• Member Since 7th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Sep 19th, 2017

Flagstar of Flagclan


I'm a warrior of Flagclan, and I do not believe in killing (Part of my softness for people). Feel free to talk to me whenever. Thanks! :) {And I'm a girl. Peeps usually think I'm a boy}

T

Twilight was practicing a her favorite spell when she accidentally hit Spike with a powerful blast. He ended up dieing with no help, and she was crushed. Twilight stays home in tears, feeling herself slowly deteriorating.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 9 )

You have a good idea. I think it could use some editing like adding more to it.

Pretty sure they're called "Zap Apples", not Zab Apples. The beginning was confusing in both sentence structure and plot. Why couldn't Twilight just levitate Spike this time when she has the ability to? if she is going to make the two trips instead of just grabbing him and teleporting themselves into the hospital, there has to be a reason behind it. Is the reason emotional? Is it physical? It has to be more than "more words for the plot God, more narrative for his throne".

Okay, so how does a teleportation spell kill someone? Also, when Twilight went to the hospital, why didn't she bring spike with her?

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It's just what I thought of. I'm leaving it up to everyone else to think of their own reasons that Twilight left Spike there. Mine is that she didn't want to bring him with incase she made the wound even worse or make more blood come out.

It's a good story idea but it needs a lot of work.

Is it bad that I laughed at this?

Meh...How does a teleport spell kill someone? Wouldn't the teleport spell just teleport them to wherever the spell was designated?

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