• Member Since 12th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Apr 13th, 2021

IceDragonKing


I am the Historical Expert, especially about the Age of Discovery (Mostly are about the colonization in America of the Spanish Empire and the British Empire) and I am also the Master of the Ideas.

Sequels1

T

The Olympians Gods of Equestria had enough with the betrayal of the mortals. After had sent the nine terrible plagues to Equestria, the Gods are now decide to release the Plague of Flood to punish the Ponies for turning back on them for a thousand of years. The only ponies who can stop this are the Princesses of Equestria and the Lord of Chaos; Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, along with Discord.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 31 )

I don't understand why there are so many dislikes for this story. The dialogue was completely in character, not a single grammar mistake to be seen, and an absolutely brilliant fusion of the two world's mythologies, keep going!
*Edit, as it seems that at least two people are taking this comment seriously, I'd like to tell you that my comment was completely sarcastic.
I now realize that it was misinforming to those who might want to read the story, or encouragement to the author not to fix the many, many mistakes that fill this work. I'd like to apologize to both the author, for being rude, and to the people who took the comment seriously and read the fic with a false idea of what they were in for.
To the author, liten to Kotor511's advice. There are a lot of errors grammatically, and the plot, at least at the time when I first read it, was fairly weak and the dialogue was forced and OOC. You need to work on your writing skills.
You do have plenty of information on Greek mythology at the very least.

5140745 I also wanna ask the same too! Why almost of everybody dislike my story? I am even have plan for a sequel!

5141209
....... Anthro characters? I diddint dislike, but i hit the back button after i read the anthro warning.

That 'anthro warning' is just what I told you guys. You don't have to take seriously!
And I bet that 'back' button' is mean the button with thumb down isn't it?

I don't understand why there are so many dislikes for this story. The dialogue was completely in character, not a single grammar mistake to be seen, and an absolutely brilliant fusion of the two world's mythologies, keep going!

If you present a description like this:

This is the story of the Alicorns or should be known as Olympian Gods of Equestria had finally revealed themselves to the Ponies or they called as the mortal ponies and tell them about the next punishment; the Plague of Flood! Discord and of course, the Royal Sisters. They are now have to reveal their biggest secret to Equestria.

then you tend to scare people away, or make them dislike the story instandly, by the sheer amount of grammar mistakes.

The first sentence alone doesn't make an ounce of sense in its constellation.
What is the author trying to say here?
"This is the story of the Alicorns," fine so far
"or should be known as the Olympian gods", what does that mean? What is he referring to with 'or'?
A. Does this mean the Alicorns are known as the Olympian Gods?
B. Does this mean the Alicorns are supposed to be known as the Olympian Gods?
C. Is the story of the Alicorns supposed to be known as the story of the Olympian Gods?

The first sentence alone is messed up, but it doesn even end here, as he continues with another 'or':

as Olympian Gods of Equestria had finally revealed themselves to the Ponies or they called as the mortal ponies and tell them about the next punishment

What? It doesn't make any grammatical sense.
The first information we pick up is, that the gods revealed themselves to the ponies, but then what?
"or they called as the mortal ponies"
What does he even mean here?
A. The gods called for them as mortal ponies and exclaimed their godhood?
B. The ponies called out for the gods, and they reveled themselves as mortals?
C. The gods called for the mortal ponies, and the mortal ponies recognized them?

It just isn't even slightly clear, what information exactly was meant to be transfered, to us readers.

And the grammar mistakes, wrong and missing adjectives and such, go on and on and on.
:ajbemused::ajbemused::ajbemused::ajbemused:
I'll take a look at his first chapter.

5150817
Answer of the Number 1 is B.

Answer of the Number 2 is A.

But if you want me to fix it. I'll do it.

5140745

not a single grammar mistake to be seen

Are you kidding me?
I read the first chapter and what do I find in the first line of the story itself, describing the setting?

In the Underworld at Tautarus...

2 mistakes in one sentence.

"at Tautarus" is plain wrong. Not even mentioning that setting the stage with such a short introduction is lazy, besides Tartarus was written Tautarus.

"The Underworld: Domain of Tartarus"
There much better.

But it doesn't stop, next error already comes 4 lines further ahead.

"Almighty Hades!" said Lucifer.

"Father!" Said Death, Pestilence, War and Famine.

"Lucifer, my loyal demon and brother." said Hades.

"The snake has been resurrected like Almighty Zeus had asks us to do now my king." replied Lucifer.

He mixes present "asks" with the pasts' "had", not to mention the 's' after 'ask' was unnecessary since more then a few people were questioned, which means it's plural.
Correction:
"Zeus had asked us to do"

Those are 4 grave errors in just 5 lines since the beginning of the first chapter.

But the next error is right ahead!:ajsmug:

"Good." said Hades and Lucifer's disappear from the Throne Room in the smoke.

Lucifer's refers to a possession/belonging of a subject that follows, like "Lucifer's baseball" or "Lucifer's book"
It's his "book" and his "baseball", but not his "disappear" since that is an adjective. Additionally 'disappear' is written in the wrong time yet again, it should have been 'past tense'.

Correction:
"Lucifer disappeared from the throne room (<needs to be lower case), in a cloud of smoke."

Additionally another mistake was made in the description of the room.
When he made clear that the setting is the Tartarus in the Underworld, he didn't even mention the room.

So for the first sentence of this entire story, it may be better to write:
"Location: Tartarus in the Underworld, the Throne Room."
To clarify that it takes place in that specific room.

Then again, I don't even think Tartarus has a throone room, since it's supposed to be a certain section of the underworld, which is a prison/dungeon for the most vile of creatures...

And the mistakes go on and on, even in the next sentence after the last one:
"Hades don't you think Zeus has gone too much far?"
It's supposed to be "gone much too far"!

And the sentence after that:

"Without the Ponies pray for the Olympians, we all will died. And everything that we done will gone as well." replied Hades.

...Wrong! It's supposed to be "Without the ponies praying for the Olympians, we will all die. And everything that we have done, all what we have created, will be gone as well."

And it doesn't stop there, so 5140745 what you said is just not true.
There are masses and masses of errors in this story. The Narrator is filled with mistakes and the dialogs are as well.

5150893
And you want me to fix it right? At first, I was just do at what I am understand. I don't even know that it is wrong!

5150844 The way I see it, you would need a proofreader with a lot of time to fix this, and I mean the entirety of all the chapters.

5150911 I done my best now. It may be not good enough. But hope that you and the other guys that I accidentally scare away will understand me. I am good about speaking in English but typing and writing are on the other hand. I can't do without the examples.

All I wanted is just being awesome. If you guys are go no mercy on me, I don't care about that. At least I am done my best now.

OK, I am removing this story because it breaks the rules of Canon Alternative Universes. That section is for crossovers between Canon universes (e.g, Equestria Girls and Power Ponies), not crossovers with something else.

5176782
Sorry. I'm kinda mistaken about it. I just wanna it can get along with the canon with no problem. It's just that. Nothing more.

5176791 Yes--it belongs in a Crossovers Group, but not in Canon AU, which is strictly for Canon AUs.

5222397
Of course! Tell me! Please!

5222444 Well, that's the thing... The list is too long, basically, you need a editor!

5222446
A list? As in... the detail?

5222470 Yeaaaaa... You REALLY need a editor.

5222487
Have nothing to do with the body of the story right?

5222494 That sentence makes no sense.

5222500
I done my best. That's all what I can do. I need the characters to be recognize that this is the character that talking this sentence!

5222504 That comment had things wrong with it.

5222637 I done my best? No, it's I did my best.

That's all what I could do? No, it's That's all that I could do.

I need the characters to be recognise? No, it's I need characters to be recongnised

That this is the character that talking this sentence? No, it's so that people know that they were the characters who were speaking.


And that's just your comment! A lot of bad things with your story if this is the amount of stuff wrong with JUST a comment.

Comment posted by Daisuke Seathe deleted Nov 12th, 2014

whew finally made it to the beginning seriously your page said you have 15 stories are all of them sequels!?!?!?!?

7382983

I wanted to made a trilogy with massive stories.

Is this story related to the Percy Jackson series? I haven't read it yet, but I would like to know. If not, then can you do a crossover of Percy Jackson and MLP?

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