• Published 23rd Apr 2012
  • 4,315 Views, 440 Comments

How did I get here!?! - brandsca123

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A Royal Pain

It was a beautiful day out in the castle gardens, Death Kitty and I walked around enjoying the scenery. Death Kitty was chasing butterflies and having a good time, while I went to look at some of the statues.

The statues were random stallions or mares that were of the royal family, but one in particular caught my eye. It was Discord, the stupid draconicus from the show.

I smiled as I walked over to it.

Me: "Well, well, well Discord. I see you're stoned out of your mind."

The statue just stared at me with its cold dead eyes. Now knowing me I can't go two seconds without doing something stupid, and you know what. I wanted to see if I could break his head off. I gave the statue a high kick to the face. Nothing happened so I decided to just punch at the air and pretend I was fighting him. Death Kitty decided to join in at this point, so I let him.

Little did I know I was being watched.

Celestia: "Enjoying your stay?"

Me: "MONKEY ON A STICK!"

I was startled, Celestia only giggled. Death Kitty was now scratching at the base of the statue.

Me: "Don't sneak up on me like that."

Celestia: "I see you have an interest in Discord."

Me: "Well I was just seeing if i could break his head off."

Celestia went silent for a moment, the birds chirped around us. I thought I heard a muffled scream of fear coming from the statue.

Celestia: "You were?"

Me: "Yeah. But it didn't work this thing is as solid as a rock."

To prove my point I grabbed one of his twisted horns and applied some pressure. The horn snapped off and I fell to the ground. I heard a muffled grunt and some silent curses coming from the statue.

Me: "I didn't do it."

I quickly put the horn on the nose. It balanced perfectly on its side. I heard some more muffled curses from the statue.

Me: "Does the statue mumble like that all the time?"

Celestia: "On occasions. But I think maybe you should leave it alone right now."

I looked at the statue, then at the broken horn that was balanced on the tip of his nose. I stepped back and followed Celestia inside. Death Kitty soon ran to catch up to us.


I saw my cousin in law out in the hallway. I never liked Blueblood, and I don't think he liked me. Whenever we could we tried to see who could be the better prince. It usually ended with me poking one of his eyes out with my finger. Today was no different as we confronted each other in the hall.

Blueblood: "I still can't believe auntie adopted a beast like you."

Me: "Well she had you didn't she?"

Death Kitty was busy ripping a hole in his tuxedo. I decided to play along and I pulled on his moustache hard.

Me: "Honk, honk!"

Blueblood: "Stop that this instance!"

Me: "Stop being a royal pain in the ass Bluey."

He hated it when I called him that. He growled but I retaliated by poking him the eye with my index finger. He backed off after that.

Me=10
Blueblood=0

I believe that's about how much I one upped him. Me and Death Kitty left him to his own devices.


I decided to fill out a form for Equestria's most wanted.

Me: "Name, Rarity. Crime, Is being a stuck up bitch a crime? Nah....I think I'll put in possession of poison joke. Reward.....10,000 bits. I think that it. I hope she got that package I sent her."

Death Kitty: "Meow"

Me: "I know. I think I should visit Ponyville to see how this goes."

Death Kitty purred and we both left the castle, but not before submitting the form.


As I got off the carriage I was tackled by a pink blob.

Pinkie Pie: "I heard the news, you got adopted by the princess. Twi's not so happy about it and Rarity is well....mad. Some guards came to her house today and started chasing her through Ponyville for possession of poison joke. I believe she's still running....Oh hi Rarity!"

Rarity ran past us screaming. Five guards were hot on her tail.

Guards: "Halt in the name of the law!"

Rarity: "That isn't mine, I have no idea on how it got there!"

She continued to scream as she ran down the road.

Pinkie Pie: "Ummm....Curtis, you didn't have anything to do with this right?"

Me: "Nope."

She believed my lie. Rarity ran back to us screaming again while the guards chaesed her.

Rarity: "Curtis I swear if you have anything to do with this I'll...."

Guards: "Now she's threatening the prince. That's ten more years in prison."

Rarity: "No what I didn't mean....."

She screamed even louder as she ran full circle down the road and back. Death Kitty was following the action with his head, turning it left and right as she ran.

The guards tackled her to the ground and handcuffed her.

Rarity: "No please I can't survive in prison, what about Sweatiebelle, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

She was then carted off to jail.

Me: "I'm sure they would let her out early for good behavior."

Anyway Pinkie Pie invited me to a picnic with her friends. All of them had questions as to what life was like at the castle. I told them it was boring at times, but I normally have fun by picking on Blueblood and the guards.

Yes I know people I can be a "Royal Pain" sometimes.