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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Wow. I've never seen a story with so much word confusion.
I can't.......
I can't.......
Whats funny is there is the same story with a zaku in it as well a few hours ago which was pretty good and then all of a sudden in a few hours this appeared, in rushed induced state and just my god. This was pretty bad, I could not even read the whole thign it was that bad.
Is this some sort of crossover? No offense, by but I'm confused with that description
5129188 Yes it is.
5129356 It should say that in the tags then, because I'm confused on what this is crossing over with
5129397 lol oopsie I I forgot to use that one sorry I fix
5129401 Also, there are some spelling errors, and you should simplify the description somewhat, at least tell us who these guys are. I've watched a fair amount of Gundam and I have no idea who these are.
5129414 there zeon special forces as to how they are there not from the show its just another unit in the war. I am doing the introductions proper in the next chapter. Ie when the ponies meet them. Also yeah I need to adjust the description. I rote the whole thing that's up now in one sitting. So there is some work need.
5129452 English isn't your first langauge, is it?
5129452 Also, spelling errors/wrong word choice. You forget a w in wrote, there instead of they're, etc.
Your story description and your comments make the ghost of Noah Webster cry.
5129480 I have a mental disabilty and its my only language.
5129484 I know there are mistakes I just don't know what they are.
5129549 who's that?
5129607
Link
5129616 oh I don't really care. I just never herd of him. I'm trying my best here. What I don't get is why every pony jumps on me about my work on my page but up vote and fave the hell out of my ghost writing for a friend and my co-op works. I mean I wrote most of Gundam UC: Distant crossing, I have 3 co-op stories with Bryan Luna one was head lining and yet I try to post anything on my page it gets attacked.
5129643
I've never heard of these other stories you're talking about, but if that stuff gets upvoted, maybe it actually gets edited for spelling, grammar, punctuation, and the like.
5129682 I'll admit I have no editor this is basically as riten.
5129603
I didn't say anything about your mental state~
5130907 I was explaining why my grammar is bad.
5134408
That doesn't explain why the grammar in the story is so poor.
Pre-reading and editing would have prevented such problems from being shown to the masses.
There's no excuse for not fixing a story before it's published.
5136075 I did read over it I don't see anything that needed to be fixed.
Seems rushed, and there is quite a bit of errors. Slower pace, a bit more explaination of situations, and maybe even a bit of backstory for the non-M.S.G. fans who don't know about the series' history. Best run the story by an editor or pre-reader before posting chapters.
5142877 I ment to rush the prologue/1st chapter. The next one is going to be introducing the pilots there suits and weapons as well as explaining why they fight for Zeon.
I am a vary big gundam fan and have read a lot of the background story they chose to leave out of most of the one year war based gundam shows and movies. So I know why and how the war really started and who is the real bad guys are. This will be shown as the pilots talk about their past and why they fight.
right off the bat seems like bullet was misspelled
We have been routed, that impatient fool Char may have found the base but he screwed the pooch when he pressed this attack. If I see his masked face I'm going to put a built in it.
below sentence for twilight lacks a did and makes her sound rather young, almost didn't notice your small point this is after summer returned and assumed this was an unnoted alternate time line. should be something around "So why did you make it so big?"
Sunset rolled her eyes "Yes Princess Sparkle" she said causing Twilight to blush and Trixie to laugh.
"So why you make it so big?"Asked Twilight.
assuming the is meant to be a they
"Nothing worse then rape tentacles and the dissolve after a hour, don't ask the next question on your minds. That is unless you want mental images that three gallons of sweet Apple Acres best hard cider can't get rid of." Said Sunset causing both mares to close there mouths.
okay I've read the second part of the story, seriously writer remove the cmc from the equation there is absolutely no justifiable reason for having them near where GIANT RAPE TENTACLES ARE A POSSIBILITY. its irresponsible and there's no reason from what I read for them to be there they don't interact in the first or second chapter. you just put them in and its frankly makes no sense that neither twilight, Trixie or sunset would not send them away to the library, fluttershys or any place except the Everfree and the farm while they made the potentially dangerous and Rapey summons.
Please remove the crusaders from this point in the story, there's no justifiable reason any teen/adult would let children risk being exposed to that and if they did even Celestia or Luna would banish, imprison, or otherwise seriously punish them and that's if AJ, Rarity and Scootatloo's parents didn't break there legs and lawsuit them first.
I am an old gundam fan myself so I look forword to this
Okay... If you like I would be glad to run through and fix any spelling errors for you. I can figure out what you're trying to say, but just barely and the spelling makes it difficult to read. Like I said, I'm willing to help. Just PM me if you're interested.
8290824
I have editors now I just not gone back through the old chapters