixie got the Element Bearers involved, things began to change.” Iron Will pointed out. “Once you’ve faced down a mad alicorn and a world raiding warlord, I suppose crime bosses don’t make you shake.”
“So, how did you all come to work with my other half?”
“Jambalaya told Trixie about us for starters.” Northern Lights explained. “For an old stallion, he pays attention.”
“Everycreature always thinks they ain’t being listened to in a restaurant.” He grinned, evidently proud at that.
“We’ve all had run-ins with the same type of folks that made Trixie’s life rough.” Kassa sighed. “So, when we were approached about helpin’ turn this city around, we went for it.”
Trixie looked at the assembled creatures, nodding. “Well then, let’s get to it!” She grinned. “Princess Celestia is counting on us, right? Then let’s take a corrupt ambassador down!”
With a happy cheer, the group threw themselves back into their work, pushing deep into the night.
- - - -
Staring into the mirror, Trixie adjusted the deep purple jacket she had found in her double’s theatre. It matched the dark blue undershirt she had found, both pieces of clothing oddly familiar to her. Though she supposed that it made a certain amount of sense that the two of them would have similar tastes in clothing.
It was the morning after their all night preparation session and she suppressed a yawn, fixing her signature star studded cloak into place with a flourish of magic. Everything was ready and the same feeling of nervous energy that had sat in her stomach before the Grand Galloping Gala had returned. Which was good. That feeling helped keep her alert.
Quickly trotting down the stairs, she met the rest of the group, including Jambalaya and his son for some extra help. Carts were loaded with prepared food and decorations, all for the sake of maintaining the cover until the exact right moment.
They set off without a word, everypony running over the plan in their heads. Trixie knew her part. She just hopped that Iron Will would be able to handle that tiger. She was really uneasy about the tiger that looked like he could break Raindrops in half with a swipe of his paw. In fact, she really wished that Raindrops was here right now. Or that any of her friends were. Facing danger without her friends just felt...wrong.
“Is the tip off in place?” She asked, if only to focus on something else than her nerves.
“Made the drop off myself.” Iron Will nodded. “We got two hours until he shows up.”
“I’ll go right into the show when we get there then. The rest of you need to move fast.”
“We got it.” Northern Lights nodded. “Don’t worry.”
But Trixie couldn’t exactly banish those feelings as they drew close to the wrought iron gate, a small army of servants arriving to help unload when they rang. The tiger was there too, of course, glaring down at them as they entered.
“Proceed to the party grounds and unload. Do not deviate.”
“Excuse me.” Iron Will interrupted. “Zinc Saucier requires access to the kitchens to finish off some dishes. Like we said before.”
The tiger’s lip curled back into a snarl, revealing those very sharp teeth. “You will not leave the kitchens then. Are we understood?”
“Completely.” Trixie nodded.
With a curt nod, their guard stalked towards the rear of the building, Trixie and company trotting along behind. True to the verbal trickery that Kassa had worked, the stage had been moved under the great willow tree that grew from the corner of the estate, rows and rows of pillows for seats arranged before it.
She immediately pulled herself onto the stage, while the rest of the group split off towards their own objectives. Sparing a glance towards the security head, she was relieved when the tiger disappeared inside the building. One less thing to immediately worry about. The ambassador’s staff bustled all around them, setting up the lanterns that they had worked on all last night. As she set up the tricks that were- once again- borrowed from the stores of her other self, she wondered which ones were slaves and which ones weren’t. Northern Lights would work that out though.
The foals and calves were beginning to shuffle out of the building and onto the grounds now. In this case, spying which ones where the slaves was a bit easier. They were a bit more nervous, taking in their surroundings with wide eyes that didn’t exactly believe what they were experiencing. They were probably also, unused to being around so many creatures.
The manor was teeming with other ponies and tapir. Most likely friends and the families of friends that Valenta had invited to schmooze with while the “help” dealt with the foals.
Yeah, well, we’ll ‘help’ you, you bastard. She bitterly thought as she faced the crowd, and vanished with an invisibility charm.
The staff had unloaded everything in short order, and with the lanterns hung amongst the willow tree branches, she was ready. Channeling, she casually snapped off a pair of spells; an echoing ghost sound mimic of a firework explosion and a scintillating sphere of color that danced among the tree limbs and shone through the lanterns.
“Fillies and gentlecolts!” She exclaimed, working through a routine she had done a hundred times before. “Come one! Come all! Come and see the greatest show in Equestria! Today, to honor a very special birthday girl, come and see the astounding magical power of the one- the only- Great and Powerful Trixie!”
With a flash of sparkling blue smoke, Trixie let her invisibility charm fall and stepped forward. To the outsider, it appeared that Trixie had just stepped right out of the shimmering cloud. The effect was immediate, as every foal and calf immediately stampeded towards the stage, eyes wide and amazed.
Beaming like the sun inside, Trixie launched into the show.
- - - -
“Get those vegetables back on the grill! Low heat! We ain’t trying to dry them out here, just warm them back up.” Jambalaya barked.
The old stallion had seized control of the kitchen almost as soon as he arrived, falling back into a skillset that had served him well over the years. Of course, Iron Will had his own opinions on this.
“I’m supposed to be the chef in charge.” He frowned, snatching the knife back from the earth pony. “You’re going to blow our cover.” He half hissed-half whispered.
“And don’t you have things to do?” He whispered back. “Get in touch with that Cayenne mare. Do what you have to do. I’ll keep the food flowing.”
Iron Will sighed, but conceded the point, scanning the bustling kitchen for the pepper marked mare that he had spoke to before. It didn’t take long to isolate the pony in question. She was by the interior doors, being lectured to by Tesi. With a few short strides, he crossed the cavernous room, and clapped a hand on Cayenne’s back.
“Your pardon, my grace, but I need to go over the course arrangement with Cayenne here.”
“Hmm? Oh, yes, of course.” The matriarch half nodded, attention obviously split. “I’ll leave the preparations to you then. I have important guests to attend to.”
With that, she swept off, leaving Will and Cayenne alone. Cayenne squirmed, looking up into Will’s face with eyes full of fear. “I...we can’t do this.” She whimpered. “They’ll catch us. Sell families in pieces! I-I…”
She began to gasp, nerves threatening to overtake her. Dropping to one knee, Iron Will lightly grabbed her chin looking directly into her eyes. “That will not happen. I am giving you my Iron Will guarantee that you will be free.”
“They’ll try to stop you.”
“If they try to block, we’ll show them we rock!
The phrase was from his series of motivational speeches; which was his day job when he wasn’t running around, playing hero. But Cayenne raised her head, the minotaur’s words lifting her up.
“Okay.”
“Good. Now, tell me which foals are yours, and pass the word to the others. We’re getting out of here.”
- - - -
Northern Lights twitched her wings again, flicking against an itch that she just couldn’t shake. Before joining Trixie’s band, she was a thief. ...One could argue that she still was a thief, just a thief that was now pointed in the proper direction. A weapon aimed towards ponies and other creatures that inflicted misery upon others.
But those years of swiping goods had provided her with a nagging sixth sense about when things were about to go south. It was always an itch-slash-twitch that was right at the base of her pinion feathers. Every time she had felt that, a job had gone south. And she was having that feeling again.
So, she wove through the crowd, pretending to be keeping an eye on the festivities, her sharp eyes taking in every face. That tiger was stalking around too. They passed each other a few times during her rounds, exchanging glares with each other, before he vanished elsewhere. But she had been able to work out one thing really quickly.
Valenta wasn’t anywhere in sight. Which meant he must be inside. Was he meeting with somepony? With a snort, she crept towards one of the many back doors of the manor house, sending a mental command to the rest of her team along the way.
I can’t see Valenta. Bad feeling. I’m checking the house.
I don’t think that’s a good idea. Kassa’s voice echoed in her mind. This is going to be close enough as is-
Bad feeling Ka. I’m checking things out. Besides I’ve done this already.
One of the doors swung open, a servant trotting off to do something or another. That moment was all she needed through, and Lights was inside before the door snapped shut. Darting through the hallways, she kept to the plush carpets to muffle her hoof beats. Said halls were oddly empty with everypony holed up outside, or in the kitchens. It was only when she reached the front foyer and the main staircase of the manor, did the sound of voices reach her ears.
She swooped up the stairs with a few beats of her wings, the voices becoming louder as she banked around a corner, towards a pair of double hardwood doors. They were closed tight, but the broken bits of an animated discussion still found ways to leak through.
“Armed rebellion…..dangerous proposition….support?”
The first voice was Valenta’s, speaking with an animated vigor. About treason, apparently. But it was the second voice that sent a chill down her spine.
“Big request….buisnesspony, not….bloody private arms dealer! Want...stuff...gonna have ta pay.”
The thick Trottingham accent. The way he almost spat the words, like he was always angry. She knew only one pony in the city that spoke like that. Without another word, she spun around and bolted back the way she came.
We need to move! Fisher Stonecup is here!
- - - -
It was a tense mood that had settled across the ambassador’s grand conference room, the end result of two titanic wills clashing against each other. They sat on either side of the grand mahogany table each backed by their retinues, though Fisher’s entourage greatly outnumbered Valenta’s one tiger.
The room had been designed to impress and intimidate with its decor. A detailed and ostentatiously designed map of the Empire hung on the wall opposite the double entrance doors, stretching almost from floor to ceiling, with the clear intent to shock anypony who entered the room with the sheer grandeur and power of the Tapirian homeland.
Not that Fisher Stonecup cared one bent jangle. He was here for one reason and that was to make a big pile of gold. A power vacuum had come to the underworld of Neigh Orleans, and he had every intention to become the new kingpin of the city. And the ambassador’s desperation was a prime opportunity. Casually tipping his crisp, freshly blocked, black bowler hat back with a hoof, he motioned to one of his his assistants.
Candy Canes sashayed forward, the white coated unicorn already with cigar and lighter suspended in her magic. With a flick, she lit the cigar and passed it over to her boss. The crime lord took it and gave it a few slow puffs, letting Valenta grow all the more impatient. She returned to her position behind his seat, maintaining her silent vigil slash glare at the ambassador.
“So,” the diminutive sandstone colored earth pony growled through a cloud of smoke, “ya gonna pay up? Or do my lads and I up and take a walk?”
Valenta fumed. Stonecup smiled. The poor ambassador was obviously quite used to giving orders and seeing them obeyed. But all of his diplomatic bluster was less than useless here and Stonecup knew that. The ambassador’s bully boy, however, looked much more incensed at his behavior. The tiger stalked forward, holding a paw up and slowly extending his claws.
“I suggest you watch your tongue,” he growled. “The ambassador deserves respect.”
“Oh my, aren’t you the tough one?” Stonecup chuckled back. “Red Claw, is it? I suggest that you should step off before you get hurt.”
To emphasize his point, he rubbed a hoof against a simple looking silver necklace. A loud bang echoed from the large steel crate that had been rolled into the corner of the room by his lads. Red Claw eyed the box carefully, returning to the side of his employer and resolutely placing himself between him and it.
“Now,” Fisher smirked, “you want something that’ll give you your little rebellion a kick? What I got in that box will fix ya up right quick. But you’re gonna have to pay the fee that I have named.”
Valenta almost pouted at that. “And you are sure it is what you say? I have heard all the legends about the swamp since arriving-”
“I assure you ambassador.” Stonecup interjected, cutting a possible speech off at its source. “It is Old Stonehoof.”
“And how can I be sure you didn’t just grab some random zombie and called it Stonehoof?”
Stonecup motioned to the steel box. “Take a look yourself, ambassador, and then call me a liar.”
With a snort, Valenta dropped out of his chair and made for the crate, bodyguard lock step alongside him. The steel box was tall- it had to be to contain the shambling zombie within- forcing him to rear up on his hind legs and slide the little observation window open with his trunk.
The sharp gasp that followed made Fisher smirk all the wider. Valenta stumbled back, almost tripping over himself in the rush to get back to his seat, his trunk like nose quivering with what Fisher guessed was fear.
“Fine,” He eventually managed to spit out. “I shall accept your offer. But can we please wait to settle up until after the party? I’m missing my daughter’s birthday.” He slid back out of his chair, trotting to the window. “The magician is already doing her act.”
“Magician?”
Stonecup joined the ambassador at the window, which gave a commanding view of the rear grounds. True to the tapir’s words, a pony stood on the stage, wielding both illusions and sleight of hoof tricks to entertain the growing audience. Of course, who the pony was, was the actual concern in his mind.
“Ya hired Trixie Lulamoon? Are you completely nuts?”
“What do you mean?”
A dark laugh shook Stonecup’s body. “You mean you ‘aven’t heard? She’s an agent of the crown, mate! If she’s ‘ere, she’s ‘ere to take ya down!”
“That’s a load of junk.”
“Is it now?” Stonecup countered. “You’re going to tell me that Bayou Runner’s fall was just a coincidence?”
“Of course not! But that was a matter between two beings. Why do you assume that Trixie is now an agent for Celestia? Do you have any proof?”
“She took down Bayou Runner with the help of the Element Bearers! That’s a bit more than a coincidence in my book.”
“Except that Runner’s ponies almost did serious damage to Ponyville. The Element Bearers would take interest in that.”
“Fine,” Stonecup shrugged. “If you’re so convinced you’ll be fine, then who am I ta tell you otherwise. But consider what you do around ‘ere. If Celestia was to find out about your slavin’? If Placido was ta find out about this little coup of yours? You’d be finished.”
A nervous shuffle was Valenta's only reply, so he pushed on. “I’d suggest you do somethin’, but that’s just me. But, for now, I think that we’ll be going.” With a wave of his hoof, he turned to leave. “Come on everpony.”
His body guards immediately sprung into action. Two strong stallions slid handcart under the large steel crate, wheeling it towards the double doors without a word. Candy pushed them open, the whole group marching resolutely out.
“Wait!”
Valenta had managed to wrench himself away from the window. The gravity of the situation seemed to be occurring to the ambassador all at once. Worry etched the lines of his face, his dark eyes darting around the room. “We had a deal! You owe me your beast!”
“I don’t see bits in my hoof.” Stonecup grumbled. “And I don’t really care to get involved anymore. Good luck mate.”
His group said nothing as they left the ambassador sputtering in indignation, the weight of the crate thunking off of each stair during the slow descent to the ground floor. Once they had worked their way back to the foyer, however, Candy Canes spoke up.
“Shouldn’t we do something about Trixie, sir? If she knows that we’re here-
“We can easily claim that we were ‘ere for other business. Sides, why get our hooves dirty?” Stonecup grinned. “I get the feelin’ the good ambassador will be doing that for us. And we should be long clear before the guard show up.”
“Of course, sir.”
- - - -
Red Rose. Iron Will’s voice echoed in Trixie’s head. Light pink mane and tail, dark pink colored coat.
Got her. She responded, eyes locking on the foal in the second row. Anypony else? I have no idea who Stonecup is, but this can't be good.
That’s the last one. Do your thing.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie will require volunteer’s for this next trick!” She declared.
Already enthralled by the show, the hooves of every child in the audience shot up, a few particularly eager ones stretching to try and reach the sky. Keeping a wide grin on her muzzle, Trixie began to point into the crowd.
“You! And you! You too!” She called out again and again, summoning each of the identified foals onto the stage; ten in all. Clambering onto raised platform, they looked up at her with wide eyes and even wider smiles, their life situation forgotten for the moment. Though, she couldn’t help but notice that Valenta's daughter was sitting in a deep pout at not being called forward.
“Now,” she continued, beginning to call forth her magic. “Watch and be amazed as Trixie makes all of these brave young fillies and colts…disappear!”
The crowd- which had a fair share of adults in it at this point- gasped, a few clapping already at the thought of the trick. A smile began to cross Trixie’s muzzle, only for it to vanish just as quickly. One of the manor houses doors had swung open, Valenta’s bodyguard already stalking towards her, muzzle twisted back in a snarl. Trixie suppressed the desire to gulp at the razor sharp fangs, rushing her spell along as quickly as possible.
The tiger was picking up his pace now, beginning to break into a run as he wove between the crowd. Trixie grimaced, a confused murmur washing through the crowd as her magic reached it’s peak. With a flick of her head, she unleashed a one-two punch of magical power. The first spell was an illusionary curtain that sprang from floor to ceiling. It was a misdirection, showing her bolting away from the stage in a blind panic. The second spell woven was one of her standards; invisibility but altered to hang like a sheet. As the audience bled away, she threw her magic out again, gently herding the small crowd of ponies towards their escape.
“Hurry!” She whispered to them.
“But,” Red Rose began, “what about my momma!”
“My friends are getting her out!” She whispered again. “We need to go!”
That seemed to be all the convincing they needed, stampeding for the gap and squeezing through one at a time. As the last one vanished popped through the gap in the towering wall, Trixie threw herself through. Larger than a foal, she was forced to squeeze through wincing as the stone scraped at her flanks and tore at her coat. She was half way through the gap when an enraged roar tore through the air behind her.
“I will wear your hide for a cloak!”
Trixie yelped, squirming all the harder. A paw slammed down on her cloak, pinning it to the ground. With another cry, she threw herself forward, pushing through the pain that raked her sides. Cape snapping off of her neck, she popped out the other side of the gap. Head swimming and breathing hard, her eyes wandered over the foals, brain doing a quick count. All ten stood in the short alley between Valenta’s manor and some other noble’s. A relieved smile crossed her muzzle. Sure, she had ruined her double’s shirt (she’d have to leave a note or something) but they had gotten the foals out fine and Kassa should be leading the-
A bone shaking roar tore from the grounds. Trixie’s eyes bugged out as the bodyguard sprang into view, sailing over the edge of the wall with a surprising amount of grace. Landing with a heavy thud, he raised a his front paws, a snake like sway settling into his feline figure.
“I shall offer you one chance to surrender.” The tiger growled. “Return the foals and walk away.”
“Never.” Trixie glared back, keeping a defiant look on her face. In reality, she was already mentally screaming to Iron Will for help. “I won’t let you keep one more pony in bondage!”
The tiger sprang forward, claws neatly sliding out as part of his strike. Instinct flared within Trixie’s core and she flung herself to the side, the strike raking across the cobblestones where she had been a moment before with a horrible grinding noise. She sprang into action, already weaving a spell from her position on the ground, a sphere of light appearing at the tip of her horn. With a grimace, she let it fly, just as her attacker twisted about to face her. The brilliant globe exploded in the tiger’s face, eliciting another roar as he clutched at his face with both paws, stumbling back.
“RUN!” Trixie shouted to her charges.
They had been cowering together in a tightly packed ball since the last roar but Trixie’s cry seemed to spur them into action. They turned and scrambled down the alleyway, Trixie right behind them. Another roar split the air as the tiger recovered from the assault on his eyeballs. The rapid flurry of paws on stone came swooping up on her, the tiger’s large size and long strides closing the distance with frightening speed. With seconds to spare, she channeled again, two illusionary copies appearing with a poof of blue smoke.
She could see the main street up ahead and if they could just-
A shadow suddenly engulfed her and in the next heartbeat a mass of orange and black came slamming down upon her form. Stars exploded across her vision once again as her breath was blasted from her lungs. Her mind struggled to work out what had just happened through the haze. She’d swear that she had just been body slammed by the sun cursed thing, which considering his size probably wiped out the illusions at the same time.
Stupid, clever cat. She mentally groaned.
The world turned upside down, a paw neatly scooping her up and slamming her onto her back with one smooth motion. The tiger’s leering face was monstrous, a half snarl of anger, half grin of triumph as his other paw came slicing down through the air. Yelping, Trixie channeled, throwing another burst of light and twisting to the right at the same time. She could feel the impact run through her body as the paw slammed into the street, sending spiderweb cracks radiating through the stone. So, she was stuck fighting something at least as strong as Raindrops. Great.
In desperation, she jabbed her horn into the tiger’s soft underbelly. It wasn’t a strong jab, by any means, but his body still instinctively recoiled. Not wasting a moment she squirmed away. Rolling back to her hooves, she once again called illusionary copies forwards, all of them moving at once. The tiger growled, eyes shifting between the illusions, his nose flaring.
Scent…. Trixie realized.
Like a coiled spring, he kicked off, pouncing right towards Trixie, her illusions ignored. She desperately backpedaled, trying to get away from the incoming strike. But as the tiger’s golden eyes burned into her, she was quite sure that she was going to die.
But the impact never hit home, as a blur of steely blue threw itself from the wall. A different roar- one of pain and anger- escaped the tiger as face met stone.
“You try to murderize and I pulverize!” Iron Will declared. He had squared his body to the hulking feline, fists raised as he almost bounced on his hooves.
For the first time since Trixie had met the creature, the tiger looked shocked. Blinking in confusion, he pushed himself up. “Do you….who talks like that?”
Iron Will’s response was to deliver a brutal cross hook to the face. The strike snapped the tiger’s head to the side but he quickly recovered, body once more swaying like a snake. With a blur, he launched forward, raking a claw across Will’s muscled chest. The minotaur struck back, his hands closing around the offending paw. Pivoting his whole body, Iron Will swung his opponent at the wall in a truly fearsome show of strength.
Much to Trixie’s horror, the tiger didn’t even flinch, instead rolling with the attack. As his body impacted against the wall, he kicked off from the wall, sailing over Iron Will. Bringing his claws down the minotaur’s back, he smoothly transitioned into a sliding sweep, knocking Will’s hooves out from under him.
The impact of Will hitting the ground and the accompanying cry of pain knocked Trixie out of her shock. “Will! Eyes closed!”
Horn blazing, a few sparks- red, blue and green- flew from its tip, streaking their way into the melee. Trixie’s aim was true, the explosions detonating right next to her target’s ears. The flurry of flashes and bangs sent the tiger reeling, Iron Will rolling back to his hooves.
With his opponent stunned, he rushed forward, fists flying with rapid fire jabs like a swarm of bees. Already trying to blink the light out of his eyes, the tiger threw himself into a series of desperate twists and ducks, managing to dodge a few strikes with impressive flexibility. But Iron Will pushed forward, keeping the pressure on with his furious assault.
Trixie rushed to the right, muzzle scrunched in concentration, casting another set of illusionary sounds. Dropping them behind the tiger’s head, she detonated them one at a time, attacking with repeated strikes of sound. Roaring again, he grabbed at his sore and battered ears, giving Iron Will another opening.
“Try to make me loose,” he grinned, drawing back. “I blow my fuse!”
The uppercut lifted the tiger into the air, eyes rolling into the back of his head before he crashed to the ground like a dropped sack of potatoes.
Rushing to Will’s side, Trixie took in the rakes across his form. “Are you okay? Those look bad….”
“I’ll be okay.” He grinned, giving a her a thumbs up. “Iron Will has taken worse punishment in his life.”
The sound of hooves and the metallic clash-clang of armor came rumbling down the alley, Trixie looking up to find herself staring down five ponies in neatly polished chainmail barding, and a sixth in glimmering golden plate mail. Trixie winced slightly, taking a step back from the gold bedecked pegasus, who was looking...distinctly exasperated. She assumed that this was Frolicsome Meadowlark, judging by his timely arrival.
“Well, this has gone about as well as I hoped.” He sighed, rubbing the side of his head. “Okay,” He waved a hoof at his squad. “Arrest them.”
“Yes sir!”
“What?” Trixie blinked. “Why?”
“Cover. To. Maintain.” He declared with great certainty. “Arrest them, and get the foals. We’ll sort everything out down at the station.”
“What about the ambassador?” Trixie glowered, giving the approaching guard a shifty glare.
“We found him already.”
Trixie blinked as shackles were attached to her legs and she was slowly lead to a collection of waiting wagons. Arrested. She was being arrested! She-
“Unhoof me at once you reprobates! I have diplomatic immunity!”
-couldn’t keep the grin off her muzzle at the sight of Valenta who was also shackled in chains and sporting a very large black eye. His trunk was pointed directly at Northern Lights as he continued to rant.
“And I want to press charges! She assaulted a member of the diplomatic corps of Tapiria!”
“Yeah, yeah,” Meadowlark drawled. “Try that with somepony who doesn’t know what diplomatic immunity actually means.”
“THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!”
“Sorry, I’m not paid to listen to complaints.” Meadowlark snorted. “Get in the damn wagon.”
Trixie's grin grew all the wider as she climbed into a different one. Watching the ambassador freak out was entertaining, at least.
- - - -
An hour later, Trixie found herself cooling her hooves in an interrogation room. She was crowded around a low table with Northern Lights, Iron Will and Kassa.
“...and once I lead the parents out of the grounds, I lead them straight to the rendezvous point.” Kassa explained.
“What about Jambalaya?” Iron Will asked, rubbing at the bandages that now criss-crossed his coat. “Wasn’t he still in the kitchen? Kind of lost track when I went after Trixie.”
“Probably just walked back home during all the chaos.” Kassa shrugged. “We did kind of leave things a mess there.”
“Heh.” Northern Lights grinned. “That was pretty wild!” She flopped forward, stretching out and popping her wings. “And another one down. Nice work filling in there, other Trixie.”
“Oh, so I’m other-Trixie now?” Trixie commented, raising an eyebrow. Least it was better than Lulamoon.
Before Lights could respond, the door swung open and Frolicsome Meadowlark came trotting in, still locked in his perpetual frown, pulling the crested helmet from his head. His eyes roamed over each of them in turn, before the frown finally cracked, sliding into a smile.
“Well done. All of you. Valenta cracked like a walnut once I threw all his victims in front of him.”
“Really?” Trixie asked. Considering his body guard, that result seemed far too easy earned.
The guard captain shrugged. “I pointed out that some of his ‘workers’ had been taken from Equestria and just how angry that would make Celestia. I then pointed out how even his own government didn’t want to save him. Political isolation.”
Trixie found herself nodding. It was a sound strategy and one that Placido had been doing his best to work towards, even before contacting her other half. Still, there was a question that came to her mind….
“What about us? You said something about maintaining our cover?”
Meadowlark nodded. “In exchange for not being thrown into the deepest, darkest hole we can find and serving out his sentence in a normal prison, he’s agreed to let rumors slip that your attack was based on a personal grudge. Should be enough to help muddy the waters on the whole ‘agent of Celestia’ thing.”
“And the families?”
“Reunited and under our protection. We’ll be helping them get settled in new homes. Everything’s going to work out, I think.” He paused for a moment. “Anyway, you’re free to go.” He smirked. “I’ll be in touch.”
- - - -
Trixie walked back through the streets of Neigh Orleans. The group had gone their separate ways upon leaving the station, mostly to recover from the results of their efforts. Especially Will, thanks to those claw marks.
It had been...fun, admittedly, to be able to pull off a little bit of underhooved trickery to take down a corrupt noble and be unequivocally thanked for it. It was an interesting little diversion, admittedly but now it was time to be thinking about how to get back to her world. As she approached alley way entrance to her double’s theater home, she considered just waiting here for Luna to find her. She had, in fact, been able to track Trixie through time and space before. And she had to assume that her other self would have told her friends about what happened. And-
Trixie paused. The back door was hanging slightly ajar. She was quite sure that she had closed the thing when she had last left the building. With a frown, she tapped into her magic again, cloaking herself in invisibility and inaudibility before sneaking into the building.
She could already hear some kind of argument brewing as she hit the base of the winding metal staircase. Two voices, both male, one with an oddly familiar tone to it. Taking the stairs two at a time, she landed neatly in the hallway, before creeping towards the open door to the office. Peeking within, she found herself watching a very odd standoff.
A camel was sitting in front of the desk, each foreleg raised. She found her eyes were drawn to the outlandish gear that was strapped to his form. A jacket was pulled tight across most of his body, square shapes seemingly woven into the material. Even stranger were the contraptions strapped to each limb. Six metal tubes, lashed together almost like a collection of miniature cannons. He had them trained on a two ponies and another minotaur.
The minotaur was a towering black furred creature, easily the size of Iron Will, though a little bit slimmer. His long, flowing beard had been twisted into a series of braids, glittering coins and trinkets threaded throughout. His own collection of miniature cannons were strapped in bandoleers that strained across his well muscled chest. Two of them, covered in runes that were obviously magic in nature were pointed back at the camel.
But it was the last two figures that almost made Trixie want to groan in frustration. The first, was a unicorn mare, white coated and lavender maned, with a black envelope for a cutie-mark. And then the stallion; brown coat, reddish mane and a red X for a cutie-mark. Easily the last two ponies that she would have wanted to see in this alternate timeline.
Zizanie and Duke Greengrass. Though, she supposed that he might not be a duke in this universe, Luna willing. And he held the Sextant of Worlds in his hooves, carefully in the process of attaching some missing piece to the spyglass portion.
“Equestrian…put the sextant down,” the camel declared. “And let me do what must be done.”
“What? Let you destroy it?” Greengrass snorted. “I will not indulge your race’s mania for destroying all things magic.”
“Magic is the root of all pain and suffering! And that thing was created by a monster worse than most!” The camel growled. “It should be destroyed, like everything else he made!”
No, no, no! Trixie winced. That thing might be my only way back if Luna can’t find a way here!
Admittedly, it was probably unlikely that Luna couldn’t find her way to this reality. Maybe. Really, she still had no clue about the mechanics of her arrival here. Having the sextant just made sense. Plus there was part of her that really objected to what the camel wanted to do on the sheer principle of the matter. Magic, the root of all evil? What, were earth ponies evil for using their magic to help grow food faster? Also, Duke Greengrass with a magic item like that? Not something she’d allow in either world. Nothing for it.
Stepping just slightly into the room, she extended her magic forward, wrapping it around the Sextant. She had just finished grabbing it, when Zizanie’s eye twitched.
“Intruder!” She shouted, firing off a burst of magic.
The burst slammed against Trixie’s enchantments, the lot of them vanishing in a puff of blue smoke. And as her spells fell apart, the room descended into complete chaos. The minotaur kicked the desk over, using it for cover as his cannons roared, slugs of some kind buzzing across the room. The camel jumped backwards, impacting into Trixie in the process. Dragged along by his bulk, she maintained her magical death grip on the sextant, bringing it along for the ride.
It was at this point that the strange camel realized what he had just bumped into and twisted his head about to peer at her.
“Release the sextant!”
“Nope!” Trixie declared, yanking the device through the air and to her side. “Kind of need it!”
“Zizanie! Get it back!”
Trixie scrambled for the steps, as the unicorn came bounding out of the room, neatly vaulting over the camel with her own horn glowing. A bolt of magic crackled through the air, just barely brushing against Trixie’s flank as she scrambled down the stairs.
“Stop her!”
“And where do you think you’re going!”
“Fool! Stop getting in my way!”
Kicking her way out the door, Trixie ran as fast she could, with the sextant clutched in her aura. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her towards the Neigh Orleans train station, hoping that there would be one there when she arrived.
She needed to get to Ponyville.
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All we need now is for Skitch to arrange the prize fight of the century!
Iron Will vs. Iron Mike! All proceeds to charity!
Loved this chapter. It even felt like a Leverage episode, especially when Northern Lights started channeling Parker there. The fight scenes were great, too.
It's kind of funny to me that just as it seemed everything was winding down, Trixie gets thrown into more shenanigans.
You know it would be easier for Trixie in the skitch universe. If she would wear a costume to protect her cover up. You know creating a secret identity . Since you made Skitch verse Trixie kinda like Batman. Why not let her wear the Mare-do-well costume? Heck since Skitch watched the official show he can even suggest it to her.
Ahh, diplomatic immunity. Nowhere near as awesome as movies and tv usually make it seem.
I guess L-Trixie will be going on a diet now, nothing like almost being shredded by a tiger to make you want to loose a few pounds.
Plus Skitchverse Greengrass, Sweet! Does he have a Notary anywhere? She might have been in the scene but no one noticed.
5578126
I'm not sure that's fair to Mike.
5578189
Glad that I managed to capture that Leverage feel then!
Iron Will really does make the perfect Eliot Spencer when properly applied.
5578892
You know, I completely forgot about Mare-Do-Well and the outfit. I don't picture that happening though, mostly because I am very much not a fan of that episode and I'm not sure I wanna do anything with it in the universe.
5579995
Nope! Gotta thank RDD for pointing that out though.
5580708
I'll admit, that I'm not sure about Notary. I kind of forgot about her when I was first writing this chapter.
I'll have to consider that.
5578892
I'm not totally certain where you're getting Batman from, since Trixie's MO is not the same as his. She doesn't even have a secret lair; she just has the crown running interference for her.
5581574
See her powers are effecting even you!
Well my personal preference would be for her to be Greengrass's lover in this universe, maybe just appearing near the end to make Trixie's brain go pop.
5581574
I'm not a fan of that episode either. But like I said Trixie and her gang can't continue this up. Trixie methods are infiltration and that can only work if you target doesn't suspect a thing. Once the crime syndicates understand this was a personal vendetta. But when many of their fellow criminals are being brought down by the same mare, no matter what the official authorities and other "captured" members say. They realize Trixie is really actively taking them all down.
She needs to protect herself or otherwise she will become a target and a danger for everyone around her. That's why heroes create secret identities. Heck even in real life field agents create secret/false identities to protect their loved ones when dealing with powerful criminal organisations such as the Mafia.
Also you don't need to do the mysterious mare do well episode. You only need the costume. (Which is actually one of the few things I did enjoy from the episode because it reminds me of "Darkwing Duck" Outfit.) And the outfit can be brought in by many means.
-Skitch can herself mention that she had seen the "Mysterious Mare Do Well" episode. And actually decided to let Rarity make the costume so that she can wear it at the upcoming Nightmare Night. Trixie will just bumb into the costume and realize the potentional of wearing a vigilantly outfit. Takes the costume (while leaving behind some bits.) This way no one actually knows whom the Mysterious Mare Do Well really is.
-The "Mysterious Mare Do Well" is actually a comic book hero (Either in the Lunaverse or Skitchverse) By chance Trixie sees such a comic and comes up with the idea that it's wise to hide her actions with an alternate identity. (Lunaverse Trixie knows all too well that actions have consequences. Since "Boast Busted" she has seen the full effect when powerful figures retaliate. (Such as when Twilight Farther delayed help to Ponyvile.))
-The costume belongs to a famous cat burglar that actually got comprehended by the Authorities. Trixie spots the costume in the evidence room. And takes it wearing the costume for the good of pony kind rather then selfish criminal reasons. She actually can use the infamy of the previous owner to her advantages in getting contacts in the underworld.
These are just a few small examples how you can incorporate the costume without even creating a parody of that awful episode.
5581784
Not the same in your opinion? Let's compare Skitch verse Trixie and Batman.
-Both Trixie and Batman have their families getting killed by the underworld.
-Both are vigilantes taking personally down the criminals.
-Both are detectives and investigate crimes as well.
-Both work in secret with the authorities. (Batman with Commissionaire Chief Gordon And Trixie with Princes Celestia and those below her.)
-Both seem quit well versed in art of hand to hand (hoof to hoof) combat.
Also GreyGuardPony are has told in one of his comments that his intentions are that Skitchverse Trixie is kinda like a Batman parody for the Skitchverse Universe.
5582729
Sure they can. They don't actually need to bring down all the criminals, after all. They just need to disrupt their operations while the Princesses sort out the guard. Heck, they don't even need to do that!
All that Trixie and her team really have to do is collect evidence, and then let the proper authorities handle the rest. The sting we saw here was a special circumstance, since they were dealing with a foreign national.
In any case, similarities between Trixie and Batman here are largely superficial. In truth, the Skitchverse doesn't have any clear superhero analogues outside of comic books; if Mare-Do-Well shows up at all, it'll be in a comic book. Probably illustrated by Skitch.
And, let's be honest, it would probably be more in line with Darkwing Duck than Batman, featuring a heroine who stops crime more by accident than anything else (catchphrase, "Well, that was a freebie!").
This reminds me of something I read in Captain Britain about 25-30 years ago
CB's girlfriend is talking to Dr. Strange
DS: What makes you think that he's been possessed by a demon?
GF "Well, he's turned sullen & silent, lewd, rude, crude, destructive & violent"
DS "So, the change in personality alerted you?"
Nightcrawler (from X-Men) "What change would that be?"
Iron Will reminds me of B.A. (Mr. T) from A Team