• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen March 12th

BOBthieBomber


E

Under a full scale war between the US and Iran. A squad of American tanks disappear under a mission in the desert. the tank crews soon relalize that they are no longer in a battlezone. they also soon realize that this new world isn't so different after all.

this is my first story so enjoy
mention spelling errors in the comments
(and just so you know, english isn't my native language)

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 18 )

First off, I am going to recommend that you proofread for mechanical errors. I haven't opened the story yet, I'm about to leave the laptop, but the description has errors in it: capitalize "american," "the," "this," and "chapter 1." :twilightsmile: Also, "relaize" should be "realize." Be back to read later!

There are a lot of grammar mistakes in and the story is hard to follow.

But the reason I give a thumbs-down is because you're not original. There are a lot of HIE stories about soldiers going to Equestria
and I don't see how this story is much different.

^
What these guys said.

Unless your native language isn't English I don't understand why authors
feel the need to upload stories unchecked and sloppy like this.

If you can fix your story's problems than you will have a nice little fic,
but until then, don't expect anything good to come of it.

The spelling and grammar is atrocious...

Harsh, y'all! Though I will say that spelling and grammar are very important; I usually don't volunteer to edit stuff, but would you like me to pre read for you? Since it's so short. :pinkiecrazy:
Still haven't read, I'm on my phone.
I don't really mind unoriginal/repetitive premise for a story, as long as it is delivered in a fashion I haven't seen before. I mean, the title of my fic makes fun of itself. :derpytongue2: in any case my grammar is good, and I would be happy to help. If I typed something funky in this message, it's that darn autocucumber.

One other thing I'm noticing. You keep flipping from the past to the present tense. They are rolling, then they were saying. It's very confusing. Which do you want to do?

So far, it's not a bad story. But you really need to do something about your spelling and grammar.

493361 sorry, first story ever. i'm going to try and fix that

I think that most of the stories are fixed now. if there is any more spelling and grammar errors just mention that mkay. :twilightsmile:

You really need to get a proofreader; the spelling and grammar is very poor.

Also, pick a tense and stick with it; you kept switching tenses.

Also radio protocol dictates that you say the intended reciever's name then your name. You has it backwards.

Hmm. The plot isn't the most original but if the Arab nuke truck ended up in Equestria, you have yourself a hell of a story.

spelling, grammar, writing style. Could be worse though.
Also why would a damaged electric engine be smoking that much?

493256
781474
Bleh, he knows his English isn't perfect. No need to point it out again; just focus on the story.

Oh, snap--this story is nuclear!
...U c what I did thar? :trollestia:

1346343
fair enough ... and no? I'm lost.

1346343>>1347308 you guys know that this story is cancelled, right?

1348254
Nope! :pinkiehappy: Could use a rework and a restart tho. The plot is consistent at least.

If you could fcontinue that'd be great and there are a lot of good fics that just die and its annoying. :twilightangry2:

Login or register to comment