Troubled Dreams
Pinkamena ran as fast as she could. Her flat mane whipped about her head like a curtain caught in a hurricane’s gale. The dark pink locks swatted at her eyes, making it hard for her to tell if she was still running straight or not. The little filly’s lungs were burning, her heart wheezing with the strain of her escape. Her legs begged her to stop and rest, but she knew that even if she slowed down for just a moment, it would spell instant death for her. Her eyes scrunched as she pushed forward, tears streaming behind her and wetting the rock fields she left behind.
The torturous sound of a rattle filled her ears, as if her chaser was following just beside her. But when she turned to check, she was running alone. But still, she could feel those slitted yellow eyes boring into her very soul as she fled for her life. A long scaly tail extended from under a giant granite boulder her father had been nursing for the past few months, lying in wait for its prey. Pinkamena’s hair once again shrouded her vision, obscuring her view of the danger that lay ahead of her. As she attempted to push herself to run faster, hoping her speed would flick her treacherous mane away from her eyes, she tripped and tumbled hoof over wither, landing uncomfortably in a patch of marble pebbles her sister Limestone had planted.
The little filly whimpered as pain tore through her tiny body from her tumble. Her breaths came deep and wet, her saliva dribbled down her chin in thick trails, and her ears rang as she nursed her sore cranium. As the ringing died down, she became acutely aware of a new, but sadly not alien, sound swamping her ears. Slowly cracking open a quivering eyelid confirmed her greatest fear, as a forked tongue lashed at her cheek, ripping the skin, and a pair of sharp shiny fangs dove for her throat. She grabbed a pebble and threw…
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…a punch right into the side of Twilight’s face. The Alicorn yelped as she was rudely thrown out of her own bed by a screaming pink ball of panicking pony. Pinkie, though still sleeping, was waving her hooves around frantically, swinging punches and kicks in every direction with spastic, desperate movements. Twilight rubbed her sore cheek as she stumbled to her hooves. She turned to the bed once her jaw was snapped back into place, ready to scold Pinkie for her rude awakening, until she realised that the pink pony was thrashing around like a terrified filly, screaming and wailing in tortured terror.
“Pinkie? Pinkie‽” The purple pony princess planted her hooves on Pinkie’s shoulders, rocking her roughly in an attempt to rouse her from her plagued slumber. “Pinkie Pie, wake up! You’re having a nightmare, you need to wake up. I’ll be here for you. Pinkie Pie, can you hear me?” Twilight cried, but none of her words seemed to reach the party pony, who continued to shriek and scream, flailing around like a filly. Twilight took a calming breath, raising her hoof to her chest and arching it away from her body as she exhaled deeply. With her nerves steadied, Twilight ignited her horn, a soft magenta aura surrounding the appendage as she focused her magic into a soothing energy with which to calm Pinkie down. Gingerly, she lowered her head and touched the tip of her horn to Pinkie’s forehead, the soft purple glow slowly sinking into the pink pony’s brow.
Pinkie’s movements started to slow, her breathing stabilised and her wails and shrieks faded away into a series of soft moans and mumbles. The party pony’s eyelids fluttered, and her face scrunched a little as she opened her eyes and blinked away her drowsy haze. She looked a little baffled by the unfamiliar surroundings she found herself in. Perhaps she hadn’t realised she’d fallen asleep at Twilight’s palace. As she turned her face upward to look at the purple pony looking over her, she gasped at the sight of a large red mark shining on the princess’ face. Her hoof jumped to her lips before slowly pulling back for her to inspect. A look of realisation flashed upon Pinkie’s face and she stuttered out an apology.
“Oh, Twilight, I-I’m so sorry. I… I didn’t mean to- oh gosh, what have I done? I-I would never…” Twilight silenced the worried mare with a hoof, before carefully embracing her friend and pulling her into her breast with a soothing shush.
“It’s OK, Pinkie,” she assured, as the pink pony began crying all over again, burying her muzzle deep into the princess’ shoulder. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose. I realised you were having a nightmare. It seemed like a bad one.” She was met with a few sharp nods and a hoofful of snivels. “I know I might not be the first to say this, but I never expected you to even have nightmares, Pinkie.” The purple Alicorn pulled away from the hug and looked her friend in the eyes, wiping away the last of her tears before giving her a reassuring nuzzle, nose tip to nose tip. Pinkie giggled, a little half-heartedly, before turning her gaze to the crystal floor, twirling a hoof in circles on the bedclothes.
“I haven’t had a nightmare for, at least, two years now.”
Twilight’s gasp. Pinkie’s ears drooped at the sound.
“I know. I know. “Pinkie Pie, Ponyville’s Permanent Party Pony having nightmares in her twenties, what a shocker (!)” Pinkie winced at the bitterness in her own words, turning an apologetic expression toward Twilight, who simply rubbed the pink pony’s withers comfortingly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Pinkie flinched at Twilight’s question. A question she’d feared would be asked if she came to Twilight for help. But, nevertheless, it was a question that needed answering. Pinkie drew in a deep breath, her hooves shaking a little as she willed her nerves to steady. Exhaling as slowly as she dared, Pinkie turned her face away from Twilight’s quizzical gaze, tears pooling in her eyes as she cast her mind back to her foalhood. To a time she would much rather forget.
“It all started when I was a filly,” she started, Twilight slowly sliding onto the bed beside her, “back when I lived on my family’s rock farm.”
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Three chapters in and I am impressed with what has been written. This is indeed an interesting story idea and your pacing of this story is steady. Your interpretations of Pinkie an Twilight are on par and I honestly can't wait to read more from this whenever you update this next.
-Frost
5165220 Thank you very much for your feedback
I'm loving this to death.
5182529 Glad to hear it
In my own opinion, I like this story and would definitely like to see more about this.
And now, as the main judge for the contest, I shall give my verdict.
You have done an excellent job of displaying fright, terror, anger, fear, and discomfort, which is exactly what I'd like to see in a horror thing. Pinkie is obviously scared of something, but that is never made clear what in the chapters that are out. It brings in the mood for later chapters to see what it could possibly be.
The stallion who has reawakened Pinkie's fear of... whatever it is, is certainly a way to bring back some horror from one's past. I've never actually seen anything like that, so I'm finding this very original, to be haunted by something in your own past by one hater.
This story isn't the greatest, I know, but it is still very amazing what you have done in only three chapters. You gave Pinkie remembrance of something she wished she'd forgotten, fear, a little glimmer of hope, and some real part of herself to be scared of. Though this story is incomplete, I hope you the best in continuing it.
I hereby rate this story with a 72/100
5292767 Thank you for your feedback. And, for an incomplete submission, your rating for my story is exceedingly heart warming to read
I'd even venture to wonder aloud whether you may be being a little too generous with such a rating 
5292802 To be honest, there are only four fics listed in the contest and this is actually the first one that I actually consider a horror fic. To be honest, this is only the second one I've read, so I still have a bit to go.
This a good story, so is there going to be another chapter, if this story still alive that is?
5334471 The story is, indeed, still alive and well. It's just taking a long time, because of stuff. And things.
5334641
Ah, that's good to hear. I'll look forward to reading the next chapter, whenever it comes out then.
So are we going to hear what Pinkie Pie's cutie mark really means?
5335435 Eventually
5337021
Alright then. I look forward to reading the next chapter then. Keep up the good work.
K.I.R.A Review
1. Story Line - It seems to be running smoothly, though I think the pace is a little slow. 8/10
2. Spelling/Grammar - the proofreading is in pretty good shape. 9/10
3. Completion Status - Not even close. That's a shame, because there's a lot of promise here. We have hooks we need resolved (who is this mysterious stallion heckling Pinkie, damn it?!!!) The story is only just getting started, please finish it! 2/10
4. Proper Length - There is no way, at this pace, the story can be finished in under 10,000 words. Outside of the contest this is not an issue, I'd read more. But that is a contest penalty. 5/10
5. Horror Story - Creepy, yes, but it's not scary. Yet. There are the seeds of a horror story here. But I have to judge just what's completed. 6/10
6. Original - I have to extrapolate from an incomplete story, but it looks like a new take on the old chestnut of Pinkie's mental problems. 6/10
7. The Gore Tag - Gore isn't used, yet suspense has been nicely established without it. 10/10
8. Overall Impression - I like what I've read, I want to read more. 25/10
Total Score - 71
5449790 Thank you for your criticisms and judgement. I take the penalties with full humility; I just wish I had more time to actually write this damn piece, I was really looking forward to getting stuck into this story. I SHALL be completing it, however. It is, more than likely, going to be a VERY slow process, but I'll get it done in the end
This is great writing and I am very excited to read more