• Member Since 18th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Shadowed Song


Life is Magic

E

Princess Twilight Sparkle has always loved the night sky. When Princess Luna offers to teach her about the secrets of the night, she jumped at the chance to learn more. When ancient secrets come to light, Princess Luna stands alone against Equestria's greatest enemy, herself. Twilight Sparkle must conquer her fears, and her emotions, to protect those she loves the most.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 7 )

5134924 *squeee* thank you. I hope to get the next chapter out within the week.

Promising start and great pace. I like it all so far :twilightsmile: Keep up the great work!

And, lol spike, already calling it a date :rainbowlaugh:

5138703 great pacing... I try my hardest to ensure that, both in chapters and in the plot. (Note to self:remove scene where they get married in chapter 2) :rainbowlaugh:

Anyways, thanks. I hope you continue to enjoy.

Interesting... I do have one or two criticisms though:

1) You kind of just jumped right into the whole 'lessons' thing without any kind of build up. Yes you do mention it in the description, but I did expect the first chapter to at least contain a more detailed account of how Twilight came to be taught by Luna.

2) The spelling mistakes. There are several merged words, missing letters or pluralised words where there shouldn't be. I would suggest that once you've finished writing a chapter you should leave it alone for a few hours, or go play on a game or something and then come back and read it for mistakes, or get someone to proof-read it for you prior to publishing a chapter. That way you get a fresh pair of eyes, or at least the memory of writing the chapter will be faded enough that you'll be less likely to auto-correct mistakes as you read them without realising it. The human brain is tricky like that.

I don't think I'll favourite this quite yet, but I will keep my eye on it and read the next chapter! :twilightsheepish:

I will admit I am intrigued by this story, my only complaint is the pacing. I'll go against the popular opinion on this one and say it seems a tad rushed. Not in a horribly bad way, but slowing things down and expanding your scene set up will only make your story better. You really only glossed over your scene set up, such as the library. We all know what the library looks like, but one or two lines about it would paint the picture in our minds better.

With that, I will continue to watch this story. Eagerly looking forward to more. :twilightsmile:

5139398
5148918
Thank you for the feed back. You were right about the setting/lessons, I should have expanded on them. I hope the edits and additions fix your issues.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!