- Member Since 2nd Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Aug 22nd, 2020
Glimmering Stars
Marine, Gamer, Dreamer and Bronie. Just another one of the Herd.
Glimmering Stars
Joined 2nd Oct, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- ShadowHunter241 · 4.1k words · 279 9 · 2.6k views
- Shadow Quill · 102k words · 733 38 · 14k views
- Mr Dorito · 128k words · 550 58 · 9.7k views
- Flammenwerfer · 269k words · 1,603 57 · 30k views
- kudzuhaiku · 106k words · 332 37 · 5.6k views
- SFaccountant · 266k words · 504 22 · 11k views
- Regis-Th3-Lesser · 20k words · 42 5 · 1.4k views
- Keystone Gray · 151k words · 138 14 · 2.4k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.121 seconds
Total duration
1,028 users online
1,521,698 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
hmmm interesting... ill be watching
Well so far Im liking it, thou Im a little confused on the order of events; and what was this "的" doing here?
6111458 That would be a glitch from when I pasted it form OpenOffice. It's fixed now, thanks for telling me!
If it would help I could put in a time stamps at the start of the chapter. Basically I'm doing a past and present swap between chapters.
6111479 That could help.
First chapter and already there's blood. Good work
7092047 I'm glad you like it!
Loving this, please write more
7304808
More is coming. I just had to re-wright over half of the last chapter cause my computer crashed and my back up drive didn't save everything like it was suppose to.
New job is also talking up a lot of my time.
7321089 I can appreciate that, part of why I use google docs to write, though I'm just as stuck regarding the work thing.
First of all I would like to say that you definitely got very creative ideas here. Spelling and grammar look good, not that I would really know. However I one criticism major and that is the pacing. Like seriously slow down, I mean take your time to describe the environment and action better. I know you can do it as you were very descriptive when it came to Hot Wire's and the Captain's interaction, now do that for the rest of the story. You could also extended the action scene a bit by describing the what is going more to get the reader more excited and pulled into the story. Everything just happned too fast there, not allowing the reader to be immersed in the situation. Overwise I see some good potential here. I don't want to pretend that I am literary expert because i am not but you got me interested in more.
7911172
WOW! Thank you! I was about to post the next chapter when I read your comment. I still my and take your advice into the next chapter.
Sorry for not posting for so long, btw. Going to College is taking up most of my time. I hope to have the next two chapters up this month. No promises though. Thinking I'll post the next chapter in a few days.