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T

Pretty, Pretty Princesses

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Written for Grievousfan.

Princess Celestia thought she had found the perfect gift for Twilight Sparkle to celebrate her coronation. Who better than Princess Luna to teach her one of the most mysterious lost arts of Equestria, Dream Magic?

Unfortunately, Celestia could do with a bit of a lesson about Dream Magic herself, as something is dredged up from the recesses of her mind. Something dark. Something terrifying.

Something pink.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 49 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 49
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Zaphod

Zaphod #1 · Oct 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

i.imgur.com/ZebG2.png "Now, let's get something straight. You both are not to breathe a word of this to anypony. Are we clear?"

i.imgur.com/0lMv9.png "Are you kidding?! I can already see tomorrow's headlines! 'Rosy Rascal Renovates Royal Residence!' I was thinking of giving a personal interview; close acquaintance of the perpetrator, and all."

i.imgur.com/Wtyb9.png "Oh, what's that? You want to spend a few hundred years on a different moon? I hear Io is quite nice at this time of the solar year."

i.imgur.com/u9iJV.png "Oh, just relax. I think you've already broken Twilight. She doesn't need any more drama today."

i.imgur.com/SGKxDhn.png "So much tush. I was lucky to survive."

i.imgur.com/j4frQ.png "At least it kept her distracted. I'm sure she can deal with her post-traumatic stress later."

nemryn

nemryn #2 · Oct 18th, 2014 · 2 · ·

I wasn't prepared for this either.

Skeeter The Lurker

Skeeter The Lurker #3 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

You brilliant bastard.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Drunken Logic #4 · Oct 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

5153134
5153072
5152887

Tee hee hee.

Skeeter The Lurker

Skeeter The Lurker #5 · Oct 18th, 2014 · 4 · ·

That avatar makes it soooooo much better.

~Skeeter The Lurker

shynight

shynight #6 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

I have no idea what I just read... but it was GLORIOUS!
Now we just need a sequel where Princess Saturia meets Pinkie, and together throw Pinkie Pie's Patented Perfect Party for Pretty Pretty Princesses (TM)

locoboutluna #7 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

this was the best trash-talking-tia VS monster-type-whatever fanfic I have read in a while.
thank you for my aching sides because I laughed so hard.

Mad Maudlin #8 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

The guards will be fine, they are well-trained.

So, holding your breath is part of Royal Guard training?

Drunken Logic #9 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

YOU CAN'T PROVE IT ISN'T

xoid

xoid #10 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

That was glorious.

5154431
Personally, I’d be more worried about the effects of exposure to hard vacuum than a need to hold your breath.

Foxler

Foxler #11 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

Oh god... That was hilarious.

It's like a crackfic, but... less crack... so strange.

Meridian Prime #12 · Oct 18th, 2014 · 4 · ·

I have experienced perfection.
r2-store.distractify.netdna-cdn.com/postimage/201410/9/73f28f502a9e6f42b5f3f30b3d8f2e6b.gif

King Kenya #13 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

Ah well, it could have been much worse...

derpicdn.net/img/2013/5/21/330615/thumb.gif

This is excellently excellent, although I suspect you of running lines of linseed oil.

TheGreatEater #14 · Oct 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

“Woooooah! That was weeeeiiiiird!” Saturia giggled, fickering back into existence in the throne room. It was like I went on this sparkly adventure into the sky! Did you see it too, Tia?

Needs beginning " marks.
_____________________

but found no “supar best friend” to greether.

greet her
__________________

One of these days I'm going to crack open a few cold ones, and take a drink everytime:

1)Saturia uses a word with "ar" replacing "er".
2) Celestia yells at somepony in CAPS.
and/or
3) Every mention of candy.

Rye_B_P

Rye_B_P #15 · Oct 18th, 2014 · 1 · ·

I want a sequel!!!!

Evilhumour #16 · Oct 18th, 2014 · · ·

Hahaha! Oh, I loved all of this.

The Judge #17 · Oct 19th, 2014 · 3 · ·

static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/12/124715/3898489-3293647812-popco.gif
What i'm imagining everyone is doing when reading this story.

The Ponytail #18 · Oct 19th, 2014 · · ·

I just

I don't

I

brain.exe has stopped responding

In all seriousness, I'm not much of a fan of fics tagged as [Random]. But this? This is a fucking work of art and I'm pretty sure it's criminal to hate it.

KalAllBea #19 · Oct 19th, 2014 · · ·

This was some good shit.

dragonjek #20 · Oct 19th, 2014 · 3 · ·

Luna...
It is very likely that there isn't anything, at all, in Celestia's thousands of years of existence more embarrassing than what just happened. The "I can spread your shameful secrets" defense can no longer be played.
But you can't say the same.
It might be good to keep that in mind if you keep poking at Celestia.

Hm... there actually is a way she could have been Celestia's muse--or, anti-muse, rather. When Celestia grew up and realized just how awful Saturia was, she may have completely and violently rejected the very idea of her. If she did so strongly enough, she might have subconsciously based her future development on being as unlike Saturia as conceivably possible while still being female, a pony, an alicorn, and a princess.
Alternatively, she never completely abandoned the idea of herself as an "ideal princess", but over time constantly updated her definition of what that was. Depending on how it works (or just how effective it was), Luna's muse-revealing-spell-thing might have gone all the way back to the original version of it.
God, I overthink things way too much.

Cryosite

Cryosite #21 · Oct 19th, 2014 · · ·

Comment posted by Cobalt Shock deleted Oct 19th, 2014

Cobalt Shock #23 · Oct 19th, 2014 · · ·

were gonna need some montage music for this many quotes!!!

or mabye this one is more fitting....

“LUNA I SWEAR ON THE GIANT BALL OF FIRE I SWING AROUND THE SKY—”

“Now, we’ll need to get rid of the rest of these totally gross decorations…” Saturia began humming a song that was both off-key and somehow sounded pink as she began to lay frilly, saccharine waste to Celestia’s once dignified throne room into an arts-and-crafts nightmare of lace, Hearth’s Warming Eve lights, and—
—OH HELL NO THIS PRINCESS DREW THE LINE AT FLANNEL.

“Le gaaaaaaaaaaaasp! Celestia must be planning me a surprise party! Oooooo, that’s supar-dupar of her! She’s such a good friend!” Saturia bounced around with glee, ignoring the massive hoofprints her jumps were leaving in the floor.
“And I know just how I can make it even bettar! Oh, Tia will be so excited when she sees what I’ve done to the castle for the partyyyyyy!”
Somewhere, far off in the distance, in the tiny town of Ponyville, a fashionista felt a burst of all-consuming, existential despair.

“Thank you, Luna. I absolutely continue to need your help in explaining this.” Celestia grumbled at her sister, who proceeded to continue to not give a flying f*ck.
“Dear Sister, we only felt the need to remind thee of your long hours of struggle, apprenticeship, magical spellcrafting, more apprenticeship, and hunt for a supply of magical phoenix-feather quills to finally raise thy hoofsmanship to a level befitting…” Luna choked on her own laughter for the umpteenth time. “...A pretty, pretty princess.”
“YES THANK YOU LUNA I REMEMBER."

“W-We are afraid...t-t-thee will have to learn to live…snrk...w-with thy muse being what thou truly desires. A-a...pfffahhahha! To be a pretty, pink princess! Oh forsooth, my sides! AHAHAHAHHA!” Luna ceased any semblance of royal decorum once again, instead choosing to fall out of her chair and begin rolling on the floor.

“Sister, the castle has been turned into bubblegum.”
“.......WHAT.”
Celestia jerked her head from its lowly position and looked frantically out the window at Canterlot Castle, seat of power of the Royal Pony Sisters for centuries as they ruled Equestria with (mostly) benevolent hooves.
The castle that now looked like a nightmare created by the collaboration of an overzealous amateur decorator and a 6-year-old sweets chef.
Parts of the castle were indeed made out of bubblegum. And licorice. And butterscotch. And gumdrops. And chocolate and taffy and candy canes and sweet mother of herself was that a castle turret made out of cake GIVE HER.
With a fluttering of eyes and a shake of the head, the guider of the sun snapped herself out of her cake-fueled moment of hypnosis. The last time she checked, the castle was not supposed to be made out of candy. And it was most certainly not supposed to covered in pinwheels and neon signs and giant bouquets of flowers and giant banners that said “HOORAY FOR PRINCESSES” on i—
—oh no.

“Ooooo, Tia’s going to be so pleased with what I’ve done with the place! None of that gross stone and ugly, boring, old paintings that were evarywarr. Now everything’s so SHINY! And we can eat the castle when we want some candy! And then make a new one! This party’s going to be SUPAR!”
That was about the time the throne room doors melted.
And exploded.
Simultaneously.
Princess Celestia, First Princess of Equestria, Mover of the Sun and Benevolent Matriarch of All She Surveys, burst into the room with a blast of solar hellfire and seething with an equivalent amount of rage.“SATURIA!” She boomed, her trip through the castle making her less than pleased at the desecration of thousands upon thousands of pony-hours worth of architecture, paintings, tapestries, metalworking, stonecrafting, and other art forms in the space of about an hour. The cityfolk were screaming and panicking (though to be fair, they tended to do that if a butterfly landed on someone’s nose), the guards were nowhere to be found, and everything was sticky. She had bubblegum IN HER MANE.
All because of one highly pink, highly offensive rogue muse that was as likely to be MADE of cotton candy as it was for her HEAD to be filled with it.
“Oh haaaaaaai, Tia! Did you just get back? How are all our wonderful pony-waifus today? I’m sure they're just so pleased to see the return of Princess of Candy!”
“That is not a thing, YOU are not a thing, and if you continue speaking without explaining what is going on I am going to light you on fire.” Celestia seethed. Twilight peeked around the still-cooling remains of the doorframe, having never seen this side of Celestia and having no desire to get in front of it.

The alicorn sisters got to their hooves, leaving a gasping Twilight behind who had just seen enough princess plot to last her a lifetime (or until she started posing in the mirror the next time Spike was out). Celestia glared as the bubble burst, leaving behind…
...OH SWEET MERCY HOW CAN SHE BE EVEN WORSE.
Her hair did not shimmer as a Nightmare did. It strobed. Every color. Constantly. Looking at it was akin to looking into the very essence of epilepsy. The rest of her was no better; instead of inverting her coat color, she had developed polka dots. AND stripes. That were also pink. Her royal regalia now looked like it had developed tinfoil tumors it hand so many unnecessary spiraling extensions, and there was gems studded to literally every available surface. Instead of fangs, she’d grown bunny buck teeth. Which were also fangs, for some reason. Perhaps the only thing that transformed normally were the eyes, although they were still horribly, unspeakably, unnaturally pink.
Her shoes were also now drawn with crayon instead of marker. Thinking about how that worked made Celestia’s brain melt.
“BEHOLD, you sexist she-griffons! I am Princess Saturia no longer! I am now Princess Doctor Psychologist Lawyer Ebony Dark’ness Dementia—”
The horrible monstrosity was cut off by an unhinged scream from Celestia, coupled with being blown through the back of the throne room wall and out of the castle by a searing beam of pure heat.
“NO. NO. F*CK NO. NOT IN MY CASTLE.”

“Omigod, Tia! You’re in here too!? I knew it, we’re meant to be best friends forevaaaaarrr!”
Celestia’s scream was heard in Manehattan.

Braininthejar #24 · Oct 19th, 2014 · · ·

For a moment I did a double take here. I guess that thing in the synopsis is completely conicidental and not a shotout to 8-verse?

PoisonClaw #25 · Oct 19th, 2014 · · ·

As I am currently laughing too hard for the capacity to write a worthwhile response, this will hopefully suffice:

Listie The Scribe Maid

Listie The Scribe Maid #26 · Oct 19th, 2014 · · ·

...And y'know, this is the song I was listening to while I was reading this:

howard035 #27 · Oct 20th, 2014 · · ·

I hope we get to see Saturia dating Discord.

Seether00 #28 · Oct 20th, 2014 · 1 · ·

Too many funny bits to even list.

Wroth

Wroth #29 · Oct 20th, 2014 · 6 · ·

I actually sort of want to see a sequel to this.

Aotrs Commander

Aotrs Commander #30 · Oct 21st, 2014 · · ·

Pahahahahahaha!

1stChosenStar #31 · Oct 21st, 2014 · 1 · ·

“Is this...cake? You hit me with cake!? You are WASTING cake in MY castle!?!? BITCH YOU ARE DEAD!”

WORDS OF TRUE BEAUTY!!!!!!!!

TheifofZ

TheifofZ #32 · Oct 21st, 2014 · · ·

Send help. Cannot breathe. Dying.
Laughing too hard.
... I think I need to do whatever training those royal guards do to avoid needing to breathe.

This was brilliant. Have a moustache. And a thumb. And a star. And an eyeball.
I'ma go reread that now.

kildeez

kildeez #33 · Oct 21st, 2014 · · ·

OH-EM-GOODNESS! Best Oh-See Evvarrrr! Watch me make a tracing of her, use paint dump tool to color her coat a slightly different shade of pink, and write stories where she's Celestia's long-lost sister who's best at princessing and is princess of princesses and everypony falls in love with her but she's married to my other OC, the red and black alicorn with batwings!

Derpmind

Derpmind #34 · Oct 21st, 2014 · · ·

fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2013/044/6/7/it_s___beautiful__by_engrishman-d5urxy2.png

Alex Warlorn #35 · Oct 21st, 2014 · · ·

Uh, didn't the narrative say he had the guards in front of her covered in gold tin foil?

I'll admit, I skipped right to the summoning.

Princess Who-Gives-A-Fuck

I do. :-( ;-;

Saturia wasn't evil. She was a child with too much power. Nothing else to it.

I feel sorry for her.

KnightMysterio #36 · Oct 21st, 2014 · · ·

...

Pft.

BAHAHAHAAHA!!!

ALL OF MY LULZ!

Have a like and a favorite. On the house. :D

The Boss

The Boss #37 · Oct 21st, 2014 · · ·

WHY DOES EVERYONE BEAT ME TO THIS ONE! WHATEVER! I'M POSTING IT AGAIN ANYWAY!

AortaHeartless #38 · Oct 21st, 2014 · 1 · ·

“BEHOLD, you sexist she-griffons! I am Princess Saturia no longer! I am now Princess Doctor Psychologist Lawyer Ebony Dark’ness Dementia—”

Oh Faust, My Immortal has been partially ponified...
I'm assuming at least part of the rest of the name was going to be 'Raven Way'?
Lovely story made me laugh.

Arcane Howitzer

Arcane Howitzer #39 · Oct 22nd, 2014 · 6 · ·

Her hair did not shimmer as a Nightmare did. It strobed. Every color. Constantly. Looking at it was akin to looking into the very essence of epilepsy. The rest of her was no better; instead of inverting her coat color, she had developed polka dots. AND stripes. That were also pink. Her royal regalia now looked like it had developed tinfoil tumors it hand so many unnecessary spiraling extensions, and there was gems studded to literally every available surface. Instead of fangs, she’d grown bunny buck teeth. Which were also fangs, for some reason. Perhaps the only thing that transformed normally were the eyes, although they were still horribly, unspeakably, unnaturally pink.
Her shoes were also now drawn with crayon instead of marker. Thinking about how that worked made Celestia’s brain melt.

THIS ISN'T EVEN MY PINKEST FORM!!!?1!

fireflutterpony

fireflutterpony #40 · Oct 22nd, 2014 · 1 · ·

And in a world first, Celestia AND Luna sat on Twilight's face but she didn't like it.

sakuralovelight

sakuralovelight #41 · Jan 9th, 2015 · · ·

LOL LOVE IT have you thought of a sequel to this

Cobalt Shock #42 · Mar 11th, 2015 · · ·

VigilanteNightshade

VigilanteNightshade #43 · Mar 12th, 2015 · 1 · ·

I don't know what this was. I really don't. But it was hilarious. I. CAN. TASTE. the. pinkness. And it HURTS.

Phara

Phara #44 · Jul 20th, 2015 · · ·

I can't believe you went as far as use her name XD

I loved this so much~

HiddenMaster #45 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · 1 · ·

That was magnificently horrifying and hilarious. I really enjoyed your description of Celestia's imaginary friend-just imagining it was, well, ridiculous.

BackgroundNoise

BackgroundNoise #46 · Mar 20th, 2017 · · ·

I laughed... hard. The image of a young Celestia being the valley-ist valley girl to ever valley is just too funny, especially when you combine it with such excessive childishness and a sense of taste that borders on color-blindness. I imagine that Luna probably has the pony-equivalent of a pensive somewhere, just filled to the brim with blackmail material.

Sirnmn

Sirnmn #47 · Nov 13th, 2017 · · ·

hey were did Discord #4 go, oh he said that he was going to help luna by rewriting some run circle or other.

Pony_Person_123

Pony_Person_123 #48 · Jun 6th, 2018 · · ·

The first part was serious enough that i forgot what this story was about till she popped up

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