Nine years later, Sunset Shimmer now rules the Yellow Kingdom. After seperating the twins, Solar Flare took Sunset to Zecora the Witch Doctor to erase her memories of Sunburn. So now she doesn't know that she had a twin. Fire Starter took Sunburn to the servant's quarters where he was trained to serve royalty. Solar Flare felt guilty after seperating the twins, so she died from starvation. Fire Starter died from Ebola (Im sorry, I just had too). So now, Sunset became the ruler at only age 14. One day, she was walking to her throne room in her yellow and black dress. Her cutie mark was a red and white sun. Sunburn walked in holding his tea tray with his magic. His cutie mark was a silver dish cover with a sun behind it.
"Tea, my lady?", asked Sunburn.
"Yes, that would be great.", replied Sunset.
Sunburn poured Sunset a cup of tea.
"Anything new?", asked Sunset.
"It's just that somepony didn't pay her taxes.", explained Sunburn.
Sunset did a spittake and threw her teacup out the window.
"Show me!", ordered Sunset.
Sunset and Sunburn walked to the chariot and rode throughout the kingdom until they reached a blue pegasus mare with a rainbow mane and a rainbow lightning bolt as her cutie mark.
"That's her.", said Sunburn walking out of the chariot with his sister.
"You!", said Sunset pointing to the Pegasus, "State your name!"
"Rainbow Dash, your majesty.", replied the mare.
"My loyal servant has told me that you have not paid your taxes."
"I know, Im a little low on bits and I told him that I'll pay next month."
"She already said that five time.", explained Sunburn.
"In that caseā¦Sunburn!", yelled Sunset.
Sunburn used his magic to levitate Rainbow and he slammed her to the ground a couple times.
"Look I-", said Rainbow.
"No, you look!", interupted Sunset "For not paying your taxes, you will be punished!"
Sunset performed a spell that made Rainbow's wings disappear.
"My wings!", said Rainbow on the verge of tears.
Sunburn dropped her.
"One of these days, you will suffer!", warned Rainbow.
"Oh you can just tidy up my gown!", said Sunset "Let's go Sunburn"
The carriage took off.
"Daughter of Evil.", whispered Rainbow walking away, "I will never forgive you!"
*polka face*
This is pretty much awful. I'm sorry, but it is! Rin KNEW Len was her brother! You hardly explain anything!
What the what the what. You need an apostrophe for I'm, the correct word is "to" not "too", why Ebola, and what the what.
That's just one measly sentence!
THOU HAST BROUGHT SHAME UPON PONALOIDS!
5255038 well, you're being kind of rude.
Poor rainbow dash
5258239
Honestly? that WAS constructive criticism. It was not that all the way through but truly she was pointing out the flaws of grammar. I'd hate to see what your stories look like if thats better then yours.