I am Princess Luna of the night

by Gaylord The Decider

My Pain

Princess Luna was in a sad mood, for it was the day after nightmare night and the thought of how those ponies feared her had shocked her. She had changed and not one pony would let her show them that she has. Luna has always been an introverted kind of person. She liked to be alone, but she also liked having some friends now and again. As she sat in her chambers, Luna began to have horrible thoughts creep into her head. She tried to brush them away at first, but now those thoughts wouldn't leave her alone. They kept returning and they got more powerful. Luna decided to write something to see if that would get these damn thoughts away from her.

"Wishing I could see the light hoping it will shine in this darkness that covers me so I can walk away having friends all around me yet I still feel on my own Wanting to see the light so I can get better yet I won't even get a letter from my sister you wonder why I'm like this because she treats me like a child and doesn't care so help me if you can for I am Luna Princess of the night Celestia has never cared for anyone not even her younger sister and you ponies still fear me I see that I am not worth the time so I'll be walking away alone to leave this kingdom alone Wanting to see the light so I can get better yet I won't even get a letter from my sister you wonder why I'm like this because she treats me like a child and doesn't care so help me if you can for I am Luna Princess of the night I'll go away and let my darkness cover me so I can walk away on my own."

The seemingly never ending abyss in which I fall, the darkness enveloping my body and being, why must I always be consumed by darkness? Why must other ponies be afraid of me? What have I ever done to them? All good questions Luna had asked herself. I guess they knew about the nightmare I became and that is how they remembered me, but I have changed since those six ponies saved me from the nightmare. I guess I'll never be good enough for other ponies to accept me for who I was and to show them I can and have changed.

Tears start running down Lunas cheeks as her horn lights up. She can barely see around her before she stops falling and hits the bottom of the abyss. Unconscious and not moving, she lays there until she slowly starts to regain consciousness and groans when she tries to stand up. Luna is in pain from falling that far down at a high velocity. She is lucky that her back didn't break. Luna, once she starts to remember, she begins to cry again for two reasons. She is in a lot of pain and because she, in her own mind, will never be good enough to have one true friend. She starts to recall the things those ponies did to her that Nightmare Night. How they were scared of her and ran away from her for no reason.

She soon begins to fly upward to get out of this deep dark depressing abyss. Once Luna is out of the abyss she flies toward her castle and stops in her royal chambers. Luna remembers her whole childhood life. Recalling memories of Celestia always being better than her in everything. How Celestia never went to any of her birthday parties, she never associated with her at school and how their parents would always choose Celestia first. Those memories only added fuel to her depression. Luna started to believe the thoughts that were in her head.

Thoughts like "I'm nothing, but a piece of crap second class Princess compared to my sister Celestia", "I hate my life because all of my life I've always been looked at funny or I was an outcast and nopony will give me a slight chance to prove that I am a good pony and that I've changed since the nightmare". Those kinds of thoughts lead to Luna finding her gun, that was a gift from her father when he passed away, only to load it, cock it and point it to her head. Luna cried one last time before pulling the trigger and blowing her brains out. The royal guards immediately ran toward her chambers, but the door was locked. they did all they could to break the door down to see if Princess Luna was alright. Unbeknownst to the guards, what was behind the door would scar and impact all of Equestria in a way no one thought possible. Once the door was finally busted open, the guards saw Luna laying on the ground by her dresser with a gun in her hand. as one guard looked to the wall behind Luna he saw a lot of blood and brain matter. the red blood slowly sliding down the wall to the ground.

The guards notified Celestia immediately of the awful thing that had taken place. Once Celestia saw what had actually happened she just fell down and cried. Celestia had one thing to do now and that was plan Luna's funeral. Once everything was done Celestia went to her old castle where she and Luna had played as fillies. Celestia thought it was the perfect place to bury her baby sister. The royal guards carried the casket which contained Lunas lifeless body and placed it in her old room. Once the guards were out of the castle Celestia made it descend into the ground so that only she knew where it would be. Months later Celestia was attending day court when something reminded her of her baby sister Luna.

As Celestia tried to make it through court, the memories of her and Luna playing made her cry. She left court and ran to her chambers to grieve by herself. After a few minutes of crying and grieving Celestia sat up on her bed and started to wonder why Luna had done such a horrible thing. Only one thing was true, Celestia wanted to be with Luna again and she knew the only way to do that was to take her own life. Celestia was a sword freak and she grabbed her favorite one. Celestia was going to kill herself like the samurai. Luckily a guard was walking past her chambers before she could do anything.

"Your majesty! What are you doing?!"

"Trying to be with Luna! Just leave and let me be with my sister!"

"Your majesty, I'm afraid I cannot do that. My duty is to protect you."

Celestia wasn't used to her own guards defying her orders. The guard ran and grabbed Celestia's sword and took it away from her. "Your majesty I recommend you get some help. Please do it for your kingdom and for yourself." Celestia just sat there and began crying because she had succumbed to madness and was about to take her own life just to be with her baby sister.

Author's Note:

Goth Warlock here to tell you all a good piece of advice. If you ever feel depressed and feel like suicide please contact the suicide hotline or talk to family and close friends. I will listen and try to help the best I can if you come to me with a problem. I know other people that will also listen. DON'T TAKE YOUR LIVES! THERE IS SO MUCH SOME OF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO SEE YET AND IT WOULD DEVESTATE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY AND YOUR FRIENDS WOULD LOSE IT. Plz seek help if you feel depressed and are thinking of suicide.

Comments

[MysticGuitar]

There needs to be at least one line break here, to separate the paragraphs.

[Alcatraz]

This is the same cover art I have for one of my stories

[Gaylord The Decider]

How was the story overall?

[Gaylord The Decider]

5156084 Done. Better?

[MysticGuitar]

5171825 Definitely, though I do see some areas that could be improved.

"Luna has always been an introverted kind of person."
You should change that to pony for better immersion.

There are also a few grammar mistakes throughout the story, but that appears to be a part of your writing style. So, no big deal there, though it is rather unusual to read.

Honestly, I quite enjoy the story, even though it reads like more of a poem than a traditional story. I assume this was done to help strengthen the deep emotional messages you were portraying. You handled Luna's struggles quite well, though some parts seemed to be a bit rushed. I would have greatly enjoyed if this story were longer, as right now it seems rather short and to the point. This isn't exactly a knock against your story, but more against my own expectations. Really, I want more, and this was just too short to deliver.

As for your recent blog article? Really, don't let this community get you down. We're all here to read and write fantastic content, and wish to see a community that's constantly improving.

While I've personally written a story that was hated by practically everyone, I took the feedback I received to heart, and worked on improving myself to write better and more engaging content.
To be honest, I still believe that the community was wrong with their opinion of my story, and that they just didn't give it a proper chance. However, I still took what was said to heart, and used the feedback to further improve myself as a writer.

Because of that, my two most recent stories are liked by practically everyone that has had the chance to read them. I literally went from a story with a negative 30 rating, to a story with a positive 26 rating, with only 5 negative votes. I also have a story with absolutely no negative votes.

So, even if a couple of your stories end up being disliked, or if people don't share your same artistic vision of what makes a story a story, never, ever let that get you down. All it takes is a single story, and you may just find yourself with hundreds of new and loyal fans.

If you ever want any suggestions for story ideas, or if you want any tips on writing engaging stories, just send me a PM. I really like your writing style, and would love to read more of your stuff. It would also be extremely awesome if you created a type of series. Something to keep people coming back for more. I know I for one would enjoy reading it.

[Gaylord The Decider]

5171869 the story was edited by my good friend and he fixed grammar mistakes. He didnt fix anything huge and he also told me that it should be longer and yes it did have poetry in it because irl I write dark/depressing poetry to help me. So I used it in this story to define Luna and her struggles.