Chapter 5: Badminton Blast
Learning started early for Twilight.
“No, Twi. Just… no.” Rainbow stared up at her from the foot of the stairs. “You’re going to play sports, not lounge on the beach.”
“What’s wrong with this?” Twilight looked down at her jeans and purple star sweater. “It was cold yesterday.” She looked back at Rainbow, wearing tights that went to her knees, a short blue skirt, and a lightning bolt emblazoned sports bra. She was even barefoot.
“It wasn’t cold. Not once we got going, anyway. It was just breezy. Heck, even Rarity pulled her shawl off after that first game. Girl’s got—”
Rarity’s head snapped up, eyes locking on Rainbow Dash. “Excuse me?”
“—uh, nice hair.”
Rarity smiled, settling down with a browned bagel, slathered with cream cheese, at the coffee table. Her eyes shifted to Twilight. “You do look quite nice, but I do think that Rainbow is right. As uncouth as she tried to say it.”
Twilight plucked at the sweater’s sleeves. “So, what should I wear? I didn’t pack a lot more than things like this.”
Rainbow started up the stairs, sunlight streaming in from the east highlighting the toned, not quite smooth abs. “I’ll help you decide.”
Twilight stared for a moment, then dropped her arms to cover her not quite so flat stomach. “But…”
“Twi, don’t worry. So what if you’ve got a bit of a paunch?” Rainbow reached up and patted her stomach. “It’s cute.” The hand lingered on her stomach, fingers tickling while Rainbow smirked, then clenched tight on the bottom edge of the sweater, and dragged her along as Rainbow reached the balcony.
“H-hey!”
“Come on. Let’s see what we can get you into.” She headed towards the single bedroom that had been repurposed as a dressing room.
“I can dress myself!”
Rainbow shot a glance over her shoulder, and grinned. “Of course you can. Trust me, though. You’ll start overheating and want to take off your sweater.” She smiled at Twilight’s reddening cheeks. “I can guess what you’re wearin’ underneath. Or I can help you pick somethin’ you’ll be comfortable in.”
“But—”
“Let me help, ‘kay? I promise you’ll feel more comfortable if you’re wearing the right clothes.”
Her cheeks flushing darkly, arms crossed over her stomach still, she nodded. “Okay.”
“This?” Twilight asked, staring incredulously in the mirror. She was wearing a short, purple fringed skirt over one of Rarity’s bathing suit bottoms. It was barely decent, and the bright blue sports bra was only slightly better. “Are you sure Rarity is okay with me borrowing her bottom?”
Rainbow snickered and prodded Twilight’s bottom. “I’m not sure I would have put it that way, but she is very generous.”
“Um.” Twilight’s hands fell to brush her hips, then shifted to cover her stomach.
“Can’t believe you didn’t pack a sports bra or skirt.” Rainbow stepped up beside her, considering the both of them in the mirror, fingers tapping her chin. “Still, looks good on ya.”
“I wasn’t exactly thinking about being active.” She tugged the edge of the fringy wrap up higher, only to have Rainbow bat her hands away and resettle the wrap around her waistline.
“Stop that. You look fine.” Rainbow slipped an arm around her waist and patted her soft belly, looking at the both of them in the mirror. “So what if you’ve got a little pudge. It looks good on you. And you’ll be more comfortable like this, without the wrap digging in when you bend over.”
“Also, I do have a little more up top than you, and this feels tight.” Twilight ran a finger under the tight strap on her shoulder. “Can’t I just wear—”
“Nope. Not gonna let you wear that frilly thing. It’s too loose for runnin’ around.” Rainbow shook her head. “Trust me. You’ll thank me when your back doesn’t hurt as much later today.” She grinned at the mirror and prodded Twilight in the side. ‘Sides. You look good. Come on.”
Twilight followed Rainbow back out of the tornado-wrecked bedroom and downstairs to her waiting friends. Not a one of them even looked at her stomach for more than a moment, and no longer than they’d looked at the rest of her.
“Lookin’ good there, sugarcube,” Applejack said, looking up from a breakfast of oatmeal and apple slices. “You plannin’ on joinin’ us for a few games this afternoon?”
“I, um…” Twilight had to make a conscious effort not to cover her exposed stomach. “Yes. Rainbow’s going to teach me how to play.”
“Not just play, Twi. Playing is easy. You and me, we’re gonna win.”
“Do I smell a challenge?” Applejack grinned. “Because that sounds like a challenge.”
“Yeah!” Rainbow dropped her hand to grab Twilight’s, and raised both of them in a triumphant gesture. “Me and Twi, we’re gonna drop you and…”
“Me!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “Oh, pick me!”
“Alright, Pinkie. You and me.” Applejack’s smile broadened as she stirred her cereal. “No offense Twi, but y’all are goin’ down. That first s’moregasbord will be mine!”
“Ours,” Pinkie said, plopping down next to Applejack with a bowl of dry sugar packed cereal. “First two. When the stick isn’t all goopy, just lightly toasted, the chocolate oh-so-gooey, and the whipped cream just starting to drizzle down the sides.” Pinkie licked her lips, staring off into space.
“Don’t forget the caramelized apple slices,” Applejack added, joining Pinkie into staring off into space.
“Why haven’t we had any yet?” Twilight asked, standing behind a chair to hide her stomach. She was almost certain that she had a full belly blush. “If they’re so good—”
Pinkie’s expression of comical horror stopped her.
“You don’t just have s’moregasbords on the first day! Or even the second!” Pinkie tapped a finger on the table. “The apples have to sit and gooey up, or else they won’t be ooey-gooey enough, and that’s what makes it a gasbord and not just a s’more.”
Applejack nodded. “They do taste better with age.”
“Oh.” It made sort of sense, and she looked at Rainbow, who was halfway along the way to drooling. “I’ll do my best.”
“Twi, don’t stand so… tight.” Rainbow, sitting at the edge of the badminton court, flicked a finger at her feet. “You gotta be ready to go after the birdie. You missed that second one because your feet were all out of place.”
Twilight shifted her feet in the sand, staring across the net at Applejack, standing in an orange t-shirt with her swimsuit bottom just visible under the hem. “Like this?” Twilight shifted her feet again, pressing her heels more deeply into the loose, dry, cold sand, and shivered.
“Um.” Rainbow shook her head and scrubbed at her hair with both hands. “Hold on. I think…” She sighed and pushed herself up from where Fluttershy was prodding her and jogged over to stand behind Twilight. “Put your feet almost on top of mine, then bend your knees.”
“Okay. Now what?” Twilight kept her attention on her feet, mostly to ignore the hands resting just above her waist. How Rainbow stayed warm while sitting was a mystery. She was as skimpily dressed as Twilight.
“Little less bend. I don’t want your butt in my lap.”
She could almost feel Rainbow’s smirk, and blushed when her friend’s hands shifted to her hips, and pushed her just slightly forward.
“Well, this isn’t awkward at all.” Twilight covered her mouth as soon as the words slipped from her lips.
Rainbow’s snicker eased her sudden worry. “Don’t worry about it.”
The hands left Twilight’s hips, and she could feel one hovering over her stomach. Her breathing grew shallower, more nervous. The hands never touched, just radiated their warmth.
“Good. Now, show me your racket.” Rainbow stepped back and walked around in front of Twilight.
Images of a tennis match flashed through her mind, remnants of the olympic games from the last summer. She tried to mimic the sure pose of those athletes, only to have Rainbow catch her wrists mid-swing.
“Not quite. This isn’t tennis. One hand, loose wrist.” Rainbow tugged her wrist lightly, then shook her arm until the racket flopped like a fish. “Like that. You don’t want to whack the birdie. Just tap it for now.”
“Okay.” Rainbow’s hands were warm where they touched hers, and sent a shiver through her. Cold crept up her feet from the sand, and an occasional warm breeze from the ocean kept a fresh chill across her chest and bare stomach from the steadier wind coming down from the bluffs.
“Not so tightly.” Rainbow’s hand on her wrist tugged until she let go of the tension. “You want to have your wrist loose.” She nodded across the net to Applejack. “Gently, please.”
“Okay. I’m ready.” Twilight braced herself, only to have Rainbow walk back around push a knee gently into the back of hers. “Right. Loose.”
“Yep.” The warmth against her backside left again, and then Applejack nodded to some signal from Rainbow.
Bop. The shuttlecock sailed over the net in a slow arc and Twilight shifted her racket to meet it.
Bop. The birdie sailed back over the net, to be met gently by Applejack’s racket. A moment later, the hands returned to her hips and forced her side to side.
“Loose, keep loose. Don’t tense up.”
Her eyes stayed on the birdie, but she let herself be settled into a more comfortable stance by Rainbow’s rough direction.
Bop. Back it came, and this time she felt freer with the motion, and sent it back over the net. The hands left again, but the birdie stayed her focus.
Back and forth, slow, gentle. The arc of the parabola made more sense the longer she watched and paid attention to it. She tried shifting the racket slightly, angling the return swipe. Then, after a few back and forths, the wind came up and shifted the birdie’s flight low, into the net.
“Good job, Twilight!” Rarity called out from the arrangement of seashells spread out on the blanket between her and Fluttershy.
“I missed.”
“You aimed the birdie too low,” Rainbow said. She retrieved the game piece and tossed it to Twilight. “The wind will do as it does, and it’s important to remember that. But you’ve got the basics down. Time for a match!”
“I-I don’t think I’m ready for that.” She looked between the birdie and the racket in her hands, then at Rainbow Dash. “I’ve just hit it back and forth a few times. What if I screw up and we lose?”
“It’ll be fine. I’m awesome enough for the both of us!” Rainbow winced, brushing the back of her head. “Um, yeah. You and Pinkie ready, AJ?”
“Ready for the winnings? Heck yeah!” Pinkie licked her lips and leapt up to stand beside Applejack, racket at the ready.
“Ready, Twi?”
She nodded, and tapped the the birdie to Applejack, who blinked and sent it back to Rainbow.
“Gotta pick up the pace,” Rainbow growled as she sent it sizzling between Pinkie and Applejack. It came back, faster than Twilight had ever seen it move, sent by Pinkie’s reflexive backhand.
Right at her.
She froze, her racket in the middle of a backswing as she tried to decide what to do. Angle of swing, speed of swing… Underhand or over? Amount of force? She saw a number of parabola curving away from her racket, most of them ending up in the net, some going straight up. She saw, in a brief moment, Applejack or Pinkie Pie sending it back, and the possibilities multiplied.
Meanwhile, the birdie’s fins bled off velocity until it plopped to the ground at her feet.
She stared at it, her breath coming faster and faster. “I can’t do this,” she whispered.
“Hold on, hold on. Time out!” Rainbow’s voice snapped through the silence, bringing Twilight back to the present. “What was that? It came right at you!”
“I…” The racked started to slip from her fingers.
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity’s voice snapped out like the crack of a whip.
“I’m sorry, geeze.”
Footsteps came closer until Twilight could see blue feet resting next to hers. A hand closed over hers before the racket fell to the ground. “No, no…” Rainbow’s voice got softer. “I’m sorry. I didn’t…” She trailed off. “Look, Twi. Don’t think so much.”
“But we’re going to lose.”
“Stop it.” Rainbow tapped her leg with the racket. “We are not going to lose. Ya wanna know why?”
“Because you’re awesome?”
“Well, yeah.” Rainbow snorted, and lifted Twilight’s chin. “But I’m awesome because my friends are.” She chuckled. “I think I learned that lesson when you tackled me. Or, uh, after.” She grunted and waved away the issue with her racket. “Point is, you can do this, Twilight. Just stop thinking about it.”
“What if I don’t make the right decision? What if I miss? What if I—”
“Agh! Stop that. You’re thinking again! Sports isn’t about thinking. Not like that chess game you an’ Fluttershy passed back and forth. Sports is about doing!”
“But strategy—”
“Is for games like football, soccer. Badminton is different. It’s simple. Don’t let the birdie hit the sand on our side of the net.”
“But—”
“Birdie no sandy, capiche?”
Twilight paused, looking back down at the birdie. She tapped it with her racket. “Don’t let the birdie hit the sand.”
“Yeah! That’s all there is to it.” Rainbow’s hand let go and came up to clap Twilight on the shoulder. “Got it?”
“I think—” She caught herself, smiled, and lifted her racket. “Yes.”
“We can do this!”
“Yes!”
Rainbow picked up the birdie and placed it in her hand. “You can do this,” she said, more quietly, then stepped away.
How should I— She shook her head and whacked the birdie before another thought could pop into her mind.
It came back a moment later, but she didn’t hesitate. She sent it right back with a hefty smack. The feel of the birdie’s impact thrummed up her wrist, and she smiled. It felt good.
Pinkie shot it back up with a slow underhand that Applejack smashed down into the sand before Twilight or Rainbow could react.
“Nice one!” Rainbow hefted the birdie with a wicked grin and walked back to her place.
Two, zip. Twilight shook her head and fought back the urge to brush her hair out of her eyes. Only her bangs, too short to have made it into the braid, obscured her vision. She nodded to Rainbow.
Rainbow’s serve zipped right at Pinkie, who caught it on a reflexive backhand and sent it back in a high arc.
Twilight lost herself in the exchange, her eyes following the birdie and her feet shifting to place her where she needed to be.
Cheering from the sidelines almost distracted her at a critical moment, but she saw the low set before Applejack sent it back and was there to meet it at the net with a quick swipe into the sand.
“Nice one, Twi! Keep it up!”
“Good shot, Twilight!” Rarity called from the sidelines.
Then the game was back on, and from that moment, her focus was the birdie. Her racket met it when it was close to her, sometimes sending it in the wrong direction, but Rainbow was there to catch it and send it in the right place.
She laughed when she scored again, and felt more than just the tingle in her hand when she high-fived Rainbow.
I’m having fun!
The next few points were Rainbow’s, but not without loss. Twilight missed one by a hair as she leapt after it, racket extended, only to land roughly in the sand on her knees and one hand as the birdie’s feather skirt whispered across the rim. But the whisper of something else stirred in her heart. She was grinning, despite the miss.
“Nice try, Twi! Good dive.” Rainbow helped her back up, then served the next.
Her feet moved of their own accord, carrying her to and away from the net, always after the birdie. The sand was no longer cold under her feet, and the air no longer carried a chill. Her braid danced as she did, and before she knew it, sweat was streaming down her forehead.
Both sides were at equal match, trading point for point as the match wore on. They took a break at the five point mark to drink some lemonade Fluttershy had made from powder packets.
“You’re doing good,” Rainbow said, knocking plastic cups with Twilight in a toast. “Told ya you could do it.”
“I guess I can,” Twilight said with a smile, shaking her head and wiping away the sweat. “I never thought it could be so much fun!”
“Yeah? You ready to turn it up a notch?”
“Yes!” A moment later, reason caught up. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t tell me you haven’t felt it.” Rainbow’s hand came up to flick Twilight’s ear. “I saw it, when you dove for that long shot. You were almost ready to go pony.” She shot a glance at Applejack and Pinkie. “So were they,” she added, then jerked a thumb at her chest. “So was I.”
“I got lost in how much fun I was having,” Twilight said, reaching up to brush her human ear. “Was I really about to, um, ‘go pony?’“ She glanced at Rarity and Fluttershy, then at Applejack and Pinkie Pie. “I thought that was only for music.”
“I dunno about that. I mean, sure you started to get the ears, but…” Rainbow shrugged, giving her a sheepish grin. “Don’t think too much about it. Just have fun.”
Just have fun. There was a possibility she might learn something new about the magic, but in order to do so, she couldn’t pay attention to it. But learning is fun!
Another part of her objected: Learning is something you have always done alone before.
“Uh, earth to Twilight?” Rainbow was staring into her eyes from far too close.
“Gah!”
“You kinda spaced out there for a sec. You doin’ okay?”
“Just… thinking.” Twilight shook her head again and ducked behind her cup to hide the blush.
“Don’t think. Just have fun.” Rainbow slapped her on the shoulder again. “We’re gonna win this! I can just feel it.”
Just feel it. Twilight felt, again, the joy of singing with her friends on the makeshift stage, and the earlier moment when Sunset Shimmer looked to her for help, desperation in her voice. “We need you!”
Her earlier uncertainty had been stripped away. Her friend needed her. And she’d stepped up, the words of the song flowing through the bond connecting them. She’d known the song as well as if she’d written it.
She knew what to do. With her friends by her side…
“Let’s do this.” Twilight downed the last, sugary dregs, crushed the cup, and grabbed her racket again.
“Aw yeah! You’re goin’ down!” Rainbow cried, leaping back into the court.
The game started again, but there was something different. Twilight felt it in her heart as she played, barely paying attention to it. Every laugh ignited a rainbow spark in her vision, every point scored or lost made it grow stronger.
The points didn’t matter. The birdie didn’t matter.
She was having fun. That was all that mattered.
On the sidelines, Rarity and Fluttershy cheered on both sides, their laughter growing brighter, their cheers shimmering in the cool afternoon air.
Banter from her friends shot back and forth, cheerful taunts between close friends. Only her voice was missing, but no banter came to mind.
“Nine, Twilight. Just one more and we win!”
“They’ve got nine, too,” she reminded, her voice strained from laughing and running. Smiling, with the thrill of the game zinging through her, she wiped sweat from her brow again. The dancing rainbow bands connecting her to her friends were almost visible, and she could almost feel their enjoyment as though it were her own.
“Yeah, but we can do it. Come on!”
The game resumed again, the birdie flipping back and forth almost faster than Twilight could follow. Rainbow’s ears flared blue as the match went on and sand flew, wings sprouted from her shoulder blades, but she stayed mostly ground-bound, only using her wings to leap from place to place. On the other side of the net, Pinkie and Applejack laughed as their pony ears flared into existence.
The game went on, none of them pausing to take stock of their ears or longer ponytails. And then she saw Applejack stumble, her racket going low but still catching the birdie.
It would come high, perfect for a downward slam.
“Neighton never knew what hit him!” she cried as the birdie came in. Rainbow’s cheer spurred her on and, as she leapt, she knew she was going to win. Magic flared in her heart, spread through her veins, and an explosion of rainbow power ignited the change. Her wings caught the air and sent her soaring to meet the birdie in midair.
“Yeah! Taste those S’mores!” Rainbow cried as Twilight’s racket met the birdie at the apex of its flight and sent it sizzling into the sand.
“Whoa!” Pinkie stared, mouth dropped open.
Applejack’s mouth hung open, and she slumped back to the ground.
Twilight realized where she was, and why, a moment later. The magic slipped away, ears, wings, and tail disappearing in a flash, and she tumbled the last couple feet to the ground.
“That! Was! Awesome!” Rainbow laughed as she ran to help Twilight back up. “Yeah! Twilight with the magic smackdown!”
“What happened?” Twilight looked up at the hand held out for her. “I thought—”
Rainbow nodded. “Now, you can think.” She laughed again. “Trust you to come up with some nerdy banter.” She slapped Twilight’s shoulder again and drew her away from the court.
“Good game, y’all.” Applejack said, smiling. “I suppose that means you two get first pick of the s’mores tonight, huh?”
“Deal’s a deal!” Rainbow said, nodding. “Bigger question is, who’s gonna make em.”
“Well,” Rarity said, standing up and brushing flecks of shell and sand from her fingers, “considering how messy you were last night, Rainbow, I think it should be Pinkie Pie. Shockingly, she—”
“I’m shocked, Rarity!” Pinkie gasped. “To think that I would make a mess of s’mores!”
“I have seen your kitchen after a baking frenzy, remember?”
“But, s’mores, Rarity! I would never disrespect s’mores.” Pinkie prodded Rarity’s arm. “I would never make a mess of the tastiest of tasties to ever see this side of a campfire. That’d just be rude.”
Twilight plopped down on her towel and laid down, staring up at the bright afternoon sky. Clouds had moved in, light white clouds that nonetheless hid the blue and the sun aside from a faint rainbow nimbus around a bright white disc.
Rainbow sat down next to her and lay back next to her, arms crossed behind her head. “Not bad for your first time, eh?”
“Did I really do that well?” She turned her head to look at Rainbow, raising one hand to shade her eyes from the white brilliance above.
“Eh, you did good. Sorry about that bit at the start.” Rainbow shrugged and reached a hand down to prod Twilight’s bare stomach. “How’d you feel, wearing that?”
Twilight blushed again, but didn’t cover her stomach. “Exposed, at first. I’ve never worn anything but a one-piece before.” She brushed away the prodding hand after a moment. “But you were right. I would have been too hot wearing the sweater and jeans.”
Rainbow arched an eyebrow, and smirked. “Just think about Flash seeing you like this.”
“That jerk?” Twilight rolled her eyes and prodded Rainbow’s belly in return. “Really?”
Rarity sighed loudly. “Rainbow, are you ever going to grow up?”
“Grow up? Psh.” She prodded Twilight’s belly again, adding a tickle. “Never!”
Twilight squirmed away, laughing and squealing, and retaliated by tickling under Rainbow’s arms.
“Whoa! H-hey!” Rainbow squealed and rolled away, laughing. “Oh, it’s on, now!”
“You’ll have to catch me!” Twilight leapt up and dashed off down the beach, Rainbow a few steps behind, shouting and laughing by turns.
As she ran, laughing, the spark in Twilight’s heart glowed brighter.
I’m having fun.
Lunch, a collection of sandwiches and chips along with a pair of sodas, lay settled in Twilight’s stomach, and the sun was still high, though covered in a fluffy blanket of clouds drooping down and threatening to bring rain later. A cool breeze fluttered the net into a drowsy rustle, and the ocean waves frothed and sighed all along the beach.
On the towel next to her, Fluttershy and Rarity were slowly building a pair of bracelets, using thin jeweler’s wire from Fluttershy’s crafts kit to hold the shells iridescent side out.
Rarity kept up an idle stream of chatter that ebbed and flowed like the waves. “…and then Sunset called Adagio, of all people, a couple weeks ago. It was before we started to plan our trip, so…” Her fingers never stopped moving, twisting and braiding pliable metal into place and through the braided twine of the bracelet. “I don’t really understand why she wanted to spend Spring Break with them instead of us. I mean, it’s not like she owes them anything.” She paused. “Not that she owes us anything, either.”
“She doesn’t,” Twilight said, rolling over to face Rarity. “But—” She shook her head. “It would have been nice to get to know her without worrying about school or other people.”
“It would have been,” Rarity said. A moment later, she plucked up seven shells, one from each of a pile of similar colored shells. “Why don’t you join us and make a bracelet for her?” She held out the handful of shells and waited.
“Oh!” Why didn’t I think of that? “I think she would like that.” Twilight sat up, stretched, and scooted over to sit half-on the large towel. “So…”
“So, you take these shells,” Rarity said, dropping the seven shells with holes already bored through the hinges. “And a bit of wire, and twist, like so,” Rarity continued on, and demonstrated on the bracelet she was working on as she spoke.
Twilight spent a moment watching, then tried to follow suit with her own. She poked the wire through the twisted twine, then through the hole already bored through the shell. The rest of it, whatever Rarity had done to secure the shell to the braided twine, didn’t match. The shell, which should have lain flat, stuck out at an angle and would dig into the wrist.
“Um.”
“You’ve got the wiry twisted backwards,” Pinkie said, plopping onto the towel beside her. She reached out and took the start of the bracelet, deftly untwisting the jeweler’s wire. “It goes like this.”
Twilight watched as Pinkie untwisted the wire, threading it through the hole, then back through the braid and finally wrapped it twice around the flared end of the shell. “So, it holds itself in place.” She flicked the shell once, and it didn’t do anything more than settle back in place.
“Yep!” Pinkie dangled the bracelet in the air and fell back to lay down on the towel. “We made your bracelet already. Who’s this for?”
Twilight plucked it from her fingers gently. “For Sunset, since she couldn’t be here.” She nodded to Rarity, smiled, and started stringing up the red shell. Thoughts of what she knew about Sunset wove around her mind while she wove the silver wire around the shell.
A brief bit of conversation between Rainbow Dash and Rarity, back in Sugar Cube Corner almost a month and a half ago, came to her.
“Yeah, he used to date Sunset Shimmer, but…”
Rarity nodded. “And then he latched onto other Twilight when she appeared.”
“Why didn’t Sunset get back with Flash Sentry?”
Rarity’s head jerked up. “Why would you ask that?” She swept a hand at the beach. “We’re here to help you forget about that crass oaf.” A moment later, she seemed to realize what she’d said and looked away. “What he said to you…”
“Was a lie,” Twilight finished, reaching out to touch Rarity’s shoulder. “I know that, now.”
“Good!” Pinkie slapped her on the back. “We always knew it was.”
“You did. Thank you for showing me.”
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What is this referring to I wonder.
5452465
Something that comes next chapter.
5452473 I expected as much. Looking forward to it.
5452487
Glad to hear it. I'll be doing a bit more revelation next chapter with regards to a lot of things. We're winding up to the climax here in a couple chapters.
Well this just got curiouser.
I liked this story when it began, but it seems to have lost its groove.
5455288
I'm not sure what you mean by lost its groove. I'd be curious to know why it hasn't kept your attention as it had at the start. I appreciate feedback.
I enjoyed this chapter. I greatly enjoyed Rainbow poking Twilight to get out, have fun, and stop thinking. Very much like the interaction between two friends - one athletic and one not so much. It felt very natural and flowed quite nicely.
Going pony was a nice touch, though I thought that was only when they played music. I may be mistaken though, I'll have to double check.
Also: victory s'mores are best s'mores.
5456718
Going pony is only when they play music. But they have fun when they play. Rainbow had fun when she played.
It's a bit of an adaptation on what was in the movie, but I didn't think it was too out of place to have it trigger with intense fun. Glad you enjoyed the chapter. I was a bit worried because it is a big change in the tone, but Twilight is becoming more comfortable with her friends and seeing her place with them.
5456747 That makes quite a bit of sense, actually. I can imagine that it would be difficult for the girls to keep their pony states hidden when they get into their grooves, so to speak - and not just when playing music.
Imagine RD playing a soccer game and suddenly pony ears!
5455349 When the story began, it felt like it was going somewhere, like it had a purpose. Human Twilight discovered the happenings at CHS and tries to figure them out. it didn't totally go to plan, as she found herself getting lost in her friends, and their troubles.
I understand the story drifting away from her studies, because that goes with the original idea (of her slowly moving away from her studies and growing on them as friends), but the two main plot devices introduced into the story so far (the house being sold and twilight's studies) are both forgotten completely in this chapter. Again, the way they sort of get lost in their fun makes sense in the story, but neither plot device was even so much as mentioned in passing, whether by the characters or just by the story. The driving conflicts behind the story were just kind of dropped out. It just feels like the story took a running start and then suddenly decided to lie down on the race track for a while.
I guess, all-in-all, the story doesn't feel like it's going anywhere anymore.
I realize this makes it sound like I hate this chapter/story, but that's definitely not the case. (If it were, then it would've been moved to my 'tracking' folder, and I probably wouldn't have liked it.) I really like the comfortable, relaxing, thoughtful feel of the story (which does carry over nicely in this chapter) where it just seems to sit back and take a calm look at things. The interactions feel real and unforced, and, in general, the story feels like a warm, youthful memory. There is continuous, in-depth, well-executed, non-lecture character development, and, for the most part, the story keeps the plot going at it's own pace. (the exception is/are the most recent chapter(s)). You seem to have a talent for using simple actions/interactions/gestures to say a great deal about your characters, and who they are, and how they're changing.
*whew* looks like you made it to the bottom. I'm sorry for the TL;DR wall of text, but when I get into full critique mode I tend to write. A lot. Anyways, hope this answered your question.
EDIT:
Thinking about it, it's also possible that reading the more recent chapters on delay (where before I'd read them all in pretty much a single chunk) has effected how I looked at more recent chapters. Later I'll try re-reading them in context, as it might flow more smoothly.
EDIT2:
I also was re-reading the actual story description, and I realized that the focus of the story was (possibly?) independent from at least one of the plot points that I mentioned. I might re-read the story keeping that in mind. I'll admit, it's been a while since I first read the story and I'd kind of forgotten some of the reasons I originally checked it out.
5457239 That was actually way more than I thought. Thank you! An epic explanation deserves an epic response. I think a large part of this was my failing to make a few things more clear in the story. I'm afraid of pushing plot points too hard for fear of slapping the reader out of the story with the bluntness of the story.
The first plot device, the sale of Rarity's home is not something Rainbow is concerned about. It's not an immediate problem, and thus she's going to focus on the now. Even Rarity, after the last chapter, is trying to focus on having fun. If it really is the last vacation, then she should try to make it as memorable as possible. I promise, it will be coming up again, but it's being subsumed by the main plot for a little bit. I'm trying to not make the plot overly dense. Having too much in one chapter would have made it feel... too busy. There was a reason Rarity wasn't much in play this chapter - her subplot is the house and, while it is an important piece of tension, it's there to serve the main plot, too.
The second plot device, her studies, are more of a personal worry of hers. I never intended for her to stress about her studies overmuch. She really is trying to focus on her friends. I imagine she does have dreams about her laxing studies, but that's not the main plot of the story. There are already two subplots in play and the main plot. I don't want to make it too dense with subplots and plot devices.
The story is going in a particular direction and that was on display here in those interactions through the last few chapters, where she's becoming more comfortable with being around her friends and finding her place with them.
On that note, I'm glad that you enjoy the interactions. I've been trying to make them feel that way since its... well. It's the main plot. It's something I've been working on in my last few slice of life stories.
Edit 1 is one of the reasons why I like to read completed stories. It's easier to keep the rest of the story fresh and in context with the rest of the story.
Edit 2 is pretty correct. The main plot is described above behind the spoilers. Twilight's growth. It's one of the most understated plots I've ever done. It's everywhere in the story. Her growth, and her friend's responses to that growth drive it. At least, that's what I'm trying to do. Whether or not I've been successful at that... I dunno.
This was slightly rambly... I'm not sure, in the end, if I've addressed your thoughts on the story or not. I'm not sure if I should have tried or if I should ask you not to read the spoilered parts, but you put a lot into your reply and I didn't think a single line reply would have been germane to the reason I asked you the question.
So, thank you for the long reply. I really did enjoy reading it and I think you more than addressed my question. So, thank you!
5457590 Yeah. I realized that this story is intended as more of a sedate, emotional, slice-of-life style story, rather than.... I'm not sure how to describe what I thought the story was initially. I guess the best way to describe it would be: a story about twilight and her quest to resolve a sort of internal conflict based around the place others place her in because of her alternate self.
As you mentioned, as well, this is one of those stories that makes a lot more sense pacing- and plot-wise if you read it as a coherent whole rather than episodic chapters, because the movement in the story is very subtle.
Nice chapter, here. Dashie, thinking's necessary for sports, too. :p I really liked Twilight getting into it, there. Good job, there!