Luna has finally convinced Celestia to give her a chance to run the Equestrian Court for a whole night. Celestia now has nothing to do on Nightmare Night. Hmmmm.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 18th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Jul 16th, 2015
Noodle the Cuttlepony
A lazy cuttlepony who shamefully feeds on conflict and sucks at organizing her thoughts.
Noodle the Cuttlepony
Joined 18th Oct, 2014 ·
Offline
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I suppose i could somewhat object to the grammar, but i've seen worse. MUCH worse. As for the story, i don't know if it's been done before, but i sure as hell ain't read anything similar. The concept sounds somewhat promising. I'll give ya a follow. Keep in mind that i'm not much of a critic, but you asked for criticism, and i gave to ya.
5159877
Thank you! I will be improving on my grammar for better results.
5159889 Anytime. Immout. *Flies off on Luna*
Two paragraphs in and an error already.
You also overuse "warily".
I think that the story is interesting enough but could use more fleshing out.
5/10
5161225 *sigh* I had two people look over this. Thank you for the catch.
Oh... my... gosh.
gifbin.com/bin/1233928590_citizen%20kane%20clapping.gif
This was your first fic ever? Good sir (or madam, IDK you
), this was a good fic! I looooovvvveeee Trollestia (you should actually check out my "Ask Trollestia" thread on MLP Forums some time), and this was just fun. I was worried it was going to wrap up really suddenly, but goodness me that actually was a really fun ending. Congrats, and good luck with your future writing NoodleBrony! 
So... If you're gonna keep writing fics, are you gonna be writing comedy, or...?
5162545 That guy looks pissed. The perfect encouragement.
5162545
Thank you for the compliments( It's madam). The ending gave me a mini-writers block for about 40 min. I was so angry.
5164334
I'm going to be writing all genres except random I think. I'll be doing one-shots for now, but once I get enough writing skills and confidence I will brave a multi-chap story.
5164451 As a wise man that i just made up once said: "At times, thou's just gotta go for it. TOASTY!"... Okay, maybe he's not THAT wise... In all seriousness, i haven't the slightest idea why i asked ya that. I guess i was just curious. Also, just so ya know, "random" fics are fics that have some humor in 'em, but where humor's not the focus. Kinda like every 80's movie ever concieved. If you want skills, i suggest reading other fics. But you probably already knew that. Good day, madam! *teleports to a cider factory*
5164444
As I said, I adore Trollestia, or just writers with a good sense of humor, and you seem to have a handle on both, so I look forward to your future writings. 
Ah, I see, well, wonderful then madam.
Poor AJ... oh whatever
5161033 Especially when you kill someone with 'em... Hmhmhm...
Pretty nice story. That being said, I found some things you may want to edit.
A comma is missing after "Twilight" and there's no period at the end of this sentence. In fact, a lot of the sentences are missing periods and other ending punctuation.
And that should be "Twilight's". I look forward to seeing more stories from you.
5195067
Thank you for catching my mistakes and I have another story planned. Just got to get it to make sense.
Not tht I hate this but... Death to Trolls!!!!
Celestia is really good at this pranking thing
Bananas for the win!
5301834 Dmmit Jesuz, y u do dis? fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfa1/v/t1.0-9/s720x720/1505400_563018917132399_2682513848063503667_n.jpg?oh=9039a03ed557faf2e92ad97b1d1ef945&oe=55133A2C&__gda__=1424081730_3647191aa991e422b0c5a226db9c8e69
5303275 Can't believe it man, Huey was right... Yous was black! Now if you'll excuse meh... *goes rapping bible verses*
5301834
Thank you for the follow and the holy cookie.
Cap.
_________
Space after the comma.
________
Stopped reading at the above spot.
Can you please place a comma or a period at the end of dialogs and befor the end " mark? It's proper grammar and makes the fic easier to read.
5675080 I fixed the errors you pointed out. Sorry it took so long for the reply. I've been a bit busy with real life lately so if you find anymore point them out for me(or not)
. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, but I understand if my errors put you off from reading it.
5698417
Really the only main problem is that there was no end punctuation in dialog, with that fixed I'll read it after my Tabby charges up. And I know how IRL can be (have two written chapters, but the editing of them has taken over a month to get started on with my own IRL and time sinks.)
But thanks for the reply back and I'll get to this shortly.
Okay let's try this again with some examples.
The end of dialog needs ending punctuation.
Examples:
"I'm so sorry Luna...It's just... I know that I'm being a bit overbearing, but I just want this night to be successful for you dear sister. This is the first time in a 1000 years I've not watched over Equestria, I'm a bit nervous," Celestia said as she buried her muzzle in her sisters mane.
__________
"Why don't you visit Ponyville like I had done last Nightmare Night. I'm sure you will have much fun there and before you know it will be time for you to come home and raise the sun. After that I will tell you of my success tonight and we will both have good laugh of how we both worried over nothing," Luna said soothingly as she pulled from her sister to gather up any left over papers from the floor.
________
"You're right Luna everything will be fine. I'm going to send for the royal carriage and have fun tonight. Break a leg," Celestia said as she walked out her office and toward the royal carriage.
___________
Now conversly a period while not technically appropriate is used in a lot of fics to the point it's hugely a stylistic choice. I prefer the comma.
Now dialogs where you use a ! or a ? work fine (it's an appropriate end to those particular sentences where it's an exclaimation / question. But through a majority of the fic you have no ending puntuation. If you'd like a small sampling of good end punctuation, but not to long to read.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/159947/1/of-suns-and-squids/it-is-what-it-is [This is a cute little short fic about Tia's B-Day.] [6,671 words]
___________
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/90647/1/melt/melt [OMC! This fic has almost lethal amounts of adorableness. Seriously a good read with filly Twilight.] [1,980 words]
__________
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/70803/inspiring-generosity
[While it's 5,014 words. OMC, you will not find a better feel good SoL fic out there. It's a real gem of a fic.]
___________
But yeah those three fics are just a sample reading to see good end punctuation in dialog. And just a nice little read when you have free time. Drop me a line when this fic's fixed up and I'l try again. I'm not giving up on this fic yet.
5698753 I corrected all of the mistakes you have a pointed out and will read through it again to make sure I get the rest. Thank you for the suggestions, I will be reading all of the stories to improve because as much as I hate it to admit it, punctuation is a weakness of mine. With your feedback I will undoubtedly get better.
5701485
Alright, drop a line when you've combed through and fixed all of it please. Other than the pointed out dialog [I only pointed out the first few]. All of Fluttershy's dialog, and the dialog after that. Basically anything wrapped in " marks just make sure to throw a comma in there.
But we all have our weak spots, best way to get better though is practice. Just make sure that any time a character speaks you have something at the end right before the end " marks.
5701970 I've combed through it once more. Sorry about the late reply...again. I'm working on a new story. Hope I meet your approval this time.
Space after the period.
_____________
ran through
________
were
____________
they
Delete "in"
___________
Much, much better.
And I'm glad I stuck with this story it was an interesting read.
5750775 Fixed. I'm glad you liked it, but I'm disappointed I missed all that.
Thank you for sticking with me on this.
5751644
You're welcome
.
Interesting read, and fitting for Nightmare Night.