• Member Since 27th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Jay David


Just a guy from Britain who loves MLP.

E
Source

Scootaloo has been keeping something from everypony. Rainbow Dash knows this and so goes to see her to try and find out what's wrong. When she discovers the truth, she's more than a little surprised.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 130 )

All I can say is well done on the feels, also Rumble's face when he came out of the closet. :rainbowlaugh:

Nice one! That was really cute.

Expected Scoots to be gay, but this works too.

Rumbaloo eh, that ship's really picking up around here.

This has to be by far the single most cutest thing i have ever read on here

I got given a lotta homework today

Shouldn't that be "was"?

The young filly let out as sigh and walked up to the door of the closet

*a

5131072 For the first one it could be, but at the same time we are dealing with a filly who's grammar is probably not the best. So it could be an intentional error.

What if Sweetie Belle hid Spike in her closet?

I chuckled abit at this one XD I'm adding this one to my favourites

5131173 well if that's so what if Twilight has flash in her closet

Heh. Short and sweet.

:scootangel:

Oh my gosh, Rumble has never been as cute as in this story...
And he didn't even say a word ! :rainbowkiss:

5131173 then he would peek at rarity thru a hole

This was rather more literal than most stories involving coming out of a closet.

Very cute, although it doesn't address the issue of how worried Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom are getting at all.

So....is Rumble gay?

First thought after reading the description: Hey, Rainbow Dash, check out the bodies of my victims that I hide in the closet! They're nutritious and delicious! :pinkiecrazy:

I'm going to go see a doctor after reading this.

5131990 You should be worried.

Rumble considered that carefully for a minute, opening his mouth to give some kind of response, before simply shutting it again and shrugging his shoulders. Scootaloo looked at him with great affection and she spoke.

"Aw! You say the nicest things!"

Rumble did not say a single word in this entire story- and that's hilarious.

I could see him not saying anything for hours and Scootaloo thinking that was the best conversation ever.

This was great and cute

Way to set things up one way and write them another. On a site where titles and short descriptions are sometimes interchangeable, it's great to see someone use the title to mislead the reader like this. Lovely story.

Hm. You achieve your goals. I was disappointed that the closet turned out to be purely literal, but that's just my expectations.

I do think that you could streamline your work a little and focus more on showing than telling. You give us the same information that we could infer from actions taking place.

I came into this with expectations. They were smashed.

5130815
Oh Luna, dat face again! Aaaah dammit!

Uh it was I guess.

That Rumble pic under the story sort of gave it away.

Cute. I came into this thinking it was a story written in response to "coming out day" which was yesterday, and instead, I just... :rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh:

Well done, 10/10, I was tricked.

This story is very expository, and needlessly so; this is one of those stories where someone says "Show, don't tell".

At the start, we start off with nearly a page of exposition which didn’t really need to be there, as we already know these things and, frankly, this isn’t a great way of informing the audience if we don’t. This goes beyond showing versus telling, and into telling the audience things we don’t need to hear. This story needed to start out with Rainbow Dash at Scootaloo’s door.

Then we keep going, and we keep getting exposition thrown in our face when it could be - and should be - integrated into the text more naturally. Showing the audience is important, and here we kept getting told stuff that you should be showing us via character words and deeds. Actions speak louder than words, as they say, and you don't necessarily need to explicitly explain why everyone is doing everything; assuming you're doing your job right, the characters' actions should speak for themselves.

The idea of Rainbow Dash harassing Scootaloo and her newfound coltfriend is an amusing one, but the exposition gets in the way of the story, here, and pulls me out of it.

Misleading titles are best titles.

Thought it was a story about Scootaloo coming out

Then I saw the Rumble tag


Eyuuuppppp, very misleading. :facehoof:

5131072 yeah, I would've expected Apple Bloom to say that

I'm so glad that this turned out to not be one of those stories. Seriously, why does every single fandom have fans who think that every single female character that has a tomboyish personality is a lesbian? Seriously, is this their thinking? "Oh! This character is female and likes some things that are usually considered to be for guys? Well obviously she likes doing other females of her species just like guys do! I mean, come on. If a girl likes sports, they obviously like doing other girls!":derpyderp2:

5133617 Yeah, and they don't do the reverse of it.

BRD

"Already bringing colts home with you, Scoot? You fillies grow up so fast."

I thought it was clop. :rainbowlaugh: (I saw it was rated E so I know it's not. :facehoof::twilightblush:)

Q: what did Rumble and Scootaloo do before Rainbow showed up? :applejackunsure:

Rumble is going to go far in this relationship, as long as he stays quiet. :ajsmug:

5133659

You know what? Why do any of the main characters have to be gay? In all honesty, I would only enjoy the reverse version of that sort of story if I read in the comments a bunch of people acting all butthurt over the fact that they didn't get their lesbian Rainbow Dash fix.

Also, you know what I would really love to happen in the show? Rainbow and the rest of the mane 6 get coltfriends just so that everyone in the fandom who has it in their head that every show has to have a character coming out of the closet will be disappointed to know that all of the characters that they wanted to be gay are in fact straight.

I don't get why they think that a show has to have a gay character. We can at least cross Rarity off the list, considering what's happened before and Pinkie might be crossed off the list of being lesbian since Cheese Sandwich looks like a good match for her and their friendship might become something more. Twilight can be crossed off the list since she has already shown an attraction to guys. One last thing, Rainbow Dash was seen flying away with two male Wonderbolts after the young flier's competition saying that she has plans. It may not be conclusive evidence, but it's evidence that leans a little bit more towards being straight, so I'll take it and scratch her off the list of potential lesbians.

5133743 Hasbro tried giving Twilight a Coltfriend but then everyone lost their shit and made it uncannon.

5133842

Ok then, give her a new one that has better depth. They made Cheese Sandwich and he has good depth, so I don't see why Hasbro can't make another one that eventually becomes Twilight's coltfriend. If they can't make another one, they should at least do all they can to make Flash Sentry a better developed character and do what they can to tear down everyone's views of him being a gary stu.

5133743 Giving the mane 6 boyfriends won't stop people from making them lesbians, people will figure some way to write around it. Remember Rarity has been shown to be blatantly straight and yet people still write fics where she is a lesbian.

5133857 Hasbro can't because of the fucking fandom will flip their shit.

5133895
They didn't flip it when they made Cheese Sandwich and made him somewhat of an admirer to Pinkie. I'm sure they could make a new stallion for Twilight to fall in love with that the fandom will love.

Rainbow Dash was well known as being a fairly laid-back kind of mare most of the time.

That is one ugly-ass opening sentence. It's a seven-word sentence (Rainbow Dash was a laid-back mare) padded out to eighteen words of imprecise bum-fluff. I don't know what your story is about, but if that's what the opening sentence looks like, christ almighty...

5133944 They were more explicit in EQD about the coltfriend/boyfriend idea like hugs etc.

5134112 Wow...that was ridiculously harsh. The wording (now that I look at it again) may not be the best, but jeez man! Not every story on this site is going to be perfect (some of them are so bad that it's fun to read them for HOW bad they are). I enjoyed this story, and I understand it's not for everyone, but could you dial back the offensive words for the sake of the author(s) who put time and energy into writing this type of thing?

5133694 Maybe they played cards or something? :scootangel: What are they, eight? :rainbowlaugh:

5134219

I am also an author who puts time and energy into my stories. If I wrote an opening half that lazy, I'd fucking well delete it.

I do not understand the need to coddle lazy craft.

5131990
"And taste just like me! Isn't that cool?" :scootangel:

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