Prologue-Perfection
As the last school bell rang, I walked out with my buddies. They were my brother, Soarin, and his filly-friend, Rainbow Dash. Behind us was my best friend, Thunderlane. As we walked, joking and occasionally shoving each other in mock fights, I began to hear nasty comments. I turned. Three fillies stood over another, taunting her. One, a shimmering gray unicorn with long blue hair and blue eyes. Her mark was a large tree with sparkles. The second, a snotty looking earth pony in tap shoes with green fur, green hair, and green eyes. Her cutie mark was two spotlights crossed over each other. The third was a white unicorn with black and pink hair, pink eyes, and a huge pink bow. My stomach boiled in anger. Rushing over, I glared down at them. "Leave her alone!" I shouted into the obvious leader's face. She looked stunned. "Lay off, ya little brat," I added for good measure.
"Who do you think you are, talking to ME like that?!? My daddy is the owner of the Furniture and Hardware Store, and I'M the richest pony at this school!" the brat snapped once she recovered.
"I THINK I'm Lightning Bolt, and I don't care who your daddy is. I've seen how you treat her in class. I'm in eighth grade just like you, and I can't stand to see you be so mean to her," I say, fuming. I glared at them and stamped my hoof, snorting quietly.
"Whatever," she said, walking away.
I turned my attention to the filly on the ground. She had covered her face with her hooves and was whimpering softly in fear. "Th-thank you," she whispered.
"No problem. What's your name?" I say, smiling down at her.
"Pl-Plum Rose," she quietly responded.
"Don't be shy, I'm not like them," I crouch down to look into her eyes, and see her smile slightly. "Hey, there's that smile," I joke, beaming.
Before the filly could open her mouth, someone was calling her name. "Plum Rose, come on!" I heard and looked up. The filly that had been right in front of me was now by a mare's side. My mouth dropped open. How had she moved that fast? Not even Rainbow was that quick, and Rainbow could beat me, Soarin, and Thunderlane! I watched in shock as she smiled and allowed herself to be lead away by her mother.
Rainbow walked over to me, prodding me in the ribs with her elbow. "Someone's got a crush!" she taunted.
"Not true!" I objected, but my cheeks grew red, giving me away.
"Lightning, don't sweat it! It's no biggie, just a filly-friend," Soarin chided.
"She's not my filly-friend," I mutter.
"You know you want her to be!" Thunderlane chanted, slapping a hoof on my shoulders.
"Cut it out guys," I cried with a smile.I knew they were right. Plum Rose was like a drop of teal sunshine that had fallen from the sky just for me. I couldn't wait for tomorrow.
The next day, it seemed way easier to get up and to school. I hoped to see Plum again. I wasn't disappointed. There she was, my little drop of joy, standing all alone. I walked over to her. "Hey," I said, suddenly shy.
"Hi," she said, smiling slightly.
"So, I was wondering, would you like to, maybe, hang out with me and my friends?" I asked, looking into her riveting purple eyes.
"O-oh, sure!" she answered.
"Great! Come on," I laughed happily, leading her over to my 'crowd'. "This is Thunderlane, Soarin, and Rainbow Dash. Soarin and I are twins, if you couldn't tell already," I introduce my friends.
"So Lightning, I see you brought over your new filly-friend!" Rainbow teased, making Plum Blush.
The bell rang all too soon, and school began for the day.
School's out for the summer, and I've been in a solid relationship with Plum for 5 months now. I'm on my way to her house now. She said something about needing to see me urgently. I quickly arrive at her house and knock on her door.
Plum swing it open, a huge smile on her face. "Come inside!" she orders.
Once inside, I turn to face her. "What's going on?" I asked, looking at the boxes piles everywhere in worry.
"I've been discovered!" she squealed, dancing on her toes.
"What do you mean?" I exclaimed, shocked and even more confused. "Are you moving?"
Plum visibly deflates. "Yes. I'm going to Applewood to become an actor." she said.
"What?" I shout, horrified. My little sundrop, moving? But how? Why? "When?" I voiced my biggest concern.
"Next week," came the glum answer.
"Does this mean-"
"Lightning, I don't want to tie you down in a long-distance relationship. I'm sorry," Plum said, looking away.
Tears form in my eyes. "I'll miss you," I manage to say.
"I'll miss you too," Plum cried.
A couple hours later, I left and trudged back home. Soarin instantly noticed my bad mood. "What's up bro?" he asked, frowning.
"Plum's moving. She said she didn't want to tie me down with a long-distance relationship. So she broke up with me," I answered, staring at the ground.
"Dude, that's harsh," Soarin drawled. I knew he genuinely felt bad for me. But it didn't help. That night, I cried myself to sleep.
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This is the link to Delicate Rose.
This prologue is amazing! I can't wait for chapter 1!
Six Words:
Self-insert.
Pony Creator cover art.
5154747
Give the guy a break, it's essentially a love letter to his girlfriend. I think it's cute.
5154750
Well... that explains the Self-insert.
But the cover art?
5154750
Man, I need to do this with my girlfriend!
Except without the pony creator art.
5154757
Not everyone's an artist, and most of us don't have the money to get commissions. Give him a chance, I say. I'm about to.
Isn't Lightning Bolt the most unoriginal name for an OC, like, ever?
5154977 Oh please. We all know that to make a unique OC, you have to choose pegasus because unicorns are overpowered and earth ponies aren't special, have weird piercings and tattoos to make it look unique, and think of a name that talks about both speed and weather, like Lightning Bolt.
5155013
Like rainbow dash! I think people make OCs only to ship them with RD.
5155022 Unfortunately, yes. Then again, she's probably the only one you could make an OC really similar to without using your head much, because the OC doesn't need to be smart or anything to be exactly like her with a slightly different name.
5155037
OCs are ORIGINAL CHARACTERS, so why are they just red and black alicorn OCs or Pegasi with weird tattoos that dates RD.
5155053 So that the people who make them can pretend to date her, because that's the only way they can be used, not for a background character or anything.
I resent the comment about my OC being "unoriginal". When my girlfriend got me into mlp, she also talked me into having an OC. After planning out his personality and back-story(this was BEFORE I knew what he would look like) the name Lightning Bolt seemed to fit. So please, this is not a forum for arguing, it a comment section in a STORY! Lay off!
And Aurora Dimmet, you are exactly right. I am a terrible artist, and frankly I don't have the time to get someone else to do it for me!
Wow, I ask my boyfriend to write his version of my story and THIS is what happens?!? Sorry babe, I wouldn't have asked you if I knew how much hate mail you'd be getting.
5155053 Soarin (you know, the one that dates Rainbow) is not an oc, he is a real character. Therefore he obviously did not make an oc just to date her. Got it? Good. Now lay off.
5155119
There's nothing that proves that Soarin x Rainbow Dash is canon in the pony universe, only in fanfiction.
5155125 1-There's nothing there that's proves they aren't. 2-(and listen to this one)THIS IS A FAN-FIC!!!!!! And that's not my point. I was talking about the fact that everyone started complaining about how people make OCs just to date Rainbow. Soarin isn't an OC. Please don't take this the wrong way(like I know some will), I don't mean to be rude. I just hate to see people accuse others of stuff they didn't even do.
5155176
If anything, Soarin is dating SPITFIRE. Rainbow dash did nothing to try and date Soarin, while spitfire and Soarin are around eachother constantly.
5155182 This is all Lightning's opinion for the story, not yours, okay. And the two of 'em WORK together! They're both Wonderbolts. Plus, Spitfire kinda tried to trade Soarin out for Rainbow(if I might refer to the episode Rainbow Falls.). I wouldn't want to date someone who did that, whether they accepted me back or not. Now, all of this is opinionated, I'm not saying anyone's version is wrong(again, I know people will take it that way), I'm just stating my opinion.
There are some grammar mistakes here and there but other than that,this story isn't bad.I'm following this story
5155013 I am going to disagree with you completely. As I see it, your entire stance on original characters is way off kilter.
One: original characters are not used for the sole purpose of being shipped with an established character. This is a common misconception of original characters that has just got to go. Not every story is about shipping, and not all stories that feature shipping has to do with original characters and established characters.
Two: pegasi are not the only pony race that has any merit. When you said this:
It was almost insulting how shallow this thought is. Unicorn ponies are not over powered they are just capable of using magic in a more obvious manner. All the races have an innate magic to them. A pegasi has the innate, less obvious ability to control the weather. Since it is obvious that it is flash, not style, you see, the pegasi are capable of creating weather. Anything from gentle winds to monstrous tornados. Something a unicorn cannot even dream of doing.
The earth ponies are eve more subtle in their magic use. I do blame the show partially for this misconception. They are often only said to have great strength, something the show needs to expand upon. The earth ponies have an innate connection to the earth itself, somehow being able to bring out the abilities of nature. It might not be a far cry that their most gifted might be able to bring to life a whole forest. If anything, the earth ponies are the most mysterious of the three, and house the greatest potential.
That being said, the three races are supposed to balance each other out. The three survive by pooling their talents together, and working towards a common goal.
Three: how are tattoos and markings the only way to establish how different a character is? This question asks it all. How does unique markings make a character unique? They don't, and I'll tell you why in the next reason.
Finally: just from your postings, it seems you only see the surface traits of a character. A common rule for any character is this: a characters is not defined by their race, abilities, or possessions. They are defined by who they are, who their character is. Their personality, their desires, their goals, their flaws, the quirks, all the things that make a person unique, is themselves. The deeper meaning behind a character is what gives them their life, and their uniqueness. The idea that their skills or appearance is what makes them special is just as shallow as the skin.
5155053 See above.
5154000 Continue doing what you are doing, sir. Do not let the comments of a few nay-sayers keep you from doing what you like to do.
5155427
If you noticed that he was being sarcastic and responded with further sarcasm, I commend you.
If you thought he was being serious and responded seriously, I have pity on you.
5155427 thanks, it means a lot to know someone doesn't hate me for using my oc in my story.
5156229 I take my sarcasm very seriously.
5156742 I commend those who make original characters and try not to make the clichéd and absurdly edgy. Authors who try to make realistic, relateable characters are the ones to celebrate.
5157529 At least you knew I was being sarcastic. Props for that. I completely agree with your statements, though.
5155080 Your OC may not be unoriginal. After reading both yourself and Plum Roses' stories, I can see that he's not. However, it's just his name that can put people off, because it's quite commonly picked for an OC.
5155176 I hate to break it to you, but we were joking about OCs only being created to date canon characters.
5155095
You know, stories don't have to have cover art... most of mine don't.
5155427
In response to your comments on the magic of pony types...
Unicorns are OP. Don't believe me?
You remark that Pegasi have the magic to control the weather. That is true. But that's not all: They can also walk on clouds and fly, both of which are done with magic, as established in the show.
However, Unicorns can also control the weather, which was established in not one, but three different episodes and the opening credit sequence of Equestria girls. Unicorns can also use a spell to walk on clouds, established in Sonic Rainboom, and can use levitation to fly, established in the Baby Cakes episode. So "anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you!" Says the Unicorn to the Pegasus.
What about Earth Pony magic? Supposedly, they have superior strength and are responsible for growing food. Yet we've seen very little canon evidence of their superior strength and their food growing doesn't appear to be exclusive. Twilight (not your typical unicorn, but bear with me) helps harvest apples for the apple family, isn't turned down when she volunteers to help with plowing and planting for Winter Wrap up (a non-magic event, by the way, does that include pegasi "magic"? No. RACISM!), and teaches Applebloom a plant-growing potion. Flim and Flam also produce cider for a living, before they turn into conartists. And while it was certainly odd for Trenderhoof and Rarity to take up farming, no one told them it was impossible for a Unicorn to grow crops.
In short, Unicorns are the master race.
5155080
I don't hate you for using an OC, or even for the cover art.
But tell me this: How does Lightning Bolt fit his personality?
Nice watch, by the way. My OC has a watch, but you'll never see him because he isn't on this site... or any site except Google Drive.
5163159 Lightning is everywhere at once, very busy, just as real lightning (at least to me), seems everywhere. I will show more of that further into the story.
5163144 You do make good and valid points, and it took some digging and assumption to argue and this is what I found.
For Pegasi magic, said this.
I disagree. A unicorn is certainly capable of 'handling' weather magic, but so far no one unicorn seems capable of handing the weather as well as a pegasi. Proof being, during Magical Mystery Cure Rarity supposedly earns Rainbow Dash's cutie mark and thus her job as weather pony. There is a huge hole in the concept of this as Rainbow's mark is not about the weather, but this is not the subject of the debate. Point being, Rarity stinks at controlling the weather. Even with the supposed destiny of controlling the weather, she fails at it, and it takes a true Pegasus to clean up the unicorn's mess.
Winter Wrap Up is heavily contested as canon because of later episodes—funny how the show does that to itself. Anyway, presuming that the episode is still canon, Spike mentions that they clean weather up via magic in Canterlot. When one considers who lives there, an alicorn who also has the abilities of the Pegasus, it is not difficult to guess who is responsible for the cleaning up of winter there. Grand showing any sort of festival is Celestia's style. That and the upper class of Canterlot would not lift a hoof for menial labor if their lives depended on it, thus they rely on their Princess.
Equestria Girls is not canon to the main series, so I am unable to accept it's opening as proof. That and for some reasons I cannot find the intro on youtube that is not multilingual or extended.
As for unicorn's imitating the cloud walking spell, among others, all of these (as far) having taken a uniquely powerful unicorn to perform. That is not to say that it is not possible for others to perform the necessary magic, it just seems rare. Truthfully, such things as weather manipulation should be left to the professionals. You would not want a mechanic to perform open heart surgery...would you?
Now on to earth ponies. In truth, I have little canon material to work with, all I can really do is argue your points. First, Twilight harvesting apples is not a great feat of anything. A massive levitation spell that Twilight herself is known for. One which only Rarity surpasses her in. Back in Winter Wrap Up during the end montage, Twilight is doing the work of an earth pony, but, as I understand it, it takes the abilities of a earth pony to make the plants grow. Planting a seed is easy, making it grow is another feat. (On a side note: I too thought it was interesting that the earth ponies of Ponyville had no qualms about using the pegasi magic to help them. Again, logic in Winter Wrap Up and Equestria itself is heavily strained.) Now the growing potion, brewery is a skill of knowledge, not magic. Twilight likely helped Apple Bloom learn how to brew via a book, and we all know that Zecora has her own breed of magic that likely shares many resemblances with earth ponies. Zebra magic is vague and pretty much unexplored canonically. Finally, the infamous brothers. These two make the cider via their machine which runs on magic, this does not explain how or where they get the apples. Likely they buy, or con earth pony growers out of their apples to make their cider. I cannot see these two dirtying their hooves to grow anything.
Wow, I truly did not mean for this to turn into a long winded debate, and I hope that Lightning Bolt does not mind these posts.
Anyway, good discussion!
I actually really like this story. I think that it might be too early to judge this fan fiction because of the use of OCs. I can really see the potential in this story. Come on guys, lets all just grow up. After all, it's his first fanfic.
And for you Lightning Bolt_1, keep up the good work man.
I dont get why people dont like this story its cute
this is a super duper good story man keep up the super duper good work.
D'awwwwww so cute!!