Our effigies of us/ Are all we will ever see/ Perceive a new view
After their defeat, the Dazzlings have disappeared. When they hide from Canterlot High and other people, they blame each other for their loss. Saddened, Sonata Dusk flees from the others. Aria Blaze stomps off after a fight, and Adagio looks for guidance.
Author's Note: There will NOT be a sequel. I am touching up on the ending of the story to make up for this.
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Interesting start! I look forward to seeing where you'll take this.
Bookmarked. There are a few spelling and grammar errors, and the story doesn't always flow well, but I'm interested to see where this goes. My advice: get an editor.
MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am the god of finding cannon errors, and you have yet to upset me. Yet
5158185 I tend to try making things cannon. If you spot any, just notify me and I will fix them.
The Sirens are one the friends of Discord?! WOW! Didn't Hubert the Butterdragon is the last friend of Discord?
But I know, in what in your view will be. Discord would be just ally of them. He will just sit, watch and said 'This is a nice show.' when he saw the ponies fighting each other when the Sirens singing.
*mentally starts shipping Aria and Discord*
5158545 Pretty much. I mean, with so many bad guys coming from a thousand years ago, they must have bumped hooves and started doing their thing *cough* *cough* Pony.MOV
5159179 I intend to keep this PG, also Sunlight is best OTP.
5159179 *Mentally starts shipping Aria and Sonata*
5159370 Indeed it is!
Another good chapter; I really like what you're doing with the three of them. ...And I like that you're spreading the taco-ness around.
5160322 Yes, I also support that shipping and Sonata and Flash.
Ooooooooooooh, I can't wait for the next chapter!
5161301 Note that this story is probably not going to be TOO long, but I'll try to add in as much content as I can, maybe even a sequel.
A message to Artists: If you can create some cover art, that would be awesome! I don't really have any money, but I will love you with all my heart for cover art! Just PM me the art and if I (hopefully) enjoy it, I will put it as the new cover.
I think it's interesting that 1 line that was just meant to be funny, that's it, turned into a defining character trait of ms. Dusk
They aren't sisters, they're half sisters. I DARE you to ask me how I know.
Loving it. Can't see where you're going to take the story from here.
5162389 She was saying they were like sisters, and I'm not going to ask.
5162780 Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I'm going to assume both.
"an?" an what?
5162994 Sorry about that, I must've forgotten to save the last part. Thank you for pointing out the error. Should be fixed now.
5163002 Well, know we know "an what?", but now I think you accidentally doubled the last sentence.
5163009 *Face hoof* Thanks for pointing that out anyway.
5162948
I meant "I can't wait to see where you are going to take it",
not "I can't see where you are going to take it", oops.
Leaving out two words makes a difference.
Interesting. They're back together! ...Let's see how long it'll last.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Good. kinda rushed though.
5169874 Indeed, this is my first creative writing thing I've done on my own, so I'm making a stab at it. It'll take some time before I get good with that. But I feel like I'm doing pretty well for my first try.
Sonata seems a little out of character, but aside from that, I really really liked this chapter!
Interesting. Not sure how I feel about the confrontation with Rainbow Dash (and simply changing the color of the jewel seems a bit odd to me; it would make more sense if you said they were changing either the type of jewel used, or even better, the enchantments on them) but this is still going pretty strong overall!
Looks as if Rainbow is the antagonist for this fic
. Since she believes that the Dazzlings can't change their ways, she could be the female version of Inspector Javert
Thanks everyone for the feedback.
5172048 Yeah, I'm trying to figure out what I might need work on from other people. I'll try to make a change to the way she talks and stuff.
5172565 I agree about Rainbow Dash, I felt like I rushed it out because I wanted to create some sort of tension, but I would think it would be better without it or have it in a more preservable way. Also, different gems have different colors. I only know that Diamonds can be blue based on what chemicals that are around them. I also got some ideas from games like Diablo, where Emeralds would give dexterity and Topaz intelligence (also a bit of Star Wars in there). I intend a similar way, but with emotion. For example, all Sirens are born with Red gems (maybe), which could be anger and desire. But if I would do blue, which could be something else. Also, to me, the Dazzlings would not know much about gems or much else, only how to invigorate people to feed them as well as identify Equestrian Magic. Certain enchantment also works, I am planning on that being an effect. If you intend to go more over this, I'd much rather do this in a chatroom rather than a comment section (just PM me).
5172892 Instant +1 for Les Mis, but I don't even know if this fic has an antagonist. This fic to me seems more like a prequel to me anyway. I don't really see the Dazzlings having much interaction with anybody but Twilight and Sunset Shimmer. I hope you enjoy the fic though!
5174054
Believe me I am
I can TOTALLY see RD being the antagonist to the story!
sorry RD, but your loyalty also makes you stubborn about changing your opinion. Because if you aren't loyal to yourself, then how can you be loyal to your friends?
5174978 I would expand upon it, but this story in my vision is having a sequel. I night feature Rainbow Dash in the next one, but I'm close to finishing this story.
Wasn't the whole point of the movie gaining Equestria's magic by draining it from the ones who lived there?
If they could go back from their banishment whenever they wanted, why didn't they do it sooner?
Why are they suddenly non-villainous?
Wouldn't using the mirror to go back to Equestria give them back their original form instead of pony form?
Edit: The more I read, the more inconsistencies I find. What a shame.
5162389 How do you know?
I'm sorry, but I didn't like it. At all.
I'm a shit reviewer, so I can't explain in details why I feel this way.
It just... felt so non-canon, convenient, OOC, WAY too fast paced, a lot of tell-don't-show, forced out situations for plot convenience and some spelling mistakes (but that's not really the issue).
Well, it wasn't all bad, as I gather that you're 100% novice at writing fiction.
...
I wasn't joking when I said I sucked at making reviews.
This was quite an enjoyable read; of course I agree with Clocklike on the pacing part, but it was still a good story anyway
5176419 Yep. I agree with everything you said about it. I only just started free writing, and I did make things way to convenient for my characters. I am going to work on this. I feel like I could have done better, but I soon decided that I just wanted to get it done rather than enjoy writing it and giving it some sort of conflict. Maybe I should experiment with something that already has a good conflict.
5176390 what do you mean how do I know?
Whelp, I'm (sadly) only expecting one or two more chapters out of this.
Thank you everybody for the support! I only wish that I could have made a better story.
Will there be a sequel to this? You kinda left us at a cliff hanger... what happens next? Do the people accept them or ar they still afraid?
5191793 There will defiantly be a sequel. My problem is that I have school and there are some time issues, but there will be a sequel at least by the end of 2014
5193802 Yay, and i feel the pain, i have school (being a seventh grader and all :/ ) and it is hard to keep up with stories. Do take your time /)
Though I'm not a native English speaker myself, I can surely tell that this was not written by one.
Oof. Seems pretty clear to me that English isn't your first language. Lots of systemic, odd mistakes that I don't expect to see from a native speaker. Lots of missing helping verbs, for example. I strongly recommend finding yourself an editor to help you fix those mistakes.
I also agree that this was pretty rushed. Everything happened so quickly that I hardly had any time to settle in to the story before another thing was happening.
That said, where you're taking this concept is pretty interesting. It's just such a shame that it's held back by breakneck pacing and odd grammatical issues.
I'm not sure I understand why the Dazzlings are now so intent on doing good. I mean, after they got hit by the Elements, they just tried to go back to doing what they had been doing. They didn't pull a Luna or a Sunset Shimmer and act remorseful. They just kept on being villainous. So while I like where you're taking the story, you're moving things along far too quickly.
Man, this story is moving along quickly. From what I understand of the plot, this story should read like a 5k. Instead, you're writing a 200 meter dash. Gotta slow down some.
I feel like there's no time at all to take this story in. It just keeps moving along at this breakneck pace.