The original plan for Dusk Shine nee Twilight Sparkle was to have lunch with the Apple Family after the barn loading. But, after the...unfortunate incident, Dusk Shine headed back into Ponyville with a stomach full of bile and worry. His brain raced with thoughts, and it was not a good series of thoughts.
Highly sub-optimal! HIGHLY sub-optimal! Applejack...what does this mean...she was more or less ready to...what? Dusk Shine’s thoughts bounced around the inside of his confused skull. She was more or less ready to start a family right there! I hope that when she wakes up, she realized just how bad shocking some pony that has the Royal Canterlotian Voice can be! And, how every single mare is acting like the bad stereotype of what they say stallions are!
Dusk Shine was about halfway to town by now, and by pure luck he was walking towards the market. He could see mares that were...well groomed. Wishing him a good day. Saying hello. Occasionally asking questions about the upcoming events for tomorrow. With a distracted smile and waggle of a wing -- that he kept from becoming a wingboner on the display of attractive and attracted mares that were talking to him -- he kept on walking towards town, his thoughts...distracted. But, the little traitor did pop up to make his own commentary, you do have to admit that she was ready to create a family with you. Marriage and love and and everything else. She was not looking for just one roll in the hay, she was looking to have foals, raise a family, and grow old with you.
“She would be the one that would grow old,” Dusk Shine sighed. “But, she was willing to make that commitment, knowing that I would...probably outlive our grandchildren. My lifestyle as the Element of Magic does not seem to guarantee a long lifespan.”
So, the little traitor asked, why not get started on that whole new Sparkle/Apple line of the clan early? After all, you did seem to be interested in her when she admitted what she felt.
Dusk Shine stopped for a second, sighed. Dragged his wings back down from the partial wingboner position they were in. “Highly, highly sub-optimal,” Dusk Shine sighed under his breath. “My reasoning is flawless. I think. Until we know how and why we are here, being...intimate means that we will hurt somepony in the end. Both me, and the other party involved.”
Dusk Shine continued onto his way into town, and realized that he was walking near the fruit stand the Apples usually set up in the market. Realizing that he needed to confess, Dusk walked up to the stand, only to see the tallest red stallion he had ever seen. Ah, Dusk thought, this must be Big Macintosh.
Big Macintosh looked at Dusk Shine curiously and said, “You must be Dusk Shine. Heard the rumors about ya. Figured you’d be having lunch at the farm.”
“Well…” Dusk Shine said, voice trailing off. “It turns out that, well...you do realize that the whole Royal Canterlotian Voice has a bit of a hair trigger.”
Big Macintosh looked at Dusk Shine, and Dusk felt like he was a tiny scared foal under his eyes. “I promise...your sister is all right. Unconscious, but she was fine when I left. At the very least, she is not trapped in a frozen time bubble until the day before Winter Wrap Up...heh…,” he tried to laugh, but Big Macintosh added a nose flare to the glaring eyes.
“She...well, she was very forward about wanting to get started on creating a new line of the Apple family. I have no idea if I will be staying here or going home or going somewhere else any time soon and if I am not staying I do not want to create a huge and massive problem for anypony that I liked and...I am sorry?” Dusk Shine gushed out in a single rush of words.
“She try anything wrong? Tried to force you?” Big Macintosh asked.
“No, but she did surprise me, which was very...um...surprising?” Dusk Shine sighed.
Big Macintosh thought about this for a minute, looked around, and said, “Other side of the counter, Dusk Shine.”
Nervous, he came around. Big Macintosh lowered his head and said in a soft but clear voice, “You’ve seen what’s been going on around town since this morning?”
“Yes,” Dusk said, just as softly. “I thought…”
“Last time I saw something like this,” Big Macintosh interrupted gently, “was when Mayor Mare was setting up a bachelor's auction as a part of the Summer Sun event last year. Except, right now, it’s worse. They ain’t looking to snag a single stallion, they’re looking to snag a Prince. Heard rumors that Rarity is having a run on her best dresses-the ones that she’s letting other ponies have because she’s saving the best to catch you. They actually saw Rainbow Dash in the spa, getting Fancy. You want some advice?”
Dusk Shine nodded. “Two choices, Dusk. Either hide out in the library until this all blows over, or find somepony special that can serve as cover.”
“Like you and Cheerlee?” Dusk Shine asked, feeling a touch malicious.
Big Macintosh’s glare and nose flare returned hard. “Her and I have to be quiet until we get things settled with our families. It comes out now, she’ll have problems with her work. You understand?”
“Yes, I do,” Dusk Shine sighed. “Sorry to throw your own situation at you that way…”
“We’re working on it,” Big Macintosh grunted. “But, do you see my point?”
“I do,” Dusk Shine admitted. “But, I have responsibilities. The Princes...I am sorry, the Princesses are coming to town tomorrow. How can I hide knowing that I have things I need to get done? And...I will not lie to other ponies about my status. I am a single stallion and I will not lead somepony on to hide that.”
Big Macintosh shook his head and sighed. “Got heart, Dusk. Brain lacking some common sense maybe, but ya got heart. I’ll run some interference for ya, say you’re holding on until the Princesses come. Where you going to next?”
“Fluttershy,” Dusk Shine said. “She has been caring for Owlicious after her...his injuries a few days ago. And, I do not expect the same sort of issues. I do admit, I have seen some of her photos from her modeling career… But, I promise, I will be the very soul of tact and calm with her.”
Big Macintosh nodded. “Never thought otherwise, Dusk. Just...be careful out there.”
“I will,” Dusk Shine nodded in reply. “For myself, and for everypony else.”
Dusk Shine trotted through Ponyville, and was of two minds as his utterly baffling day rolled by. One part admired the scenery, as mares were doing their best to primp and preen and prepare for...what? That lead to the other part of his mind, the strict and analytical one that had been trained by Prince Helios and polished by his sister Gleaming Shield. Considering, analyzing, assessing...hide the emotions until the mission has been completed. You can have the breakdown afterwards, once everything has been completed.
He followed up on that logical analysis. Too soon to try anything, I think. The first mare to ask me out may be the sacrificial lamb to see how I will respond, especially since rumors of Rainbow Dash just asking to pony me have probably already gotten around. Or, maybe not…
“Oh my, my, my,” an oddly familiar voice said. The smell of jasmine and body wash came on both sides of Dusk Shine, as two lovely and muscular Earth pony mares came up close to him. Both were identical in height, body, length of mane and tail. Only their coloration--one pink with a blue mane and tail, the other in reverse--were different, and their big blue eyes soaked in the form of the somewhat ragged-feeling Dusk Shine. They sashayed their flanks, showing off the lotus-blossom Cutie Mark they both shared.
“So, the rumors were true,” an identical voice breathed on the other side of Dusk Shine.
“Twilight Sparkle was always a very attractive mare,” the blue one said.
“But, as a stallion, he is delicious,” the pink one continued, as if they were speaking from the same script.
“Welcome to Ponyville, Dusk Shine,” the blue one whispered into Dusk Shine’s ear.
“I believe you haven’t been to the spa,” the pink one whispered into Dusk Shine’s other ear.
“You would find it...most enjoyable,” they said together, their breath teasing Dusk Shine’s ear. His wings nearly knocked them over, which cause them to break out into a fit of giggling.
“Um...I did miss your names, did I not?” Dusk Shine asked, taking a step back and making them stand in front of him.
“Oh dear, yes you did,” the pink one said. “I am Aloe,” and Aloe bowed to Dusk Shine, a slight dip of her head.
“And, I am Lotus,” the blue one continued, dipping her head in a soft bow.
“Thank you,” Dusk Shine nodded, tried to smile, and realized how he felt. He tried to pull some of his more unmanageable hairs on his mane back into shape, and sighed. “I have been to the spa...well, the one that is back where I come from. It is very nice...and, I suspect you two wish there to be more, right?”
“Very quick thinking,” Aloe said.
“Of course, you look in need of relaxation,” Lotus chimed in.
“Which we can easily provide.”
“And, as an alicorn, your fertility is entirely under your control, if that’s what you fear,” Lotus smiled.
“We have all the accessories needed to make your spa time very enjoyable,” the two said together again, and smiled.
Dusk Shine took a deep breath, and dragged his wings back to the normal resting state hard. It was almost impossible, as the young foal fantasies of two attractive mares (twins, no less!) just...asking him to spend some quality time together.
The little traitor was already stirring. Dusk could feel his enthusiasm already.
Deep breaths...deep breaths...
“Aloe, Lotus...I have too much to do today, and right now my head space is so confused that I would not know what I would be doing if I took you up on your offer. I do thank you for it…”
“Oh dear,” Aloe interrupted gently.
“He’s been wounded by mares,” Lotus sighed in sympathy.
“You can see it in how he responds,” Aloe continued.
“Which means we’ll have to help with those injuries to his soul,” Lotus finished up. The two of them looked at each other, nodded, and looked back at Dusk Shine.
“You have tasks to complete,” Aloe said.
“But, when you are done,” Lotus continued.
The two of them came up, and calmly nuzzled Dusk Shine on opposite cheeks. “Do come and see us, you are welcome any time,” they said in unison, and the two mares walked off towards the spa.
Dusk Shine looked at the departing sisters, and tried not to fall down. For the first time ever...two mares had just come up and asked him to go with them. There were foal-hood fantasies that were less detailed than that.
Other mares were looking at him, deciding if they should be taking the more direct approach, or something a bit more subtle. Dusk Shine looked around, and wondered what would happen next. “Sub-optimal,” he whispered. “I am so abusing teleportation today....”
And, in a flash of magic, Dusk Shine vanished from the middle of Ponyville.
Dusk Shine found his way, after a second teleport to dodge some more groups of mares, on the path towards the boundary line between the Everfree Forest and Ponyville. His brain was working through little details, details that Dusk Shine knew were an effort to distract himself from the emotional turmoil he was feeling. “Not good,” he muttered. “Not even close to optimal. This day is just getting worse and worse.”
“Oh,” a sharp female voice in a Trottingham accent said, sardonically, “I do think your day has just gotten much, much worse. Or, perhaps much better, I’m not so sure…”
Dusk Shine turned to see...a female draconequus. She floated lazily in the air, her right hand of a chicken’s claw stroking a very feminine chin, wings fluttering slightly in the air like leaves, and she smiled a mis-matched smile. “Come now, Dusk Shine, that was a perfect set-up line. After all, if I, Eris, can’t use that line to make your day so much more...shall we say chaotic, what purpose would it have had?”
Dusk Shine watched as she settled onto her mis-matched feet, and started to polish her horns with her hands. “Of course, I don’t have to really do anything today, do I? You’re doing it all for me, just by being you. Your little magical accident means that you bring such lovely, sweet chaos into town.”
Dusk Shine continued to look at Eris, and he couldn’t hold back any longer. He fell to the ground, rolling around a huge bellow of laughter. “Oh my, you….you do not know what Eris really looks like, do you?” Dusk Shine choked between the laughs. “You really do not, do you?”
“Oh? And, why do you think that? Am I not the very zenith, the very epitome of charm and female style?” Eris asked, giving Dusk Shine and offended look.
“Because you over-egged the pudding! You went overboard and got it spectacularly wrong!,” Dusk Shine laughed. He got back onto his hooves and smiled. “This is what Eris really looks like,” and Dusk Shine lit his horn in an illusion of Eris, four inches tall, and somewhat identical, but entirely at odds with the caricature-like, full-sized Eris in front of him.
Eris sighed, and found a zipper pull in her belly button, undoing the body suit that surrounded her. The costume fell away towards the ground in five fluttering segments, revealing a male draconequus of the same mis-matched limbs, but with a beard and a confused expression. “And, now I know something as well, you made a goof with a spell, Twilight Sparkle! Because there is no way that I would look like that!” The little illusionary Eris immediately ran over to the male draconequus, and clutched onto his leg like a lost puppy.
“Ah, and you must be Discord," Dusk Shine said, getting his laughter under control. “I read all of the notes that Twilight Sparkle wrote about you. True to form, it appears. Chaotic and trying to be funny.”
“Moi?” Discord asked rhetorically. He looked down at the illusionary Eris, gave her a good kick, sending her spinning towards the horizon. “Oh, I am funny. And, you, Twitlight Spackle, are hilarious. It’s a really good combination, the gender-change spell and the memory modification to make you think that you’ve always been a stallion. Because, there is no way you could have hopped universes just like that,” Discord said, snapping his fingers at the end.
“Oh, and why do you believe that?” Dusk Shine looked at Discord curiously. “My memories are consistent without flaws or errors, and physical proof triumphs theory. I am from another universe, and why for a being of elemental chaos would that be impossible?”
“Because it is!” Discord snorted, pulling on a sweater vest covered in chalk dust. He yanked a chalkboard covered in equations out from nowhere and started to scribble on it. “The energy levels to penetrate brane shells of nearby localized realities--without the sacrifice of a sentient being to overcome the quantum mediation effect and prevent localized paradoxes--is impossibly high! Oh, and we can’t forget how accurate your targeting is. You could have wound up in another universe where all the ponies you know are hairless, clothes-wearing apes, or hedgehogs, or wolves, or even…” and here Discord shuddered, “more beings of Chaos like me. No, no, no, Twibright Squirtle, clearly something else has happened.”
Discord snapped his goat’s paw fingers and and from...nowhere...rows upon rows of file cabinets came out of the visual horizon, sounding like the rumble of a whole stockyard of freight trains. They stopped in a clash of clattering metal, and Discord reached into one of the file cabinets, pulling out a huge manila file folder with the title of TWILIGHT SPARKLE on the cover. To Dusk’s slight chagrin, someone had drawn a thick moustache and goatee on Twilight’s file photo. And, a small speech bubble saying “Princess Celestia is Worst Pony!” “In comparison, memory modification with a gender-change spell is easily in the realm of a pony’s simple magic. So, you possess the delusion that you’ve merely come from another universe.”
“Ah,” Dusk Shine replied. “But, once again, I can cite physical evidence. My memories are consistent and without holes. The first thing that I would have checked, once I had determined my circumstances, was for memory modification spells. Which, as you know, are very blatant in terms of their magical signatures. And there has been no such attempts there. So...why are you so convinced that world-hopping is impossible? Unless…,” and Dusk Shine smiled slyly, “You cannot travel between other worlds. Your powers are limited to this brane shell and none other.”
Discord looked offended. “What makes you think I don’t just hop over to the universe next door for a spot of tea and mayhem? For, am I not the very personification of chaotic behavior?”
“Your denial of the possibility of my travels. Your lack of knowledge of Eris and her true appearance,” Dusk Shine said. “I promise, I will not tell anypony else of your limitations,” Dusk Shine mock-whispered conspiratorially.
Discord sighed, and shook his head. As he did, the filing cabinets fell over as if they were cardboard cutouts, and Discord looked at Dusk Shine. “I did try to warn you, I did. Oh, and I did warn Fluttershy, so I suspect we’re even.”
Dusk Shine looked at Discord and asked, “What exactly did you say to Fluttershy?”
“Oh, just that you were coming to visit,” Discord replied, polishing his claw on his fur. “And, that you were in the middle of a major delusional cycle that had you thinking you were not Twilight Sparkle, but a rather unstable stallion. It is the truth, and I didn’t make anything up at all. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
Discord grabbed his tail, and with a single yank, snapped himself up like a rubber band and vanished from sight. As he watched, the small illusionary Eris that Dusk Shine created came running over the horizon, glanced around, waved at Dusk Shine (who waved back), and then flew off to the other horizon, singing as she flew. “I’VE GOT A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS,” Eris sang off-key, flying away at top speed.
Dusk Shine considered his situation, and said to the air, “Mental note for the future-do not taunt the Happy Fun Chaos Deity. Nothing good ever comes of it.”
As Dusk Shine came trotting up to Fluttershy’s house, something was bothering him--besides the general situation, of course. Considering that Discord had “warned” Fluttershy in his own unique way, Dusk realized that he had to approach things carefully. He made it past the last turn to the house, and realized what was wrong.
It was too quiet. Yes, even for this place.
Butterscotch--and by extension Fluttershy--always had their doors open for the various forest animals and pets they took care of. There was always at least some animals around, from regulars such as Angel, to the occasional visitor. And, by some reason that could only be planning, there was always at least one animal that would take it...poorly if somepony tried to harass or hurt Butterscotch. Usually it was a local bear maul that visited for chiropractic help and occasional paw-cleaning assistance. Most ponies that meant Butterscotch harm stayed far, far away--mostly due to Angel.
Dusk Shine came up to the house and considered the possibilities. The first was that Fluttershy was injured or otherwise not able to come to the door. That possibility was discarded when he made it to the front door, which was locked, and none of Fluttershy’s animal friends were standing guard or looking for help. Angel, for all of her--or his--issues would have already been trying to communicate with Dusk Shine to get Fluttershy some help.
The second possibility was that Fluttershy was out on a call to help somepony else. Dusk Shine discarded that possibility even more quickly, as there was not a single note or other indication that she had to miss Dusk to help somepony else. And, Butterscotch would have left a very long, very apologetic note that would have hemmed and hawed but otherwise would have covered all the details as to what happened. So, out on call was a possibility to be dismissed.
The last possibility...Dusk sighed. “Of course,” he said sadly. “Fluttershy has been warned by Discord that I am ‘merely’ an unstable form of Twilight Sparkle. Assuming she has done some of the things I have done when I was not at my best stability,” here, he shuddered, remembering the Smarty Pants incident, “She is worried I might accidentally turn her into a stallion or a newt or something else.”
Dusk considered his surroundings, and pulled up a mental map of the area. “Fluttershy will want to be close to home, just in case. But, she will need a good area to fly away in as needed. And,” he sighed, “Butterscotch has a signature that is almost impossible to find when he is determined not to be found. I do not expect Fluttershy to be any easier. Oh, well…”
Dusk opened up his wings and found the Sun, came up with a rough estimate of north, and started to fly. He flew in an ever expanding spiral and zeroed in on his first target location. It was a large open field, surrounded by trees and a thick border of underbrush that would be perfect for a very scared pony to hide in. Far enough from the Everfree, so that nothing would be living in it that might eat the scared pony. And, the overall terrain suggested long sight lines to see whatever could scare you from as far away as possible. That meant that escape would be easy and fast for Fluttershy..
Dusk Shine landed, and closed his eyes, his horn lighting as he felt the area with his magic. A few moments later, he reopened his eyes and sighed. Dry hole, he thought to himself. Fluttershy had about as much signature as Butterscotch did when he hid-none at all. Or, more accurately, so diffuse as to be impossible to localize. With a slight cough, Dusk said, “Fluttershy, if you can hear me...my name is Dusk Shine. I appear to have swapped places with your friend Twilight Sparkle, and I am here to find out about my...our owl. Mine was injured when I made a mistake with a spell...and you offered to take care of Owlicious for me.”
He looked around, and listened carefully. One of the bushes rattled slightly, and he smiled. “I must know if he is better, and if you will be ready tomorrow with the bird chorus for the arrival of the Princesses. I would not be bothering you otherwise, Fluttershy,” Dusk said, and turned his head carefully away from the rattling bushes.
The bushes rattled some more. “Gotcha,” he whispered, and his magic swelled, catching something behind the bushes. Lifted in the air by Dusk’s magic field around her flanks, a yellow pegasus mare with three pink butterflies for a Cutie Mark and long flowing pink hair didn’t flail around or do anything...other than try and squeeze her body tightly into a ball. Her body was trembling with the effort to try and make herself smaller, wings collapsed so tightly as to almost seem fused to her body, legs pulled in, her head tilted so that her hair fell across her face. Dusk very carefully set her down on her belly, and sighed. “Fluttershy, I am not Twilight Sparkle after a magical accident…,” he started, then stopped.
Dusk Shine carefully settled onto his stomach, and lowered his head to Fluttershy’s level. “Fluttershy, I am going to talk about a friend of mine. He is the bravest pony I know, because he lives in a world where everything scares him. Even, at times, I think ponies he calls his friends. But, every single day, he leaves his house. He helps out the animal friends that need his help and care. Always willing to listen, and to help out his friends. He is even willing to take the greatest of chances on helping a Chaos being try and reform. And, Fluttershy, if you are anything like my friend Butterscotch, you are one of the bravest ponies I know. Even when you are trembling in fear, you are listening to me. Can you look at me, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy looked up, shyly through the long fall of her mane, and nodded slightly. “Thank you. Will you talk with me?” he asked again, and carefully got back onto his hooves.
“Yes, I think I can,” Fluttershy said softly, and made a soft squeaking sound.
“Is Owlicious all right?”
“Yes,” Fluttershy replied, her voice a little stronger. She got onto her hooves and fluffed her wings.
“Anything I should know about the his carel?”
“Don’t cast magical spells on him for a while,” Fluttershy replied, carefully tossing her hair.
My my, Dusk Shine thought, she is attractive and...no...no bad thoughts….duty calls! “I will not, I promise,” he smiled. “And, how is the bird chorus coming along?”
“Very well,” Fluttershy said, her voice a bit stronger. “We should be ready by tomorrow I think.”
“Thank you,” Dusk said, and realized that Fluttershy was fluffing her chest out at him. “Fluttershy…what are you doing?”
“I’m...doing a mating dance?” Fluttershy said shyly, and hid behind her hair with a squeak.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Dusk Shine thought. Not even her! “Fluttershy...why are you doing a mating dance?”
“Because...you’re ...um...quite handsome...I like your wings...and you were willing to talk to me like I was a normal pony,” Fluttershy said, opening up her wings. “Don’t you like me?”
“Well, yes, I do...sort of...I mean I have only just met you. Are you sure you know what you are doing?” Dusk asked, mind racing in the start of panic.
“Oh yes, I want to do everything,” Fluttershy said confidently. “Don’t you?”
“Well, yes, but between the statistical issues and the potential failure points of birth control, you would become pregnant and…,” Dusk continued speaking, as Fluttershy cuddled up to his side.
“Oh, I’ve seen animals being born, and I wouldn’t mind at all carrying our foal,” Fluttershy smiled, and nuzzled Dusk Shine in the cheek.
“Fluttershy, it is entirely possible that I could vanish tomorrow, and if I did it would be not at all realistic for you, me, or for our theoretical foal,” Dusk Shine replied, trying to keep his wings down and his little traitor from interjecting himself into the argument.
“You don’t like me like that?” Fluttershy said, a bit more loudly. Her eyes began to narrow and Dusk knew those warning signs from Butterscotch.
“I do, I do,” Dusk said, realizing how deep the potential hole that he was digging himself into, “But, it would be highly dangerous until we know what is going on…”
“I want you now, Dusk Shine. And, you are GOING TO LOVE ME!!!” Fluttershy bellowed, eyes burning with raw flames of new passion and her wings at full extension.
Dusk Shine did a brilliant thing, possibly the only thing he could.
He immediately took to wing, and flew off as hard as he could in pure terror, yelling, “Sub-optimal! Highly, highly sub-optimal!”
“COME BACK HERE! YOU AND I ARE GOING TO PONY RIGHT NOW!!!” Fluttershy screamed, chasing after Dusk Shine.
Fluttershy couldn’t teleport.
Dusk Shine could.
This turned out to be the deciding factor in escaping the amorous and enraged Fluttershy. The key, Dusk realized later, was probably the third teleport sequence over the river that allowed him to bounce as far away as possible. With an amplification spell, he heard as Fluttershy used her skills to find lost animals to search for him, going in the opposite direction.
Sub-optimal! Dusk thought. He found a good hiding spot, and moaned softly to himself, trying not to cry.
Trying not to scream.
“Even...even a mare like Fluttershy, who was so shy and retiring like Butterscotch, seemed to be infected with the madness of myself being around,” Dusk Shine whispered. “What do I do now?”
Returning to the library didn’t seem to be an option, with the potential number of mares that might be waiting. He could probably use his magic to clear all the mares out...and possibly without injury. Definite red flag day, he thought. I should have listened to Spike.
The little traitor….had a voice of logic attached. Yet, they will all know you are there, will they not? Better to be a moving target, complete your other two tasks, and by then the library will be closed. Justifiably no mares in a closed library that are uninvited.
Dusk paused, and wondered. “Or,” he whispered, “you hope these two tasks will be worth your time.”
Or, perhaps worth both of our time, the little traitor whispered.
Dusk Shine sighed and climbed out of the hidden hole, considering his checklist. Two more names left.
Two outlier data points?
Or two more sources of madness?
Hello future commenters! New proof-reader for the fic here, with a couple of points.
I took on board much of the previous comments in regards to editing this chapter, and will do the same for the rest. That said, I'm by no means the most meticulous editor, and I always feel the author's particular style should remain and shine, which is hopefully the case here!
Had a blast going over this regardless. I think somehow we both managed to add some Monty Python references in there for no particular reason. Good luck spotting those.
You would not believe the amount of times I suggested removing "Dusk Shine" though. It was everywhere...
And oh yeah, author! The conventional place to credit your proof-reader(s) in in the story's main box underneath the description you know!
Things seem to be getting out of hand for poor Dusk.
Hilarious use of that pegasi mating dance comic.
He should already know that Rarity is going to try and snatch him. Pinkie is a wild card.
I liked this part better than the Twilight counterpart. I enjoyed hearing Dusk admit that AJ tried to sleep with him and his growing difficulty to resist temptation when the Spa twins attempted to make him accept an invitation for a 3-way. Fluttershy, unexpectedly, is far more confident than Butterscotch when it comes to romance, as she REALLY wanted Dusk's foals and WOULDN'T take no for an answer.
Huh. You managed a human joke and a possible Sonic the Hedgehog joke in the same sentence. Well played.
Twins, they were!
Just realized there is no romance tag. Bummer
I'm not sure where you're going to take the princesses' arrival, but I'd laugh my ass off - and love you forever - if...
Dusk: "Princesses! Welcome to Ponyville! I know I look a bit different, but there has been a magical mishap - nothing serious and we can talk about it later - but for now I'd just like to say... Ummmm... Princesses?"
Luna blinks, and shakes her head to clear it. Celestia is standing stock still and staring unabashed.
Dusk: "Ummmm, Princess... Celestia?"
Luna: "Sister, what is wrong with you?" Luna touches Celestia.
Celestia doesn't break her stare or even bat an eye as her wings shoot to full extension, striking Luna and sending her pinwheeling away.
Oh god Pinkie will be coming soon. I am sure it will be awesome.
I am of the opinion that the ponies instinctively OBEY Alicorns, they can not help it, their brains just tell them "obey alicorn" when they see one. Heard mentality kicks in and they suddenly feel an overriding need to please them, to do anything to make them happy. This easily translates into a kind of psychosis when they are suddenly presented with an unattached previously unknown alicorn of the opposite gender of ideal mating age. Why aren't Twilight and Dusk swarmed in their own universes? simple, the ponies have lived with Alicorns of their gender for thousands of years, society has taught them that randomly prostrating them selves before the alicorns and offering themselves sexually is just frowned upon. Equestrian stallions are "programmed" to NOT throw themselves at an alicorn like a lunatic, mares however are not, no little voice stops them when they think insane thoughts about makeing Dusk the happiest Prince they can and they act! Fluttershy who represses her feelings, good grief the dam just EXPLODED!
That was just awesome. I knew Fluttershy was going to say that. Great job with this chapter. I can't wait to read now what happens to Pinkie and Rarity. To be honest it is Pinkie that Scares me.
Good luck.
Who are the last two again? Pinkie pie and who else! I can't wait to see how Pinkie Pie is going to react to Dusk Shine.
YOU WIN MY PRIVATE STASH OF INTERNETS, TAKE THEM WITH PRIDE!!!!!!
5160726 Once again, thank you and several additional jokes were possible because of your editing.
5160814 The Fluttershy scene came before I even saw that picture. The logic was "Fluttershy works around animals a lot and she might not be able to express her emotions as a pony, but she darned well knows how to get hedgehogs to mate!"
5160824 Heh, heh, heh.
To quote a line from the next chapter, "I am Generosity incarnate, dear. I only just want to be first."
5160874 Remember, Fluttershy tends to play the Bruce Banner/Hulk role on many occasions. Aggravate or irritate or motivate her enough, and you start seeing her chase stallions across fields for mating purposes.
5160903 Thank you, I try.
5161133 We'll be getting to the Princesses soon. I can promise you this-first up will be Cadence. The conversations will be very interesting.
5161307 Pink pony is the happiest pony! And she wants to share!
5161392 Thank you for my internets!
It's always the quiet ones xD
I'm still not sure if I should pity Dusk or give him a congratulatory pat on the back and tell him what a lucky bastard he is.
So, Rarity and Pinkie are next... I honestly can't decide which one I'd like to see first. Both are bound to be amusing, if for completely different reasons.
Then there's Celestia and Luna... That should be interesting.
Keep up the good work.
I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thank you.
Ahhhhhhh! What are you doing?! Are you crazy?
You can't do that! That's completely unfaithful to the source material!
You can't just go and base a story on my story and then just go and update it willy-nilly after only a week or so!
You need to make your readers wait weeks! Months! *flail*
Geez, you're making me look bad.
(But in all seriousness... keep up the good work. :P And I really need to get on writing OoTD... well, it'll be interesting to see how you split it off from here, seeing as it sounds like you've got the next few chapters planned out already. Good luck! Especially for poor Dusk, considering his next stop should be at Rarity's... It only gets worse from here, colt...)
5161748 Well, I expect that Rarity will be more of a lady than Elusive is a gentleman.
Which is to say, she'll cut you off at the knees with a smile, and you'd like it when she does it.
5161566 Something which always has to be said about Fluttershy at least once per season.
5161298 I'm thinking about 70/30% with you having about 30%...or, just the mares are crazy in Ponyville.
Ya know I'm pretty sure pinkie will be the voice of reason in this mad house. Now if he can't get home and this isn't a giant magic mistake are herd marriage legal in this verse if so problems solved. I do believe he will make it home though, then have a good laugh over a beer with his friends about it.
5161490
I expect an endless series of facehooves from Cadance because every time she looks up, she'll think "My husband's brother is HOT. Damnit, girl, you're already married!"
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Hornyshy. I approve.
5162151
My thoughts exactly.
5162593 When it's done. Yes, that's the pithy answer, but I have to write it and it's going to take a while. The big things is that the next chapter will be anywhere between a third to half in second person perspective (it makes sense in context), and that will require more writing.
5161874 When Pinkie Pie is your voice of sanity...
5162696 ... You know something is crucked up.
5162696 sanity and reason are rarely one in the same. In fact, there are few things that can even compete with the unreasonability of sanity
Aw Fluttershy, we all love you.
You just fail to realize Dusk's reasoning. Because he didn't explain it like he did to AJ. Which you wouldn't listen to anyway because you were dead set on getting him. Oh you
Still fun chapter! The conversation with princesses will be awesome. And let's not forget Pinkie!
We all know that Rarity will certainly try to bag him, that is a no brainer. Unless there will be a twist. Well...
More please
It fits that this is vastly different from the Twilight account, as mares are the more sexually dominant partner in equines.
I like this story.
Dusk, just do Red Flag
Oh, M6 just need a good fuck. Its main problem of this fic.
5161748
I know that feeling sir. Took me almost half a year to crank out the rest of my first multi-chapter fic. Sometimes the words just don't come.
Out of curiosity, yer not looking for proof-readers are ya?
5162696
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Well...that's going to be an interesting experience f'sure. Although I give you +5 points for your knowledge of TVTropes. So many fics would improve if more people took the time to read through certain pages there.
5163324 It's always the silent ones...
5164757 Yea, I agree. I'm of the opinion that the only book that has ever done second person perspective very well was Halting State, and it's sequel (Rule 34) wasn't bad, there were Issues Involved. But, to get the right mindset for the circumstances involved, second person is how it works.
And, yes, I am being a horrible tease.
5164450 Yes, but this is not a clop fic, but a comedy of (erotic) errors. Had this been a clop fic, the characters would be anthro (as writing pony sex would merely confirm that I have no life), I'd be working on the orgy scene three chapters from now, and, well, Dusk Shine would be complaining a lot less.
5164010 Yes, but the next scene would resemble one in an Alien movie, where the cast thinks they're safe, but..."Hiiiiiiiissssss....."
At least, that's what Dusk Shine thinks...
5164930 he be safe unless Pinkie Pie gets in
5148011
Not directly related beyond the existence of gender swapping and the gender swapped names being mostly the same. That doesn't say much though because using the Cross and Arrow names for at least the mane 6 is pretty much standard for any gender swap fic.
Okay, like a number of people have said here, I'm really liking this more than the original "Twilight Sparkle in the Stallionverse" story. That one just feels... I don't know, flat, shallow, stereotypical, trite. This is... more interesting. Plus, it's fun to see the girls being portrayed as hornballs when that's normally a trait associated with boys, and the interactions Dusk has with the Mare 5 are much deeper and more enjoyable than the ones between Twilight and the Stallion 5.
I will confess, though, that Dusk's interactions with Big Mac left me confused. What's the "deal" he refers to about Mac/Gala and Cherilee/Cherlee? Are they dating, but secretly, because there'd be problems if it came out (if yes, why?)? Or is it, as I immediately suspected, a case of one/both of them being gay and using the other as a willing beard?
Also, I see mention to a pegasus mating dance comic in the comments here; what is that? I've seen an alicorn!Twilight/Thunderlane romance oneshot that had, as its story image, a set of three pics of Thunderlane doing a courtship-looking posing routine for alicorn!Twilight, but I don't know if that's what's being referred to here.
Dusk shine either lay with fluttershy or have the threesome with the spa twins because if you don't I will name you the dumbest stallion alive
Woooooooooooowwwww....
Flutterrage is real?
Buck.....
Well....
5.....
4.....
3.....
2.....
1.....
Incoming concussion grenade!
WHERE ARE YOU DUSK!!!!!??????
Argh.... My ears.....
ooh...I'm sorry..... I just.... Let me help.....
Eh, it's fine flutters. I forgive..... Heh.....heh....
But I don't.
Run.
EEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP!
*whoosh*
Be right back.
I have a Pegasus to kill.
5166100 I claim noodle incident status on the Big Mac/Cheerlee dating status thing. Personal head cannon-Big Mac has somebody "arranged" for him, and Cheerlee's family wants her to marry upwards. They're laying the groundwork without having to bury bodies.
Oh, and the mating dance picture...I still claim that I thought of the whole interaction sequence between Dusk Shine and Fluttershy before I ever saw that picture...and the end where Dusk is running for the horizon at top speed, being chased by Fluttershy. Yelling "Sub-optimal! HIGHLY SUB-OPTIMAL!", with the VA being David Tennant.
5166610 When Fluttershy goes off, she GOES OFF...
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Love this but one thing confuses me. When the spa twins mentioned that he controls his fertility what does that mean? Does he have some secret spell to ensure none of his 'soldiers' plants a 'flag' if you will. If so that would free him to do whatever or whoever with little consequences. I fully understand his hesitation and concern, he's not of this world and altering the variables, e. g. siring children who shouldn't exist because the 'you'of this reality is female could be very dangerous.
If doctor who has taught me anything don't travel to alternate universes.
Dusk Shine feels off to me. The story isn't badly written, but he doesn't feel like a male form of Twilight.
He's actually kind of a bit more towards Rarity and Prince Blueblood. It's his oddly formal way of speaking and the peculiar choice of the catch phrase "sub-optimal". There's just no parallel to draw on those to get to Twilight and it makes him seem like a completely different character all together rather than "Twilight who grew up as a boy".
I'm gonna keep reading though.
5161874
"Herd marriage?! And what, marry all of Ponyville? I can't do... that... *distracted look*"
5166610
"YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE ME" is from the S1 finale (Grand Galoping Gala), long before the shy rager.
5163587
More like Twilight does not need to worry as much about leaving a horrible mess behind as Dusk if she decided to "experiment:" worst case, Twilight has only one or two foals to worry about no matter what happens and they would leave that universe with her (unless born first) while Dusk might leave quite a few more behind if he decided to let loose.
5160874
Somehow, I am having a hard time imagining Flutters any other way - the motherly instincts are strong in this one and she's just waiting for the right stallion to come along. Maybe a bit on the excessively desperate/strong side here though.
The way every mare reacts to Dusk Shine reminds me of "Commander Hurricane Fucks Every Mare In Cloudsdale".