- Member Since 1st Jan, 2013
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Dragonborne Fox
It's one thing to create/throw already-established characters in a story of some kind. It's another thing to develop those characters, regardless of the situation they're in.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Dalek IX · 27k words · 283 5 · 8.9k views
- Ssendam the Masked · 18k words · 233 13 · 4.2k views
- xenobrony · 1.1k words · 95 4 · 3.6k views
- Shadowstalker · 108k words · 402 38 · 6.3k views
- Mega NewWays97 · 23k words · 646 68 · 26k views
- Barrobroadcaster · 1.3k words · 86 5 · 3.5k views
- Dragonok · 46k words · 137 15 · 3.2k views
- ChromeRegios · 38k words · 100 10 · 4k views
Featured In12
Game Crossovers4,408 stories ·5,467 members
- All Mature2,240 stories ·649 members
The Shameless Self-Promotion Bureau49,180 stories ·5,454 members
~The Decent Writers Club~9,277 stories ·1,674 members
The First Church of Revenge128 stories ·39 members
- Dragonborne Fox Fan Club49 stories ·18 members
The MLP Fan Club!!!!2,009 stories ·371 members
- Advertise Here!466 stories ·80 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.2 seconds
Total duration
1,004 users online
315,030 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
THANK YOU! I LOVE YOU!
5196960
To quote Conker himself: Oh no! I have a feeling it's gonna be one of those days.
5197209 Yep.
Hmmm.... It needs somehing; feels too rushed.
I tell you because I played that game since I was a child.
5321292 It does feel like that, sadly.
5321322
Well, I can only wish you luck to know what's missing.
I only managed to catch a few like:
Reactions
Detail
Curses.
5323206 Will do.
So a comment real quick: technically I saw nothing wrong, your grammar was on point. Now onto the more meat and potatoes of your story: first off, it's a big pet peeve of mine when people describe the Mane Six, or any other main characters. You don't really need to do that, as well, we all pretty much know what they look like, and to me it feels like padding. Second, the Mane Six appear pretty fucking calm for being thrown into a video game world (that's what I assume it is), that's a long way from what they're used to. I thought that if anything, the only one who would enjoy this would be Pinkie (this is where some forth wall breaking would be acceptable).
Also, the ponies seem to react quite calmly to meeting Conkers. Again, everyone but Pinkie would be at least a little skeptical, with Twilight and Applejack being the most (though I can see Fluttershy trying to friend him). Overall, it's not bad, but you're going to have to fix some things and make it more impressive for me to favorite it (I'm still debating if I should give it a like; though it's far from being dislike material).
5413654 True. I will keep this in mind. I may polish the first chapter later, and I'll let you know when it happens (since it's basically festive week, and a birthday of mine is tomorrow.)
On another note, I've never seen you around my page. Was it because I purposely added this story to Rage?
5413682 yep that was it!
EDIT: happy early birthday!
5413686 Thanks. ^^ (It's become a habit of mine to describe the main six...though I am trying to break it, somewhat, in another story or two of mine. Long road ahead of me.)