Rhythm and Harmony: The Octascratch Prompt Collab

by lyra_lover777

43 Flimsy by Michelle Twistaloo

Flimsy by Michelle Twistaloo

“How the heck was I supposed to know? I thought it was cushioned to avoid this kind of thing!”

Octavia glared at Vinyl, the fires, burning harder than the pits of hell, lighting her eyes. Vinyl had been sloppy, she had played pranks on her, she had laughed at her but she had never, never, never done something like this.

“It was worth thousands! It was an original piece, a 200 year old family heirloom, a cello that is worth more than your flimsy house!”

“And now it’s a pile of rubble that you can use to burn, see the upside, at least now you won’t have to go out and buy firewood”

That didn’t help. The joke was tasteless and Vinyl knew it as soon as she read Octavia’s expression. She moved backwards, actually kind of cautious of what Octavia’s intentions were.

“You are so....so, going to sleep on the couch tonight”

Vinyl dropped to her knees, she lifted one of her hooves in a dramatic gesture, her face conrtorted in a also dramatic gesture, she put the other hoof to her head.

“You maniac, you blew it all up! NOT the couch!”

Octavia didn’t smile, she stood firm on her decision.

“Movie references won’t help, I’ll admit the whole thing could be ....flimsy as you put it, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to destroy it!”

Octavia turned and went away, leaving Vinyl on her knees, she thought of the best reference ever, to an awful awful movie.´

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

She shouted. And Octavia facepalmed particularly hard at that.

Comments

[drone_r0m-3]

Sofa Green is made out of ponies. They're making our sofas out of ponies.

[FoolRegnant]

The story itself was good, I liked the sentiment, but in terms of grammar, heavily lacking.

Got a spelling mistake.

conrtorted

Most of the dialogue is missing periods at the ends of the sentences, there are a couple of random apostrophes and the ellipses randomly vary in both length and spacing.
I found the dialogue to also be rather awkward at parts.

Oh and also,

burning harder than the pits of hell

Fire doesn't burn hard. It might burn heartily, it might burn viciously, it might even burn worse, but it does not burn "hard". While this may be personal preference, I would also suggest instead of hell using Tartarus, being as that is a ponyism that helps with the immersion factor.

[lyra_lover777]

5221227 Thank you!

[Divine Path]

Oh, the meta. Often, it is amusing.