• Published 23rd Apr 2012
  • 4,315 Views, 440 Comments

How did I get here!?! - brandsca123

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My life as I know it

Let me just say, wow I wasn't expecting this to happen. When I first came to Equestria, I thought it was another weird dream brought on by some bad pizza I had last night. So let me cut to the chase...

My name is Curtis Brandstetter, I am a 19 year old adult living in some mental home. I won't go into the details on why I'm here so let me just say some things happened. Some people say I'm funny and creative, others say I'm just your average stick in the mud. I suffer from severe paranoia, depression, and have both mental and emotional breakdowns. Me having Aspergers doesn't help with that at all. I'm constantly surrounded by retards all day and have taken to locking myself up in my room. The only friend I have is an imaginary one I nicknamed Gweebo. I take anti-depressants to help calm my nerves and I have a huge fear of a certain pony, Pinkie Pie. The stuff of nightmares in my opinion, I mean her smile reminds me of a creepypasta I read called Jeff The Killer. That face still haunts my dreams. But enough about me, you probably want a story right? Well let me start from the beginning....


It was a normal/crazy day in Riverveuw Manor, I was woken by a nurse for breakfast, bacon and eggs today. I don't eat meat, I'm 100% vegetarian so I had to go to the kitchen to tell the cooks not to give me any meat. Though with how much enthusiasm they have when serving I doubt it. As usual they didn't listen and I ended up making a scene on how they are prejudice against vegetarians. Bastards....

I walk outside trying to avoid the usual awkward conversation that happens between me and the idiots living here. As always I encounter Mike in the hallways. I seriously want to punch his face in, MY NAME ISN'T ERIC YOU RETARD. I hate my life...

My god I swear that half these people don't have a brain in their head. I go outside to the front enjoying the fresh air. Oh hell it looks like one of the residents shit themselves again, I nearly gag as I run back inside. I lock myself in my room and spray air freshener all over the place. Well looks like going outside to walk to school is out of the question. I go to my closet to get my books and get to work. As I reach in to grab my OLC 40 textbook I felt something pull me into the closet. It seemed that I fell into some sort of worm hole.

All around me was wavy swirls of color and a light at the end. It almost reminded me of the theme song from one of the old Doctor Who shows, I half expected to see his face appear in front of me as I fell. As usual luck wasn't on my side, cursing myself for not getting a camio appearance to appear in front of me. I stated to fall and spin faster, like one of those teacup rides at Disney Land. I swear those things are designed that if you throw up out of the side, you spray as much people as possible. The light got brighter and I had to close my eyes to save myself from going blind. Suddenly I felt warm air and I opened my eyes.

"Oh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" was all I managed to say as I fell to earth. I started wishing that this was all a bad dream, as a saw the outline of a village below me. I crashed down through one of the roofs of the building and landed in a bedroom. Despite the huge pain in my ass, I looked around. I saw colorful posters of clowns and some assorted party supplies littering the floor. I heard running coming from downstairs, and not long after that the door opened. What greeted me was the face of pure terror that haunted me in my dreams. Pinkie Pie was standing before me. I started to panic as she walked closer to me, a look of curiosity on her face. She stopped in front of me and sat down. She raised a hoof and thrust it in my face.

"Hi there." She said. Now as I already mentioned I'm deathly afraid of Pinkie Pie, the only thing I managed to do was let out a loud scream of terror as the world blacked out in front of me. I am so f*cked.

I awoke to three ponies staring down at me. Mr and Miss Cake had looks of concern on their faces, while Pinkie Pie was busy poking me in the face. I took one look at her and she smiled, again like the sissy that I am I screamed like a little girl that had ingested to much helium. Mr and Miss Cake backed away in surprise as I quickly dragged myself into a corner.

"This is just a dream, just a bad bad dream." I mumbled with tears streaming down my face.

"Hey it's okay I won't hurt you silly." Pinkie said as she started to walk towards me. Again I screamed and ran, this time I ducked under a table. Pinkie then grabbed my leg and started to drag me out.

"I WANT TO LIVE, I WANT TO LIVE, I.....WANT....TO....LIVE!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"GOD HELP ME PLEASE, SHE'S A KILLER, A KILLER I TELL YOU, I WANT TO LIVE!!!" I grabbed onto the leg of the table as I desperately tried to go back under. Pinkie tried to calm me down but that only made things worse as I let out another scream.

"DON'T WANT, DON'T WANT, SOMEONE ANYONE HELP ME.!!!" I sqermed around trying to shake her of as I continued to cry and scream like a baby. I blacked out again. Again I am so f*cked.



A/N: Wow another story, this time a self insert. My first one to be exact. The things you read are based off of true events in my life, minus the part when I land in Equestria that one I made up. Please do not bomb this fic with rude comments and please leave a like and please favorite it. Also be easy on me as It's my first self insert. Bad comments make Fluttershy sad. And yes I am deathly afraid of Pinkie Pie so please don't poke fun.