Duty or Friendship?

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Cover Art by: V-D-K

When Lyra's best friend Bonbon revealed her true identity, it was the most soul-crushing realization she'd ever gone through... but not for the reason Bonbon thinks...

Now Lyra must make a choice of her own, but which will she choose? Her best friend, or her duty to the crown?

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 10 )

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VampDash

VampDash #1 · Aug 26th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Damn... why did Luna have to be insane?

Alex Warlorn

Alex Warlorn #2 · Aug 26th, 2015 · · 3 ·

If this had been an original fiction, it would have pretty much worked. But casting Luna and co in these roles, makes them actors rather than the ponies we know.

Skye Mist

Skye Mist #3 · Sep 17th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Why!? Why Luna?!
Anyways, it was a good story other than the fact that Luna was the bad guy!!!!!!

Scootareader

Scootareader #4 · Nov 8th, 2015 · 1 · ·

Duty

Sunlight Blaze

Sunlight Blaze #5 · Mar 1st, 2016 · · ·

Hello and welcome! Sunlight Blaze here, with my very first review that was specifically requested for me - and by the author himself, no less! So, after three months of accidentally forgetting about it and finally showing back up on FIMfiction, I am here to review!

Quick reminder of my criteria:
Story - The story makes sense and isn't too hard to follow
Writing - Penmanship is good and characters are well-written
Humor - Make me laugh! Quality over quantity.
Moral [if applicable] - If there's a moral in here, I'll try to find it. If I do, I'll critique how applicable it is to life. If I can't find this category.
Ending - A satisfying conclusion that ties up loose ends and/or sets up for a sequel.
[NEW] Personal Enjoyment - How much I personally enjoyed the story, just to add a personal flare to the scores.

So, now that we're up to speed, let's dive in!

Sunlight Blaze

Sunlight Blaze #6 · Mar 1st, 2016 · 2 · ·

(WARNING: The following may contain sarcastic, serious, joking, or downright unnecessary commentary and/or flutter-censored swearing. Viewer discretion is advised.)

So, we open up with a mysterious figure on the rooftops of Ponyville, heading into the Everfree Forest. And two seconds later, we have a flashback sequence.

"Now that was an amazing wedding!" Bonbon said as she finished tidying up the kitchen.
"I know right?!" Lyra giggled as she entered the living room carrying a few pictures. "I still can't believe Steven cut off his own mustache for Cranky!"
"Well, when you're as close friends as those two, you tend to do anything to see the other happy..." Bonbon smiled as she followed the mint free unicorn. "Just like us, right Lyra?"

(Oh, will you two just f already!?)
NO!!! BAD Hades! BAD! That is a VERY bad Hades!
(Hello? I'm Hades; I'm the very definition of bad.
...Why do I even bother bringing you along....?

So it turns out the shady pony is Lyra, meeting up with Princess Luna, who...apparently has another "mission" for our minty mare.
Wait..."another"? What, is Lyra part of some secret agency just like Bonbon?

"According to my intel, a former agent of Canterlot's monster-hunting agency has blown her cover and revealed her true name, as well as her connection to the organization as well. I believe you already know her."
Lyra winced, she'd known this was coming. "Bonbon."
"Yes, the earth pony. A very promising agent, if her files are correct." Luna mused to herself. "Sadly we can't have a loose-lipped former agent running about. She needs to be dealt with." The Night Princess stated in a firm tone.

Two things.
1. If you use "as well" at the beginning of a connecting phrase, you don't need to put it at the end of the same phrase. One or the other! SERIOUS pet peeve of mine.... (Writing: -1)
2. "Dealt with"....that doesn't sound good.

"That wasn't a request, it was in order." The Princess cut her off, leaving no room for an argument. "She immediately revealed her true identity to you the moment that Bugbear showed up. Suppose she accidentally revealed that information to one of our enemies? She's a loose end that needs to be tied up." She stated before bending down, putting herself at eye level with the mint green unicorn. "And if you refuse to take this mission, I will find somepony who will, is that understood?"

Well...Luna does have a point there; Bonbon really does seem to be relatively incompetent; she didn't even NEED to reveal her identity.
....Come to think of it, she is really an incompetent agent....

So Lyra reluctantly agrees to carry out this assignment, and we wake up the next morning with Bonbon. Boy, she's cheerful.

"Wakey wakey, sunshine!" She giggled before heading towards the kitchen.
"Ugh... leave me alone... take the moon men..." Lyra groaned.
"Wow, somepony got up on the side of the couch!" The earth pony teased as she opened the fridge. "Although can you really do that if there's only one side to get up off of?" She mused to herself as she pulled out a tray of eggs. "Wow, I'm starting to sound like Pinkie!"

Yes. Yes you are.

"Yeah you sure are…" Lyra said as she made her way into the kitchen, mentally scanning the environment for ways to carry out her mission.
There were knives in the draw... no, too messy.
The rat poison on the top shelf? No, she didn't deserve to suffer. It had to be as quick and painless as possible, she was a trained spy too after all...
"~cus I love to see you smile, smile, smile, yes I do~" Bonbon sung as she she opened the bottom cabinet to take out a pan.

So much link Pinkie that you've memorized her song. Then again, the whole town sang it, so---
(That was a reference to Smile HD, you know.)
................ (internal screaming)

So Lyra settles for strangulation via one of her lyre strings, and......excuse me.....
(Oh, sure. Leave me to entertain the audience while you're bawling your eyes out. Do excuse the interruption, folks. Sunny over here can't handle death very well. I personally find it quite beautiful. Though, to be fair, even I wouldn't be so cruel as to force a pony to kill their own best friend. Honestly, Luna. What the hell?)
Okay.....I'm back....*sniff*

So they held Bonbon’s funeral a few days later, and Lyra is struggling to keep it together. I know I wouldn’t be that strong... I probably wouldn’t even make it through the eulogy.

So Luna appears after Bonbon’s burial.

"Princess Luna... I request permission to be released from your service. I... I just can't do this anymore..."
Luna arched a brow, but nodded. "Very well, I'll have all records of your association with my organization eliminated, it's the least I can do..." She stated, getting up and flaring her wings. "But be forewarned, you know the penalty of revealing your affiliation..." She stated in a threatening tone.
Lyra nodded as she got up to leave. "Don't worry, you'll never see or hear from me again after this."

Uuuuhh...Lyra, that doesn’t sound very comforting......

So Lyra gives Luna the last batch of sweets Bonbon ever made before...disappearing like a ninja.

In the next scene, we have—

Four days later the residents of Ponyville had gathered for another funeral, for one Lyra Heartstrings. According to the ponies that found her, she'd taken her own life by hanging herself.

..............Jeeeeeeeeeze! What is this, Game of Thrones!?

"Twilight...?"
The Princess of Friendship was brought out of her thoughts upon hearing her assistant's voice, she looked down to see Spike hugging her hoof and looking up at her with tears in his eyes. "Please... promise you won't leave me...?"
Twilight quickly dismissed those thoughts in favor giving her little brother figure a comforting hug. "I won't Spike, I promise."

...... And people are worried about Twilight outliving her friends; Spike is going to outlive them all. He’ll have to go through this at least six more times, and he’ll be here by the time Fallout: Equestria becomes canon.

We change scenes to find Luna.

Back in Canterlot Castle, Princess Luna reappeared in her room... with a malicious smile on her face. "Well, that went better than expected." She chuckled sinisterly as she trotted towards her bed.

.........ex...CUSE me?

"Everything is going exactly as planned. I knew letting that Bugbear rampage through Ponyville would flush out at least one of Celestia's agents." She mused to herself as she threw herself onto the bed. "And soon I will find them all, eliminating them, then replace them with my own agents... then I can commence my little coup." She giggled sadistically as she rolled onto her back. "As if I could just forget those thousands of years I spent on the moon." She grumbled in a bitter tone.

..........Okay, seriously! What the hell!?
(Ooooh! A vengeful sister planning a coup deta! I knew Luna was still evil! I’m so proud of you!)
Hades?
(What?)
SHUT UP!!!
(Well, if you WANT to spoil a party.)

So Luna---I suppose at this point, I should start calling her Nightmare Moon again---decides to have a little snack to celebrate her small victory.

And it turns out they were poisoned.
(Oooh! Devious little Lyra! Poisoning the chocolates to take her down with you. I applaud you.)
Convenient!

So Luna dies rather unceremoniously, and no one knows of her underhooved betrayal.
Sweet Celestia, this is Game of Thrones......

Speaking of Sunbutt, we change scenes to her sitting at her sister’s grave.

'I wish it didn't have to be this way, dear sister.' The Sun Princess thought to herself as she sat in front of her sister's grave, which had been built in the palace gardens l. 'May Fausticorn help you find peace in the next world.'

......Okay, why is that 1 there?

(Spoiler alert! Lyra and Bonbon are still alive.)
Wait, what?
(Keep reading.)

"Princess..." A voice called out, snapping her out of her thoughts. She turned to see two familiar faces emerge from the shadows.
"Lyra, Sweetie Dr-sorry, Bonbon." She addressed the two, trying her hardest to remain composed. "I must thank you both for your services. Especially you Lyra, had you not sent me that message I may not have known about my sister's scheming until it was too late."

Sooo......yeah, Lyra somehow figured out what Luna was up to and warned Celestia, who then came up with this elaborate plan to eliminate the moon princess. Lyra gave Bonbon the Romeo-Juliet fake death potion before strangling her, then poisoned the chocolates and gave them to Princess Luna, and then faked her OWN death to eliminate any connection to her for the princess’s inevitable demise.
So much for "Land of Friendship!" Seriously, Celestia! You could have confronted her directly about this and possibly averted this catastrophe! NOW the Lunar Republicans are going to be crying out in praise of their martyr and for your head.
(You know they don't perform autopsies in Equestria, right? No one knows she was poisoned.)
Wait....It doesn't say that in the story!
(It's implied.)
........Well, then what explanation DID Celestia give for Luna's death?
Probably too much stress from her guilt over the Nightmare Moon incident. I mean, just look at the extents to which she went to repent for it in Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?
Celestia doesn't even know about the Tantabus!
(But she knows Luna feels guilty. Perhaps she feigned underestimating the extent of that guilt.)
.........Y'know, I hate it when you make sense.

So Lyra and Bonbon are given fake IDs and are sent off to live in a different part of Equestria.

"Before we go, I need to ask..." Bonbon began, not taking her eyes off her former home. "...if a situation like this ever came up again... would you kill me?"
"I would NEVER kill you Bonbon." She said seriously, then before Bonbon could respond, she pressed her lips against the Earth Pony's lips. They both stayed that way for a full minute, letting their actions express their feelings.
Bonbon giggled as she hugged the mint green unicorn. "If that's how you kiss a friend, I wonder how you'd kiss your marefriend."
Lyra gave her a coy smile and press Bonbon's forehead against her own. "Let's find out." She chuckled as her horn glowed.
And with those words, the duo vanished, never to be seen again...

(Just…FK…ALREADY!!!!!!)
.........Okay, I really can’t argue with you this time, Hades. That’s about as unsubtle as you can get.
(Well, it’s not like they actually had a Pinkie Pie party with confetti and banners that said “We’re dating” on them.)
True......

Sunlight Blaze

Sunlight Blaze #7 · Mar 1st, 2016 · 1 · ·

So that's Duty or Friendship, and.....I honestly don't know what to think about it.

I mean, sure it's got the feels that were originally intended by the author, but at the same time it gets really hard to grasp how all these events occurred the way they did.
1. When did Lyra give the potion to Bonbon?
2. How did Luna not tell right away the chocolates were poisoned? Leader of an agency, surely she'd have been prepared for situations like that!
3. If Lyra and Bonbon are alive, then who or what was buried in the cemetery?
4. Why did Celestia not try to talk to Luna about her problems first before resorting to assassinating her own sister?
5. Why are there so many plot-related questions I can list!?

The characters were believable--
(Mostly.)
Yeah, Luna turning out to be a villain......That ultimately was where it turned from feels to awkwardness. First off, she was monologuing like a James Bond villain. I understand she was alone, but imagine if a Royal Guard had simply passed by her door. BOOM! Exposed! Would have been better if that was an internal monologue, but nope; she was saying it all out loud.
Secondly, Luna still harboring hatred for Celestia. That just goes to show that she hasn't learned anything from her mistakes; in fact, here she's actually gotten even more vindictive! I know she's supposed to be the villain here, but....Come on! She didn't even get to go out in a dignified way!

Lyra and Bonbon were in top form here, though Lyra turning out to be a secret agent as well was a little jarring and.....to be honest, oddly convenient that two undercover secret agents just happened to be bunking in the same house.
(That shipping, though!)
Oh, please! The show wasn't exactly being subtle about it either, so it doesn't really matter.

As for Celestia.....Yeah, we'll get to that in a bit.

Well, not much in comedy here, so THAT category is out the window, as is the Moral category. Not "Slice of Life" tagged, and no hidden moral here.

The ending, with Lyra and Bonbon needing to change their names (AGAIN, in the case of Bonbon), leaving behind all their friends (Minuet, Lemon Hearts, Twinkleshine, Twilight, Moon Dancer, and anyone else I'm forgetting?), and leaving Equestria with a dead princess. ALL of that could have been avoided if Celestia had actually been a good sister and talked with Luna!

I understand this was intended to be a tragic story. Yeah, tragic for who? Lyra and Bonbon? In the long run, I think Celestia is the one most hurt by these events! She had spent a long time with her sister, then was forced to banish her for a thousand years, and was able to redeem her upon her return, only to find out that she had been plotting behind her back all this time and ultimately was forced to kill her! And now she'll have to live with that guilt for the rest of her unnaturally long life.
Lyra and Bonbon were caught up in the middle of it. They still have each other, even if they're displaced from their home. Celestia? She's got no one. Sure, she may have Twilight, but---
(Sunlight? You're rambling. Wrap it up.)
....Right.....

All in all, this story is an interesting concept, but the way the characters are written really hampers on the emotions that were meant to be conveyed.

Sunlight Blaze's ratings:
Story: C- (7.1)
Writing: D- (6.0)
Humor: N/A
Moral: N/A
Ending: C+ (7.8)
Personal Enjoyment: C- (7.0)

Overall: D+ (6.975)

I'm Sunlight Blaze...
(I'm Hades...)
And.....Time for me to go forging some more idiot sticks. Celestia and Luna both need one for this story...
*Teleports*

VampDash

VampDash #8 · Apr 23rd, 2018 · · ·

6434221
You mean other then pandering to the NLR like everyone else would have? Noooo thank you.

Toriandthehorse

Toriandthehorse #9 · Sep 15th, 2019 · 2 · ·

This is really good for a first sad/tragedy story! The characters are a bit underdeveloped, but the storyline and suspense factors were spot-on. Will be reading again soon!